This is one of the most important articles I’ve ever written, and it very much fits our current society. Nearly every single woman I talk to these days tells me that she has some form of anxiety. Not surprisingly, these are women in their early to mid 20’s.
We are beginning to see the effects of what broken marriages and families without father’s does to both women and men in society. Specifically, what happens to a woman when she grows up in a family without a dad, with an abusive dad, or simply a dad who has no masculine energy to show her.
Out of everything I’ve ever written over the years, I believe this to be the most important less on of them all. And it’s this truth:
You SHOULD NOT date women (or men) who suffer from anxiety disorders.
In this day and age we live in, I truly believe this to be the most important dating advice I can give you right now. Unfortunately, many will read this article and brush it off because they have a Savior mentality, which is admirable. But you will learn through experience, which isn’t a bad thing.
Understand: at the end of the day, it’s not your job to fix someone. Instead, you should be pursuing and dating men and women who are healthy and free from mental disorders (easier said than done, of course).
The problem with anxiety disorders is that there are many types and levels. Hell, even our pets struggle with anxiety. Dogs with social anxiety are a serious problem and can be very destructive (just like the men and women who have anxiety).
I’ve dated a lot of women with anxiety. As a healthy, successful man, I am naturally a Giver when it comes to relationships. I have nothing to take. Nothing to control. I like women to feel free. All healthy individuals are approach relationships in this way.
Freedom gives birth to love.
For the simple fact that many men and women suffer from anxiety disorders, you will often find yourself dating someone who isn’t nearly as giving as you are (or not at all). And that should be the very first red flag that you notice when you’re dating. To ignore this red flag is to set yourself up for later pain.
The sad truth is that I’ve yet to meet a woman with anxiety who has found herself in a happy, healthy, successful relationship. It’s simply not possible when you have anxiety disorders (hence the importance of working on yourself ASAP).
There are two big reasons for this: the first is that she may be dating a Giver like I described above. This is good. As a woman, you should date men who want to GIVE. That’s what a relationship is all about: two people coming together and GIVING each other the love you can’t get on your own. This is how you GROW and prosper as a TEAM.
However, when you have anxiety issues, this nearly always leads to closure of your heart. You want to be left alone. You don’t want to be touched.
Healthy partners do not respond well to this behavior. As a healthy partner, they want to be there for you when you’re in pain. They want to open you up. They want to hug you, touch you, comfort you, make you feel loved.
But because of your anxiety issues, the love from your partner is a major turnoff. As a result, your partner feels rejected and defeated. He will soon resent you and leave you for a healthy woman who wants to receive his love when she is feeling down and closed off.
A healthy individual OPENS UP to the gift of love. An unhealthy individual is TURNED OFF by the gift of love.
This is extremely important to understand.
Some people will say, “then just let her be and stop touching her! She doesn’t want a hug! She doesn’t want to be kissed right now!” But, this is not a solution at all. In fact, this is the problem with anxiety disorders. If you’re a healthy individual, why would you want to be in a relationship with someone who REJECTS the love that you have to give, especially when your partner is emotional and down?
Every time your partner is down and closed off, she will push you away and reject your love.
Is this truly the type of relationship you want to find yourself in for the long-term? Wouldn’t you rather be with a healthy woman who will open up to you, communicate with you, receive your love?
Of course you do. Healthy men and women want to feel the love from their partner’s when they are down. That is big reason WHY we get into relationships. While most of us know how to deal with our emotions on our own, it’s a much more enjoyable process to have a partner, a teammate with us to help us open up our hearts and feel better.
Healthy women especially enjoy having a man with her to open her back up, get her smiling, embracing her, and so on. She’ll go from being sad to feeling much better in 5 minutes because she ALLOWS herself to open up to her man.
This is the ONLY way a relationship can be healthy and fruitful. There is NO LOVE in shutting your partner off when your heart is closed. Zero. Nada.
When you suffer from anxiety, your natural reaction is to shut your man out. You don’t want his hands anywhere near you. So he sits there sad because he truly cares for you, wants to be there for you, comfort you, get you smiling again, etc. Over time, he will ponder why he’s still in a relationship with you when he could find someone else that wants to receive his love.
I mentioned earlier that there are two reasons why women with anxiety will never find themselves in healthy, fruitful relationships.
The second, much more common reason, is that you date men who also have mental problems. They are never Givers in relationships and instead are TAKERS. This man is almost always a manipulative, abusive, piece of shit.
I know several women who have been physically assaulted because they keep getting themselves into relationships with these types of men. As I have said for over ten years now, you attract what you project. Due to your anxiety issues, you will naturally be drawn to men with issues.
Perhaps these men disguise their issues with money, or with being a “badass,” or whatever countless things men do to cover up their inner demons. These men are easy to spot when you’re a healthy woman, but extremely difficult when you have anxiety and other mental disorders. You are drawn to these types of men. You can’t see thru the mirage.
So you end up with an abusive man after abusive man. Or, you end up with a womanizer who cheats on you. Or, you end up with a man who is void of emotion.
Or worst case scenario, you end up with a healthy man but he leaves you because he would rather find a woman who wants to be loved.
When a healthy woman is having a rough day, she can’t wait to get home to her man and open herself up to him. If he’s a healthy man, he will talk to her, open her up, embrace her, do whatever he can to get her smiling and full of good emotions.
If the man is one of these unhealthy idiots, he will fail to open her up. He probably won’t even try. And you as the woman will feel worse and worse as time goes on. You see this far too often in our world.
Hence why I always say that healthy, successful relationships are extremely rare to find these days.
A healthy woman wants to be held. She wants to feel loved. She wants to be comforted. She wants to feel her man’s masculine presence because it opens her up and gives her good emotions. Her bad day can quickly turn around by her man opening her up.
This is the KEY difference between healthy couples and unhealthy couples.
Every single woman I know with anxiety has been with physically abusive boyfriends. They have been beat. Thrown. Almost killed in some cases. Raped. And so on.
This happens because women who shut down emotionally and push away healthy men will ONLY end up with men who are incapable of giving her true masculine love.
These women will PUSH away the healthy, masculine men because they never got that as a child from her father. It’s no coincidence that all the anxiety-ridden women I know had either abusive dads, or didn’t have a dad at all. It’s very sad, but it’s what happens when father’s don’t raise their daughters right.
A healthy father will show his daughter masculine love throughout her life. He will hold her, comfort her, care for her when she’s sad, get her to open up and talk about what’s wrong. It makes her feel better, and 5 minutes later she jumps off dad’s lap and runs off to play again with a smile on her face.
This is HEALTHY. She will take this into her adulthood and hopefully find a man who was also raised correctly. He will be able to open her up when she’s down and get her smiling within a few minutes.
Both men and women who were raised poorly never received this type healthy of love from their parents. You figured out your own, unique way of dealing with your emotions. Most commonly, you push people away. You don’t want to be touched. You want to be left alone.
Obviously this isn’t healthy, and your relationships will always suffer because of this. You will never find yourself with a healthy partner until you work on yourself. I highly recommend that you AVOID dating completely until you get the help that you need to develop your emotions and be open to true love.
Now for the healthy men and women reading this: I 100% recommend that you should always try to love and comfort your partner when he or she is down. It is your DUTY to give your love and try to open them up.
She may tell you to back off. She may say that you’re being creepy or weird. She may reject you fully and go off by herself, rejecting you. Unfortunately, this is expected behavior when you’re dating a woman with anxiety.
Like I said, don’t let her anxiety stop you from trying. It’s your duty as her partner to get her to open up and receive your love.
But, you can only try so many times.
If she simply won’t embrace you after you’ve tried over and over again, you absolutely have the right to end the relationship and move on to someone else who is healthy.
At the end of the day, women with anxiety are usually incapable of giving you the love that you deserve. They simply aren’t capable to have strong, healthy relationships where you both grow and prosper.
Relationships are all about GIVING. When a woman rejects your love, you’re not able to give. And she rejects it when she needs it the most. This is why anxiety is such a crippling mental disorder. It is truly sad and I would never wish anxiety on my worst enemies.
On the other hand, a healthy woman wants to be embraced and held by you when she is feeling down. At the worst, she might just want you to sit there and talk to her. But within 5 minutes, she’ll be all over you smiling because you have helped her open up and feel better.
There’s nothing better than being with a partner who wants to hold you, kiss you, and feel your love on a constant basis. That is key to healthy relationships.
A woman with anxiety will do the opposite. Maybe she’ll allow you to talk to her, but she’s not going to give you anything. She is a Taker. She’ll take the love you’re trying to give her and only push you away further, leaving you feeling rejected and unwanted.
Like I said above, try to open your woman up a few times. Maybe she’ll warm up to you and start opening herself up to you, receiving your love.
But honestly, 99% of women with anxiety will not be able to do this. Due to past trauma with her father, ex boyfriends, or other men, she is simply incapable of receiving true, masculine love.
It’s not your job to fix her. You must let her go sooner than later and find yourself a woman who is capable of receiving love. You will find yourself full of regret if you ignore this advice. You have been warned.
To learn more about healthy relationships join my Academy. It’s full of lessons like this one.