One of the deeper questions I get from time to time is if it’s okay to cut a family member out of your life.
Here’s my answer:
If the situation warrants it, ABSOLUTELY.
But, coming to this conclusion isn’t as simple as cutting off a boyfriend because he’s just a shitty human-being.
Cutting off a sibling or a parent isn’t a decision that should be taken lightly. Only after careful consideration should you decide to take this step.
With that said, it can oftentimes be a very healthy decision to remove a family member from your life. I’ve personally never removed a sibling or parent, but I have cut out cousins and other relatives.
As I often say, you really got to make sure that you’re taking care of yourself before you take care of anyone else. If you allow shitty people to continue to bring you down day after day, don’t be surprised if your confidence is in the pits.
I truly believe that a lack of confidence leads to a codependent lifestyle. You less you believe in yourself, the more you depend on others.
One of my siblings is generally a very negative person. He always berates me and has been putting me down all his life.
I find it quite funny because he’s supposedly a very tolerant “liberal.” And yet, to this day he will call me a faggot for no reason. It’s mind-boggling to say the least.
However, I’ve never completely cut him out. I simply keep my distance and will talk to him every so often. He also has kids which I really enjoy being around so I’m not about to kill our relationship.
This is a real-life example of why it can be incredibly hard to cut people out of your life.
As you learn from the things I write, you’ll eventually have rock-solid confidence that no one can shake. People calling you names or yelling at you will only make you laugh at how pathetic they are.
The ultimate goal for you to have is to reach a point where nothing can shake you. You want to be an unshakeable force in this world. Never forget that!
And, reaching this level of unshakability is really a journey of self-discovery. This journey is ultimately what brings you better intimate relationships as well.
Many of the people who enjoy my work are dating someone with BPD. They are often able to improve their relationship by working on themselves and raising their self-worth.
Anyway, I’m getting off-topic. Let’s dive into some serious reasons why you’d want to cut off a family member from your life.
They Are Physically Abusive
For me, this one is an absolute no-brainer. I don’t care how close someone is to me. If they try to assault me, or even threaten me with assault, I will cut them off.
I’ve received thousands of emails over the years from men and women who are in relationships with men who are physically abusive.
It always saddens me how difficult it is for these women to cut these men out. But, I also understand how difficult it is to leave a sociopath boyfriend.
I do my best to help these women gain the confidence to leave. Often times, leaving can be one of the most refreshing feelings you haven’t felt in a long, long time.
So, if you have a sibling or a parent who’s abusive, it’s really important you whip out your scissors and cut that person off. You don’t want that person coming anywhere near your kids if you got any.
They Bring Chaos To Your Family
If you’re married, have kids and living your own life, the last thing you need is some junkie brother begging you for help because they lost everything in a drug deal gone bad.
That’s a true story, by the way. One of my friends has an uncle who had that happen to him. As a result, he begged my friend’s mom (his sister) for help.
Her mom always goes out of her way for this loser junkie. It’s really sad for me to watch on the outside looking in because he brings so much chaos and negativity to the house. If affects everyone.
This is one of those situations where you need to have the balls to say enough is enough. It sucks that your sibling is in need of desperate help, but you got a family to protect.
Who’s to say the dealers don’t show up at your own home, break in and cause some serious tragedy?
It’s simply not a risk I would be willing to take.
This is an extreme case of course, but it is a true story. So it does happen. It’s only this level of chaos where I would consider cutting out a sibling until they got their life completely turned around.
I hate being around drunks and addicts in general. There’s no way in hell I’d let even the closest family member around my own children if they were a junkie.
They Don’t Support Your Happiness and Goals
This one is a bit cliche, but it still applies. Family members that bring you down and shit on your goals don’t deserve your respect.
Don’t get in fights with these types of people. Stop trying to defend yourself. The only reason they treat you this way is because they deep down hate themselves.
This is classic projection. Just let them be and go about your merry way.
When it’s family that’s behaving this way, I keep them at a great distance. I won’t cut them out completely, but I have no intentions of interacting with them regularly.
And I definitely won’t discuss anything that has to do with my goals. They won’t have any clue the progress I’m making. In fact, you might as well just make up a story and troll them with it.
Like I said, I have zero respect for people who give other people shit simply because they’re jealous and insecure. But, I’m not about to cut them out of my life because it’s unnecessary.
If you’ve got that unshakeable confidence, then you won’t be bothered by this sort of behavior.
Now there is an exception to this rule:
If you’re in your 20’s, living with your parents, and they’re still shitting on your goals daily, then you really need to move out ASAP. You’re going to have a very difficult time reaching your goals when your parents you’re living with don’t support you.
The sooner you can live on your own, the better.
But, I also understand that you may not be financially ready. Therefore, do keep your progress to yourself. Don’t try to earn your father or mother’s approval by talking about it.
Some parents are incredibly stubborn and will never support you no matter what. It could take decades before they realize that you are “successful” in their eyes and they begin to appreciate you.
Therefore, never seek the approval of your parents. This approval-seeking behavior is what leads to a codependent mindset. And, it’s actually your parent’s fault. Upbringing is what creates the attitudes that we carry for most of our lives.
They Bring No Joy To Your Life
Very simple, but powerful indeed. Often times we feel that we need to remain tight with our family because they’re family. It doesn’t matter how much crap they bring to your life.
This mindset can be extremely devastating in the long run. Years and years of negativity seeping into your mindframe creates a mindset that is tough to fix.
Generally speaking, you want to be around those who bring joy to your life. You also want to avoid those who bring nothing but bad news to your life.
Some people have mother’s or fathers that never have anything positive to say. They might not insult you directly, but just their day to day conversations are negative.
Whether it’s about work or a neighbor or politics or whatever, they are constantly talking about things that are negative.
The best thing to do if you’re dealing with a family member who is like this is to confront them. You need to have the courage to point out how terribly negative he or she is. Let them know that it’s affecting your life.
One of the lessons I teach in my courses is how to fight back. This is one of the most valuable skills you can ever have because it helps you to believe in yourself.
Instead of sitting back and being passive like most people, you stand up and show that you have a spine. You’re not going to take the bullshit anymore.
Confronting toxic behavior from a loved one can create a lot of new respect for you. Respect is the foundation to a happy, successful relationship with anybody.
The sooner you confront the toxic person, you sooner their shitty behavior will end (at least when you’re around and sometimes that is all you can ask for).
In this “politically correct” society we live in, we are actually being programmed to be passive and codependent. It’s pretty frightening. People will lash out at you just for having a difference of opinion.
Therefore, learning to fight back and stand up for yourself is a vital skill that will play an incredibly important role in the years to come.
Only cut out a family member from your life if they get even more toxic after you confront them. At this point, it clearly means they have no respect for your feelings.
They don’t deserve you to be a part of your life.
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