If you want to know why BPD or Bipolar relationships fail, then you’ll want to read this article.
1) BPD is a personality disorder and Bipolar is a mood disorder. Very important difference!
2) Your mentality influence your beliefs which then influence your actions. Having bad, negative mindsets will create instability and eventually relationship failure.
3) Society has rapidly changed over the last 10 years. In this day and age, it isn’t uncommon to meet and date men and women with BPD-like symptoms.
4) Learning what NOT to do is just as important as learning “tips” and “techniques.”
5) Drop the “Savior Mentality.” You’re not the Hero. As I’ve been saying for years, the hero gets ZERO.
6) Developing strong emotional control is key to surviving in these types of relationships.
Chances are you ended up on my site because you’re wondering why bipolar relationships fail. Or, you’re dating someone with BPD and you’re curious if your relationship could ever become stable.
BPD is different from someone who has bipolar. However, there is always the possibility that your partner has both bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder. This might make it feel as if you’re hopeless and you should just “run away and never look back.”
However, changing your mindsets to the ones that I teach will lead you to a better relationship. This is my philosophy after all.
Am I saying that your BPD or Bipolar relationship will do a 180 and be healthy for the foreseeable future? Of course not. Anyone saying otherwise is lying to you.
However, I strongly believe that attaining complete control over your mental and emotional state gives you the best shot at making your relationship better.
I never said your relationship will be smooth sailing and “perfect!”
Do note that I have dated several women with BPD over the years. My current girlfriend of over a year has BPD and we have managed to make it work. My experience definitely helps with this because I’ve been through a lot of bad relationships in my past.
Hear me out: the best “change” I have made over the years is getting my mentality right. Killing my neediness and getting my codependency under control.
Remember that perfection does not exist. So, let’s focus on achieving an imperfect life that still helps you and your partner enjoy each other and moving the relationship towards the positive.
Understand: I’m really a Mindset “coach” meaning the things I teach start with the mind: your beliefs, your core values, your emotional state and so on. Healthy relationships are a biproduct of your thoughts and beliefs. What you believe influences your actions.
Better Mindsets = Better BPD Relationships
You can’t experience loving, fulfilling BPD/Bipolar relationships without a healthy state of mind. Hence, arming yourself with the best mindsets will give you control over your mind.
You will lower your stress levels, you will feel happier and you’ll have more confidence. You’ll develop a better sense of power and direction.
If you attained all these things, do you think your relationships would improve?
You bet your ass it would. I would like to guess that everybody would agree with this.
And, if you happen to have BPD yourself, you can make great strides in your own life by following my advice. This I promise you.
Society Has Changed In Big Ways
The world today is much different than it was 10 years ago or so. Your environment and life experiences determine your mental and emotional state.
Cluster B personality types, which includes BPD, are more common than ever. I blame social media and bad parenting, along with many other factors that influence your personality, habits, attitude and behavior.
One of the reasons why bipolar relationships fail quite often is because we have a society where everyone is trying to be someone that they’re not. Parents are more insecure than ever. Most people focus on a future self instead of who they are right now in the present moment.
Cases of BPD are at an all-time high because most people have no drive, they’re lost, no ambition, addicted to social media and physical appearance, etc.
Everyone is trying to be perfect. But, perfection is a myth. Nobody accepts who they are anymore. This leads to mental stress and emotional imbalance.
This is the struggle of not only Borderlines, but almost all men and women. Most people are never satisfied with themselves in the present.
Wonder why meditation is more popular than ever? Because of everything I just said above. However, this new study proves that meditation doesn’t make people happier.
As I’ve been saying for years, the only thing that makes people happy and stress-free is an independent mindset, one that puts yourself first.
You must become a leader of your own life.
No amount of love or intimacy will change your level of happiness.
It’s impossible to be strong and centered when your mind isn’t focused on the present. This makes dating someone with BPD an impossible task.
Therefore, you must forget about the awesome Honeymoon Period you had. Also, forget about all the potential you think your partner has.
This is because the only thing that matters is what’s going on right now at this moment in your BPD or Bipolar relationship.
Correcting Your Mindsets Will Prevent Common Mistakes
Do you know what happens when you’re thinking about past or future events?
You lose focus of the present moment with your partner. Consequently, this causes anxiety issues. Anxiety leads to mistakes and needy behavior. You behave like a codependent individual.
A BPD relationship is already chaotic enough as it is. Do you want to add to that chaos?
I would hope not. This is why it’s vital that you work on your inner core every single day. Study the mindsets that I teach and you’ll see where you make mistakes.
As you develop inner awareness, you will begin to correct common mistakes.
So, let’s jump to the 5 signs that I deem most noteworthy.
1. Learn What Turns Your Partner Off
Did you know that you attract what you project? It’s true.
Studies have proven over and over again that we’re attracted to individuals who “vibe” with us. We’re drawn to people with similar beliefs, values, upbringing and so on. Opposites attract is a myth (which is another truth I’ve been teaching for years).
It’s why BPD relationships tend to have a Honeymoon Period. You connect on a strong emotional level. You can’t get enough of each other.
But, these intense feelings of affection soon fade. As a result, you become eager for more attention. This needy behavior triggers the Borderline’s fear of abandonment.
Ultimately, you have turned her off. Her attraction for you has plummeted. So, you set out on a mission to make things right.
This is the result of bad, needy mindsets. Therefore, you must change the way you think about human attraction. It’s a complete shift in thinking that extends beyond intimate relationships.
You know how you blow off the needy car salesman? Well, that’s how your partner feels about you when you’re trying so hard to make things better.
Give your BPD partner some space. Let him or her miss you for a bit while you do your own thing. If she comes approaching you wanting attention, you’re on the right track.
Too many people make the same, common mistakes in BPD relationships. This ain’t no Disney love story. Stop trying to be her Prince Charming.
2. Are You a White Knight? A Fixer? A Hero?
I know you have a good heart and you’re trying to make your BPD partner as happy as possible.
You want the best for you, your partner and the relationship. You wouldn’t be here if that wasn’t the case, right?
Unfortunately, this good-natured character can cause you to develop this White Knight belief system. You naturally seek out partners who need rescuing. This is not a healthy way to live.
You meet this person who you know can be amazing (your mind is in the future). But, what you have done is fallen in love with their potential.
Most of us have the potential to be great. But, falling in love with someone’s potential is a common reason that makes your bipolar relationship fail over time. You’re not living in reality, in the present moment.
You’re lost in the future instead of accepting your partner as is in the present and addressing the current behavior that you’re experiencing. You can’t be a hero in the present, and this frustrates you.
So, you work hard everyday, convinced that you can make your BPD partner “better.” You want to be the hero! Go you!
You keep telling yourself that you know your partner could be so much better. Life could be so great for him or her.
But, you’re ignoring the present. You’re seeking an end-result that exists in your imaginary future.
When you seek a repeat of the Honeymoon Period, you lose focus on reality. When you try to “fix” your partner’s problems, you lose focus on reality.
Send your Hero mentality to the grave.
Borderline’s (and most women in general) are like cats. They come and go as they please, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
Often times in BPD and Bipolar relationships, less is more.
3. Fighting, Arguing and Unnecessary Drama
I don’t like disrespect, insults, or lies as much as the next person.
But, drama in relationships will happen. If you’re not careful, you’ll find yourself pulled into an argument that you can’t win.
Let me make this clear: you will never win in an argument with a Borderline (or any woman, lol).
And, you’ll never find a true alpha male falling into an argument with his girl. He’ll just throw her purse out the door and tell her to go home and cool off (that’s what I do and it works extremely well).
Knowing this fact, why would you engage in hour long arguments that get you nowhere?
People with bad mindsets will sit in bed arguing until 3 in the morning. It’s a complete waste of time and all you’re doing is turning her more and more off.
She subconsciously argues with you because she wants to test if you’re a man. Real men don’t argue — they tell her to get lost. Beta males will also try to not argue, but will do it from a state of weakness.
This is a key difference and it’s why you must be of the alpha type to have any sort of success in BPD relationships. In fact, I know plenty of BPD women who treat their boyfriends like kings because of this truth.
From the wise words of Eckhart Tolle, “You will never find salvation in a relationship.” Stop looking for happiness in your partner. You will never find it.
Which leads us to the next point…
4. Your Emotions Are Out of Control
One of the most important factors in the health of any relationship is how you handle your emotions.
In fact, the rare high-quality man has total control over his emotions. He doesn’t ignore his emotions, but they don’t control him. He is in tune with them.
Most people are actually controlled by their emotions. They are a slave to their own mind. They can’t escape the constant thoughts and feelings.
Do you now see why BPD and bipolar relationships require emotional control? It’s what separates the successful from the unsuccessful. It separates relationship failure from relationship fulfillment. And, this goes beyond your love life.
Make no mistake: positive, healthy, high-quality mindsets give you control over yourself. Absolute control over your emotional and mental state is key.
Mastering your emotions is not easy. It takes time and discipline to develop. But, you can only be your best self when you have mastery over your emotions.
BPD relationships require a healthy state of mind. You will fail over and over again with poor mindsets. You will find yourself chasing your partner, desperate for love. You’ll push her away as a result. She’ll cheat on you behind your back. But, you’ll take her back because you’re lonely.
You must smash these poor, low-quality mindsets! You will never recover your failed bipolar or BPD relationship until you start to think otherwise.
5. BPD Relationships Require Strength and Independence
I always get these emails from guys saying how they’re strong and independent, and this is the first girl that’s ever made them weak.
Well, the fact is that relationships bring out the best and worst of us. This is just the truth.
If you find yourself becoming needy, weak, and insecure in a relationship, you only have yourself to blame. It doesn’t matter how toxic or fucked up your partner is. At the end of the day, you made the choice to stick around and let the abuse stack up.
People who aren’t emotionally strong and independent struggle immensely in these relationships. As you allow more and more abusive behavior to continue, it will only get worse over time.
This is why you need to change your mentality. I’ve watch what happens when my borderline friends meet a guy that they have no control over. It’s truly what these types of women want in a guy.
All the other guys who are easy to manipulate and control get tossed into the friend-zone, they get ghosted, she is “busy” and can’t make time for you, or she cheats on you if you two are married.
I can’t stress how important it is to develop a sense of independence and strength to the point where the BPD partner sees you as the best person in his or her life.
There’s No Such Thing As Guaranteed Success In BPD or Bipolar Relationships
If there’s one thing I can guarantee, it’s this: there are no guarantees.
This is especially true when it comes to BPD and Bipolar relationships. Emotions are so hot and cold with these situations that it’s just impossible to guarantee success.
But, this is the case with all relationships. Nothing is guaranteed in life. The biggest mistake you can make is thinking that your relationship would be any better if your partner was “normal.”
Don’t let this truth get you down. I want you to think differently going forward.
Instead of focusing so much on trying to change your partner, focus on yourself for a bit. Try to get to the point where you’re healthy enough to not care if you become single.
This is a strong mentality and it’s the type that will give you power. Borderlines want you the most when they feel like you will do your own thing regardless. Does this make sense? It’s quite deep.
In other words, when you’re mysterious and unpredictable, your partner will be most into you. This can be a hard reality to accept, but it’s simply the truth.
Borderlines need to chase. They love it. When they are pursued, they push away. That’s what makes them different from other types of people.
This is how BPD attractiveness works. As they say, we want what we can’t have. Bring a little bit of that into your relationship.
And thank you for reading this far. This is a big article. I really hope you’ve gotten some value out of all this information, and you’re able to apply it to your life and relationships.