The short and sweet answer: Looks definitely matter.
The long, drawn out answer is that while being naturally attractive is a plus, there’s much more to it when it comes to attracting quality partners and quality relationships.
See that girl to the right? Assuming she’s a quality girl, it’s going to take a lot more than just being blessed with good genes (and being in awesome shape).
I believe that the major battle that people have with themselves is believing that they aren’t good enough – or that they don’t give themselves enough credit.
Maybe you’re naturally codependent and don’t know what to do about it. This article will help.
Now it’s hard to give yourself credit when you don’t have much believability. If you’ve had zero serious girlfriends or boyfriends for example, it’s going to be tough for you to believe that you’re attractive regardless of what people say.
I used to believe that I wasn’t attractive because whenever I would go out to bars or parties or whatever, I wouldn’t get nearly as much attention from the women like the other tall, handsome guys would get.
But such is life when you play the numbers game and making common dating mistakes. And we don’t play those games here.
And with that comes attractiveness – what you and most others might think is attractive is different from what attraction really is: believability and credibility.
Without these two factors handled, the only attraction you’re going to generate is from lonely people looking for a good time on a friday night. And if you want to play that toxic game, go right ahead.
You see, when you have the believability and credibility parts handled, you’re going to consistently attract quality individuals. The job of your look is to simply catch their eye.
But Let’s Not Fool Ourselves – Looks Matter
As I stated at the very beginning, looks definitely matter.
If you look the part of a guy who spends most of his time leveling a paladin on an online game, you’re not going to have much success with women – that is unless you want women that look the part as well…
And that brings me to the main point: your looks are really about finding a look that’s attractive to the people you want. It’s much more than just throwing on a nice t shirt and jeans, shaving, spraying cologne and hoping to get lucky (numbers game).
That’s what the common folk do and we’re not about that. We’re about being better than that by taking things up a notch. My goal here is to motivate you to be above-average. Relationships are about commitment and that’s what you want..
One of the easiest steps that I always teach people is to find a look that they like and go all out with it. Make it believable so that when others see it, it’s no question that this is who you are.
As an example, my current look is a simple mix between streetwear and high fashion hip hop. No crazy chains or anything like that. It’s what I currently like and women find it interesting.
But my look is simply a small step is the overall attractive process. However, this small step is absolutely required in attracting quality women and it’s what most people always forget.
You also should be in the gym building muscle. In this day and age, all the guys with the best looking women are always in good to great shape. So get your body fat lowered and take your health seriously going forward.
But being good looking and in great shape is only a part of what it means to be a quality man. There’s more to it than just your looks.
And this goes for women too – I’m drawn to women that have a unique style and takes her health and body seriously. I can’t help but ask a woman about her clothes if I find them interesting and different from the crowd.
If you look and behave like your typical average guy, then how can you expect to get anything other than an average partner?
It simply doesn’t make sense because you attract what you project.
But notice how I also said behavior. Your behavior and attitude is 80% of your attractiveness. Your style and verbiage is the other 20%.
This is why its absolutely crucial to spend 90% of your time improving your look and style and 10% of your time improving your verbiage.
Most people have this backwards – they spend 90% of their time trying to learn conversation to be attractive when it doesn’t really matter what you say if you have no believability and credibility.
You could be the most charming, witty, funny person on the planet with the best things to say at any time. But without the other 80% of attractiveness, your love life is probably nothing better than the random hookups with the occasional short-term girlfriend that leaves you soon after.
I have a lot of good looking friends and I basically just described their love lives for the most part. Quality women don’t even blink an eye at them and hot, non-quality women stick around until something better comes along. Typical result when you play the rat race.
This is usually the point where people will ask me if BPD are capable of falling in love. They think that because their girl left him, she must be BPD and unlovable. But this is rarely the case, if ever!
And just for the record, this is how a Borderline love relationship evolves. So check that article out if you’re interested because BPD is a big focus on this site.
Focus On Developing Your Look
As an example, if your goal is to attract high quality female fitness models, well guess what – you better start hitting the gym twice as hard as these women do and eat twice as good in order to look the part.
Because here’s the thing – you can try to learn how to be more attractive, you can try to learn lines, systems, techniques and all that to interest women…
Or, you can instead work just as hard on yourself improving your look that now you’ll actually fit the part of someone that takes fitness and healthy eating seriously.
Once you do that, you’re going to naturally attract all of these hot fitness models because you actually look the part. And when you open your mouth, these women are going to listen.
Go ahead and replace fitness model with any other type of girl or guy that you’re interested in. Once you do that, figure out what look or role they’re interested in.
Maybe you currently like someone that you can’t quite place into a role such as a girl that works in the Nordstrom shoe department. How the heck do you position yourself so you’re attractive to her?
Well, if you’re sure that Nordstrom is the only thing going on in her life, then you’re simply choosing an average woman that doesn’t have much going on in her life. This is common and isn’t really what I recommend regardless of how attractive she may be.
But let’s say that this Nordstrum girl is also big into the hip hop culture. That right there is a big deal to me and it’s why I spend a lot of my time keeping up with the current hits and trends.
I don’t even have to try to “pick her up”. All I have to do is get in a conversation about the culture and how I really know about it and off we go. There are a million things to talk about which will build her attraction towards me based on just the fact that I’m not a common guy. I get her on a whole different level.
So while most people are spending time wishing they were taller, tanner, better eyes, better body, etc., I simply think on the upper levels and position myself as a quality guy.
Find out what the women you like are interested in and position yourself to be at their level and beyond. You’re simply setting yourself up for success by doing this.
And yes this takes time – a lot of time. But once you’re in, you’re in and you’ll have an endless supply of attractive people that you actually want based on their personality.
Beginning Steps To Attractiveness
I do workout and eat well. I think it’s very important for both men and women to be fit as it’s attractive and builds confidence. Getting a consistent gym schedule is the first step I tell everyone.
The next step is to identify a look that you really like. Find yourself some role models and educate yourself as well. Don’t just look the part, be the part. And don’t turn your partner off.
Copy their outfits for the most part, their shoes, their fashion sense. Get several outfits that you’re happy with for different types of events and outings. And again, educate yourself on these looks.
If someone you’re trying to attract asks you why you wear that hat, I hope you have a better answer than just “It’s cool”. Have a simple but educated story about how that hat made it to your head. People love the journey.
Pay attention to the mannerisms of these role models. How do they speak? How do they use their eyes? How do they move their body?
Ask yourself what it is that’s so attractive about these people besides their height or weight. Pay attention to their mannerisms, how they walk, how they talk, the way they use their voice, their hands and more.
Notice how all of these factors trump the typical attractiveness scale that most people think about such as height.
I personally like to think about dominance. How can I appear to be the most dominant male when I enter the room? What sort of mannerisms will give off this attitude? These are things I’ve thought much about.
One of my favorite dominant male role models is Harvey Specter from Suits. If you know who I’m talking about, then you know exactly what I mean. He’s a great role model for male ownage.
At the end of the day, we’re all trying to find love in our lives (check out my article the Truth About Love if you’re curious how love works).
I really hope this helps you to start thinking outside the cliche commoner box. Free yourself from mediocrity because it’s only breeding Toxicity.