Wondering why the girl you’re dating is playing hard to get? Read this article to find out what you should do.
One of the more annoying experiences of dating a girl is when she decides to play hard to get.
Or, it at least feels that way.
She’s giving you less attention, she isn’t responding to calls or texts, she doesn’t seem to talk as much as she used to, she isn’t sleeping with you as much, etc.
Why does she behave this way? Does she no longer have feelings for you? Has she met another guy?
These are just some of the questions that are undoubtedly running through your head right now.
Well, here’s the thing:
I don’t really believe in the whole “hard to get” concept. Why you may ask?
Because in all of my years working with thousands of men and women, not once has I ever seen a woman “play hard to get” with a man that she was truly attracted to.
The women that seem to play these games are the women who have lost interest in the guy.
She’s either not totally sold on the guy, or she currently has several other men gunning for her attention.
If she’s an attractive women, then this is 100% the case — you’ve got to be more attractive than all of the other guy’s going for her. That’s just the way it is.
Work On Your Overall Attractiveness
At the end of the day, the core issue that most men have is that they become less attractive to the woman over a period of time. Sometimes you lose attraction quickly, other times you lose it slowly.
Some guys will be extremely attractive to a woman at the beginning of a first date. But by the time the date ends, she can’t stand him. His behavior and words he has said has completely turned her off.
One of the best ways to build your attraction in a woman’s eye is to be more of a challenge.
What exactly do I mean when I say that you need to be a challenge to women?
This doesn’t mean you turn into some asshole. A lot of men do this and it backfires spectacularly.
Don’t do that!
What I mean by this is that you develop your self-worth and self-respect. As a result, this ultimately will rid you of any codependency you may have.
Codependency is a fancy word for needy behavior. Men who are needy always struggle in relationships.
This is due to the fact that you never stand up for yourself. You never challenge the woman. She knows that she owns your balls.
That’s not that attractive to a woman. She wants a man, not some wimp that she can boss around 24/7.
If you aren’t a man who values himself, you are communicating that you don’t carry much confidence and self-respect.
This is exactly what causes women to pull away and play “hard to get” with you (even though she’s being extremely easy for the other guy in her life).
Women naturally desire men that have respect for themselves. You naturally become a challenge to women because when you respect yourself, you don’t give in to these wild games that women seem to play.
However, after dating crazy women over and over again, I am a firm believer that most women don’t purposely play hard to get.
This ‘game playing’ and ‘hard to get’ action that you run into with women is usually a response or a reaction to something that you are doing, whether you’re aware of it or not.
This is why your understanding of attraction is a necessary skill to have. You must educate yourself on this topic.
No, the seduction blogs on the internet won’t teach you much. Neither will Reddit. So avoid those locations or you’ll just fill your brain with conflicting information.
To help you build your awareness into god-like levels, I’ve written a free mini-guide that’s all about the #1 mistake that causes your lover’s to despise you and ultimately leave you.
Got the guide? I’ll send it to your inbox. Check it out after you go through this article because it’s very important. I will skyrocket your success in with women and relationships in general.
Anyway, the purpose of this website is to teach YOU awareness and what to look for. You’ll stumble a few times along the way, but you will learn much quicker than all of the other guys out there.
Why Do Girls Play Hard To Get?
Most men never put themselves in the shoes of women. You don’t realize the kinds of shitty men that have come into her life. Most women I know who are “crazy” have had a sociopath boyfriend in the past.
As a result, she is extremely cautious when it comes to dating and relationships. She will test you, get triggered by certain behaviors, and generally be a pain in the butt at times.
But, simply knowing this fact about women, you’ll be ready to deal with it because you know where she’s coming from. This is why I enjoy talking to women about their previous relationships on dates. She is literally giving you insight into her love life. Powerful!
Many men think that women are simply being manipulative and playing games on purpose. While that may be true at times, a lot of behavior can also be subconscious.
Women can change their feelings for you every 5 minutes. One moment she loves being around you, the next she wants you to give her some space.
There’s nothing wrong with letting your girl come to you. In fact, highly confident, successful men value their independence and are the ones who get pursued.
You need to be the opposite of the Nice Guy that mom taught you when you were a child. The sooner you stop taking dating advice from women, the sooner you’ll start getting more dates.
Start with developing control over your emotions. Stop being so sensitive to the words you hear. Don’t be needy because you’re not getting enough attention.
Relationships can wait. Don’t chase women.
If you want to have successful relationships with women and keep her from playing hard to get, you need the emotional fortitude of James Bond. This is emotional strength at its core.
I have helped a lot of men through their relationships with highly emotional, BPD-type women. The ones who succeed are the ones who take action with what I tell them.
The ones that fail are the sensitive guys who are high on their morals and really unaware of what goes on in these women’s heads.
If you struggle to get past the early dating stage with any woman, then you need to do more research and take more action. The more experience you gain with women, the better you’ll get at this stuff. It doesn’t come natural for most of us.
Do girls really play hard to get on purpose?
Yes. And no.
You need to be able to back off and let her come to you. Don’t keep texting or calling if you don’t hear from her. Get comfortable with the vacuum of silence.
Women Are Not Logical When It Comes To Relationships
Another reason is that women are emotional! You really need to engrave this fact into your head. Where men might be 90% logical, I simply see women as 90% emotional (even if they’re not).
When you learn how to communicate with women on an emotional level, your entire dating and relationship life will change almost instantaneous.
The stuff I’m teaching you here ties into my post about when a girl pushes me away. Most guys make the mistake of listening to a woman’s logical words.
Women say a lot of things that simply don’t make sense.
If you get in the habit of believing their words, you’re going to constantly be disappointed since women tend to do the opposite of what they say.
They are emotionally driven, not logical like men. She could say she loves you, but be texting another guy in 5 minutes. That’s just how they are.
Women only respond to the way they currently feel. A lot of men are this way, too!
This is why those guys that you see with all the money and expensive cars and houses and everything struggle with women as well.
Sure, they may have the hot gold-digger or sugar baby, but it’s a surface-level relationship. The girl is usually fucking other guys on the side.
I know several “sugar babies” and they are always sleeping with some average dude on the side when they’re not with their rich “boyfriend.”
This is why you need to learn how to be a man that gives a girl good feelings if you ever wish to keep a woman in your life long-term.
If you’re dating a woman with BPD, her emotions will be much more erratic and chaotic than a “normal” woman. Therefore, you must be the strongest rock in her life or she will leave you for someone else.
It’s what she expects from you, and it’s why she tests you all the time with these games. She wants to see how you react.
If you can successfully date someone with BPD, you’re most definitely a high quality individual with thick skin. Give yourself credit and be confident in your ability.
So if you think your girl is pushing you away, you need to take a step back and ask yourself WHY she’s acting this way towards you. It’s important to never forget that actions speak louder than words.
When a girl is getting emotional and saying these towards me that would make every other guy freak out and react in the wrong way, I instead do the right thing – I realize that her emotions are boiling over and she simply needs me to remind her that I’m strong and firm and not going to fall over like every other guy.
That is truly why women get dramatic.
So if she’s pushing you away, somewhere earlier you reacted incorrectly to her emotions and now you’re in a hole. Maybe you’re just simply too available. Do you think men that have options and are busy working on themselves are always available? Hell no!
So make the changes you need to make today and I promise you’ll never think about ‘games’ or ‘hard to get’ or ‘manipulation’.
And make sure you’re on my (almost) daily email newsletter. I’ll send you a free guide full of BPD relationship tips just for signing up.
Anonymous says
Rick,
I read your book, and I must say it was nice to finally get the perspective of someone who has a lot of experience with borderline women. I have tended to date some of them and happen to find them quite interesting. I have learned a lot about how to be a stronger man as a result of my interactions with them, and I look forward to continuing to grow.I am aware that based off my past I might carry some traces of narcissism/BPD due to my own upbringing, however with work and self-improvement, I feel like I have matured. As time goes on, I have learned to express myself in a calm, assertive manner and also have confronted and dealt with the emotional traumas that I have experienced as a boy with my mother dying at a very early age.
I recently began dating a woman about 5 months ago who is borderline. My current girl exhibits much of the BPD waif personality. She came from a broken home and lost both her father and grandfather tragically leaving unresolved issues. As the honeymoon period ended she has become increasingly more critical and controlling and emotional outbursts are much more frequent. She is desperately trying to activate the savior schema within me by using attention ploys and triangulation with a “woe is me” attitude and telling me “I always feel neglected” though I spend as much time with her as I can. Cheating accusations that are not true are rampant and she has become increasingly more passive aggressive and and attention-seeking since I am not biting on her trying to get me to “save her”. My gut tells me shes already hooked up with other guys and is trying to project her own behavior on to me as well.
Normally the old me would have bit on these things and started jumping through the hoops that we all know will never stop to appease her, but I have now learned to call women out on their behavior and even walk away from them when I feel disrespected. I have already cut off communication for a few days before when she had an episode and stormed out of my apartment for no reason. Our most recent communication a few days ago ended in me calling out her passive aggressive behavior and telling her to grow up and when she’s ready to act like an adult, let me know.
My main concern is that I came off angry, even though it was righteous anger. I feel like its the first time i really lost my cool, but she knows that I am different from most guys and will not accept her poor behavior. She has currently been cold as of late after texting me what an asshole i was for saying things to which I curtly let her know that while i was sorry about how I said it, I stand by what I said and left it at that. She has since then been dropping breadcrumbs for the past couple days but nothing solid enough for me to reengage in contact with her.
I care about this girl but I am tiring of dealing with her like a project. She can be very needy and insecure sometimes, whereas i am the opposite, independent and self-assured. I am honestly thinking of breaking it off with her. Any help?
Rick says
I think what you did is exactly what you needed to do. Don’t apologize though. Let her know that her actions are pissing you off and if she’s going to keep it up, you’re going to break up with her. Most guys never do this. So do it when she gets ridiculous and she’ll learn fast. When she comes back, don’t apologize. She’s just testing you by saying how you were mean. You weren’t being mean. You told her exactly what she needed to hear! She’s just testing you know. Don’t fall for it.
joe says
Hey Rick,
Ive heard these pointers before by other people in other articles for men.
They are seemingly interesting and i noticed they work as ive used them occasionally just naturally from my character.
But i am the type that gets clingy and enjoys the attention from my girl. Im a mix flavour of both.
The gf i have now isnt giving out, but i notice when i make myself not give a shit about it and draw back from being the over emotional guy about it, i notice i get some. But soon enough she will go cold on me and i start to get frustrated, angry and feel rejected.
Then i try to remember what works. Ignore the situation and pretend or convince myself i dont give a shit…in a nice way.
But this time i feel like i went to hard not giving a shit and txt her about it as im getting tired of this up and down and playing hard to try and win a score.
I told her i cant handle not having intimacy, but i told her i love her but i dont enjoy the cold shoulder she gives me about it…andd how she makes out its a big deal.
I also txt saying if she finds it a big deal im happy to find someone else(a friend with benifits) if she finds it not to be important in our relationship.
She hasnt replied yet as its only been a day. But also hasnt txt goodnight as she would usually do.
Its a long distant relationship, so its hard to see what shes really thinking. Shes almost like a foggy mirror after a shower. I can read her ways but not quite sure why she does the things she does.
Last night we had prime opportunity to spend time with absolute no disturbance for a few hours. But she said she was too tired. She would especially do this to me on such occasions. Also if we have the same day off work which could happen once a month.
But if i ignitiate such a thing and cant make her request she will get pissed with me and sad.
I feel its hard to understand her way and its making me believe she is just making me get emotional and more desperate for her.
What can i do?