I can’t stand online dating. It’s can be an absolute shit show. Especially in today’s crazy world of dating and relationships.
But, I also know how addicting it can be to swipe left and right hoping to match with someone who seems to be your specific type.
As a man who played the online dating game in big cities for years, it can be like a drug that you just can’t free yourself from.
There was a period in my life where I was meeting 3-4 women (or more) every single week from Tinder and other various dating sites.
I probably met 100 women in a 12 month period. These are pretty insane numbers for an average looking man.
Wondering how I’ve gotten so much experience in such a short amount of time? This is how. I have dated nearly every type of woman out there.
I’ve seen it all. I can spot a toxic woman from a mile away at this point in my life.
A couple of years ago, I quit online dating for good and I no longer meet women from the internet. I enjoy being single more than ever and will only consider dating a woman that I meet in person.
Even when I was doing the online dating thing, I still had the best relationships from meeting women at events or parties or even a bar when I’m out with friends.
I don’t frequent bars often at all, but they are still better than online dates when it comes to actual relationship material. There’s nothing better than in-person chemistry and you can quickly figure out if this person is legit or not.
Out of the 100+ women I’ve met from dating apps, I can confidently say that 90 of them had some sort of issue at the time going on in her life or head that ruined any chance of a relationship.
The other 10 were relatively normal and we dated for a period of time. Some of these women are still a part of my life and we’re good friends.
But, I can confidently say that 90% of the women on dating apps are still in love with an ex. They shouldn’t be on these apps meeting men at all, but we know that’ll never happen.
Most Women On Dating Apps Aren’t Ready For You
Most women on dating apps have no intention of getting serious with you. They still have the hope that the mean ex boyfriend will call her up and invite her over for some rough makeup sex.
Until then, she’ll swipe right on you, meet you out for a drink, enjoy a free dinner, sleep with you, and then forget about you.
According to this recent study, a third of women use online dating to get a free meal.
For me, this isn’t really a big deal because I don’t mind paying for food with someone enjoyable (I’ll always make her split the bill if we have zero chemistry though).
There have been dates when I’ve said with no shame, “I don’t see this going anywhere so let’s split the bill and get out of here.” To no one’s surprise, the women I said this to continued to pursue me over text and try to get another date.
Anyway, most of your “relationships” from the internet will end as quick as they began. Like I said above, most women are just waiting for that ex to hit her up again.
She might date you and sleep with you several times, but once that text from the bad boy ex boyfriend hits her phone, she’ll never even think about you again.
There have been women I’ve dated who I gave multiple orgasms to in one night, only to never hear from her again because the ex came back into her life.
I would fall into the trap that “I did something wrong” only to hear from her later with an apology and how she got back with her ex boyfriend, only to break up again and invite me out for drinks.
The point is that you can’t be hard on yourself if your internet “girlfriend” goes suddenly cold over night. You never know what she’s really hiding from you, and it doesn’t really matter.
Stop Blaming Yourself For Her Failures
This used to bother me a lot when I was new to the online dating thing. Why are these seemingly interested women sleeping with me and then ghosting me the very next day? I thought we had an amazing night! She had several orgasms! What the hell?
If you’ve had these thoughts, then I’m sure you know how frustrating it can be. It’s why online dating can be so damaging to your mind if you’re new to the game.
Make no mistake about it: online dating is a completely different world than dating someone from real life. I’ve never been ghosted by anyone that I met at a bar or party or event or wherever.
It’s ONLY the online women that have the habit of ghosting.
Here’s what you need to remind yourself over and over: You didn’t do anything wrong. Stop beating yourself up. You don’t really know this woman and what her current relationship situation truly is.
It doesn’t matter how good you were in bed. One night of great sex isn’t enough to make her forget about that ex who had many nights with her.
If you’re getting ghosted after hooking up with your date, then she simply isn’t ready for anything more than a one night stand, despite what she may have told you.
There’s still an ex boyfriend that occupies her mind living rent free in her head, and she is using you as a distraction to escape from that pain.
To be fair, men do this as well. But, men get over an ex far easier than women. All it takes is for a man to meet a new woman who’s just as hot as his last girlfriend. He’ll be over her before the first drink is polished off.
If women don’t seem to make any sense to you, which is the case for 99% of men, then let that truth be your first insight into the way a woman’s mind works.
It’s why you can never convince a woman to want you. Forcing her to try to love you will always backfire. Trying to lock her down into being your girlfriend will only push her away.
Making Online Dating Work For You
This is why the men who have the most success with women and online dating are often the men who “do nothing.” By doing less, you’re actually doing more. This is because you allow the woman to come to you on her own terms.
If the ex comes back into her life, then it’s over and you can forget about her. She’ll never call you again. But, if the ex never reaches out to her, then your chances are better. All you gotta do is NOT make stupid common mistakes that all the other guys trying to date her are making.
This fact is VERY important for the first several weeks of dating. I’m talking about the first 6-8 weeks, and sometimes more.
Most likely 12-16 weeks if you met your partner online.
Online dating will always be an uphill battle for you as a man. It’s just how it is. Even if you’re 6’2 and really good looking, you’ll have difficulty getting into any sort of healthy relationship.
If you’re not attractive at all, then online dating just won’t work. Don’t waste your time. You’ll only match with women who are desperate and willing to look past your appearance for a one night stand.
It’s always better to meet people out in the real world who aren’t using the internet for some quick action. You can let your personality shine and develop a meaningful connection that you can’t get from the internet.
A harsh experience that many men get from online dating is when they’re a woman they’ve been dating for several months suddenly goes cold out of the blue.
You later learn that her ex suddenly came back into her life. She dropped you like she never even knew you. In her mind, you’re “just that guy she met online” and cutting you off takes zero effort from her part.
I’ve gotten countless emails from people over the years who’s girlfriend they met online ghosted them after a couple of months simply because the ex showed up again.
It really sucks, but that’s what you’re signing up for when you want to date strangers from the internet that have zero connection to you in anyway.
When you meet and date people in person, especially if it’s through social circles, you already may have several connections in terms of friends and colleagues.
Dating someone from the internet gives you none of that. Cutting you off overnight creates zero drama in her life because you’re not a part of any of her social circles.
Never Take Online Dating Seriously. Just Have Fun With It
For the reasons mentioned above, you should never use online dating in a serious manner. The people who struggle with dating are those who take it too seriously.
As I said above, 90% of the women you’ll meet online are still hung up from a previous relationship (or still actually in a relationship).
If you pay close attention, they’ll almost always talk about the ex in some way or another in the middle of the date.
You should expect it. I remember this one girl said how my hat reminded her of the “douchie” hats that this guy “she went out with once” had worn.
This is called a red flag. If you want to have success with women in general, you need to pick up on these clues because if a girl (or guy) even mentions another guy, or an ex, or a previous relationship on the first few dates…
Then they are clearly not over the ex.
She might try to fool you and talk about a relationship from “years ago.” Dozens of women have said something like this to me:
“Oh yeah my boyfriend from a few years back would wear shirts like that.”
So me wearing a random t-shirt reminded me of her boyfriend from 3 years ago?
ALERT ALERT ALERT
What she’s really talking about is her ex boyfriend that just dumped her 2 days ago. Or in some cases, they aren’t even broken up! They could have had a fight the day before and she installed the app just a few hours ago.
Thus the importance of understanding women and why you need to be actively listening for these clues…
With the ease of access to online dating, a woman could have a fight with her man and be installing a dating app 10 minutes later (dem emotions).
She meets you, you have a great night, and then ghosts you a few days later when her and her boyfriend makeup.
This happens ALL THE DAMN TIME, lol. Way more than I wish were true. This is the society we now live in and this behavior is actually encouraged.
So, you can’t go into online dating as something to be taken seriously. It’s really the last thing you should be expecting to find. Zero expectations is the goal.
If you’re using dating apps to find yourself a serious relationship, you’ve been warned.
Like I said, even if you’re 3 months strong, don’t be surprised if your partner suddenly goes cold because an ex showed up.
This happens way more than it should, and it’s sad.
Snowflakes get upset at me for saying this, but the best thing to do is to assume everyone you’ll meet has BPD of some sort. Just assume that everyone you meet is in some crazy mental state and shouldn’t be taken seriously.
This attitude will help you stay fun and positive and non-needy. This is exactly the attitude you need to succeed.
Even if they don’t actually have BPD, you’ll experience very similar inconsistent, hot/cold behavior due to the raw emotions from a recent breakup.
Expect random weeks of hot/cold treatment. Expect great sex one night, and then ghosting the next day.
It’s an up and down struggle that will cause your head to spin if you know nothing about the way women are. Online dating encourages emotionally-broken women to find a distraction.
What are your experiences with online dating? Have you found a great relationship? Have you experienced the craziness that I wrote about? Share your story below.