One second… lemme take a selfie… *click*
Now I BETTER get 150 likes or I’m going to cry myself to sleep!
Anyone who’s dated a social media obsessed guy or girl over the years can relate to how big of a factor Instagram and Snapchat and Twitter are to the relationship.
What makes this an interesting phenomenom is that this wasn’t the case just 5 years ago.
It’s only been the last several years that social media has had such a major impact on the dating game.
Social media is absolutely everywhere. It’s a part of daily living for 99% of millenials and younger because it’s the way people stay connected.
No longer do boys and girls meet up and play, or have group phone calls — it’s now sitting on the couch, snapchatting each other and group texting.
My 10 year old niece has a better iPhone than me. She and her friends snapchat their pre-teen lifestyle. It’s just mind-boggling LOL.
Combine social media with the various personality disorders that exist?
Well, you get a recipe for disaster — a society where nearly everybody has become a self-centered narcissist who lies and fronts on the ‘gram.
Social Media (usually) Hurts Relationships
One of the biggest problems with social media in general is that it encourages people to be fake.
Intead of revealing your actual lifestyle where you’re sitting in front of a laptop 8 hours of the day, people will lie and front and pretend like they’re doing “very interesting things” all the time in order to seem “cool.”
Or, girls will post selfies and videos of them lying in bed “bored” in order to get attention from thirsty guys.
Welcome to social media…
Now, if you and your girlfriend understand this reality, then social media and dating won’t be an issue for you.
But, people generally are insecure. And when you put social media in the hands of someone with a personality disorder like BPD, you can expect the worst.
I once dated a borderline who was obsessed with Twitter. She probably tweeted close to a dozen things per day.
And, because her thoughts were constantly changing at a moment’s notice, you can see how this was an issue for a young, inexperienced guy like myself back then.
I was constantly reading these tweets about how she isn’t “loved enough” or how she’ll “never find someone to love her” or how “she’s a single woman” and so on and so forth.
It’s quite the mind fuck when I would be sitting next to her on the couch, or at dinner with her when she’s tweeting things like that.
Isn’t Being Connected a Good Thing?
Well yes, to an extent. There is a good side to social media despite my criticisms of it.
As with anything in life, there is a balance.
For me, I enjoy social media because I have traveled a lot and experienced many things.
Without social media, I would forget many of these experiences.
I love to scroll through all the different pictures that I’ve taken over the years and remember the good times that were had.
But this is also because I do NOT lie and post a fake lifestyle on my Instagram (also called Fronting).
I simply post the real me and what I’m doing because I enjoy it, and my followers (over 2,000) enjoy it as well.
I’ll post everything from my fashion outfits, to food to travel, music I’m listening to, a movie I watched, what I’m doing in the gym, sports, adventures in the city or the wilderness, art, something funny, etc.
In other words, I’m not a one trick pony — I’m simply showcasing my life because I want to record my life journey.
Here’s the key:
If you’re using social media for anything other than your own enjoyment, you will experience frustrations and insecurity due to the lack of attention or “likes” you’re getting.
There’s nothing worse than being a girl and seeing a guy post a bunch of pics that make it seem like he’s cool — then meeting him and realizing that he’s really just a boring chode.
This actually happens all the time, lol…
Unfortunately, because people with BPD have incredible difficulty controlling emotions, they tend to take this to the next level.
In fact, I would argue that MOST people these days have some sort of BPD and Narcissism. A combination of the two due to social programming.
As a result, you have both men and women living their lives believing that they’re not good enough because “everybody else” is showcasing this “amazing lifestyle” on social media that isn’t actually the reality.
In other words, most people are Fronting.
But, if used correctly, you CAN meet and connect with some amazing people who share the same interests as you.
I have met up with people who follow me in other countries. I have met and dated women through Instagram.
I don’t have that great of a “verbal” game, so I let my lifestyle do much of the work when it comes to meeting and dating women.
After all, the words you say aren’t that important when it comes to developing your overall attractiveness.
However, if you’re a fronting liar, you’ll have difficulties connecting with people because you really don’t know your shit.
Can Relationships Improve With Social Media?
My advice when it comes to relationships and social media?
Don’t be a tweet whore. I don’t care how addicting it is, just lay off the tweeting. Limit yourself to 1-2 per day, max.
As for Instagram, stop posting pictures that really don’t represent who you are as a person. All you’re doing is lying to yourself and your followers.
If you’re a guy who isn’t on social media, but your BPD girlfriend is all over it, just keep things as they are.
Your girl fell for you despite the fact that you don’t use social media.
Therefore, don’t feel the urge that you need to get on it. Don’t let her tempt you into downloading “Snap Chat” or any other platform.
Just keep doing what you’re doing — your girl was initially attracted to you for a reason, so don’t think that you need to change.
Chances are high that guys are sliding into her DM’s, talking about how they want to fuck your girl and so on.
Just let it be. You can’t do anything about that other than becoming some controlling boyfriend who makes her set her profile to private.
Don’t be that guy (because she’ll leave you).
Give your girlfriend the space she needs to accomplish her social media goals (however annoying they may be).
Social media is here to stay and the rapid rise of borderlines and narcissists in our society is a direct result of that.
So do I what I did: learn to deal with it and evolve for the better. These relationships aren’t that difficult when you understand the borderline’s mentality.
Be yourself. And if you don’t really have a lifestyle other than games and cheetos? Well, spend time on building a lifestyle instead of trying to learn how to “get girls.”
“When you ain’t fronting, you ain’t lying. You’re really living the lifestyle that you say you’re living.” – Floyd Mayweather
Neediness Is At An All-Time High
Another extremely common problem that social media has brought to relationships is how needy men have become.
Because they see that their girl is constantly getting “likes” and comments from random dudes on the internet, a lot of men feel threatened.
This causes men to react in a needy way.
They get jealous. They start to feel (more) insecure about the relationship. They start to lose trust in their girl. And so on and so forth.
Throw BPD into the mix? I guarantee you’re going to have a man that’s losing his mind (especially if his girl is beautiful).
I’ve seen it over and over again…
A guy hits me up, asking what he can do about his girl who’s getting hit on all the time.
These men reek with neediness. They feel threatened and feel like if they don’t put an end to the girl’s social media, he’s going to lose the girl for good.
But BPD isn’t the real problem here…
The problem is that EVERY girl on the planet is unattracted to needy men.
Likewise, nearly every girl I’ve known loves attention, lol.
Needy Men Make Women Physically Ill
That is right from the mouth of a woman who reads this blog.
“My issue now is my current boyfriend is very needy and has completely turned me off and turned my anxiety up. The thought of being intimate with him is making me physically ill…”
And she speaks the truth.
Women just don’t like needy men because it sends all the wrong signals of attractiveness.
As a man, if you’re being needy and codependent, you’re going to lose the girl. I promise you.
If you don’t do something about this flaw of yours, you will be in for a lifetime of heartache. This I can guarantee.
I’ve created an entire course about fixing your neediness and becoming more attractive — it’s called Overcoming Codependency, which you can find in my ‘Relationship Academy‘.
Codependency is a serious issue that plagues our society.
In fact, I see it as a much bigger issue than BPD (which is actually a form of codependency).
If you’re afraid to speak up, afraid to be alone, afraid that you’re going to lose your partner — if you’re living in fear, then you’re probably suffering from codependency.
Codependency is a serious mental illness whether you realize it or not.
If you are interested in having a quality, intimate relationship with someone, then you must learn about codependency.
Codependency is the one major issue that keeps men single for a lifetime.
It is responsible for men becoming shut-ins, hating women, being “nice guys”, and sticking to video games rather than developing a lifestyle.
Ask yourself the tough question: am I codependent?
In the words of one of my wisest friends, he says this:
“There’s no room for nice games in the dating game.”
He’s not saying that you can’t be a nice person…
What he means is that guys who are codependent, who chase and are needy, will have a brutal time trying to date and be in relationships with women.
Social media is here to stay. And, that’s not a bad thing if you’re a non-needy, independent individual who doesn’t really care what other people think (and if you’re good at photography, showing your skills is always a plus).
The problem with social media is that if you’re insecure, needy and codependent, your relationship problems are going to be multiplied by social media.
This is especially true if you’re dating a person with BPD.
But, the good news is that you don’t have to join social media if you despise it. In my opinion, most people are better off without it…
One of my friends is dating a model who is all over social media — and my friend is nowhere to be found on it.
He doesn’t use Facebook, he doesn’t have a Twitter or an Instagram.
The relationship works because he’s always been anti-social media from the beginning.
Before they ever got serious, she knew he wanted nothing to do with Instagram, Snapchat and all the rest.
In other words, my friend has been consistent with his beliefs. And, being a consistent individual is one of the most attractive qualities you can have.
Most people are wishy-washy and change their belief systems all the time.
One day they’re anti-Snapchat, the next they’re all over it because their girlfriend told them to get it.
My advice is to just be YOU.
If you hate social media, then don’t get on it just because you think it’s what your girlfriend (or boyfriend) would want you to do…
Just do you.