Wondering if your BPD ex will come back to you? Let me guess: you were in a relationship with a BPD that was absolutely amazing for several months.
It was probably some of the best moments you’ve ever had in life: amazing sex, amazing happiness, your heart feeling full, etc.
The entire relationship went to shreds almost instantly. You can’t believe how quickly everything went down hill. Your partner was great the other day, and then today? It’s as if he/she became a completely different person.
Trust me: I’ve been there. I had a break up several years ago that motivated me to start this big website. Writing articles like these has helped me through some dark times.
Over the years, I’ve became one of the leading voices for helping men and women succeed in BPD relationships. Thousands of my clients have turned their relationships completely around despite being told it was impossible by keyboard warriors on internet forums.
These days, I call myself a mindset/mentality coach because your beliefs and attitude will absolutely determine the health of your Borderline relationships.
This article will dive into some of these mindsets, but I want you to know that I just recorded a brand-new podcast called Episode 34: The Only Ex Back Technique That Works for members of my Relationship Academy.
I also recently wrote a brand new article called “The Boyfriend Destroyer” which member’s get access to as well. You’ll find plenty of good lessons in this article.
I’ve been able to pull ex girlfriends away from their boyfriends through the exact lessons I teach in this recording. All of my training podcasts and articles are available to Academy members.
If these two things are right down your alley, then check out my Relationship Academy and start listening to those podcasts and reading those training articles. You won’t regret it.
With all that said, let’s get into it.
1. You Must Stop The Blame Game
Personally, I don’t like the whole BPD label. In fact, most doctors these days don’t even want to diagnose BPD because it’s become such a broad way of describing behavior.
The BPD label makes it really easy for you to throw the blame onto your partner and assume it’s because of their disorder that everything went to hell. You believe that you’re not the one responsible for this break up.
So, I want to change that going forward. No more blame games. No more finger-pointing like a politician in the goobermint.
Most people don’t like hearing this part. But relationships are 50/50 and if your relationship failed, you’ve got to suck it up and accept responsibility for those failures.
Even if your BPD ex cheated on you and left you for someone else.
I have dated girls who left their boyfriends for me. Does that make me a bad person? Does that make the woman a bad person?
It sucks that your partner left you for someone else — but it IS a part of life and if you sit around and blame other people for this, you’ll end up creating even more problems… or doing something stupid that you’ll later regret…
I don’t sugar coat things. If you want your BPD ex back, then this first lesson is truly the most important of them all.
Learning to accept responsibility and avoid making further mistakes (which will only push your partner further away) is a big part of my BPD Relationship Blueprint course.
I learned about taking responsibility through the lives of many successful individuals and popular figures such as Brian Tracy, Richard Branson, Elliot Hulse, Steve Jobs, Jim Rohn, Zig Zigler, Ryan Lee, Ben Settle, etc. and they all have stated countless times that the key to success is to stop blaming and accept responsibility. It’s the only factor that helps you move forward.
People that like to throw labels around and blame others for their own misfortune never find success in their relationships (and life) because they’re too worried about protecting their ego.
It’s a very common yet disastrous mindset that cripples most people. The ego is a powerful beast and it works to protect itself. It will blame your “crazy” girlfriend and have you feel clean from blame.
I get a lot of angry comments from some special snowflakes who are upset about this. They are so convinced that BPD is to blame. They attack me and call me an idiot.
But they forget that I was diagnosed BPD/codependent. I healed and have been able to have healthy relationships ever since. It’s very possible and my thousands of clients are proof of that.
So instead of sitting around wondering why your partner is playing hard to get, spend your time on productive things like growth, development, hobbies you enjoy and so on.
Knowing this law of life, if you want any chance of success in getting a BPD ex back, your first task is to accept responsibility for the relationship and drop all blame on your partner.
Only then can you move on to truly learning about BPD relationships and what’s required to date these interesting (and fun) individuals.
Several months ago, one of the podcasts I recorded for members of my Academy is called “Episode 18: How To Retain Lovers In Your Life.”
The reason I mention this podcast is because the lessons inside of it apply to this article. You want to retain girlfriends and boyfriends in your life, right? Especially an ex?
Well, the big key to accomplish this is one of my favorite phrases: “If you get in their head, you get in their bed.”
Basically, you’ve got to have the right attitude and vibes so that people who are close to you are thinking about you often. The more they think about you, the more they want to be with you.
What’s even more interesting about this truth is that you it works both positively AND negatively… or what I call the Donald Trump effect. No matter what he says, whether good or bad, people can’t quit talking about him!
Ultimately, people are attracted to those who have great core values. These are what stick in the long run. You must have great core values if you wish to keep a relationship for the long run.
Be sure to listen to that podcast because it will explain all of these crucial concepts.
2. Learn The Basics of BPD Relationships
When it comes to BPD relationships, it’s all about living in the moment. It’s all about today and doing what you can going forward to make your future experiences the best they can be.
The biggest factor in a healthy BPD relationship is educating yourself. It’s gaining the knowledge and the skills required to be an awesome, fun, interesting, intelligent, empathetic, knowledgeable, socialable, multi-dimensional individual.
It’s also required that you learn about codependency. This is actually a bigger problem in my opinion. If you’re a codependent, then you need to focus on fixing this issue with yourself.
BPD relationships are complicated. There’s no denying that. But it isn’t a label that you can just toss around. After years of dating Borderlines, I’ve basically trained myself how to avoid all the “crazy” behavior — mainly though living in the MOMENT that is TODAY, and not setting expectations.
I’ll get clients that will tell me their situation and how it’s “very obvious my partner has BPD.” However, after hearing about their stories, it becomes obvious that my clients consistently make mistakes that turn their partners off.
More than 80% of the time, my clients are actually hardcore codependents. This is why I encourage ALL members of the Academy to start with my “Overcoming Codependency” course that’s available for all members. Start there.
Relationships are really a two-way street. Yes, people with BPD can be difficult to date at times. But they aren’t drastically different from other ‘normal’ people. You simply need to approach the relationship from an extremely non-codependent foundation.
I can’t express how important it is that you research codependency. Whether it’s through my website and my courses or not, just educate yourself on it.
If you’re on the losing side of a relationship where your partner leaves you, lies, is depressed and cheats, then it’s easy to just say they have BPD and blame him/her for it.
This is why it’s very important to look beyond just your partner and BPD relationships. Simply looking at the ‘symptoms’ of BPD isn’t enough. And at the end of the day, these symptoms are rarely the true cause of the relationship ending.
What I always coach and preach over and over again is this:
If you lack the correct mindsets, if you lack emotional control, if you’re needy, codependent and lack thepatience and discipline… you’ll have a tough time getting back that BPD ex you want so badly.
Attractiveness is universal. There’s a lot more going on inside of you that determines whether people want to be with your or not. This is the desirability factor that I often talk about in my free newsletter and courses.
3. Focus On The Individual
Sites like BPDfamily.com will list out a bunch of symptoms and behaviors that Borderlines tend to have.
They describe personality disorders as traits with a “twist” that can co-exist with “normal” behavior patterns.
The question that you should always ask yourself is this: what is “normal?”
In this day and age, we’re taught that men and women are equal. Masculinity is evil and if you disagree, you’re probably an “angry white male.”
But, healthy relationships can only happen when the woman embraces the feminine polarity and that man embraces his natural masculinity.
To do otherwise results in the “normal” state of relationships that you see all around you: men are weak, passive and fearful of losing the woman. As a result, the woman is unhappy because she needs masculinity in her life every day. If she doesn’t get it from you, she’ll get it from someone else.
Same sex relationships are the same: you’re either the masculine force in the relationship or you’re the feminine. There’s a “top” and a “bottom” for a reason. Who’s the more dominant in your relationship?
The point of all this is that these bpd “behaviors” are more common than ever before. To focus on a list of broad, common behaviors will do you no good.
Therefore, you need to instead just focus on yourself and the person you’re dating. You can’t control other people so definitely don’t try to control your partner.
If your partner left you, it’s for a reason. They lost the attraction they had for you at the beginning. This is most likely due to the fact that you simply didn’t know how to handle certain behaviors.
This is exactly why much of the training I give on my website and in my Relationship Academy is about behaviors and reactions and what to do and NOT do.
For example, episodes 31 and 32 in my podcast series is all about my favorite “technique” for when you’re being disrespected. Definitely gives these 2 episodes a listen if you were constantly walking on eggshells.
In general, all of my podcasts teach you the CORRECT mindsets you need for healthy relationships. 90% of individuals these days have the wrong mindsets thanks to the flawed, social justice teachings you hear from the mainstream.
People are so obsessed with feelings instead of FACTS. But, facts don’t care about your feelings. Learn the TRUTH and your relationships will improve.
4. Borderlines Have Rough Upbringings
People with BPD have usually had rough childhoods. And it doesn’t have to be physical trauma. Emotional trauma is just as effective on children.
Did you know that many people often go through life without having any authentic, genuine friends or family? It’s true and it’s why some people struggle so much with basic human interaction.
They resort to mind games and manipulation because in their head, they believe that people are shady and can’t be trusted.
If you ask me, I don’t blame them. I grew up in a small bubble world as well and when I left the house into the real world, I was surprised at how different life actually is from what I was taught growing up!
It’s a shame but it’s reality. Many people, especially Borderlines and Codependents, grow up with a false sense of reality. I grew up thinking that you needed to be nice to everyone to get love. That’s obviously not true and it’s an unhealthy way of seeing the world.
Borderlines still want to love and be loved. But their idea of love is probably different from yours. That’s just how it is.
And sometimes you’re simply not the right person for your BPD ex. You may need to accept this reality and move on. There’s nothing wrong with this.
I know that people with BPD are charming and sexy. That’s often why you got hooked in the first place. But don’t let that honeymoon period cloud your judgement.
So How Do You Get a BPD Ex Back?
The reason why BPD relationships usually end with you having a broken heart is because the break up comes out of the middle of nowhere – usually because you’re blind to the reality of the situation.
I got an email from a man recently showing me a conversation he had with his BPD wife that left him a few months ago. He kept saying how she’s the crazy one and she’s always trying to throw a pity party.
But when I saw the conversation, it was very clear that he just did not understand the deeper meanings of what she was saying. He couldn’t see beyond the words and read between the lines.
He wasn’t really listening to anything she said. He just saw what she wrote and reacted to the things he saw. He couldn’t see beyond the words, the bigger picture, what’s really going on underneath the surface which is what I specialize in teaching.
I wrote a big email back to him explaining the bigger picture and how he fails to see what she’s really saying. Thus, he is actually the one responsible for a lot of the relationship issues. I can’t blame his ex at all for being frustrated and leaving him. He just didn’t understand her at all.
But that’s what I’m here for. I understand that it’s really fucking difficult to read the bigger picture. I have clients in their 60’s+ that just never learned how to actually communicate with their spouses over 30+ years.
Understand that since you attract what you project, you too have deep-rooted insecurities just like your partner. Due to the fear of abandonment, often times your partner will stick around even though they’ve lost all attraction for you.
Moving forward, your task now is to simply be someone they can reach out to. Chances are this isn’t the last time you’ll hear from him or her. They often times will text you when they’re feeling lonely and depressed.
The question then becomes whether you’ll have changed for the better and be able to show this new side of you, or will you be the same old person that they lost interest in?
This is why I always say that being single is okay. This is your time to shine and change your mindsets. Develop that attractiveness and understanding that people want.
Because believe me, it’s not just BPD’s that want great partners – it’s everyone. Men are so desperate and thirsty these days that women can’t go anywhere or do anything online without some guy trying to get her number or get her on a date or whatever.
So it’s not just people with BPD that are incredibly turned off by most men – it’s all women. So this is the time for you to make some amazing mindset changes and actually be different from everybody else.
Be attractive and desirabile so when your BPD ex reaches out to you in the future, you’ll be ready for it. You want to be impossible for your ex to pass up!
So take this time to learn and open up your mind. Learn about the growth mindset that I teach and live a life of fulfillment and enjoyment.
There really isn’t anything you can say or do actively to your ex-BPD that will make him or her want you back immediately. You need to instead focus on your own actions and development that will make you more attractive.
This doesn’t mean you spend all your time thinking about how to be attractive to your ex. You need to instead focus on what you want to do with your life and pursue that in an attractive way.
Remember that your ex had feelings for you in the past. It just didn’t work out due to many factors that you and your ex are responsible for. But you can learn the skills you need to be better so all of your future relationships work out.
The other factor is time. I’ve helped both men and women get their BPD ex back. But it just takes time and patience. And a clear view of the big picture. Clarity is always huge in life AND relationships.
It’s why I write these articles and books and all that. For example, I have a brand-new, free report called the “Relationship Death Sentence” which I guarantee will teach you some power stuff.