The following is a long masterpiece by Shark. It’s about why women, especially the attractive ones, pick the “assholes” over the “nice guys” 99% of the time.
Keep in mind Shark’s audience: his readers were men from the “PUA” community that sucked with women. These people aren’t my audience. It’s why he uses terms like “asshole game” and “negs” and such that you’ll see in this article.
The real difference between the “asshole” and the “nice guy” is simply experience. The more experience you have with relationships, the more you start to understand all these concepts that Shark talks about below. So keep this in mind.
He covers what it means to be a “bad” asshole, as in a guy who is being a dick simply because he’s a dick and insecure, and a “good” asshole which is a guy who UNDERSTANDS women and relationships in general. He has experience and knows what women truly want.
Society may call you an “asshole” for knowing this, but it’s not true. These are the types of men that women can’t resist and it’s not because they’re dicks — it’s because these men understand attraction.
And that’s what this article is all about. It’s how to create attraction that experienced men understand. So read carefully and revisit this page as often as needed. It’s a good one.
Could you explain asshole game in both relationships and when you’re gaming girls you just met? You also say to give her even bigger asshole game if she is always being worshipped by betas but how would you do that?
I believe from the way your question was phrased that although you have grasped the conceptual ideas behind assholery, you are lacking the ability to articulate those concepts into clear and distinct actions while still adhering to the principles they entail. I will address the questions as you asked them, using examples to illustrate the ideas presented, since, due to the nature of the question itself, it seems that tangible demonstrations will do the most good.
“Asshole” is a terrible word. We use it for the sake of reference but it is a label constructed by the Matrix itself and applied universally to ANY behavior that goes against the feminine imperative. Man leaves his wife, asshole. Man makes fun of girl, asshole. Man leaves jealous and crazy girlfriend to chase his dreams, asshole. The flexibility of the term and the way it is liberally adopted makes it difficult to understand within the context of social dynamics and to DIFFERENTIATE between “bad” assholes and “good” assholes, a matter of crucial importance.
- But to simplify it for our purposes, Asshole = A Man against the Matrix
- Man who makes fun of girls instead of buying them drinks
- Man who can calculate how to win over a girl’s heart with psychological principles rather than spontaneous acts of romance
- Man who points and laughs at gay people (obvious joke)
- Man who beats his wife (obvious joke)
Are all of these things good? Hell No. Not all assholes are charming and aloof, some are just bullies and suffer from pretty shitty morals. But for definitive purposes, all of them are assholes.
Assholes are attractive to women because on a more fundamental level, they communicate social value, power, and the willingness to adopt risk. It’s the same reason why confidence is attractive. In some level of her Id, a woman thinks to herself, “if he is so sure of himself, then he MUST be a capable man.” So in terms of being an asshole, she thinks…
- “If he can ignore me, he must be a preselected male.”
- “If he’s making fun of me, he probably has other options and he’s not desperate.”
- “If he’s pushing this other guy around, he’s probably physically capable since he’s not afraid of confrontation.”
Bad assholes are men whose actions are wrought with spite. Their “negs” are insults, not flirtations, their bed notches are there to feed their own egos so as to commodify their self images, and their words are there to hide a battered and corrupt conscience.
Good assholes are men whose actions are saturated with a carefree and fun-loving attitude. Their mental filters see everything in a positive light, and nothing is beyond their mastery.
Bad asshole: Ignores text to make a girl feel nervous.
Good asshole: Ignores text because he was busy.
Bad asshole: Gets pissed when a girl plays hard to get.
Good asshole: Likes the challenge when a girl plays hard to get.
Bad asshole: Big AND fragile ego, lashes out when someone snubs him.
Good asshole: Big but indestructible ego, doesn’t care when someone snubs him.
This was mainly a short reminder of what “asshole game” actually means, and why it’s effective.
Now, onto your questions.
First you ask, “My reason is even in your book and posts you say if your girlfriend is being annoying to divert your attention somewhere else. How do you actually DO that without it seeming like you’re punishing her or acting in a sulky way? Just get distracted”
Imagine your girlfriend has undermined your sovereignty in the most brutal way. Before reacting in proper asshole fashion, we must consider whether this is even the right course of action. Because it is ALSO possible, that she has become resentful from a lack of rapport.
Perhaps you’ve been making her too jealous? Been absent too often? It’s unlikely that this is the case, 90% of the time it will be a conventional shit test, but I add this caveat to prevent you from blindly pursuing the most indifferent path of action.
So we assume for the sake of our post that your girlfriend has insulted you in some manner to flush out your beta blood. The proper asshole response both
(a) Forces her to lose territory
(b) Shows her nothing has phased you
But to give you solid examples, imagine…
You see her and she says to you “That’s the ugliest jacket I’ve ever seen.” How do you respond? A slight glib of sarcasm:
“Thanks! That’s the look I was going for.”
Because this shit test was so minute, it requires none of (a). Incorrect responses would include anything that showed her the comment phased you. Any RESENTFUL retort, like an insult or a comeback, or if you tell her “that upset me, don’t do it again.”
A comeback would be a calculated punishment, telling her overtly that it upset you would be to express your weakness. Both show her that she can break you.
Proper asshole game in this case = smooth + aloof. Something that makes her laugh and wonder “why doesn’t he care how he looks?”
This is one of the defining factors of a Good Asshole relative to a Bad Asshole.
Bad Asshole: Makes a girl think “He’s such a dick.”
Good Asshole: Makes a girl think “Why is he such a dick?”
Bad Asshole: Makes a girl think “He’s always with other girls because he’s desperate for secks or attention.”
Good Asshole: Makes a girl think “Why is he always with other girls? Does he like them?”
A good asshole makes a girl wonder. She wants to know what makes you tick. She wants to tame you, to cage your sumptuous ego. A bad asshole does not keep a girl in “limbo,” he extracts only banal conclusions from her.
But rarely are shit tests such tiny hurdles. Imagine instead that she has asked for a relationship break, time away from you, because she doesn’t “feel the same.”
Her: “I want to go on a break.”
You: “Ok I understand”
Her: “Ok well that’s that then.”
You: “I guess so”
Her: “Do you need me to tell you for how long?”
You: “No, I understand, take your time.”
This would be ideal. Now, INCORRECT responses would be ones that are TOO “detached”
Her: “I want to go on a break.”
You: “K bye” or “ok whatever”
In both instances, you are acting SO “disinterested” that either you are truly and utterly indifferent to your relationship which undermines her need to gain at least somewhat of a commitment from you, or she knows that you are intentionally trying to act uncaring.
The key is to act like you “understand” but to remain stoic in your emotions. Unbreakable. You should still never call her post-break up, not even “just to say hi.” And if she confronts you about going No Contact, you reply with “huh?” nonchalantly so she wonders “does he just want to respect my wishes, or is he over me? What’s going on?”
Anxiety and bewilderment is key, keep her guessing. A girl who knows she is wanted knows she has already won, a girl who knows she is rejected knows that she has already lost. You should never be a “sure thing” in either way.
IF YOU INTENTIONALLY ACT UNCARING, THEN YOU ACTUALLY DO CARE.
That’s the double bind the “bad asshole” finds himself in. A true, uncaring asshole, comes from a more humble place, his source of power is an inner mind truly at peace with itself.
The sulking in this scenario should be a given. If you initiate contact first, beg, or show hints of breaking down in any way, you lose.
Imagine if she was just plain annoying. We make the assumption again that her pokes are from a lack of attraction, not rapport. How is this to be played out? You have several options.
The jealousy card. Restore competitive anxiety. The method is simple, just make another girl like you. That’s it. Nothing else. You fail if,
(a) You try and punish her with it: If you OVERTLY tell her someone else likes you, you’ll make her resentful
(b) You sulk: If you tell her “I’m going to leave you for someone else if you don’t stop…” She’ll think you’re pathetic.
Going No Contact. Perhaps the easiest, you just completely ignore her. Here you were correct in your question, you simply act distracted. It CANNOT come off as a consciously executed freezeout. She needs to feel puzzled, the emotion of confusion MUST be present.
She HAS to think, “Why is he acting like an asshole? How can I fix this?”
She CANNOT think, “I know why he’s acting like an asshole. If I stopped _____, then he would also stop.”
The latter breaks it down into a war of attrition. Whoever can “ignore” whoever the longest wins. A relationship like that is doomed to fail.
And finally, you might have an out-of-this-world shit test like she tells you she slept over at her ex’s house but “did nothing.” What now?
You leave, that’s it. Two reasons:
(a) Simple Math: 1000 girls out there who fit the template, there is no “One.” That means spending your life with someone who you are NOT a good fit with is INFINITELY more detrimental than accidentally dumping 1 of the 1,000 girls. If you stick with the girl, you might end up spending a lifetime unhappy. If you dump the wrong girl, you still have 999 others to go.
(b) You can never change a girl: The worse assumption a man can possibly make in a relationship. She will not change following your conditioning, no matter how well-thought out your plans are.
So when you catch your girlfriend flirting with another guy, it shouldn’t be an issue. If you see her doing it a lot, don’t confront her about it. Because remember, according to (b) it’s just a waste of energy.
Instead, just keep a mental note of it. And if it crosses a line, dump her. If she cannot change, the question is reduced to “Do I want to date a girl who shit tests this often via jealousy, or do I want to search for someone better?”
And why is this “asshole” game? Because the Matrix does not want you to believe in “options.” It will convince you that “change” is possible in a Sisyphean race by propagating phrases like “compromises are necessary in a relationship.”
It’s complete bullshit.
The phrase was MEANT to represent the sacrifices people need to make to stay in love; but it has been degraded and reduced to an EXCUSE people make to stay in unhealthy relationships by pursuing illusory beacons of hope.
I realize now that I gave a pretty elaborate explanation for your first question, answering most of your second (and third) one too. But for gaming girls you just met, asshole game is an ABSOLUTE MUST.
You must get the upper hand through an act that makes her think you must be completely oblivious to normal courtesies. Remember the foundational rule of every relationship:
Whoever cares LESS has MORE power.
Your position as the person who cares LESS can be expressed by “risking” your relationship; because the person who cares LESS would be willing to risk the relationship more.
Remember how you used to always beat yourself up wondering:
“Why did she want to breakup?”
“Why is she suddenly being so erratic?”
“How could she do that?”
She is intuitively exercising her knowledge over this maxim. She craves the chemical rush of a breakup, the highs and lows of an emotional roller coaster. But more importantly, she is keenly aware that by going on a “break, or withdrawing secks, she can establish her agency over you.
Which is why when you respond with “asshole” game, or when you don’t care that she has done so, you strip her of that power.
Now, the MALE version of this COMBINES this type of proactive power begetting with CARELESSNESS. So it’s when you “accidentally”…
Bring another girl to a date because she’s your friend and she was bored at home… Cancel on a date because your ex called and said she needs a really important favor… Show up an hour late to a date.
Understand that this DOES indeed bear a significant amount of risk. So if it’s your first date and you do it, don’t expect to see the girl again. If you can PULL IT OFF, it places you in a much stronger strategic position within the relationship, but it can backfire easily.
Which is EXACTLY why an abundance mentality feeds into a stronger frame. Imagine it this way, if you truly had a million options, you would naturally practice regular Dick Slapping because you couldn’t care less if you lost 5 or 500 prospects. It would be a carefree aloofness, you were free to experiment until you found a girl really worth giving your best to.
Remember always that “Asshole” game is a risk-reward system.
For girls you just met, it can take many subtle forms that are placed randomly throughout the pickup:
(1) You flirt for a minute with another girl.
(2) You ask her to introduce you to a friend, but you start talking more to the friend instead
(3) You say you’ll be back in a minute but you come back in an hour.
(4) You stare away distractedly sometimes while she’s talking.
(5) You text another girl while you’re having a conversation with her.
(6) You say you have to go take a leak but instead you go to the bar next door.
(7) You dance with another girl.
Each of these actions vaguely suggests that you are worth more than her. Some tell her you are pre-selected, some lower her value relative to yours, etc.
Besides these there are more compressed forms of asshole game like Negs, which have been covered significantly previously. If you don’t understand negs yet, it’s because you don’t have enough infield experience. Start adopting them to your game and you’ll see a natural shift come about after you get the hang of it.
You also say to give her even bigger asshole game if she is always being worshipped by betas but how would you do that?
Imagine you just opened a girl sitting by herself at the bar. You have a clean slate right? No relationship, no emotional baggage? Just you and her and a fresh start?
Wrong, there are a thousand factors arising from her background. How her parents treated her between the ages of 57, how she did in high school, her intelligence, whether she was picked on as a kid in the sandbox. A million interrelated variables that affect your relationship without you knowing it.
That’s what being a Don Juan is about – being able to READ those variables.
So if she seems a bit insecure, you calibrate asshole game downwards. How? By doing less of it.
Against a snobby 10 you might execute options (4), (3), and (6). Against an 8 1/2 maybe only (1). I use looks as a barometer because the trend is typically the better looking the girl, the more asshole game that’s necessary. But this is still a bland assumption, and has been proven wrong plenty of times. You need to do the reading yourself.
Only through experience can you gain a firm understanding of how to strike a balance in each situation between asshole and lover.
When you see a girl, don’t think “how am I supposed to act?”
When you talk about women, don’t say “why are they such mysteries?”
You must be like Neo. When you see women around you, you must see only lines of code going up and down. It must all be laid bare before you, and for the taking.
I don’t really have much to say since this is one of the longest articles that Shark wrote. What I find to be the most important lesson of all is that you can’t change people. They have to want to change on their own.
Most people who struggle with relationships are the “nice guys” who are trying to change their partner. You’re trying to be the Hero so that your partner can be “better.”
It’s just such a “nice” thing for you to do, to change your partner for the better. You’re so nice! Not…
You will never succeed. The “nice guy” never wins in the end. He’s the Hero that always gets ZERO. So don’t do it. Refer to what Shark said above and just focus on yourself, mastering your own game. The sooner you master the game, the sooner your partner will change on her own.
This is why my training is so powerful. When you put to work what I teach, your partner will WANT to change because they’ll fear losing you. You “do nothing” and your partner changes on their own. It’s how my relationship system works.
And, you don’t even need to be an “asshole” to get the results you want.
The other important lesson is caring less than your partner. You have to do this, especially if you feel as if you’re the one always putting in the work. This means that your relationship is unbalanced and you need to pull back to bring balance back to the relationship.
You also need to STOP doing things with the hopes of getting a reaction. It’s obvious what you’re doing and these sort of games are what all the failures are doing. This is why guys in the PUA communities always fail with women. The women can read them like a book and know that they’re doing these routines to get a reaction.
So you truly have to develop yourself to a point where you’re truly at peace with yourself. This is why Shark mentions this above. There’s no lesson that’s as important as this. All your successes in relationships will come from being at peace with yourself on a deep level.
Once you have this peace, even the craziest BPD women will be nice and respectful towards you. I’ve been dating BPD women for years and haven’t had any drama with my current BPD girlfriend for over a year. Yes, she has BPD so for all you haters out there who say its impossible to date these type of women, you’re simply unexperienced and you don’t understand women.
I am fairly certain that my longtime girlfriend suffers from BPD. Now that I know, how do I help her realize this without being “killed”? I was at the point of ending the relationship. I went to a therapist who both my GF and I have seen in the past, she eluded that my GF has BPD. I love her, but I can’t keep living this way. I have read a lot about this subject and this is the only place that gives me any hope. So, how do I bring this up……safely and effectively?
You don’t ever bring it up. That isn’t how you approach it. You just need to follow what I teach and she will treat you much better. Don’t get hung up on trying to save her from her ailments.