I love me some BPD women. They are usually very attractive and irresistible when they’re in a good mood.
With enough experience, you learn how to give these sexy women what they need which keeps them in a good mood most of the time.
I get my fair share of haters who say that dating a woman with BPD is impossible. But I’ve done it over and over again, and without the common irrationality that other people experience.
How exactly do I do this? Am I just some sort of rare man who God granted some special gifts?
Hell no. I grinded my way through the dating field, getting dumped over and over again and cheated on multiple times.
Due to my codependent nature, these crazy-type of women were the only ones I would attract. And it always resulted in me getting hurt.
Obviously I corrected my ways and now I enjoy my fair share of “crazy” women (but without the crazy). I have a full-fledge course on this for those of you who like courses:
Check out my Better BPD Relationships course right here.
Sexy, Attractive Women Act Crazy To Throw You Off
Because of a Borderline’s wide-range of emotions, often times they can be incredibly sexy, seductive and irresistible at times. The honeymoon phase is usually a combination of all of these things.
I myself have dated many women with BPD and other emotional issues. And the ones that seem to be the most ‘crazy’ are also attractive and passionate at times.
It’s one of those situations where you often times find yourself outweighing the good with the bad – even if the bad is really bad.
If you’re not careful, the bad will soon outweigh the good. And you’ll never get to experience the good side again.
While I don’t believe that BPD relationships are hopeless by any means, I do believe that if you’re not experienced with these types of people (meaning you haven’t dated much or simply didn’t learn from the past), then you’re going to have a hard time.
Luckily for you, I’m here to answer your questions and help you out as best to my ability. Make sure you grab my BPD relationship “cheat sheet” from above as this will give you insights into my relationship philosophy.
Let’s talk about 6 of the biggest reasons of why we find people with BPD attractive and sexy, and what you can do about it to make these BPD relationships work for the long-term.
1. BPD Affection Is Like A Drug
The biggest “problem” with men and women who have BPD is that when they’re good to you, they’re really great. They radiate a very positive energy that sucks you in and there’s nothing else like it. Everything from their eyes to their smile to their scent and to the tone of their voice.
They’re just damn attractive. And they know it. My weakness has always been her scent. If she smells amazing, everything else goes out the window. It’s as if I must have her.
But if you’re not careful, you can become obsessed with this person. They’ll have you under hir or her spell which is what happens when you lose control of your self.
The men and women that actually succeed in BPD relationships are strong to the point where they never fall under these spells. They know how the game works and they don’t find themselves ‘sucked in’ and obsessive.
In the beginning of the relationship, you probably only see this great side, which is normal at the beginning of BPD relationships. And you fall in love with this side.
But as the relationship develops, the masks fall off and the real side is revealed. Eventually you reach a point where this great part of your BPD partner rarely shows itself.
Then you begin to question your own self! You wonder if you did something wrong and if you’re somehow responsible for this shift in the relationship. And often times, you are responsible to a certain point. Relationships do take two to tango after all.
Eventually you can feel trapped. You reach a point where you bury your true self out of fears. All you want deep down is for the relationship to return to the good old days. But it doesn’t happen.
There could be a dozen or so reasons for why the relationship never returns to it’s old self. A lot of people blame this on BPD. But there are other issues that both you and your partner are responsible for.
But the biggest problem overall is that you allowed yourself to become addicted. You fell under the spell. You lost your own sense of respect and worth. You might even see yourself as crazy.
The solution is that you really need to be aware of the bigger picture. And this means never losing focus of yourself. There’s a reason I always tell people to think big and look beyond the honeymoon period.
2. You Somewhat Enjoy The Drama
Perhaps you never experienced the vast range of emotions that you find in people who have BPD. On one side, it can be great. But on the other, there are serious issues lying beneath the surface.
So when you get a man or a woman easily in the beginning, which is usually the case with the highly emotional relationships, the challenge of keeping this man or woman attracted to you takes over.
You can’t forget about the great connection you had at the beginning. You almost like the back and forth game where the make-up sex is awesome.
The problem is that eventually, the hot and cold game ends with your partner eventually leaving you for good. This can leave you as a wreck if you’re unable to keep your emotions under control.
Keeping these relationships together becomes the ultimate challenge. Just getting your partner to like you for a day is a challenge in itself. You may feel that dating a non-challenging person is simply boring by the time you’re out of this relationship.
The solution is to know yourself. It’s to have complete control over your emotions to the point that if the relationship happens to fail, you’re still together and solid. You’re good. You’ve learned a lot and have grown. There’s no ill feelings.
This is very difficult for a lot of people to accomplish, especially if you have codependency.
3. You Want to Fix or ‘Save’ Them
I talk about this problem all the time because it’s incredibly common. Because of your deep affection for this man or woman, you want to fix or ‘save’ them from all these problems that are happening all around them.
But the reality is that this person has a lot of problems that run much deeper than just your current relationship.
When you begin to feel that you can be responsible for your partner, you indirectly send a message that your partner is irresponsible – and this causes him or her to lose more and more interest in you.
It often times will lead to raging.
As I always say, you can only save yourself. Trying to show your partner that life is easy and all these problems don’t really matter is a waste of your time. Don’t do it.
The advice I always give in my coaching is to let these people deal with their own problems. Let them fail as it’s the only way they’ll learn.
If they start attacking you and bringing you down with their issues, that’s when you must set boundaries and look after your own well-being. You must have thick skin. You can’t take words seriously.
4. Passion Makes Us Do Crazy Things
The thing about passion is that it’s an emotional feeling. Any time you bring emotions into the equation, logic goes out the window. So the simple fact is that passion makes us do crazy, illogical things we wouldn’t normally do in our right mind.
When you add in the fact that your partner is incredibly attractive and seductive, your emotions and hormones take over. All logic and sense is now gone. You’re much more forgiving because the beauty captures you.
When we’re passionate about something, we’ll go to great lengths to succeed. We’ll make sacrifices. We’ll go that extra mile to make things work. But that’s the very problem because we lose sense of our self.
So the key here is emotional control, something I teach a lot since we all struggle with it. Controlling your own reactions and understanding that relationships are much more than passion is the first step.
Love makes people do really dumb things. But I also see it as human nature. I think the fact that humans have emotions is what separates us from all other species. It’s what keeps us from being robots.
It’s also very important to understand that there is a big difference between love and passion. You must be able to differentiate the two because love is something you give.
5. You Want To Show That Your Partner Deserves To Be Loved
You’ll hear a lot of stories from your BPD partner about how mean their ex boyfriends or girlfriends were to them, how their parents abused them, how mean the world has been to them.
You’ll hear story after story and if you’re inexperienced, you’ll listen to every word he or she says, gobbling it all up. Eventually, you’re convinced that this person has never been loved and you’re the HERO to save the day!
Big mistake. While these stories may actually be true and horrible, once again you need to understand that you can’t save people. You can’t bring them to the light like you wish you could.
The best way to handle their problems is to not handle them at all. It’s just not your job. Relationships are not about helping your partner succeed in life. Only we can push our own selves forward to improve.
This is why I’m big on core values. You must know yourself well. It allows you to speak your own beliefs and attractive values without trying to ‘fix’ or help anyone. A simple story about how you came to believe a certain way is a great start.
Show your partner that you believe in him or her. Tell your partner that you support him or her and that you have the confidence that he/she will get through whatever problem they’re dealing with.
Then go back to doing your own thing. Don’t feel like you’re responsible for your partner – you’re not. And that is sexy because your partner has most likely had people trying to help him or her their entire life (because they’re hot).
6. People with BPD Are Unpredictable And Often Exciting
And this is why we become addicted to people with BPD. But it’s not the BPD that we’re really attracted to; it’s the unpredictability. It’s never knowing what’s going to happen next. It’s literally like a drug.
If your partner is in a great mood, it’s like you’re getting a great high unexpectedly. It’s this flurry of emotions that drives you up and down. And even though it’s painful at times, you’re addicted to the good and you want it badly.
I’ve personally developed my own aura of unpredictability and mysteriousness because I know how attractive it is to people. Men and women in general simply want to know what they don’t know.
It’s why TV shows always end their seasons with a cliff hanger. They leave you waiting. They end at a high point. This is why I’ll often times end a date when it’s just getting great.
To be more clear about leaving – I don’t do one on one dinner/happy hour style of dates. I never do these. So let’s just first make that clear. If these are your main style of dates, then I’m not surprised you’re having relationship issues.
What I typically do is I have an hour to spare. Enough time to grab ice cream or tacos or walk around town for a bit. Nothing cray.
After an hour of having fun, I tell her that I got to get going. It’s time for me to take off. Time flies by fast.
I’m leaving at a high point here. I don’t try to kiss her or anything like that. I tell her I had a great time and it’s too bad that I got to cut it short.
It’s a different style than what most guys are trying to do (which is get sex through alcohol). After a few dates of doing this, feelings just organically develop. Give it a try.
The opposite of being unpredictable is you always bending over backwards, always going with the flow, being passive and living in fear of what to do next. It’s this common, predictability that is a major turn off.
At the same time, understand that abuse of any kind is never excusable. You must be willing to walk out the door when your partner is just not having a good day.
But the most powerful thing you can do is leave at high points. Leave when everything is great. Don’t milk it like so many people do. Get your partner thinking about you and wondering what you’re up to. Be mysterious.
Because I’ve taught myself how to date all sorts of women, I personally like dating highly emotional, independent, driven women. It really requires a completely different knowledge of the game and skillsets, which is what I teach.
These relationships are not easy.
And it’s not your responsible to make it easy.
You need to understand that BPD relationships are different.
They aren’t your common, cliche hang out on the couch everyday and cuddle.
But even those ‘common’ relationships usually end in divorce.
The key is to be different. That’s really the key and it doesn’t matter who you’re dating.
All of the truly healthy, long-lasting relationships I see are of two people who are both different in their own ways.
BPD is a lot more common than you think. My theory is that 1 in 5 people have it.
Which is why studies are coming out saying that BPD might not even be a real illness – it’s just a change in the personalities of our current society.
That’s a big key and it’s tough to understand.
Think Harvey Specter from Suits. The dude just loves himself and you know that even a BPD woman would become a sweet, sweet girl with him.
Want to become your own fun, awesome character that even people with BPD can’t resist?
Then check this out:
Interested in a relationship course? Check out my Better BPD Relationships course right here.
Hi saw this in one my old emails and thanks for posting it! Yes yes you hit the hammer on the nail. One of the reasons I was attracted to was cause it was similar to the alcoholic up and down family I was raised in. It took all these years for me to look at what I thought was exciting, alluring, challenging. I’ve been working on it so I don’t go round in circles with difficult unstable people who I know inside that it will always end. My own fears of commitment also maybe keept me with the unstable, whatever it was I don’t see it but crazyness on my part now lol. So quess what I went out with a normal guy that I thought was boring, we went hiking and it was the most exciting guy and intelligent, challenging cause I have to get myself together to even hang with him, he wants no bull . I focused on opening my eyes to what was exciting about him and it worked. He is very interesting without all the foolish dramas. I doubt I will befriend anymore bipolar guys, as not healthy for them and not really for me either to play with their unstableness in anyway or to call it exciting when I can see in the end they suffer from this condition and cannot be what we want no matter what learning techniques used, it still trips them out. But your techniques definitely helpful for.
So I have only two bipolar female friends left , got rid of the males. The female ones are not on medications so they both claim I’m best friend then 3,wks later I said something wrong and they come on with the extreme rejection game. This goes on constant and I just ignore it and glad when they come back around, but I’m not winning their respect being so happy available so I need change it up. One deleted me on Facebook every two weeks then adds me back, highly unstable for her keep playing that out, though I feel she does care about me it has to stop . My mother was skizophrena delusional mentally and was rejecting of me so I’m reliving that all over with them. That’s my part. Do you have article on what do with thier off and on behaviors , I saw some articles of yours on distance with them perhaps I will re-read some of your stuff again. It really informative even comical at times . I have make a move fast on all this, to continue just moves Thier bipolarism even further in place. And yes thier are those who are truely bipolar and not just borderline.
Excellent article. It just misses one very common reason:
– You grew up in an unstable environment, playing up a savior role, and that made you feel proud and superior. In most cases, that´s just because you were the only mentally stable person there.
It’s not that it made you feel proud/superior. It’s that you subconsciously feel the need to help others because you took on an authority role as a teen. I’ve never heard of anyone feeling proud/superior for having to right the ship in an unstable environment. No one wants to grow up in that.
I got profoundly depressed when my childhood environment became toxic to a point where suicide was an appealing idea. Yet, I felt proud for surviving that situation and for being the man of the house since 8 years old, taking care of the money while my father traveled. It may seem like I had some authority when using my strength to stop mom from raging into dad, but I wasn’t any authority at all since she was the one who spanked me latter, when he was not there. By 12 when my parents divorced, I was so happy, my real life started.
Such childhood training made me better prepared to deal in adulthood with toxic environments or the sadness from others. I knew that, so trying to play a similar role has never been a really a subconscious choice for me.
If a chess teacher scales you for the chess team because he likes your play so much, then that’s not even a choice, it’s an opportunity you get for your skills. If latter then you stick to chess playing because you know you can win tournaments, then that’s a conscious choice.
At least in my case, it has been like this. I did not choose “difficult girls”. They were the ones who chose me, first because I never felt rejectful or afraid of them, second because I could handle them so well since the beginning. Then I noticed those girls were loving me more and more each day, so every time I was single, I would pay more attention in girls with similar traits, who also ended up being hard to deal. I knew those girls where the ones who would love me deep, and I was right.
Years ago, my current partner wrote me back for what she read in my profile for the online dating site. She was teasing me for being so pretentious, but then as I replied humbly she felt a connection with me right away and I also liked her even before I had any picture of her, because I could read her mind, put myself in her shoes and see her potential. Like if she had a diamond inside her and she just needed some polishing so that her great value could be seen.
I can see if you are dating you can leave on a high note. How can that principle apply in a 15 year marriage?
I’m going to add more clarity to the article as I mentioned in a previous comment. Being married it’s different. I’m referring to dating here. 15 years is pretty respectful for any relationship, BPD or not.
As a woman who Exhibits a few Bpd traits let me just say…Leaving a date when things are just starting to go well or getting up and leaving mysteriously is a great way to trigger some really bad behavior. If a date left me when things were going great I would immediately call some friends and meet someone new. Or find some things I didn’t like about that jerk and balloon them into major issues. Just saying
I need to be more clear then as you’re not the first person to voice a question about this. I don’t typically do one on one dinner date/happy hours with the hopes of having a drink and getting laid. I never, ever do these types of dates anymore. In these situations, getting up and leaving would be really lame. But if I told you I have an hour to spare, let’s meet up for some tacos or ice cream or playing with my dog in the park, then leaving after an hour of having fun – that makes more sense, right? That’s what I mean. I’ll add more clarity to the article.
An inleitlgent answer – no BS – which makes a pleasant change
I definitely noticed the savior complex surfacing in me when I was in my last relationship with a BPD girl. It was awful. I was white knighting to the max, not sleeping and stressing out all day, mainly because she was a druggy and her problems rubbed off on my vibe and attitude, and I was crashing hard, but until I actually did the research I could not put my foot down. The craziness was almost hypnotizing, and I did this because I thought she’d give me ‘happily ever after’ if I endured her problems with her, which was selfish and presumptuous of me. I doubt i’ll ever even try to be in a relationship with a BPD person, but I know that if that ends up happening i’ll be able to handle it much better.
It goes beyond just the BPD person – if you ever want to date a woman that’s emotional, then you have to focus on the things I teach. And the best women are emotional as they say :)
As a girl with bpd whose sick of reading that I have no “empathy” and “can never truly love” thank you so much for writing this… can’t wait to check out your ebook.. it feels so amazing to find someone talking about this without condescending us or making us out to be purposely manipulative or cruel when all we want is to not feel so scared of being abandoned because were not good enough and figure out how to stop the extreme stabbing pain the empty lonely feeling inside Our hearts… I haven’t seen anyone write anything like this it’s really admirable.. thank you so much again it means so much.. ??
I have been diagnosed with BPD, I grew up with 2 brothers and no girls around, used to feel that I should have been a boy, at the age of 20 I found out that all my sex phantasies lie under BDSM category and right now my partner is a male cross dressed who is also a sadist.
I enjoyed your article, despite all the failed relationships I have had in my life, it’s good to know there are some good things about my BPD
yes, idk if it’s bpd related but bdsm sex fantasies and getting to explore them with a partner are also great things
I noticed a pattern in the last few years in which i always end up dating girls with some BPD traits. I actually had one that was diagnosed after i left her (and she tried to kill herself) and after that i became much more aware of the type of girls i attract. I want a stable loving relationship but these people are impossible to have a stable happy relationship, and i am failing at attracting the healthy women apparently. I am ver care-giving, dominant, i am a decently attractive and succesful male in my 30s, and i tend to attract these younger girls with issues who look for security and protection in me. My closest rationalization of it is that i like the attention they give me, they make me feel important (an acquaintance happens to be a psycologyst and she told me i have some traits of narcissim and these girls give me the attention i want). The girls often become submissive, treat me like some sort of god (honeymoon phase), and eventually i find out they are lying about half of the things they say, or they basically cheat and betray me and all hell goes lose. I have been in this cycle at least 3 times and it is horrible. How do i stop dating this kind of women and how do i have a healthy relationship finally? I always end up horribly hurt, the high is never worth the pain in the end for me. I need help to break this cycle. Now i am very untrusting of women and don’t know what to do.
This is why you need to spend some time focused on yourself and developing your masculinity. Society will pay heavily for programming men to be weak. There’s a special place in hell for all these mainstream pundits and “experts” who keep preaching this crap. My suggestion is that you got to live life for YOU and bring these younger girls along for the ride. Nothing wrong with that. Don’t let them get to a point where they can use you, hurt you, etc.
‘This is why you need to spend some time focused on yourself and developing your masculinity. Society will pay heavily for programming men to be weak. There’s a special place in hell for all these mainstream pundits and “experts” who keep preaching this crap.’
No my friend YOU are the problem. YOU are weak.
The fact that you give any of these mental defects a brief glance shows how thirsty you are.
Look guys, I found another ankle biter!
sandee smith says
Wow. That is some sexist bs right there. Women don’t need to be brought along for your ride. They need to learn to live their lives for themselves too. They are not some lower species that you should advocate learning how to manipulate and control. You obviously have some major issues, and don’t know how to attract a woman who is closer to your equal.
Men and women are NOT equal. Women aren’t lower, they’re just different from us men. To think otherwise is foolish. Women like men to be the leaders, do they not? Of course they do. But go ahead and believe what you want…
Sexist bs, if men can’t control their sexual impulses, why should they lead anything? They literally think with their wiener.
Plenty of salty vaginas out there for you to enjoy, why don’t you give that a try since you’re sick of weiner
Joe S says
I wouldn’t brag about dating lots of women. It sounds like you don’t know how to keep a woman or find a woman you want to keep. FYI
I’m not bragging – just stating the reality. More experience = more knowledge and understanding of how women think and behave. Simple facts.
Chtistine Jones says
I am a 44 year old woman with BPD and I could write a book as well. I’m not the typical BPD and I’m an anomaly contrary to common belief. I like your no BS approach. No sense in sugar coating anything. I’d like to share my story if you’re interested. I’m not manipulating, I just don’t sugarcoat anything either but since I also have a dominant personality, I come across as a bitch. Ok. Think how you (one) want. I’m not a babysitter to your feelings just like you’re not a babysitter to mine. Just don’t twist things to be benefit you. Oh wait. Did that sound like a BPD because I’m married to a narcissist. He didn’t become one whole heartedly until he met me. Then the abuse came. Against me!!! Interested yet? There’s more. Lots more. I’ve left him because he cheated on me, not the other way around. You’ve got my email. Tootles!!!
I think you should write a book. Why not? You should do it!
Kristina forest says
I have bpd, and I get what you mean about dating women with bpd. Often times I’ve “accidently” seduced a man so well that he wants to spend every waking minute with me or talking to me, usually less then 48 hours after we’ve met eachother. Because I can’t hardly control my “high”, and my neediness, I can’t control the amount of time we spend together, and it develops into a rather serios relationship, literally within days. I’ve always wanted to have a normal relationship with someone, spend a few weeks or months getting to know each other slowly, actually having the wherewithal to say, hey this guy isn’t what your looking for, or wow he’s special. Instead because of my heightened emotions, we are seriously dating within a week, talking about marriage and kids, we’re living together usually less then 2 weeks (weeks short as a few days actually) then of course the relationship falls apart after a few years. I stop having feelings for them, depending mostly on slights or unresolved issues in the relationship, even simply boredom, I fall very easily for other men…it’s awful. I always end up hurting them. Now I’m ready to get a divorce from the one person I thought was my soul mate, all because he worked to much in the last year and I didn’t get enough attention, and now I’m in love with someone else. It’s horrible. I feel like I’m going to hell and I can’t stop it. Maybe if things were slowed down and able to develop naturally things would be different.
I don’t see anything wrong with instant attraction. That’s natural, it’s happened since the beginning of time. In fact, most relationships actually start this way. This “normal” that you describe is far from that. I think the only issue with your way of going about things is getting into a “serious” relationship within days. As long as you can postpone that to at least 21 days, I really think you’re okay! Stop thinking you’re wrong here.
I think more bpd people need to consider polyamoury/casual/open relationships until we finish fixing all of our problems ? It’s made stuff a lot easier imo and helped me grow to not be so hurt when stuff doesn’t work out and train myself to be stronger
I don’t feel the need to change myself with men nor to even be in a relationship because men truly are awful people. Most men are nothing but selfish sex hungry pigs. They put on an act to get what they want and then act distant. Many dont even try that hard because they’re lazy. They are narcissistic misogynists that want a submissive woman. Typical males are also extremely shallow and care more about a woman’s appearance than anything else. Therefore objectifying her. (Im considered beautiful by many, i don’t say this because im ugly) Many days i try to look as unappealing as possible just to avoid the creepiness, yet its always there. Most men cheat. Many men feel entitled to purchase women for sex and get upset if she doesn’t fake it well enough. How sick is that? On one hand men idealize me for my beauty, on the other hand they use, manipulate and discard. How is it then not normal for me to react in a similar fashion? Men truly are terrible to women and if being normal means i ignore and accept all of it then forget it. Leave me a crazy, violent, arrogant bitch that doesn’t suffer fools gladly. That would rather kick a bastard in the nuts than cry about his behavior. I think the world needs more crazy bitches to put men in their place; the dog leash.
I found the Hillary supporter. Typical man-hating bigot these feminists are.
I think u just haven’t met enough guys who are different. One of the most attractive and interesting guys I dated who I was obsessed with, broke up with me for a girl who was signiiificantly less attractive than me, flat chested, big frame and taller than him, but she had a effervescent, loud personality and was more the life of the party than me. I’ve been in open relationship with a guy for two years and it’s extremely supportive and fulfilling.. he never cares about sex or initiates it And never had another girlfriend and doesn’t care to meet other girls.. everyone’s different and there’s more & more men who are going away from hyper masculine expectations.. if u keep a positive outlook I’m sure you’ll find better dudes cuz I used to think like u trust. Much love and joy to everyone lol
I’m genuinely curious what your view on sex and intimacy is. Since he doesn’t initiate it with you and such, do you not sleep with him? Or is it you that always initiates? How important is sex to your relationships? Feel free to give me your view on sex as a whole. I’d appreciate it :)
I am in my late 20s and have I’ve always struggled with depression, low self esteem, occasional alcohol abuse, but recently things have gotten completely out of control. I’ve seen doctors and therapists and nothing seems to help / make any sense and then I read about BPD. I am 100% certain that I have it. Literally all of the below symptoms are me. I feel i have SABATOGED every relationship i have ever been in since i was 13 becuse of this. I either wind up with an insecure nut job, or if I do find someone who is great and “normal” for lack of a better word- i RUIN it. I expect my boyfriend to fulfill every need I have because of my lack of sense of self, and when he doesnt, I blame him, search elsewhere and go with soemone else and the pattern repeats. I’ve often been told that I am “addicting,” “attractive,” “one of a kind,” etc but I dont believe these things because of the extreme low confidence. However, it is as if I NEED to hear these things from a man for self validation. Once my significant other shows a lag in communication (busy at work, fell asleep, out w friends etc.) I PANIC and think theyre abandoning me. I recently ruined a relationship with the best guy I have ever been with (only 5 months) because he couldnt constantly text me due to the nature of his job. My neediness and fear of abandonment made me believe he wasnt enough, that he couldnt be there for me. I went behind his back talking to an old friend of mine and eventually left him for the old friend believing that maybe this person could “fix” me. Its now a TOXIC relationship because this person is unstable himself. He caught me texting the ex I left him for and constantly checks my phone now. I am so scared this cycle is going to continue. I desperately want to break it and find someone that can understand me and be there for me and have true happy love. I dont feel its ever going to happen with BPD…. especially approaching 30…. I often think about contacting my ex and explaining my issues and asking for forgiveness and understanding. He was so honest and kind and didnt put up wiht my shit. … advice… please…
Yep, sounds like the classic Borderline/”crazy” woman. And there are a LOT of you out there. I know a woman who is 36 and still can’t keep a man. If you don’t get yourself fixed, you’ll be single forever. So you need to take this seriously.
Healing from BPD simply means gaining control over your emotions. You’re a slave to your emotions, just as so many others are. Borderlines need to take meditation seriously. They should read/listen to Eckhart Tolle daily. The more in touch with your emotions and feelings, the better you’ll be.
You’ll always find yourself attached to other crazy men because you need that drama and chaos in your life. It’s how borderlines are. Once you reach a point in your life where you no longer let your emotions rule your mind, you’ll stop dating these toxic men. You’ll be comfortable being alone for a bit and you’ll lose that anxiousness/attachment/neediness.
Individuals with bpd are not crazy, some are higher functioning and some less so but crazy is not the word you’re looking for. If you think 1/5 women/people have borderline personality disorder then I think you’re the problem and should go get yourself checked out. If you only surround yourself by unstable and mentally ill individuals then yes it’s highly likely for 1/5 of them to live with bpd. It’s nice how you think this is something that can be cured, as if it’s our job to fix ourselves and snap out of it just so we can keep you happy. Do you tell individuals living with depression or anorexia to snap out of it as well?
Lol have you actually read my articles? I’m pretty much the only person online who doesn’t call BPD’s crazy. I defend borderlines all the time. I think they’re highly creative and awesome individuals. So, you should reread my articles instead of just the headlines.
Finding this blog made me laugh. :)
I’m a BPD girl and stable men are SO SEXY. I was an emotional rollercoaster before meeting my current boyfriend/dominant. My ex-bfs would adopt my anxiety and it would just whirlwind into a terrible situation, or even abuse.
My current bf is completely calm under all circumstances and it’s so hot. I can be melting down and he’s just always solid, stable, and caring. I can go from crying my eyes out to calm and turned on in like two sentences from him.
I loovvvveee affection so much. My ex was really avoidant about love(which made me scared), but my current bf knows it makes me wet to hear “I love you.” “You’re all mine.” “Let’s be together forever.” Srsly dripping down my inner thighs wet to hear those things. I don’t think he’s naturally as affectionate, but he was happy to open up when he learned the positive aspects. ;)
And I love being able to worship him as much as I want to without him getting an ego. He’s just him day in and day out… It’s so hot, I can’t even speak straight thinking about him and we’ve been together like 2 years.
Thank you for not demonizing this personality type. I know there are many different kinds of people with BPD, but my own symptoms are manageable, and I’m really optimistic about my/our future.
I’m also a stripper, and my bf is supportive of it. I love teasing other men and learning about different viewpoints/kinks so I can take that knowledge back to my bf. It makes me adore him even more when he trusts me and knows he’s the only man I want.
I’m the first borderline woman my bf has dated, so at first he was taken aback, but it didn’t take him long to catch on. Sometimes I’ll still freak out… I sent him 97 insane accusation texts in a row, so he called me to inform me he’s going to need another nap before reading that. Lol! It makes me so happy when he can differentiate between real issues and borderline insecurity acting out. We laughed on the phone about it, then addressed the underlying concern in like one sentence. No days long drama. Just acknowledge and done.
Haha… I apologize for the long post— I get excited. :)
This is a great comment, thank you so much. I hope all the haters who flood my comments on the daily would read this and stfu LOL
There is overwhelming evidence that most men are trash, therefore creating the very “disorders” they accuse women of having. I’ve been single for 9 years and I plan to remain that way. I don’t need fake love from some glorified dildo hoebag. To me the “bpd” is just my intuition telling me to get away from the guy and usually I’m right about him having been a scumbag. With all the game players, cheaters, emotionally constipated males out there I think it’s the “normal” women who are sick for trusting men.
Send over some of that salt, my supply is running low. Just kidding, it’s never low. There’s too many haters like you around
hah, ive seen more woman act like trashbags then anything, theres more woman with bpd then men who have it, when woman have it its a whole other story.
I have BPD also and can understand why you believe majority of men are trash. I went through a period of believing the same. In reality I haven’t met ALL men and the men I did attract happened to be toxic. I had to be honest with myself and ask “what is it about me that attracts these men in the first place”
I played a part and had to be honest about it. I’m not a victim and men are not “out to get me”.
Alot of times I welcomed the abuse while not even realizing it and continued this ‘victim’ mentality. Working on myself is what helped the most..an honest inventory of my resentments, and the part I played in each one is soo important. Most of my resentments the only part I played was being there. But on other resentments I had to admit how I participated in toxic situations and abuse..I’m not a victim and chose to “play the game”. I replayed the toxicity in my childhood as an adult and had no idea.
Now that I know better, I do better❤