Originally written by Shark on April 17, 2012
A question comes in:
Some other reader asked about making friends, could you please do a post on this? Your book mentions the skills necessary to AMOG them, but what about to make them? I’ve read through all your past posts, and gathered that practicing social skills is a necessary aspect, but could you give some insight on the friendship dynamic itself possibly?
Friendship is an evolved concept, developing primarily because social codependency increases our chances for survival. If it did not, there would be no herding phenomena, nor a clique/pack mentality. In fact, an interesting book I once read (Death From A Distance by Paul Bingham) correlates human cooperation directly with the development of efficient methods to control conflict through coercion.
In other words, the bow and arrow could police a village, the gun could police a city, and nukes could police a planet. A cynical take on human cooperation, but shit, statistics are statistics.
Although weaponry is reserved to govern macro level dynamics, the principal still stands; humans cooperate because it increases their chances for survival. This is the seed of every friendship.
But we no longer live in a caveman era and with the complexities of modern society, this seemingly basic system takes a far more abstract form. Your survival instinct itself is not “Hunt, Eat, Protect;” it’s “charm my boss, level up in world of warcraft, read a book to gain knowledge,” and so forth. And following in suit, your drive to create friends is not “He will help me hunt” anymore. It’s now:
“He makes me think positively, I’ll ask him to hang with me.”
“She’s fun to talk to, I’ll text her.”
“He’s good at football, I’ll ask him to play with me and my other friends.”
“This guy just got 10 bazillion kills and 5 deaths in Call of Duty, I’ll send him a friend request.”
“She’s into Lord of the Rings just like I am, maybe I’ll ask her if she wants to watch it with me.”
Applying deductive reasoning then, making friends is simply a process of showing others you have some form of value. And, with social adaptivity replacing physical adaptivity as the requisite for survival, displaying value ends up being a very fluid concept.
You can do it in many ways, except for one. You cannot be boring. Betas are sought out as friends because everyone wants an orbiter, someone to supplicate to them. Alphas are sought out as friends because everyone wants a leader, someone with a magnetic personality. Ennui is the only sin, you can bring anything to the table besides boredom.
Even if you have a depressed as fuck mentality, people will seek you out as a friend to relate to you when they’re going through their own tragic spells or break ups. But when you have an introverted and boring personality, there is nothing to attract them to you.
Note this doesn’t apply to girls above the boner scale because they have value inherent within them. And if you go down the scale of boredom, all the way past even, down to ANNOYING, people will not just be uninterested in you, they will detest your presence.
At this point, an obvious question arises:
Why does conflict exist at all if cooperation is the key to survival? The answer is reflective of all human agony, a metaphysical representation of both our greatest triumph and our greatest flaw. To elaborate:
Why are humans never satisfied with what they have? Why are we always unhappy and striving for more? Because EVOLUTIONARY, it makes sense. It allows for PROGRESS.
If anyone’s familiar with H.G Wells’ story The Time Traveler, what happened millenniums into the future when humans were finally “happy” and “passive?” They became weak and pathetic. Social evolution stagnated and there was nothing PUSHING them towards the next big thing, the next big invention, the next great empire.
Why are there two sexes instead of one that could reproduce asexually? Because from a Darwinian point of view, two sexes is the key to efficiently weeding out weak genes. Imagine 10 guys and 10 girls. With hypergamy in place, perhaps only 2 of those guys would sleep with all 10 girls. This is the essence of Alpha, why only a handful of men dominate the entire sexual market. It allows for generations to rapidly calibrate better genes, skills, and adaptations (remember, SOCIAL ones in our era).
So it comes to this, why is cooperation not 100% efficient? Because conflict eradicates the weak. Conflict causes change. Conflict is necessary. Men of equally perceived sexual market value (Alpha vs Alpha or Beta vs Beta) are inclined to compete against each other for attention, power, and women; it ensures that women will be guaranteed the creme de la creme and society will be led be the best of the best.
This is however, balanced to a certain degree with cultural stigma and taboos, to keep an equilibrium between cooperation and conflict. And thinking back to Fightclub, what was the whole point of beating the shit out of each other? To realize that our culture is ebbing too much towards cooperation, too much away from conflict, and domesticating men to the point of turning them into women with penises.
And on a final note, someone asked about friendship and virtue. The inquiry is difficult to address.
For instance, it’s much easier for a beta to say “I would never cheat” than an Alpha. Similarly, it’s much easier for someone to say “I would never date my friend’s ex” without ever being tempted audaciously enough.
Imagine the following set of circumstances: What if you suddenly took to a testosterone diet and your sex drive multiplied by 3. And now imagine your friend broke up with his ex, and it’s been 2 months. She is a perfect 10 with a perfect body, she looks like Adriana Lima. Now imagine you and her are forced to spend more time with each other through some coincidence (work or school or whatnot) and she’s always wearing the tightest, most erotic outfits you could imagine.
Now imagine one day you’re at home fapping to her facebook. Mid fap, you hear a doorbell right before you’re about to blast a jet stream of fap juice through the window. It’s her, in the outfit pictured below. And then she says “You have to fuck me, right now.” Imagine you still say no, being virtuous and all. And then imagine she says “If you don’t fuck me, I will fuck your neighbor next door, and every other guy down this block, and then tell your friend you fucked me anyways.” Now THAT is a fuckin complication.
Virtue is reserved for those who could afford to avoid sin, or are never tempted by it. I am of the former. I have both money and women, I have never been given the right to choose integrity out of free will, no one has ever been given that right in absolute.
You say “Shark is so good, he offers all this for free!” I would reply, “I have enough money, who knows what I would do if I was single, stupid, had 3 kids, and this site was my sole source of income?”
My friend says “Shark is so good, he said no when my ex came onto him,” to which I would reply “Huh? I woulda fucked her, she was just butt ass ugly and I already fapped 6 times this morning, I wouldn’t be able to get it up.”
It’s one thing for a rich man to say “I would never steal,” and a very different thing for a poor man to say it.
But enough. Virtue is a tedious topic. I must go Fap now.
This has got to be one of the most entertaining, yet truthful articles of all time. Especially the second half of the article where he talks about virtue. I can’t even begin to tell you how annoying and fake it is when guy’s say they would never sleep with a friend’s ex.
It’s the biggest load of crap when I hear stuff like that.
As Shark pointed out, the only guy’s who actually say this are guys that haven’t been tempted by a friend’s hot ex.
As a man who has been put in this position multiple times, let me just clear the record and say that this temptation is one of the hardest you will ever experience IF you are a virtue signaling moron.
For me, I have absolutely no problem sleeping with my friend’s hot ex girlfriends. There’s no issue and most alpha males understand this because there are plenty of women in the sea. If you want an old fling of mine that I dumped for a new girl, go for it! I don’t care.
And if your ex dumped you for me, then get over it. SHE can’t help that I’m just a better fit for her in her eyes. Don’t blame me when it’s just the natural order of things.
It’s the insecure beta males that mask as alphas who will get mad at you and end your friendship over something silly like this. If you’re a true alpha male, then having women in your life isn’t going to be a problem.
It’s the betas that can’t get a woman for the life of them who are trying to protect the ex from you. They’re so mad and jealous that you’re a better man than them that they will blame you, cut off your friendship, threaten to kill you, etc.
I can’t stress the importance of this message. If you’re so hung up on an ex girlfriend, then you need to work on yourself. Become a better man. Improve your alpha qualities and you will no longer care so much. You’ll have enough new women that your ex’s of old will be a long, lost thought.