Do you feel like you’re a “nice guy” (or girl) and yet you just can’t get a girlfriend? Or any intimacy to begin with?
Deep down, you know that you’re this good guy who only wants to make a woman happy. But no matter what you do, the women don’t seem to notice this.
What’s the deal? Why is it that “nice guys” (and some women) tend to never get the love they desperately want in return?
If you read my last blog post about why being “nice” and “good” can create problems, then you are ready to dive into more specific reasons of WHY “nice” people tend to finish last.
While this article is more geared for my male readership, there are a lot of women who experience these same issues.
Most of these problems are rooted in deeper issues of codependency.
So strap yourself in because you’re going to learn some powerful truths that may completely change the way you think about love and relationships.
What’s Wrong With Being Nice?
I often get men and women asking me how being nice is a bad thing. After all, wouldn’t the world be better off if everybody would just be nice?
Wouldn’t everybody fall in love and live happily ever after if people could simply be nice and good to all?
Well, the answer is yes and no. And it really depends who exactly is asking me this question.
I’ve known many nice men and women who have no problems at all getting what they want our of their careers and relationships throughout their lives.
So to me, it really isn’t so much an issue of being a nice person. There’s a lot more going on underneath the surface that prevent these men & women from getting what they want in life.
Throughout my many years being in the dating business, I’ve known many self-proclaimed “nice guys” who never have any success in their love life. Their careers are also very average with not much upward movement.
Mediocrity seems to be the best word to describe most “nice guys” these days. After all, it’s what’s under the hood that’s holding you down.
So what’s the deal with this whole “nice” and “being good” thing anyway? Why is it that some “nice” guys and girls get rejected and hurt throughout their life?
“Nice Guys” Have An Outdated, Poor Belief System
This has always been the case for many decades now.
“Nice guys” believe that as long as they’re “nice” to everyone else, they will receive love, respect, and have a problem-free life.
But this belief holds NO weight in the real world.
It really is an absurd belief that unfortunately has been taught to millions of men and women.
As a result of these unrealistic beliefs and upbringing, many people are at a constant mental battle with the world.
I can tell you from personal experience that I used to be one of the nicest, most frustrated guys ever.
That statement doesn’t even make sense, right?
How can someone be nice and frustrated?
This is exactly my point.
It’s an illogical mindset, a belief based in fantasy that SO many people harbor.
And it’s really not your fault that you think this way. It’s just how you’ve been conditioned since childhood.
My mission with this website and everything I teach is to break this poor programming and install beliefs that are REALISTIC.
So what is it with these “nice” people that actually makes their lives so miserable?
“Nice Guys” Are Fundamentally Dishonest In Relationships
The reason why most “nice guys” experience so many problems in their relationships is due to their dishonesty.
In other words, they tend to hide their true feelings. They will only say what they think others what them to hear.
This is especially true with the women they interact with.
From my experience working with “nice guys” over the years, they don’t even realize how major of a problem this is. They often tell me things such as “if I say what I want to say, it will just create fights and arguments and all that.”
While this may very well be true at times, it doesn’t do you any better to hold back and lie. Yet so many guys do this.
What eventually happens is that your partner knows you have feelings and thoughts that you are keeping buried. They might even ask you about it!
But you lie and instead say that “everything is fine” instead of speaking up.
Over time, this creates resentment. Your partner pushes you away. And you’re wondering what the hell happened.
But the other problem is that you can’t be a whiny, complainer. You can’t be needy. You can’t be a fixer.
So how exactly do you be honest while remaining nice and attractive to your partner?
This is the struggle of the “nice guy.” They can’t seem to ever figure this puzzle out. But that’s why I’m here.
And when shit hits the fan, they’ll blame their partner and call him or her ‘crazy’ for lashing out and raging – even though you’ve been the cause of your partner’s growing resentment.
“Nice Guys” Are Often Manipulative and Controlling
Self-proclaimed “nice guys” (and girls) are actually some of the biggest manipulators and controlling people you’ll ever come across.
In fact, they’re so controlling and one-dimensional in their thinking that it isn’t uncommon for them to have a very small circle of friends.
Do you notice this? Perhaps some of your friends are “nice guys,” yet they have hardly any friends! What’s the deal?
The reason for this is because “nice guys” feel powerless in their relationship.
They’re all about power and controlling. They’ll lie and manipulate to remain in control. But because this often doesn’t work in their favor, they feel powerless throughout most of their lives.
“Nice guys” tend to believe that the world is against them. That women, love, success and happiness is scarce.
They like to believe that they’re so “different” from everybody else out there. And they’re right! They are different! But in a bad way.
Since they believe that their partner is crazy and will blow up at any time, the “nice” person will try to manipulate every situation in order to get their own needs met (such as sex or a calm evening or whatever).
These “nice” men and women of the world deep down want to control every aspect of their life. This includes their loved ones.
They believe that life is supposed to be problem-free and smooth sailing. So, they try to control all aspects of life in order to have as bumpy-free a ride as possible.
No roller coasters for “nice guys!” They shudder at the sound of that!
Obviously, this belief just sends the “nice guy” on the bumpiest ride possible.
As a result, your partner resents you, pushes you away and you’re now out of control and powerless.
As a “nice guy,” this lack of control and powerlessness is actually the root of pain that you feel when your partner pushes you away and rejects you.
It’s why you think you have to “do something” to get your partner back. But all you really want to do is calm the seas and get back to your controlling.
“Nice Guys” Like To Give – But With A Catch…
Most “nice guys” claim to be great givers. They like to please others and make people feel happy, important and so on.
But what they won’t tell you is that there is always some sort of catch behind there giving.
There are these hidden contracts that you know nothing about – until later when the “nice guy” is expecting something in return for their “good” actions (such as sex or love).
The “nice guy” always want something in return for their giving attitude. That is the catch.
This “nice” behavior is deeply-rooted due to years of not getting their needs met and being rejected by others.
The “nice guy” deep down doesn’t feel worthy. He isn’t confident. He isn’t self-assured. He doesn’t like himself very much. He doesn’t have a lot of respect for who he is which allows others to walk all over him.
Therefore, he wants to feel appreciated. He wants to feel “in love.” He looks for happiness in others. He wants his relationships to be easy-going and his lover to be happy 24/7.
Obviously, this is a belief rooted in fantasy and has no real bearing in the real world. But the “nice guy” doesn’t realize this.
Therefore, his solution is to be overly generous to his lovers. He wants to be her savior, always trying to fix the problems and make her happy.
Because of this belief system, “nice guys” tend to always date others who seem to require “fixing.”In other words, their lover’s always seem to have some major issues (just like the “nice guy”).
As I always say, you attract what you project. The “nice guy” always seems to date people who are projects and have issues of their own.
“Nice Guys” Don’t Live In The Real World
Since “nice guys” don’t live in the real world, they always end up frustrated and bitter because the fantasies of how life is “supposed” to work never seems to work out.
Despite all the giving and pleasing and friendliness, they are only treated with more lack of respect, more resentment, more anger and rage and broken hearts.
The “nice guy” is so busy trying to give and please and make the world a comfortable place, they have immense difficulties with setting their own boundaries and saying “No.”
As a result, the “nice guy” lives a life in a downward spiral. By the time they hit 30, they end up feeling like a helpless victim with the belief that everybody else “sucks” and that women are “bitches.”
This mindset makes it very easy for the “nice guy” to blame women, the world and everything else as the cause of the problems they experience in life and relationships.
“Nice Guys” Are Flawed, Dysfunctional Individuals
Millions and millions of men and women are dysfunctional in our current society. It’s truly an epidemic and it’s WHY so much relationship drama and toxicity exists.
Until these people are willing to change their mindsets, they will just continue on this downward spiral that so many people are currently on.
The core of who you are as a person is purely responsible for who and what you attract into your life.
While looks and status may get you somewhere initially, at the end of the day you will ALWAYS end up with someone who resonates with your core being.
And, if you’re reading this right now and saying to yourself “Okay, I really need to shatter these horrible mindsets and programming that has been thrown at me all my life,” then you need to do yourself a huge favor.
You need to take action, and click HERE to read about my BPD Relationship Blueprint program.
Because, you can call it “nice” or “good” or “jolly good fellow.” It doesn’t matter what you call it.
At it’s root, it’s a fundamentally WRONG set of beliefs and values that have been taught to millions and millions of men and women in our society.
And it’s only getting worse and worse, thanks to the rise of social media and everybody obsessed with approval from everybody else.
After going through this article, you may now see why so many problems in your relationships and life could be due to some (or all) of these beliefs.
It’s why my mission is dedicated to helping both men & women break free from these common ways of thinking since there’s really no happiness to be found in society.
You have to create your own happiness. People are MAGNETIZED to those who create their own happiness.
You’ve got to accept that life is a roller coaster full of ups and downs. You must learn to enjoy this journey called LIFE.
Life is full of gifts and joy, but they are reserved for those who are ready to receive them.
Do not forget that above statement. It’s the key to the happiness and peace of mind that we all desire.