Wondering if your BPD ex will come back to you? Trying to get your ex back? Read this article.
Let me guess: you were in a relationship with a BPD that was absolutely amazing for several months.
It was probably some of the best moments you’ve ever had in life: amazing sex, amazing happiness, your heart feeling full, etc.
Your BPD ex leaves you for someone else out of nowhere. Everything was great just the other day. What the hell happened?
You can’t believe how quickly everything went down hill. Your partner was great the other day, and then today? It’s as if he/she became a completely different person.
I’ve been there. I had a break up with an ex-BPD girlfriend several years ago that motivated me to start blogging.
Writing articles about BPD and relationships and dating has helped me grow and move forward as a better, stronger individual.
Eventually, people started asking me for help with their BPD relationships. I’d get emails from people daily offering me money for personal coaching.
These days, I call myself a mindset/mentality coach because your beliefs and attitude will absolutely determine the health of your BPD relationships.
When it comes to BPD ex girlfriends or boyfriends, understand that the only way they’ll come back is if they realize that you’re the best thing to ever happen to them.
Getting this message across can take some time. You can’t verbally display this. The points I cover in this article will give you the best chance at sending that strong message.
With all that said, let’s get into it.
1. You Must Stop The Blame Game
Personally, I don’t like the whole BPD label. In fact, most doctors these days don’t even want to diagnose BPD because it’s become such a broad way of describing behavior.
The BPD label makes it really easy for you to throw the blame onto your partner and assume it’s because of their disorder that everything went to hell. You believe that you’re not the one responsible for this break up.
So, I want to change that going forward. No more blame games. No more finger-pointing like a politician in the goobermint.
Most people don’t like hearing this part. But relationships take two and if your relationship failed, you’ve got to suck it up and accept personal responsibility for those failures.
Yes, even if your BPD ex cheated on you and left you for someone else.
I have dated girls who left their boyfriends for me. Does that make me a bad person? Does that make the woman a bad person?
Not really. Sure, it can cause pain to someone else, but love is battlefield. You can’t help who you’re attracted to.
It sucks that your partner left you for someone else — but it IS a part of life and if you sit around and blame other people for this, you’ll end up creating even more problems… or doing something stupid that you’ll later regret…
I don’t sugar coat things. If you want your BPD ex back, then this first lesson is truly the most important of them all.
Learning to accept responsibility and avoid making further mistakes (which will only push your partner further away) is a big part of my Better BPD Relationships ebook.
I learned about taking responsibility through the lives of many successful individuals and popular figures such as Brian Tracy, Richard Branson, Elliot Hulse, Steve Jobs, Jim Rohn, Zig Zigler, Ryan Lee, Ben Settle, etc.
They all have stated countless times that the key to happy, fulfilling relationships is to stop the blame game and accept responsibility.
It’s truly the only factor that separates a mature adult from an immature man-child.
People that like to throw labels around and blame others for their own misfortune never find success in their relationships (and life) because they’re too worried about protecting their ego.
It’s a very common yet disastrous mindset that cripples most people. The ego is a powerful beast and it works to protect itself. It will blame your “crazy” girlfriend and have you feel clean from blame.
I get a lot of angry comments from some special snowflakes who are upset about this. They are so convinced that BPD is to blame. They attack me and call me an idiot.
But, they don’t realize that BPD and codependency are simply flawed mindsets. My coaching podcasts and courses have helped thousands of men and women improve their mindsets for better relationships.
So, instead of sitting around wondering why your partner is playing hard to get, spend your time on productive things like personal growth and development, hobbies you enjoy, traveling, starting a business, and so on.
If you want any chance of getting your BPD ex back, the first task is to accept responsibility for the relationship and stop blaming your partner.
Only then can you move on to truly learning about BPD relationships and what’s required to date these interesting (and fun) individuals.
Ultimately, people are attracted to those who have great core values. These are the basis of your fundamental beliefs. Your current mindsets are defined by your core values.
You must have great core values if you wish to experience the rare adventure of a high-quality, loving relationship. Most people never experience this.
2. Learn The Basics of BPD Relationships
When it comes to BPD relationships, it’s all about living in the moment. It’s all about today and doing what you can going forward to make your future experiences the best they can be.
The biggest factor in a healthy BPD relationship is educating yourself. It’s gaining the knowledge and the skills required to be an awesome, fun, interesting, intelligent, empathetic, knowledgeable, sociable, multi-dimensional individual.
It’s also required that you learn about codependency. This is actually a bigger problem in my opinion. If you’re a codependent, then you need to focus on fixing this issue with yourself.
BPD relationships are complicated. There’s no denying that. But it isn’t a label that you can just toss around.
After years of dating Borderlines, I’ve basically trained myself how to handle and respond correctly to all the “crazy” behaviors that you’ll experience.
By responding in the correct way, you separate yourself from everybody else who has reacted poorly. This makes you more desirable than his or her previous partners.
More than 80% of my clients are actually hardcore codependents. They don’t realize this until I point out the obvious behaviors.
Codependency is a form of neediness that can quickly eradicate all forms of attractiveness within minutes.
Yes, people with BPD can be difficult to date at times. But they aren’t drastically different from other ‘normal’ people.
The most important factor in your relationship is that you’re absolutely not needy or codependent at all.
I can’t express how important it is that you research codependency. Whether it’s through my website and my books or not, just educate yourself on it.
If you’re on the losing side of a relationship where your partner leaves you, lies, and cheats, then it’s easy to just say they have BPD and blame him/her for it.
At the end of the day, these BPD symptoms are rarely the true cause of the relationship ending.
If you lack the correct mindsets, if you lack emotional control, if you’re needy, codependent and lack the patience and discipline… you’ll have a tough time getting your BPD ex back you want so badly.
Attractiveness is universal. There’s a lot more going on inside of you that determines whether people want to be with your or not. This is the desirability factor that I often talk about in my free email newsletter.
3. Focus On The Individual
A lot of websites will list out a bunch of symptoms and behaviors that Borderlines tend to have.
They describe personality disorders as traits with a “twist” that can co-exist with normal behavior patterns.
The question that you should always ask yourself is this: what is “normal?”
In this day and age, we’re taught that men and women are equal. Masculinity is evil and if you disagree, you’re probably a ” toxic, angry white male.”
But, healthy relationships can only happen when the woman embraces the feminine polarity and the man embraces his natural masculinity.
To do otherwise results in the “normal” state of relationships that you see all around you: men are weak, passive and fearful of losing the woman.
As a result, the woman is unhappy because she needs masculinity in her life every day. If she doesn’t get it from you, she’ll get it from someone else.
Same sex relationships are the same: you’re either the masculine force in the relationship or you’re the feminine. There’s a “top” and a “bottom” for a reason. Who’s the more dominant in your relationship?
The point of all this is that these BPD “behaviors” are more common than ever before these days. To focus on a list of broad, common behaviors will do you no good.
In fact, everybody has a personality disorder of some type. I’ve been saying for years that all humans have one or more symptoms of BPD.
If your partner left you, it’s for a good reason. They lost the attraction they once had for you. Perhaps you gained weight, became needy and insecure, lost your confidence, sucked in bed, etc.
The fact of the matter is this: relationships end for simple reasons. It’s never complicated. At the end of the day, your partner no longer finds you attractive.
This is the truth and it’s why your BPD ex is no longer interested in you.
Of course this can change in the future, but you need to accept responsibility and accept this truth before you even think about getting your ex back.
4. Borderlines Have Different, Often Rough, Upbringings
People with BPD have usually had rough childhoods. And it doesn’t have to be physical trauma.
Psychological trauma is just as damaging on a child’s mind.
Did you know that many people often go through life without having any authentic, genuine friends or family?
It’s true and it’s why some people struggle so much with basic human interaction.
In my case, I was constantly shamed as a child for having feelings towards women. As a result, I developed into an extreme codependent that tried so hard to please women in a perfect way.
This is an issue that happens due to sexual shaming during your teenage years.
Because most humans grew up with some sort of shaming, we resort to mind games and manipulation in order to get what we want.
It’s not just Borderlines that do this — even your typical “nice guy” does this constantly. He’s constantly “nice” because he wants pussy.
I grew up thinking that you needed to be nice to everyone to get love. That’s obviously not true and it’s an unhealthy way of seeing the world.
In fact, girls would rather date the asshole than the nice guy due to this truth. This has been scientifically proven. Nice guys truly do finish last.
Borderlines still want to love and be loved. But their idea of love is probably different from yours. That’s just how it is.
And, sometimes you’re simply not the right person for your BPD ex. You may need to accept this reality and move on. There’s nothing wrong with this.
I know that people with BPD are charming and sexy. That’s often why you got hooked in the first place.
But don’t let the honeymoon period fool you into thinking the relationship is anything more than just fleeting emotions.
So How Do You Get a BPD Ex Back?
The reason why BPD relationships usually end with you having a broken heart is because the break up comes out of the middle of nowhere – usually because you’re blind to the reality of the situation.
I got an email from a man recently showing me a conversation he had with his BPD wife that left him a few months ago. He kept saying how she’s the crazy one and she’s always trying to throw a pity party.
But when I saw the conversation, it was very clear that he just did not understand the deeper meanings of what she was saying. He couldn’t see beyond the words and read between the lines.
He wasn’t really listening to anything she said. He just saw what she wrote and reacted to the things he saw. He couldn’t see beyond the words, the bigger picture, what’s really going on underneath the surface which is what I specialize in teaching.
I wrote a big email back to him explaining the bigger picture and how he fails to see what she’s really saying. Thus, he is actually the one responsible for a lot of the relationship issues. I can’t blame his ex at all for being frustrated and leaving him. He just didn’t understand her at all.
But that’s what I’m here for. I understand that it’s really fucking difficult to read the bigger picture. I have clients in their 60’s+ that just never learned how to actually communicate with their spouses over 30+ years.
Understand that since you attract what you project, you too have deep-rooted insecurities just like your partner. Due to the fear of abandonment, often times your partner will stick around even though they’ve lost all attraction for you.
Moving forward, your task now is to simply be someone they can reach out to. Chances are this isn’t the last time you’ll hear from him or her. They often times will text you when they’re feeling lonely and depressed.
The question then becomes whether you’ll have changed for the better and be able to show this new side of you, or will you be the same old person that they lost interest in?
This is why I always say that being single is okay. This is your time to shine and change your mindsets. Develop that attractiveness and understanding.
Because believe me, it’s not just BPD’s that want great partners – it’s everyone. Men are so desperate and thirsty these days that women can’t go anywhere or do anything online without some guy trying to get her number or get her on a date or whatever.
Knowing this, a woman can leave you at any moment and have hundreds (or thousands) of guys ready for her immediate attention.
So it’s not just people with BPD that are incredibly turned off by most men – it’s all women. So this is the time for you to make some amazing mindset changes and actually be different from everybody else.
Be attractive and desirabile so when your BPD ex reaches out to you in the future, you’ll be ready for it. You want to be impossible for your ex to pass up!
So take this time to learn and open up your mind. Learn about the growth mindset that I teach and live a life of fulfillment and enjoyment.
Getting A BPD Ex Back Requires Different Thinking
There really isn’t anything you can say or do actively to your ex-BPD that will make him or her want you back immediately. You need to instead focus on your own actions and development that will make you more attractive.
This doesn’t mean you spend all your time thinking about how to be attractive to your ex. You need to instead focus on what you want to do with your life and pursue that in an attractive way.
Remember that your ex had feelings for you in the past. It just didn’t work out due to many factors that you and your ex are responsible for. But you can learn the skills you need to be better so all of your future relationships work out.
The other factor is time. I’ve helped both men and women get their BPD ex back. But it just takes time and patience. And a clear view of the big picture. Clarity is always huge in life AND relationships.
Be sure to check out my Better BPD Relationships book and audio course if you’re looking for an in-depth lesson in all things BPD.