I got a great email from a reader who has been obsessing with his ex girlfriend.
He has worked hard to get over her, and finally came to the conclusion that he is suffering from Emotional Addiction.
In other words, he’s addiction to the highs & lows of his ex girlfriend. She has absolute power over him and dictates his feelings 24/7.
Obviously, this is an extremely unhealthy way to live. You cannot have healthy relationships when you’re a slave to your emotions.
Here’s what he had to say to me that helped him overcome his addiction:
Years ago I had a problem with addiction which I overcame with healthy choices.
I just realized my relationship with the BPD ex-girlfriend was EXACTLY like being
addicted to drugs.
1. Great to have around
2. Fun to be with and exciting at the moment. The feeling of euphoria.
3. Always leaves you wanting more
4. The high is short-lived
5. Eventually it turns into regret
6. Unhealthy for the body and mind
7. You kick the habit but the cravings and the temptation always comes back.
8. You never forget about the high but you’ll forget about the Low.
9. You go back to it thinking it will be different.
10. You think you’re in control of it this time
11. The result is always the same
12. Your judgment becomes cloudy.
13. You lose your sense of self
14. You can’t rationalize with it
15. You become addicted again
16. It becomes your dirty secret because your friends and family don’t approve
17. It brings temporary pleasure but always leads to hurt
18. Doesn’t need you and will always find another victim
How to kick the habit:
1. Find yourself
2. Find healthy ways to get that high
3. Lose the dealers number
4. Core values
5. Surround yourself with quality people and lose people that choose unhealthy
If you feel it is worthy I welcome you to share this with your followers. I’m sure
there’s many people that can relate to it.
I hope you don’t mind me reaching out to you like this. Let me know your thoughts. I
would love to share this with her but then again drug dealers never cared.
Of course I don’t mind. The solutions provided are very broad, but the focus should be on what you wrote in the first part about the actual addiction.
And it’s true: when you’re addicted to the highs & lows, you’ll always get strung along.
As a result, you lose sense of yourself and your partner loses attraction for you (even if their behavior is extremely toxic. It is still your fault).
Let’s move on to another interesting story I got for ya…
Caught His Girl In A Big Lie
This is a question I got is from a guy who is wondering what to do about his girlfriend who he caught in a lie.
See if you can relate as this situation tends to be quite common.
I asked my girl about a guy that used to be in her life. I asked if they ever got together and she told me flat out that they never did. That they’ve always been just friends.
Finally, one night she gave in and told me that they had, in fact, hooked up but she didn’t want to make anything awkward since we’re all in the same social circles.
Now I feel stupid and betrayed since the girl I love had lied to me multiple times. Thoughts?
Catching your girl in a lie is one of the worst feelings… Especially when it involves another guy who you’re friends with.
This is when you’ve got to consult your gut. It’s often your best friends in life due to it’s instinctual knowledge of situations.
You’ll be surprised in life how often your gut is actually right. It’s not right all the time, but those gut feelings exist for a reason.
You probably knew something was going on just by observing their behavior together when you were out with the social circle.
Again, it sucks.
But as I have talked about over and over again, women truly live in the moment. They are emotional beings and depending on how she’s feeling in that moment, she’s going to respond accordingly.
In your case, the reason she is lying is because she doesn’t want to “hurt you.”
Typical female bullshit of course, but women are NOT logical. They do things that don’t make sense and you can’t really fault women for this since it’s just how they are…
So understand that it’s not like she planned out this elaborate lie to keep you around.
Or, maybe she did. You’ll never actually know..
Women are insecure. They lie because they don’t want you to judge. And maybe she’s happy being with you.
It’s weakness on her part, but it is what it is.
So, it really all comes down to whether or not you can trust her in a relationship with you going forward.
That’s a choice that only you can make.
Are All Western Women Crazy Nut Jobs?
I’ve been getting more and more awesome emails in the form of questions and success stories.
Keep sending these in as I do respond as long as they’re short. And I love reading the success stories.
Today’s question comes from a man who wants to know my opinion on western women. Take a look:
What you are saying is all US women are this way now so a guy has to learn how to deal with them, right? This is what I hear from my friends that travel overseas…that US women are spoiled bitches and completely worthless compared to women from other countries, especially non westernized ones.
The ones that marry girls from overseas and then bring them here see them ruined in about 5 years. But, I live and work with them all the time so I must learn how to deal with them, survive them and excel in spite of them.
What are your thoughts on this?
Well, I don’t like to look at it as “dealing” with them. It sounds like you’re dealing with a lesser being.
But women are not lesser by any means.
In fact, women are actually the more powerful sex. They are the gatekeepers, after all, and they are the ones who bring life into the world.
When you read a lot of dating forums and blogs, you often hear of these men who talk about how horrible the western woman is.
But the truth is that they’re not horrible — they’re just different in both good ways and bad ways.
They don’t submit and accept themselves as being “lesser” as they did back in the 60’s and earlier when the man was the bread winner.
Feminism has been terrible to women overall, but generally speaking I would argue that women have it WAY easier than men in our current society.
The other truth is that you can’t really get mad at women for being so stand-offish and “bitchy.”
All you have to do is ask an attractive girl to open up her phone and see how many guys have texted her today.
A girl I know who I would consider as just a cute girl showed me how many Facebook and Instagram messages she gets every day.
It was in the dozens.
This is a girl who is just next-door cute. She isn’t a model or anything by any means. But she’s still attractive.
And she’s getting dozens and dozens of messages every single day from thirsty men who want to hit it.
So imagine how many messages the most beautiful women are getting.
It’s easily in the hundreds.
A girl I used to date would get literally hundreds of messages a DAY through her social media channels.
All from dudes trying to spark a conversation with pick up lines, techniques, whatever.
She saw it all.
When a woman deals with this crap on the daily, her natural, GUT reaction is to be very stand offish.
Wouldn’t you be as well? Of course.
It’s like supply and demand. When the demand is super high for your goods, you can sit back like a King and pick and choose whatever you want.
This is how most attractive women are these days. And it’s not their fault.
It’s really all the idiot men out there who are to blame.
This is why, in this day and age, the only men who really get the girls that they want are the men who make themselves into a demand.
It takes much more than learning “game” or “pick-up” or whatever you want to call it.
You’ve got to develop a better body, you’re got to have a mission that you’re pursuing consistently, you’ve got to work hard at being non-needy and your own man.
This means you must be mentally, physically, and emotionally at your peak.
A lot of the success stories I get talk about how my BPD Relationship Blueprint inspired them to lose weight and get in shape.
And I don’t talk about fitness at all! It’s not part of the program.
But when you understand how powerful these mindsets and attitude actually are, you get inspired to just kick ass in all areas of your life.
And people in general respect men who are powerful. And you must build your body to have power (if you’re naturally small like I am).
Keep sending me your stories. They never get old and make for great content for this site.
Brain Blasting Resources That Turn You Inside Out (Ouch)
Let’s continue some “Q&A” action today.
I just wanted to start off by saying that the $50 I spent on your BPD Relationship Blueprint changed my life. My borderline relationship is crazy, I actually think you would find it very interesting and quite amusing. Maybe someday I can get a chance to tell you my story?
Anyway, I was just wondering if you could recommend some books that are similar to the mindset/ideas that you teach. Anything motivational/inspirational/good read!!
I’m glad my program is giving you some awesome insights!
As an official “blueprint” buyer, you are entitled to my personal email address and can share your story with me. That’s one of the benefits of getting my program. So feel free to send it over!
As for the books I read — I read many.
I’m actually standing up next to my bookcase as I type this (I got tired of sitting down, my ass was falling asleep).
Learning is never-ending. If you’re not an active reader, then I highly recommend you make it habit.
There are waaaaay too many people who don’t continue their education on their own time. They cruise through life reading 1 book a year (or less).
I know because I used to be this way. I hated reading after college and didn’t pick up books.
But I learned the hard way. I could have developed my relationship system a lot earlier if I had a desire to learn at a younger age.
A lot of what I teach about BPD and relationships comes from the books I’ve read over the years.
This is why my Blueprint is really a scientific system, instead of just some B.S. new-age theory “books” that are everywhere.
Personally, I can’t stand theory. Most of the forums and blogs you read these days are written by people with an opinion — nothing is founded on science (same with the media and “journalists” now that I think about it).
I just don’t like saying anything that can’t be proven through good old science and experience.
Anyway, to answer your question about the books I’m reading…
I don’t really read self-help videos anymore as they’re all just the same stuff in different words (and I’ve read all the classics).
However, I love biographies because I love reading about people who work hard at their craft and try to be the best.
I recently read Ronda Rousey’s book My Fight/Your Fight and I really enjoyed it. It’s simple, but it’s a lot of good 1-2 page lessons and stories.
Another good book is The War of Art. I often talk about the importance of having purpose and unlocking your creativity. This book is big on that. Definitely check it out if you haven’t read this one.
If you want a real brain buster, then I highly recommend Napoleon Hill’s Outwitting The Devil. This is one of those books that can turn your brain upside down and completely change the way you think about life.
For obvious reasons, I love books that do that. I love having my brain turned inside out.
The more you learn, the more you realize that you really don’t know much at all.
There is so much information out there. And if you’re not careful, you’ll get sucked into crummy knowledge that only makes your brain worse.
So those are 3 good recommendations in 3 different categories.
One is written by a UFC fighter who grew up dirt poor to becoming one of the best in the world.
The 2nd is written by an author who wanted to help people unlock their creativity.
And the 3rd is a book that wasn’t released until 50 years after the author died. It would have been too controversial for the 30’s when he wrote it.
Anyway, I hope you get a lot of value out of those books. It isn’t often that I recommend books. These get the Rick Reynolds seal of Approval.
– Rick Reynolds
What’s up Rick ,
Long time reader of your site , I dated a diagnosed BPD girl 3 years ago which brought me to your website. For the past year and a bit I have been involved with a girl who very much resembles my ex BPD of 3 years ago, but I couldn’t resist. I literally check all 17 boxes of what you listed above about having an ” addiction ” .
Here is the last 4 months or so.. after maybe 2 months ” separated ” after she blocked me off everything and flipped out . I didn’t panic called her one day and it went through .. within a week we met up and had sex etc etc. good times back right!? Sure for a month or so.
She tells me we can’t be together etc etc , next thing I know she’s ” dating ” a guy out of the blue .. here comes the rain on me , ” I don’t argue with him ” , ” it doesn’t matter how long I’ve known him! In a month he’s showed me how serious he is! ” . She essentially begins pitting the guy against me .. how great he is etc… so I continue to communicate with her for a few weeks because it’s apparently a brand new guy – meaning it’s not serious as of yet..
One day out of the blue- maybe 2 weeks later she says ” we can’t talk anymore because of ‘ her new boyfriend ‘ ” I dispute it for 4 or 5 days… I was fairly hurt
now this is where it gets interesting- she tells me ” never to call her again , I’m annoying , why don’t I get it? , I’m gonna change my # etc etc etc. my behavior didn’t warrant her anger or response to me but this mainly leads me to believe she’s BPD ( I really wanted to write you after this but against my judgement, I just let it happen)
3 DAYS LATER!!!! I receive a text saying ” hey ” keep in mind she just yelled at me , screamed at me , threatened to change her number etc etc etc… so I’m like wtf?
I tried asking her ” what changed ? Why are you messaging me” her response was just she missed me? She couldn’t pin point or tell me why she was doing it after being so mean… me being the sucker I am of course takes her back!! Tried to make her work a bit for it.. but I missed her/the “high/good” times and gave into her within a week of texting and face timing , I was ” sucked ” right back in.. thinking ” it’s gonna be different this time” … yeah right haha.
She apologizes for her behavior in person , we eat , have fun , sex etc etc. I forgive her .. I don’t know man , maybe a day later . She’s spazzing on me ” your texting girls in my bed after sex” just outrageous fake claims she was making to push us apart.. I tried showing her my phone but to no avail. 3 days later I’m back at her place.. reason # 20 why I can no longer talk about this girl with my family.. far to unpredictable and none in my family likes it.
So after discarding me , working so hard and apologizing to get in my good graces literally within 2 weeks we were/are ” separated ” again.. why did I think it would end any different??
So then begins a couple weeks of me trying to talk to her .. until yesterday I call she gives me the same exact thing she said several weeks ago ” stop calling , stop texting etc etc” literally same pattern she just did … but get this a dude grabs the phone ” leave her alone ” huh?? Who’s this I ask? Long story short it’s the ex boyfriend from several years ago( he’s known her maybe a year longer then me) ” that guy she no longer talked to ?” The same guy she told me she wouldn’t go back to? Huh? The same person she told me ” if she wanted to be with him she would” this guy is fairly mad.. I assume he knows who I am. Apparently he saw me leave her house one day after a sex filled weekend only a couple weeks ago.
So now to last night .. the last chapter.. I call and talk to her for about 50 mins .. she echoes the same sentiments ” I’m never gonna talk to you again , I’ll never answer your calls, I don’t care about you, I never loved you, I don’t have feelings for you, I love this guy , i don’t love you, let me go and go find someone else, it’s been a month why are you still thinking about me” whatever you can think of she said it. if you re read the story it’s all things she’s already said . Probably the funniest thing about this last interaction- I asked her why she lied about so many things, not talking to the ex , or not liking the etc etc. she said ” I should’ve known ” ahah what? She also said I wasn’t lying I just changed my mind! Anything she lies about isn’t a lie it’s just that she changed her mind … so I say ahh your just saying all this stuff right now you’ll change your mind then… she starts yelling ” Noooo I swear to god I’ll never change my mind about this” alrighty then :). I told her , I enjoyed the fun times etc tried to end the interaction on a positive not that it matters but yeah ..
Sorry for the long ass post man … but that roller coaster is literally just 4 or 5 months . I’ve been pretty hooked for about a year too. What’s your thoughts about her behavior? Or what’s your thoughts about what you read?
Interested to hear your sentiments .
Thanks for reading cheers.
Just let her go man. #1 rule is to not chase women. #2 rule is to not chase women who are dating another man. You need to date women that actually want you or else you’ll always end up in relationships where the girl just isn’t that into you and will leave when a new man pops into her life that she likes more than you…