Facebook and I have always had an interesting relationship. I’ve never been a fan of being “Facebook official” and as a result, I’ve had women get upset with me over that.
It’s completely irrational and petty, but it simply is what it is.
Facebook is here to stay. And I’m pretty sure relationships will be here at least for a while, right?
Therefore, in this post I’m going to answer a long email I got from a reader asking advice about Facebook relationships.
Here we go!
QUESTION: “I read your quick cheat guide and I see so many issues, and I would like to have a relationship with my husband. He wants to work things out again.
We have been together for 3 years and he often gets angry (which he easily does, he blocks me on facebook and friends ex girlfriends). He has done this twice and we have split three times, the last time resulting in a divorce.
The last time we split he did not talk to other girls, and things were going well, but I could never stop waiting for the other shoe to drop. I used a fight as an opportunity to end things.
Since that time I have dated others and no one seems to fit the same way. It makes me appreciate that while it was dysfunctional, it was a good fit for me in many ways.
He has contacted me and wants to get back together, and we had a couple of dates, and he has asked me not to date other men and for us to be exclusive.
Right after that what popped into my head was that I wanted him to unblock
and friend me on facebook. I read your cheat sheet and saw I should stop being too nice. So I thought I’m just going to point blank and matter of fact ask him to unblock and refriend me.
But then I read the rest of your tips and it says to draw him near to me. So in a relationship with someone I have not split up and been married to I would never ask for facebook rights. But I sure as heck would be facebook recognized by the time we were exclusive.
So I feel the request is appropriate as he wants to be exclusive and serious. How do I know when its appropriate to make requests like that? When is it going against drawing him in and letting the relationship progress organically?
This is just an example, but I do struggle with instinctively knowing how
to handle these situations.
Thanks for your help!
ANSWER: Oh yay, drama over Fakebook. This will be good ;)
In all seriousness, I think all forms of Facebook drama is petty in nature #FirstWorldProblems
You know your relationship is in the poopoo den when your biggest issue is over Facebook.
Don’t get me wrong… him blocking you and adding his ex-girlfriends is reeeallllyyy stupid of him to do.
It doesn’t get any more petty than that.
But at the same time, my advice for men and women these days is to not take social media seriously.
Don’t make it an important part of your life like most people do.
In Episode 5 of my Relationship Academy podcast, I talk all about social media and I teach you how to use it effectively for relationships. Check it out if you haven’t done so yet.
Generally speaking… my advice is to not make Facebook and social media a big deal.
It’s just something that you should have fun with from time to time.
I don’t even have the Facebook app installed on my phone anymore. I log in once a day (or less) and check things out when I’m bored.
Maybe I troll a Bernie Sanders lover here and there, maybe I make fun of hipsters.
Either way, I use Facebook for my OWN enjoyment, and NOT for the enjoyment of getting Likes or whatever.
It’s all about me displaying what I like and my own lifestyle.
And since I make myself attractive and live an attractive lifestyle, I do tend to get people interested in me through social media alone.
But that’s a topic for another day. And I still highly suggest you don’t take social media seriously.
While social media is here to stay, understand that people who take it too seriously are people that usually have deeper issues…
They obviously crave attention.
They tend to be petty/shallow.
Their emotional state is based on how many likes and comments they get.
I simply post things I enjoy. I post often when I travel, and much less when I’m not.
And when it comes to relationships, I really could care less whether I’m ‘facebook official’ or not.
I actually don’t have my profile list anything under relationships. I disabled that part many years ago.
That’s how I would approach the situation. Have the attitude of ‘Hey if you want to unblock me for the 3rd time, then go for it. I really could care less at this point.’
Anyway, you can get plenty more details about the affects of social media on relationships (and much more) in my Relationship Academy.
More details here: