I love me some BPD women. They are usually very attractive and irresistible when they’re in a good mood.
With enough experience, you learn how to give these sexy women what they need which keeps them in a good mood most of the time.
I get my fair share of haters who say that dating a woman with BPD is impossible. But I’ve done it over and over again, and without the common irrationality that other people experience.
How exactly do I do this? Am I just some sort of rare man who God granted some special gifts?
Hell no. I grinded my way through the dating field, getting dumped over and over again and cheated on multiple times.
Due to my codependent nature, these crazy-type of women were the only ones I would attract. And it always resulted in me getting hurt.
Obviously I corrected my ways and now I enjoy my fair share of “crazy” women (but without the crazy). I have a full-fledge course on this for those of you who like courses:
Sexy, Attractive Women Act Crazy To Throw You Off
Because of a Borderline’s wide-range of emotions, often times they can be incredibly sexy, seductive and irresistible at times. The honeymoon phase is usually a combination of all of these things.
I myself have dated many women with BPD and other emotional issues. And the ones that seem to be the most ‘crazy’ are also attractive and passionate at times.
It’s one of those situations where you often times find yourself outweighing the good with the bad – even if the bad is really bad.
If you’re not careful, the bad will soon outweigh the good. And you’ll never get to experience the good side again.
While I don’t believe that BPD relationships are hopeless by any means, I do believe that if you’re not experienced with these types of people (meaning you haven’t dated much or simply didn’t learn from the past), then you’re going to have a hard time.
Luckily for you, I’m here to answer your questions and help you out as best to my ability. Make sure you grab my BPD relationship “cheat sheet” from above as this will give you insights into my relationship philosophy.
Let’s talk about 6 of the biggest reasons of why we find people with BPD attractive and sexy, and what you can do about it to make these BPD relationships work for the long-term.
1. BPD Affection Is Like A Drug
The biggest “problem” with men and women who have BPD is that when they’re good to you, they’re really great. They radiate a very positive energy that sucks you in and there’s nothing else like it. Everything from their eyes to their smile to their scent and to the tone of their voice.
They’re just damn attractive. And they know it. My weakness has always been her scent. If she smells amazing, everything else goes out the window. It’s as if I must have her.
But if you’re not careful, you can become obsessed with this person. They’ll have you under hir or her spell which is what happens when you lose control of your self.
The men and women that actually succeed in BPD relationships are strong to the point where they never fall under these spells. They know how the game works and they don’t find themselves ‘sucked in’ and obsessive.
In the beginning of the relationship, you probably only see this great side, which is normal at the beginning of BPD relationships. And you fall in love with this side.
But as the relationship develops, the masks fall off and the real side is revealed. Eventually you reach a point where this great part of your BPD partner rarely shows itself.
Then you begin to question your own self! You wonder if you did something wrong and if you’re somehow responsible for this shift in the relationship. And often times, you are responsible to a certain point. Relationships do take two to tango after all.
Eventually you can feel trapped. You reach a point where you bury your true self out of fears. All you want deep down is for the relationship to return to the good old days. But it doesn’t happen.
There could be a dozen or so reasons for why the relationship never returns to it’s old self. A lot of people blame this on BPD. But there are other issues that both you and your partner are responsible for.
But the biggest problem overall is that you allowed yourself to become addicted. You fell under the spell. You lost your own sense of respect and worth. You might even see yourself as crazy.
The solution is that you really need to be aware of the bigger picture. And this means never losing focus of yourself. There’s a reason I always tell people to think big and look beyond the honeymoon period.
2. You Somewhat Enjoy The Drama
Perhaps you never experienced the vast range of emotions that you find in people who have BPD. On one side, it can be great. But on the other, there are serious issues lying beneath the surface.
So when you get a man or a woman easily in the beginning, which is usually the case with the highly emotional relationships, the challenge of keeping this man or woman attracted to you takes over.
You can’t forget about the great connection you had at the beginning. You almost like the back and forth game where the make-up sex is awesome.
The problem is that eventually, the hot and cold game ends with your partner eventually leaving you for good. This can leave you as a wreck if you’re unable to keep your emotions under control.
Keeping these relationships together becomes the ultimate challenge. Just getting your partner to like you for a day is a challenge in itself. You may feel that dating a non-challenging person is simply boring by the time you’re out of this relationship.
The solution is to know yourself. It’s to have complete control over your emotions to the point that if the relationship happens to fail, you’re still together and solid. You’re good. You’ve learned a lot and have grown. There’s no ill feelings.
This is very difficult for a lot of people to accomplish, especially if you have codependency.
3. You Want to Fix or ‘Save’ Them
I talk about this problem all the time because it’s incredibly common. Because of your deep affection for this man or woman, you want to fix or ‘save’ them from all these problems that are happening all around them.
But the reality is that this person has a lot of problems that run much deeper than just your current relationship.
When you begin to feel that you can be responsible for your partner, you indirectly send a message that your partner is irresponsible – and this causes him or her to lose more and more interest in you.
It often times will lead to raging.
As I always say, you can only save yourself. Trying to show your partner that life is easy and all these problems don’t really matter is a waste of your time. Don’t do it.
The advice I always give in my coaching is to let these people deal with their own problems. Let them fail as it’s the only way they’ll learn.
If they start attacking you and bringing you down with their issues, that’s when you must set boundaries and look after your own well-being. You must have thick skin. You can’t take words seriously.
4. Passion Makes Us Do Crazy Things
The thing about passion is that it’s an emotional feeling. Any time you bring emotions into the equation, logic goes out the window. So the simple fact is that passion makes us do crazy, illogical things we wouldn’t normally do in our right mind.
When you add in the fact that your partner is incredibly attractive and seductive, your emotions and hormones take over. All logic and sense is now gone. You’re much more forgiving because the beauty captures you.
When we’re passionate about something, we’ll go to great lengths to succeed. We’ll make sacrifices. We’ll go that extra mile to make things work. But that’s the very problem because we lose sense of our self.
So the key here is emotional control, something I teach a lot since we all struggle with it. Controlling your own reactions and understanding that relationships are much more than passion is the first step.
Love makes people do really dumb things. But I also see it as human nature. I think the fact that humans have emotions is what separates us from all other species. It’s what keeps us from being robots.
It’s also very important to understand that there is a big difference between love and passion. You must be able to differentiate the two because love is something you give.
5. You Want To Show That Your Partner Deserves To Be Loved
You’ll hear a lot of stories from your BPD partner about how mean their ex boyfriends or girlfriends were to them, how their parents abused them, how mean the world has been to them.
You’ll hear story after story and if you’re inexperienced, you’ll listen to every word he or she says, gobbling it all up. Eventually, you’re convinced that this person has never been loved and you’re the HERO to save the day!
Big mistake. While these stories may actually be true and horrible, once again you need to understand that you can’t save people. You can’t bring them to the light like you wish you could.
The best way to handle their problems is to not handle them at all. It’s just not your job. Relationships are not about helping your partner succeed in life. Only we can push our own selves forward to improve.
This is why I’m big on core values. You must know yourself well. It allows you to speak your own beliefs and attractive values without trying to ‘fix’ or help anyone. A simple story about how you came to believe a certain way is a great start.
Show your partner that you believe in him or her. Tell your partner that you support him or her and that you have the confidence that he/she will get through whatever problem they’re dealing with.
Then go back to doing your own thing. Don’t feel like you’re responsible for your partner – you’re not. And that is sexy because your partner has most likely had people trying to help him or her their entire life (because they’re hot).
6. People with BPD Are Unpredictable And Often Exciting
And this is why we become addicted to people with BPD. But it’s not the BPD that we’re really attracted to; it’s the unpredictability. It’s never knowing what’s going to happen next. It’s literally like a drug.
If your partner is in a great mood, it’s like you’re getting a great high unexpectedly. It’s this flurry of emotions that drives you up and down. And even though it’s painful at times, you’re addicted to the good and you want it badly.
I’ve personally developed my own aura of unpredictability and mysteriousness because I know how attractive it is to people. Men and women in general simply want to know what they don’t know.
It’s why TV shows always end their seasons with a cliff hanger. They leave you waiting. They end at a high point. This is why I’ll often times end a date when it’s just getting great.
To be more clear about leaving – I don’t do one on one dinner/happy hour style of dates. I never do these. So let’s just first make that clear. If these are your main style of dates, then I’m not surprised you’re having relationship issues.
What I typically do is I have an hour to spare. Enough time to grab ice cream or tacos or walk around town for a bit. Nothing cray.
After an hour of having fun, I tell her that I got to get going. It’s time for me to take off. Time flies by fast.
I’m leaving at a high point here. I don’t try to kiss her or anything like that. I tell her I had a great time and it’s too bad that I got to cut it short.
It’s a different style than what most guys are trying to do (which is get sex through alcohol). After a few dates of doing this, feelings just organically develop. Give it a try.
The opposite of being unpredictable is you always bending over backwards, always going with the flow, being passive and living in fear of what to do next. It’s this common, predictability that is a major turn off.
At the same time, understand that abuse of any kind is never excusable. You must be willing to walk out the door when your partner is just not having a good day.
But the most powerful thing you can do is leave at high points. Leave when everything is great. Don’t milk it like so many people do. Get your partner thinking about you and wondering what you’re up to. Be mysterious.
Because I’ve taught myself how to date all sorts of women, I personally like dating highly emotional, independent, driven women. It really requires a completely different knowledge of the game and skillsets, which is what I teach.
These relationships are not easy.
And it’s not your responsible to make it easy.
You need to understand that BPD relationships are different.
They aren’t your common, cliche hang out on the couch everyday and cuddle.
But even those ‘common’ relationships usually end in divorce.
The key is to be different. That’s really the key and it doesn’t matter who you’re dating.
All of the truly healthy, long-lasting relationships I see are of two people who are both different in their own ways.
BPD is a lot more common than you think. My theory is that 1 in 5 people have it.
Which is why studies are coming out saying that BPD might not even be a real illness – it’s just a change in the personalities of our current society.
That’s a big key and it’s tough to understand.
Think Harvey Specter from Suits. The dude just loves himself and you know that even a BPD woman would become a sweet, sweet girl with him.
Want to become your own fun, awesome character that even people with BPD can’t resist?
Then check this out: