I’m not afraid to claim to be an expert in the topics I write. I’ve studied the greatest minds when it comes to communication, personality disorders, and relationships. I’ve had 6 relationships with what I would consider to be highly emotional, BPD women. I had relationship-killing Codependency for much of my dating life.
My writings comes from these experiences, as well as the experiences from helping thousands of men and women over the years. That’s what I create my courses from. I’ve learned a lot from 10+ years of experience.
I don’t claim to know everything. I still have a lot to learn, as does everybody. I’m proud of the work I’ve done over the years and no amount of censorship (which has been a huge problem this year) will slow me down.
This page contains unsolicited testimonials and user reviews from men and women who value my work.
For obvious reasons, names have been removed. If you’re dealing with some serious issues, please seek help from a mental health professional.
Also, many of these unsolicited testimonials come from people responding to emails I regularly send out. Sign up here if you’d like to join the party.
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Dear Rick,
I just want to tell you something: I love your emails! :)
Yes, there was a time that you *really *got on my nerves. And I mean *really! *Your way of writing is sometimes quite irritating, especially when I had been feeling low myself.
But I never unsubscribed because there’s something really attractive and authentic in your posts, so even when you kind of piss me off (which hasn’t happened recently anyway, plus I’m in a great place with myself) I do stay curious to read your next email and find your advice valuable.
And I find you very cool and bold, especially the fact that you provide free and good value content, and that you openly admit that you’re no mental health professional and yet preach what works for you.
I really like the points you make about focusing on ourselves first, and on changing dysfunctional and self-sabotaging mindsets.
I only object to your battle against *neediness*- yes I totally agree it is not attractive, but sometimes you make it sound as if any attempt or move to express emotions, do nice things for a partner or show them how much they mean to you, is considered needy and should be avoided.
I believe in *vulnerability *and owing up to our emotions, so I would love to read something on vulnerability from you, or at least hear your point of view on it.
Keep it up!
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Rick,
I am one of the BPD success stories. I’m making it work…. 3 years and counting. This journey is actually making me stronger than any “normal” relationship; I’m convinced. This is all thanks to people like yourself who share the wealth of knowledge about BPD and relationships. I’ve been lied to, cheated on, and abused; but instead of whining and living through my own ego; I upped my game and didn’t take it personal. I now have a beautiful relationship with a gorgeous young woman and am happier than ever. The intensity of BPD emotions can be channeled, and used to achieve greater heights. Thank you and have a beautiful journey.
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I gotta say this stuff is crazy interesting. I’m currently talking to a few women and seems like they are on the same cycle, cycle meaning hot and heavy then kinda cold at the same time. I don’t get stressed when one or more of them is cold. I actually need the break. So this newest chick is testing left and right she will call or contact me heavily and drop off with no contact for a bit. She gets turned on when I don’t pursue her cause I’m busy. Not sure why she’s been asking me for advise on pretty heavy topics, I’ve only known her a few weeks. I told her I don’t give advice but can only tell her my life experience in similar situations. Anyway your training is fantastic, I’m 45 years old and have all types of women hitting on me constantly. Thanks for the help. Continue the great work.
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I recently endured a really tough breakup with my BPD-girlfriend and of course I have spent a lot of time trying to figure out what went wrong since I was in fact blindsided. I stumbled across your blog today and it really shed some light on the situation for me and has ultimately led to an internal sense of peace. It has also allowed me to realize that I have my own issues to work through as well. I wanted to shoot you a quick email just to let you know how much your blog is appreciated– especially by me.
Thank you!
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Hey Rick,
Thanks to your codependency course I have learned from past mistakes and actually stopped a downward spiral in a relationship and got her respect back. It’s the first time I’ve ever had a relationship heading in the wrong direction and been able to turn it around. I totally owe it to your courses.
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Hi Rick
This story reminds me of a client who went “crazy” this week. When I side stepped her drama I asked her what it was that she was wanting. She couldn’t answer. I refused to meet with her and instead met with her husband. During the meeting it was determined that there was no issue at all. I’m not into drama and I refuse to succumb to it and the anxiety it brings.
Awesome stuff.
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Everything you say makes so much sense and I have been using your techniques for almost two years now. My relationship with my BPD husband has done a 360 degree turn around and is the best it has ever been. Who knew walking away instead of begging and apologizing for something I didn’t do would make thanks better. At first I thought he would leave for sure, but soon he was chasing me down. Almost two years later I walk away from every fight and he always comes to me apologizing for his idiocy. Some days are harder than others (sometimes I want to leave him for good) but the good days are plentiful. I don’t know what I would have done without your emails. I always knew I was codependent but didn’t know how to change. I wanted to fix everything. Now I just excuse myself from the situations and they fix themselves. Your emails are not only relationship saving, but life changing. I finally feel sane and free. Thank you truly. You are like my own personal angel on my shoulder. I hope all your kindness towards helping people is returned to you 1000 times over.
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Your courses are changing my life. I wish I had stumbled across this years earlier to avoid heart ache but feel proud of myself for getting to this point of self awareness and accountability. In just a week of studying these courses i’m Already feeling a huge shift in mindset. I feel free. Thank you.
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Hey Rick, I have been getting a lot out of your membership and it has improved me and my relationship a lot. My GF just moved in with me which seems to have made the acting out worse. She takes offence too and picks fights over everything – can’t go 3 days without major drama. This occurs mostly at times when we are about to go somewhere to meet people and it is harder to walk away. But where I am struggling is when I tell her no, to cut it out or I respect myself and walk away she comes at me very upset and says she doesn’t understand what she has done wrong. If she would stay crazy and confrontational it would nearly be easier but she crys that I don’t care, or pleads complete ignorance and says I’m bullying her! Any advice on taking the wind out of her sails on that one would be greatly appreciated.
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There’s almost something hilarious to me in this thinking back on my most recent and a couple older relationships. When I had the 80/20 going strong and was willing to “call out” my partner from a place of being centered in myself, my girlfriend’s always appreciated and aligned with me. They also kept testing and what I saw was that eventually my codependent side would start to emerge and I’d get reactive to the tests and push them away and pull them close and eventually it would end more or less badly especially if they were unstable emotionally cause they jump into something else in almost a crazy fashion. What’s hilarious to me is that my codependency felt like what a healthy relationship was supposed to be about as this modeled how I saw my old man and mother I’ve the years. My Independence and centeredness was actually the real base and from there just develop some more confident partnering and move out of those codependent modes. Right now, I’ve taken a step back to break from the family model– needed a new clear model. So that’s why I’m here. I should add… I can see that my 80/20 and the boundary there actually was uncomfortable for my girlfriend’s at time and so their testing got stronger because of their own codependent patterns. Because I wasn’t clear and didn’t realize my family models, eventually I got worn down as I started to expect my partners to show up in a different way and, finally, started to compromise or try to fix them or, in general, was not willing to just let them go. As I re-center in all this , interested to learn how that Independence and emotional self reliance that I feel strongly when solo stays active in a relationship.
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Hi Rick,
Your newsletters and web content are continually amazing because they’ve changed my long term relationship and overall wellbeing. With time I keep saying your work changed my life because your work works over time. Things are just much better because of your work. Thank you.
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Holy sh**. I have been banging my head against the wall trying to navigate my life with my bp wife…have lived in her rage, control, manipulation, catch-22’s, “keep your distance a little closers” and the whole nine yards…As I began reading your website and philosophy I felt hope flood me as I simply owned the fact that I LET THIS SHIT HAPPEN FOR 11 FREAKIN years! I’m starting with the co-dependency stuff but also passing tests etc… I’m having a blast owning my shit-I feel so free! I don’t have to worry about all her bpd behaviors-they’ll keep on truckin, but I’m fine either way. I love her, want her, but don’t NEED her. I’m no longer trying to rationalize with the irrational…you get it…I’ve basically seduced her to her bewilderment a couple times in fun ways and way more confident since I don’t care if she rejects me, etc…she totally dug it. This is a critical disruption to the normal pushover bitch I have been! tomorrow she will say, a little pouty, “I wanted to have sex last night…” Any ideas for responses? I wanna be like, “yeah? I wanted a ‘65 Mustang, but…I didn’t tell you, so how could you have known?” I respect and deeply love her and want to respond effectively. She insisted that I stop thinking she has BPD😐 I told her that is beside the point! Her telling me what to think or not is completely out of “your control and is you putting your cup out for me to fill (as I have done for too long)…” It worked slowly and is certainly a new approach for me-speak truth and rock on whether she sees it or cared at all. Basically said I care what you think to the extent that it’s from you and I love you, but I really don’t care about your approval or permission for anything anymore, and, I don’t and I’m feeling more free to be me AND to love her AS SHE IS and stay in my own freakin lane…
Thank you from a rookie. It’s only going to get better. Thank you thank you! Peace
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Well I’m currently really happy being without a girlfriend… which coincidently… means that more girls want to date me or be around me. I’m dating and having fun, working out more, but have a list of core values in my head, and if they don’t meet them…. “NEXT!” (No matter how hot) I’m looking for quality individuals that will enhance my life.
Your teachings have taught me to be honest and true to myself. Women want to know why I’m not chasing them…then seem intrigued and eventually ask me out.
Problem is (not really a problem) if I’ do break it off, they press even harder to be with me, no matter how honest I’ve been with them. What is sad is when you tell someone you don’t want them, and then they want you more. Low self esteem.
Confidence and being ok being with oneself, is the key.
Thanks as always!!!
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Anyone whether male or female can benefit a huge deal from these traits. I’ve been doing them for years. Read the book too. These traits are like reins; if you happen to slack on them just pull them in tighter and you’re on track again. Goodness I also use it in my business. My clients don’t want to leave even when I care less. I’m straight up with my clients and my clients trust me more and more. They can stop listening to your advice but I’m sticking to it.
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Hey Rick
Yes I can always count on you to give us ‘the facts.’ Those traits are MAJOR but we cannot get there from here. Let’s be frank … I’m in my late 40’s and I’m in it for a great mind blowing shag. The rest is being in the moment and having fun with each other. On second thought those traits sound boring as hell. I’m not looking for a husband lol. Live in the moment and just enjoy the other person.
I’m not in it for what men can offer me. I follow the Rick rules. I keep improving myself, take no shit, be the boss and the rest is fun. I’ve been doing these and the man in my life doesn’t want to leave. Plus he is improving himself all by himself and for himself. The rest comes naturally.
Those traits are too much admin anyway.
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I’ve been on your website for a couple years now. Honestly I don’t believe I’d be alive if I hadn’t found it. But that’s off subject, I’ve got a few general and specific questions. First, I’ve heard a few book suggestions in your podcasts and emails and knowing how much you talk about the importance of reading was wondering if you could make a tab in the academy of books that are important to you personally, no explanation needed other than the name and knowing they are there for a reason. Second along the same lines, I was wondering of all the books you’ve read so far in your life, what is the most influential, thought provoking, and even possibly life changing book you’ve read?
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I appreciate your emails man. I work 70 hours a week, a job I love. And your work lifts me to new heights.
I am a healing codependent. It boils down to this: as strong as I am physically, I’m a wussy little boy when I’m emotionally invested in a female. I’m a doormat on sale at the local Walmart. I get on my knees and ask: please your Heiness, may you make me happy. And I was miserable inside all along. I’m 40 now.
That’s the tip of a huge iceberg bud. May I thank you personally for participating in opening my eyes. Came across your work cause I had a BDP, widowed, PTSD, depressed girlfriend from Ukraine. I’m Canadian.
Yours truly,
A no more White Knight no more mr nice guy no more codependent MAN.
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Yeah, I’m on chapter three of the Co-dependancy course now, gotta say Rick, so far the content is fantastic. Your material is so engaging, thoughtful and knowledgeable. Can’t believe I’ve gotten all this for £16!!! I’m feeling so much more positive already and I only discovered you a week ago. I’m amazed that I’ve had life coaching and therapy over the years and no one ever picked up on me being BPD and co-dependant. I truly believe mastering my emotions and being armed with all this understanding is going to lead me to great success. Thanks again. Karen :D
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Rick this is so true. I dated this kind of woman for 3 years. She broke me down. I went from being successful to the verge of bankruptcy. And then she left for a loser. I in then worked on myself reading your stuff and taking life skills classes. I went from weak and insecure to loving myself again. Just bought a house and own a very successful business. Actually i made my business that was failing the number one bar in town!! Her leaving was the best thing for me. Thank you!! I’m not in any hurry to date again. But I do have some very nice women friends that have their shit together!!! And that’s all I need now. Life is great. You do in fact attract what you project. I won’t settle again. It’s me first healthy cause if you aren’t healthy you aren’t any good for anyone. Thanks again bud.
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This is legit rick!! I appreciate you sharing this, I like reading stuff like this. Even though this article isn’t about codependency It still helps keeps me stay grounded on my recovery from codependency. I’ve worked hard on installing your core values in my life and I feel a difference. Just reading this article is so much easier to comprehend. Before I even signed up for the academy I would’ve been lost and in denial reading this. Thank you for doing what you do
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Dude, I got “poached” a few days ago. I had a few days off in Toronto before heading to Europe on tour. I was strolling through Kensington Market, which, on certain Sundays, is the place to be. I was “exploring.” I walked into a shop near all of the MLK, Malcolm X and Rasta cultural offerings that sold “black soap.” I asked what it was. There were two people working there. An older guy and a very attractive woman. She came up to me, explained the soap. She gave me a flyer about how good it was, all ingredients are from Africa, etc. she gave me a flyer. i said thanks but didn’t buy, and left.
I walked around the area which was very much alive and vibrant. I posted some photos on IG, filmed a woman’s percussion and drum corp which was amazing, and then I left. As i approached the lip of the community and was about to exit, I heard someone from behind me. It was the woman who tried to sell me the soap earlier. “Don’t i know you,” she asked. “You look familiar. I think i know you.”
She nervously rambled incoherently for a minute, trying to drum up some excuses about how she knew me from before. I said to her, “I was in your shop 20 minutes ago. Do you want to go have a drink, some coffee, tea, or something like that,“ I asked her. “Sure,” she replied. Long story short, we ended up spending the next two days together. Her family is from Trinidad and Tabago, she grew up in Toronto, but also has a “friend“ who lives 5 miles from where I live in California and is there often.
Yesterday, while having a beer in downtown TO at a dive bar that my friend likes (he is one of the producer/DJs on deadmau5’s mau5trap label), she was there with us. He asked us, “how do you meet?“
My point is, life just gets more and more amazing every day. Putting myself first is the best thing I’ve ever done, and I owe that to you and your teachings. And my book is finished, but for me, the hardest part is changing all of the names so that none of the 30 women will be recognized! And better yet, I keep meeting more.
So just so you know, I’m still on the case. Quite happily.
Thanks Rick.
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Exactly! When women are legitimately being bitchy, or are going out of their way to actually be mean, these “nice guys” think they need to fix this problem by being nicer and giving her more love. This is not true.
YOU NEED TO REACT TO WHAT SHE IS GIVING YOU LIKE A NORMAL PERSON!
Why the fuck would you treat her nicer than usual if she’s being mean to you? It’s not natural. If she’s being legit bitchy to you, you leave her behind for the time being! If she’s being really nice and is showing love, you show her love! Don’t be a pussy, stand up for yourself. If it’s too bad in the relationship then don’t be afraid to let her go.
Thanks rick for pointing me in the right direction, your advice has made me into what I am today. I’m 16 years old and I already know these things. I am like a fountain of knowledge to my friends lmao
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Hi Rick,
Just want to thank you. Ive been listening and reading your articles and podcast for about 4 months now. And wow I can see an improvement in myself. I don’t have a girlfriend right now. but honestly I’m not worried about dating right now. Overcoming codependency is my top priority right now, it’s an everyday struggle though. And it’s something I’ll have to work on for a while I think. But when I first listened to you I was in bad shape. horrible diet, out of shape didn’t really care about my appearance to much. I was more focused on what my girlfriend needed. When I listened to your relationship trifecta podcast the physicality one really hit me hard. I got inspired by what you were saying and really worked hard on my physical appearance and my diet. I was 240lbs when I first listened to the podcast and today is the first time in a long time that I’ve seen the scale read under 200lbs. I’m currently 195lbs and I have you to thank for that. This diet I’m on is now a lifestyle, it’s a part of me and I feel so much better about myself than I did a few months ago. Thanks again! Keep inspiring people like me.
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Hey Rick! I emailed you early this year with a story you shared on your newsletter. It was when I broke up with my gf and it ended up making her realize some of the behaviors she had been showing all along that led to it.
Just wanted to let you know that we’re doing great! She can get randomly emotional at times, but I’m very rational by nature so as long as I’m patient through the chaos, she always comes around to see the logic behind my decisions. (The ones that make her react in an emotional way). We’ve been dating for over 3 years now and I plan on marrying her in the future. I’ve been dating her (and reading your blogs/newsletters) since I was 16. Just goes to show that the information isn’t locked by age or time. Thanks again for your straightforward, logical approach to things.
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What’s up Rick? I just want to say that everything I’ve read and learned from you worked. The weak suck that called you a hack probably can’t get a woman to smile at him and he’s bitter. Some guys are just assholes born that way. Keep up the good work Rick. When I started reading your emails my chick was out of control and left me in July last year. She’s back now after I put some of your advice to work and it’s better than ever. You’re the man. Thanks bud.
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Rick,
I certainly love being a member of your Academy. I went from being on top of the world in the dating realm, having total confidence and almost always dating who I wanted when I wanted. I then married a Borderline. I became very codependent, but did not know what was going on until I joined your Academy. It has helped me tremendously.
Now on to Mr. Bitter Troll. I love your response to him. I personally dropped out of college because I realized they were teaching me how to work for somebody else, not how to make money. I was raised poor and did not want to work for other people. I put my neck on the line and formed my own company. I am an investor and love to teach people to do what I do. I have personally made over a million dollars a year for many years now. I am in my mid 40’s and love sharing that knowledge with others.
I am constantly scrutinized for teaching such yet I don’t have a degree. My response is usually, “If you’d like to be taught by somebody who does not know how to make a lot of money, then go to college and learn from a professor”. I have many successful “students” who have learned from me and many testimonials from them.
I love the scrutiny from the jealous people who just get by in life, don’t take risks, yet complain about their current conditions, while at the same time blaming everything and everybody but themselves. If nobody is criticizing what you do, then you are not accomplishing anything.
Please keep up the good work. I love your thoughts, advice, and candor. Please don’t go and get certified. Then you’ll be status quo, and your advice will be like everybody else’s. If everybody else’s advice worked, there wouldn’t be so many screwed up relationships.
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Just want to give you props. I’ve been with a borderline (my wife) for ten years (married 2). I only recently found out. I always knew she was crazy but admittedly I like difficult women. Needless to say it explained a lot. So all of your courses are all hitting home for me. Just wanted to say thanks. I’ts hard to get clarity on this topic these days. I’m a busy guy running a modest sized company, and recently started getting the crazy side of her due to my not being attentive for some time. A bit of it way out of line, and acting out. But some not out of line. A man should own his faults after all. It woke me up. She needed the “chaos”, and unknowingly it was something I really needed to. I started making big changes for myself and for her. Now after listening to more and more podcasts I’m honing in on what to do more of and what to do much less of.
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I love your straight forward no bullshit approach… fuck anyone who’s offended by the truth you speak they must be weak. I just want to say i
appreciate all your hard work so keep on keeping on an ill keep reading an listening.
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Rick, Dude–you are ON POINT!!!! I’m currently (partially) coming out of my depression-funk over a woman I was crazy about, but I was too “Gung-Ho” about her which I feel scared her off; she gave me the “we should just be friends cause I recently reconnected with an Ex” text (yes–TEXT!!) So, needless to say I said F**k your friendship and started to get on the road to self healing…..I found that if you focus on yourself and everything you got going on in life and not focus on a woman, the pain will eventually subside….lack of confidence shows whether you intent for it or not (this advice I’ve received from countless blogs I’ve read since my pity party began)…just wanted to give credit when credit is due; worry about other stuff and the women will eventually come (or not, who gives a F**K, as long as I’m happy, that’s the only important thing IMO)….thanks
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Well after listening to every podcast, reading your tips and following your steps I can honestly say I feel like a way better , more secure, confident person. I established boundaries with my ex bpd gf which she broke obviously and I cut her out of my life. Will she try and come back? Who cares to be honest, I feel confident and happy now that I’m working on myself on all levels… who needs crazy ppl anyways? Too much drama and it consumes time better spent elsewhere!! Thanks Rick!
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Hi Rick. I have been in therapy for 2 years and subscribed to your email for a year. I recently subscribed to the academy and love how it has helped me.
I was the typical codependent and weak minded. My wife has anxiety and I would cater to her and bend over backwards for her and her family but she only saw me as selfish when I wanted to do something for myself.
I don’t back down now and I do push back for a good argument. It was your lesson about how not to expect logic because what she will say won’t be logical. It’s so true what you teach because you do have to change your mindset.
She has typical BPD traits and I married her out of love. We don’t have much sex but I’m being patient and working on me and not pushing that either.
I just want to say thanks for what you do because therapy and your academy is helping me in this crazy place we call our world.
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The power of positivity really is. It’s been a while i keep on reading on your newsletters. and It really totally change my mindsets. I am now focusing on my goals. I may not have a girlfriend right now but I am enjoying my 2 business. I hope you will not stop doing sharing your positivity with me Sir Rick.
More powers to you. Thanks.
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I normally wouldn’t sign up for an email list, but after finding you on the internet I couldn’t resist. Just thought I’d thank you, I’m 18 years old and probably shouldn’t be in need of “relationship advice” but i have found myself losing my long term relationship since the beginning of high school and I have been determined to keep it… as corny as that may sound. It’s very hard to deal with a lot of people my age because they are exactly what you say, wittle snowflakes, and crazy liberals. It’s nice to hear someone speak the truth and call these people out because at my age group in schools this is infesting everywhere. Glad I found you and can hope this will change my mindset that I had which caused me to slip my loves interest and it’s been hurting me even though I’m young and I feel like I shouldn’t care. Point is though, keep up the great work and keep focusing on your goals, I’ll be purchasing your podcasts soon!! You deserve it.
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Rick.. Please don’t worry so much about the critical customers… Some people are always criticizing because its so much easier to criticize then to do the work to change their loosing beliefs in life. You have helped me change my life long belief that people can be changed. People can not be changed unless they really want to change. I broke up with my needy girl friend and found a new one who appreciates my strong points as I do hers. I have to read your emails to keep my head straight when it comes to relationships, but its worth it. Keep them coming please sir.
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Hey Sensei Rick. Just thought I found it quite interesting how you handled the shuffling out of people. You practice what you preach and you rocked the boat. You have not given us strength but the ability to build your own strength. So when the boat rocks, you hold on to that which brings you nothing but growth. Thanks for todays email. Great read.
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Your podcast on the friend zone may have been your best effort so far. Your work is getting more nuanced as you go on. Deeper and more subtle. It has helped me a lot. I feel sorry for the poor beta haters who email you. They never learned the adage that “the rich get richer and the poor get poorer,” i.e., the guys with the Attitude have, and will continue to get, all the pussy, while the betas who are supplicating and trying so hard to be “good guys” will continue to get none.
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Keep ’em coming, Rick. Your Blueprint changed my life and a refer folks to you every chance I get. Unsurprisingly, most of them don’t really want to change and take action. So I just keep moving forward. I’m not wasting my time trying to save anyone. I hate a passive mindset. I’m crushing my goals towards a specific ideal self and just getting started.
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Hey Rick. This morning he was sort of pushing me away when we woke up and called me an asshole for taking up all the space in the bed and I just flipped and started pouting and crying and eventually I left the room to go run errands by myself. When I got back I apologized for being irrational (mistake? I was being irrational) and he was super nice, being very affectionate (and sexual) and then he made me breakfast and rubbed my back and we spent the rest of the day together without incident, and he’s been texting me all night. I don’t understand why I flipped out of nowhere and I feel like I was being rewarded for “bad behavior” but thank you because it took strength to say what I did!
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Hey Rick,
I just wanted to send you a quick message to say thanks for everything you’ve taught me over the past year. I’ve learnt so much about myself, it’s amazing. I related to so many of the issues you write about and by making some simple adjustments in my life I’m now in the strongest mindset I’ve been in in a long time.
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Rick, the fact that you used the word “feminazi” means we are cut from the same cloth! Now I really appreciate what you are saying. The people who are railing on you for your “strong words” are the same people that think the government owes them a living; they’re entitled. They have no clue what it takes to own their own business. I for one have benefited from your pearls of wisdom, as have they. I might just subscribe because I understand how hard it is to learn these life lessons. That has value and isn’t always free. My guess is that the people who expect your wisdom for free are the same people who don’t have the intestinal fortitude to change themselves for the better anyway. So, thank you for your emails. They speak the truth!
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Rick,
Let me first say thank you!! About 2-3 years ago I stumbled upon your webpage. I was off a tough break up and was just completely lost. You and others that I have followed completely changed my life and got me back on track. Now, I was a paying member and I put all your advice to good use. It was like eating when your really hungry except this was food for my brain, I couldn’t get enough. I learned a great deal about myself, codependency issues, lack of love for myself, couldn’t control my emotions. Some of which was passed down from my parents. I took all this amazing info and slowly put it to work, and the results were amazing. I hear what your saying in the last few emails and i laugh. You don’t need me to tell you but for every 10 people that unsubscribe, you help change the lives of a few others. Cut off the fat. Now I don’t pay anymore, but I do love looking at your emails from time to time because they are very useful even though I have my shit figured out. But most importantly, I use them to send to other people who I see going through what I went through. I try to tell them my journey and then show them the way I did it. And hopefully turn them onto you. So again thanks for being there and helping a guy like myself. Your friend, Mike.
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Your comments in bold are the funniest I’ve ever read. Just goes to prove how stupid some humans are. All these retards who send u hate mail have to do is apply your advice n see if it works. But they’re so dumb, even after so much spoon-feeding, they don’t get it. I’ve told u I am BPD right? But much less now that I read all your emails and articles and learnt how to control my own BPD reactions. Amazing to think you not only help their partners but BPDs as well, at least the ones who are smart enough to want to learn how to control their reactions. Lotsa love n hugs always 😍Jenny
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You go rick! thanks for sending out honesty getting ex’s back is bs your so dead on it’s all about working on ourselves. when my ex left he said he didn’t love me enough to spend his life in my weird lifestyle. wow three herniated discs and I watch tv from bed that was his excuse. the truth total borderline narcissist who drained my saving acct and threatened my life twice. well good riddance to toxicity. do you believe it all comes from the way we grew up? I do I dated my mother well now I’m talking to a widower. very nice and going to take my time to see if he has my values and is good enough for me😀keep up the great work
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Hi, Rick. I never thought I’d be writing this email to you. First and foremost, thank you for your help in general. You’ve been an asset in helping me regain my confidence and recognize my self-worth again. That probably has something to do with my ex and I somehow having started talking again, like civil adults. Since my last email to you, I did return the heirloom ring, but to my ex’s father. I would not tolerate my ex’s disrespectful behavior, so I went over his head. His father was kind, listened, and I dealt with that concern directly, as the ring belonged to his father. I would not bend to my ex’s horrible behavior, and I finally decided it was time to return this thing. I heard nothing from the ex after I did this, which was fine with me.
I then addressed the cat issue head on, legally. Part of the paperwork filed went to the vet, and they alerted the ex. I then received an extremely hostile and juvenile text from him about an irrelevant side issue. I ignored it. A week or so after that, I emailed him about the legalities of the Bengal ownership. His response became more human and turned to specific apologies, which I didn’t entirely believe. He spoke about getting together, how much he missed me, thought of me daily, yadda yadda. But I remembered your advice.
He came to me, I was clear on where I stood, my boundaries are firm, and we are both clear that it’s more than a friendship. It’s been a week of several in person discussions, over dinner, intense topics about our relationship status, and some light-hearted, funny topics as well. We laugh and we discuss the hurt too. There is confusion on both our parts about moving forward again. I’m not as sure as I thought I was.
I am the opposite of outwardly needy at this point. We both noticed the communication has changed, but we are both gun-shy. This may amount to a lot of nothing, but it’s a 180 compared to the past ten months. I’m trying to keep my expectations low. I will have to listen to more of your podcasts and fortify myself.
He is not seeing anyone else and his attempts over the last ten months felt “hollow”…his word. I’m hoping that focusing on the present will help, as rehashing the past right now would destroy any chance for a future. So, thanks again. However this ends up, I’m trying to keep your guidance in mind.
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hi Rick,
I’m really thankful for this site it has help me get through the recent breakup I had about 6 months ago. The first 3 months after the breakup I was angry, resentful, blaming her for everything and just overall negative. I was the one that ended the relationship which was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do in my life. The guilt was overwhelming but I had to leave because I felt like I had lost myself, I didn’t know who I was anymore, what I liked, I didn’t know what my next move in life was. And I blamed her for it. Granted she wasn’t perfect at all, she was addicted to drugs and I didn’t find this out towards the end of our relationship.
So for 3 months I was just full of negative emotions until I seen a post on Facebook that talked about codependency and how negative it can be in a relationship, and all the signs sounded like me! I was in denial at first but then researching it more i realized I might actually be codependent. Then I googled codependency and came across your website, and boy was my mind blown when I read and listened to your overcoming codependency course.
Reading it really made me realize what type of man I was, it also made me feel like I was piece of shit and really felt bad for my ex girlfriend. The guilt really hit me hard, I felt like if I would’ve known this a long time ago my life would’ve been so much more care free. It helped more move forward in breakup but also hit me hard with resentment towards myself. But I realized I had to change my mindsets and really work hard on myself! Which I have been doing, but it seems like the harder I work on myself the more I have memories and images and events from my previous relationship constantly popping up in my head. And I just want to move forward but sometimes it just floods my mind. I guess what I feel like I need help with is changing my mindsets the right way because all I can really focus on is my ex and I just want to move past that part of my life. I want to experience how it feels to be independent. To just not give a fuck what anyone thinks about me. Thank You for leading me into the right direction.
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That self doubt and darkness was still there, until Wednesday when my birthday present to myself was printing out the codependency course. I read it and absorbed the whole thing in about 4 hours.
I don’t know why that made it fresh to me but the light just switched back on in my head and the depression turned off instantly. All because I realized that I never put myself first and that I let the opinions of others define me and undermine my confidence and self worth. That was the big secret. It pisses me off that all I needed to figure this out was a fucking printer. Oh well better now than never.
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