If you’re single and feeling lonely as of late, take your time to go through this article. Ending the feelings of isolation and depression is an extremely important task for a healthy life.
But, I don’t have to tell you that. You already know that to be true. A lot of depression comes from the fear of being unlovable and alone forever.
That sense of isolation can tear your brain apart and set you on a path of mental destruction. This is especially true if you’ve been single for so long and can’t deal with it.
So, I’m going to do my best to give you some practical tips to help. I’ve had periods where I was single for a couple of years at a time and managed to stay relatively happy the whole time.
Hopefully I can help you feel a little bit better and set you on a positive path towards improvement. But I know it’s tough especially if you’re been alone and rejected all your life.
Start With Accepting Where You’re At
This is the first step. It’s simple, but it’s not. You must accept where you’re currently at in life. Go ahead and pull out a notebook and write down how you feel about your life at the moment.
No, don’t post your sob story to Reddit. Keep this private and to yourself. By writing down your thoughts physically, you will feel a sense of freedom in doing so.
This is a practice that I learned a long time ago and have talked about for years. Elliot Hulse did a video about this practice several years ago which describes the process perfectly, to the point where you burn the letter and watch the ashes blow away.
You don’t have to burn it unless you really want to. I’ve never done the burning part. I like to read it over and over again before tossing it away. So by all means feel free to burn it if you got a yard and can do so.
I unfortunately can’t find the video because he has so many, but here’s one that you may find valuable:
Remember, this article is about giving you PRACTICAL tips. None of this woo-woo crap that the rest of the web has.
Most of the articles on Google about being single are hogwash written for clicks. None of the advice they’re giving seems to be anything beyond basic that you haven’t heard before.
Commit To Improving Your Physical Appearance
It’s amusing how all these articles ranking at the top of Google seem to avoid the topic of physical appearance. It just goes to show you how no one wants to talk about this truth.
Well, since I’m all about the truth, here’s what you need to know:
Your physical appearance is probably the single-most important factor in happiness and finding a boyfriend/girlfriend.
To ignore this fact is ridiculous. All of these articles written by therapists with PhDs should be tossed immediately because they never talk about this truth.
If you are physically unattractive, you will always have it much harder than someone who is better looking. That’s just the facts. It doesn’t matter if you’re a man or a woman. Attractive people simply have it easier when it comes to romance and relationships. Accept this fact.
So, what can you do about it? What do you do if you believe that you’re “too ugly” to find love? Here’s what I always recommend to both men and women:
Commit the next 6-12 months to getting in the best shape of your life.
If you’re a man, get your body fat below 10% and get strong. If you’re a woman, get your body fat to around 20%. These numbers will vary a bit depending on your body type, but these are good numbers to aim for.
My buddy over at Lean Warriors is a good resource for this stuff. He isn’t a big-name fitness “guru” but he knows his stuff so check him out.
While I believe that lifting weights is the best course of action for both men and women, you should obviously find a physical activity that you will enjoy doing for a long period of time.
It’s important that you commit to this. Accept that you’re going to be single for the next year or so and that you’ll be doing a complete body transformation.
No matter how ugly you may believe yourself to be, I promise that you’ll be much more attractive by getting in great shape. This is as practical as it gets. Getting your health and nutrition under control is a requirement if you were dealt a bad hand in the appearance department.
Start Your Own Business
Not everybody is born to be an entrepreneur. The only way to find out if you got it is to give it a try. You’re already committed to physical improvement for the next year so why not add a business on top of that?
You’re single and alone so I think focusing your mental energy on a business is a much better use of your time. Whenever you’re feeling down and depressed, use that time to put into a business.
I obviously prefer doing the online thing. This business that I run started by accident. I created a blog and wrote articles about my relationships, my experience especially when it comes to dating someone with BPD since all of my relationships in my 20’s were with BPD women.
I’ve gotten a lot of hate over the years, but that’s just the name of the game. People like to hate on those they disagree with. You got to have thick skin if you’re going to put your thoughts and opinions out to the world.
If you’re a good writer, put your talents to use. Freelance writers are always in demand. Copywriting is another good choice of career. In fact, any skill you may have could be used for freelancing.
The key is to research people who are already successful doing what you would want to do. If you don’t know what you want to do, then just research research research.
And, avoid scams where they’re trying to get you to pay $500+ for their “product” to teach you how to start a business. Don’t spend anything more than $100 on business education products.
If you’re serious about starting a business, then feel free to hit me up because I do have a few resources I can personally recommend.
Now just a warning: being self-employed and your own boss is lonely. You don’t have coworkers to chat with and pass the time. You’re on your own all day, every day for the most part.
But, this can actually be a good thing because it teaches you to embrace loneliness. It makes you stronger as you get used to being alone since you’re working on your own thing.
Don’t Blame Men or Women For Your Situation
There is a big difference between being alone and being depressed because you’re lonely. Some people enjoy their alone time and would rather stay in than go out.
If you’re lonely and depressed, then you’re obviously not happy about your current situation. That’s why you’re here reading this article.
However, the worst possible thing you can do is start blaming men or women for your depression. Many men who can’t find love fall into this terrible mindset of blaming the female species for their situation.
There’s many forums on the internet where these types of men hang out and discuss how terrible women are, how they’re ruining society, why they’re the root cause of their problems, and so on.
Tons of anger and resentment fill the hearts and minds of these men. They can’t seem to find a girl who is even remotely attracted to him. And, their negative energy makes it even more difficult. It’s this downward spiral that gets worse and worse as the weeks, months, and years go by.
This article about a successful mindset by Brian Tracy is a rather simple but good read. He’s the guy I first learned about how important personal responsibility truly is.
This is as practical as it gets: if you go through life blaming other people for the problems in your life, you will slowly descend into madness.
I have seen this happen over and over again with people from all walks of life. The very act of blaming others and not taking responsibility makes you go crazy.
You see this all over the country. Millions and millions of people blame others for their problems whether it’s Trump or the government or white people or whatever.
This lack of responsibility and not taking control over your life is what causes so much chaos and bitterness. The sooner you learn to accept where you’re at and work hard at improving yourself is what will save you from depression.
Stop Chasing, Stop Approval-Seeking
The last practical tip I want to share with you is one of the most important for a healthy mindset. To ignore this advice will only set you up for pain when you eventually find yourself in a relationship.
Don’t chase someone who doesn’t deserve it, and stop seeking the approval of others.
I have helped many men and women better themselves to the point where they are able to date and get into a relationship. However, old habits die hard.
Once you find yourself in a relationship, you’re going to be very tempted to chase and pursue because you want to show how much you love and care for your new partner.
But, it never works this way. When you chase and pursue, the natural reaction of a human is to push you away and flee. This is because us humans are naturally repelled by needy behavior. We always run away from salesmen because we can sense their neediness. It’s a natural, subconscious reaction.
The same thing happens in relationships. If you’re trying to “sell” yourself to your lover, you will only push them away over time. If you are incredibly needy, it can happen much faster than you’ll imagine.
Other times, you won’t even see it coming. Your partner will one day get up and leave you without any sign. Neediness is the reason that most relationships end.
So, don’t be needy. Don’t chase your partner when they’re being distant. Give your partner some space. Let them chase you and pursue YOU!
Wrapping Things Up
This isn’t your typical mainstream-style article. All the articles about being single tell you to love yourself, give yourself time, learn to forgive yourself and past mistakes, to let go of regrets, etc.
That advice is obvious. I don’t need to tell you that. Plus, you can’t just sit there and go “Oh yes, I need to forgive myself and then the world will treat me so much better!”
No. It doesn’t work that way. If you want actual results, you need to be practical and do things that can increase your level of attractiveness. Hence why because a physical-being is important.
A good way to put it is this: when people look at you, their first impression should say “Okay this guy/girl is into fitness/being active/healthy.”
That’s the first impression I try to send to people. The second impression I want to send is that I have my shit together. That’s why I like being an entrepreneur. It helps you develop a mentality that doesn’t waste time with bullshit.
I really hope these tips can help you out if you’re single and getting depressed from loneliness. It’s NOT easy to break out of that cycle. You can’t just wish it away by loving yourself.
You need to be practical and get active. Expect a year or more of hard work. It sucks that you were born with a bad deck of cards, but it is what it is. Either make the best of it or don’t.
At the end of the day, you got one life to live. Are you really going to let the opinions of others influence how you think day in and day out?
Nick says
Thanks for this.
Rick says
No problem, thanks for taking the time to read it.