Had an email come in asking me if I had any tips on boosting self-esteem in a relationship that seems to be going down hill.
It’s a great topic because it’s a new year and ahaving a relationship that you’re excited to be in is tough if you have low self-esteem.
You forget that in your relationship, you are the major player.
You forget that your own mission in life takes precedence over the relationship (and your partner).
Low self-esteem, in my opinion, is simply when you don’t like yourself. And there are levels to this.
Many men and women in bpd relationships have low self-esteem. You’re often attacked and tested (which they can’t help) as a way to see if you’re really worthy.
When you REALLY don’t like yourself, you fall into depression.
When you only sort of, kind of don’t like who you are, you do things like read articles like this one, and you buy books, and you listen to podcasts, and you talk to friends, and you make life changes in order to improve your self-esteem.
The problem is when you fall into that state of depression. This is where you do not want to be for obvious reasons.
Some people are more prone to depressive states than others.
Because life isn’t fair, despite what the liberals and feminists want you to believe (which is funny coming from them because they have no emotional control whatsoever).
Some people are simply dealt a better hand in life. They have it easier than you. And as a result, they have higher self-esteem.
The fact that you’re reading this article right now is a sign that you value yourself. That you want what’s best for you.
This immediately increases your overall self-worth and value. So please keep this in mind as you move forward day to day.
It’s these SMALL steps that lead to big changes as I always say. Even if you’re recovering from codependency, you will get there through these small improvements.
Small leads to big. Never forget!
A lot of people try to make BIG changes in their relationships — and they ALWAYS fall flat on their face.
The key to any sort of relationship improvement is through CONSISTENCY.
It’s a simple concept, yet it isn’t easy. Remaining consistent in anything is NOT easy.
How many times have you given up on a diet? How many times have you made new year’s resolutions that you gave up on a few lakes later?
How many times have you said you would do something but later quit?
Exactly my point: consistency is, by far, the rarest quality you find in an individual.
It’s never flashy. It doesn’t tend to show off. It always starts small and tends to stay under the radar.
This fact causes you to quit and thus lowers your self-esteem because you aren’t receiving the approval that you deep down desire from your lover.
And when you give up on yourself like this, your girlfriend will give you the cold shoulder. She’ll push you away. She’ll be distant because she’s lost faith in you.
This is a deep-rooted lesson. Your self-esteem comes from deep within. It comes from your CORE.
And if you’re not focused on your core, then your self-esteem will always suffer.
Mastering your confidence and self-esteem is a big topic inside of my Relationship Academy. I often go in-depth about your core, about BPD relationships, about overall improvement so you can head into 2017 with the right mentality.
You can join right now for the price of a 2 topping pizza. Not bad for an investment that can change your life.
Why New Year’s Resolutions Always Fail
90% of men and women who set out New Resolutions give up within the first 3 weeks. They don’t have the mental fortitude nor self-esteem to continue.
There’s a reason that BPD relationships fail around this time of year. Stress levels are high, you’re not satisfied with your life, you want to do bigger things in the new year.
As a result, toxic relationships become rocky and chaotic. Lovers clash and fight. You tear each other down one last time before the new year (which you’ll probably get back together to give it another go).
Maybe you have more than one. Maybe you want to get in the gym, improve yourself, improve your relationships, start a business, start a blog (which is all I did 7 years ago), read a lot of books and so on.
All of these goals are great to have and I encourage you to get started on them.
But I absolutely HATE the idea of a “New Year’s Resolution” and here’s why:
What makes you think that the days in the new year are going to be any different than the days you’re having now, in the present moment?
The sun will continue to rise and fall as it always have. The days will literally be exactly the same as they are now.
So why do people get caught up in these resolutions at the “end” of the year?
I’ll tell you why:
Because most people hate the present moment.
It is much SAFER to imagine a future “You” than to take action now.
It’s really easy for you and me to sit on the couch and have this image of who we want to be in our heads.
We say to ourselves, “My goal is to look like Zac Efron next year, so I’ll get started in the gym first week of January and get on it!”
Okay… maybe it’s my goal to look like Zac (he’s got an amazing body and we have a similar build)…
But the bigger picture is this:
Don’t wait until January 1st to jump start your life in a new direction.
Start Right NOW.
I know the new year is just a few days away. But here’s the thing…
If you START right now, today, I PROMISE you that you’ll be a thousand miles ahead of everybody else who starts on the first.
Because everybody else is going to start their “new life” on the 1st. You’ll be hopping on the same band wagon as all these people, part of this saturated crowd.
Screw all that.
If you’ve been reading my emails for awhile (sign up here if you haven’t), one of my old lessons is to never be a “crowder.”
You want to carve your OWN path in life, not crowd with others and do things just because “everybody else” is doing it. Eeek!
You should give your partner lots of space if you feel like the relationship is teetering off a cliff.
So whatever it is you want to excel at in 2017, start NOW while 2016 is still here. Whether it’s the gym or a blog or a hobby or your relationships. Just start NOW.
I’m serious about starting ASAP. If you’re in bed reading this email, then start tomorrow first thing when you wake up. Set your alarm an hour early and start that blog or whatever it is you want to do.
We’re going to make 2017 awesome and I’m bringing you with me.
Timeless rule from a legend makes relationships better
Let’s close out this article with one of my favorite quotes comes from the late, great Earl Nightingale.
Here ’tis for your reading pleasure:
“Whatever the majority of people is doing,
under any given circumstance,
if you do the exact opposite,
you will probably never make another mistake as long as you live.”
Personally, I always felt insecure about being an outsider before I came across this quote more than a decade ago.
It was from this quote, and others like it, that I began to find more and more great people like Nightingale who shattered the rules and went on to massive success.
It’s one of these “life rules” that stands the test of time.
And, it is a rule that will ALWAYS make you better in relationships.
Much of my early success in relationships, especially when I was dating a crazy girl, came from simply being a contrarian.
I STOPPED listening to the common advice I would read on popular dating sites and forums and what not.
It was during these early years that I learned to focus on PRINCIPLES because when you know the madness behind the methods, you start winning.
This is what my system has always been about, even in the early days.
The reason why men & women who have gone through my programs find success is due to focusing on the principles and the foundations behind what makes relationships (and life) great.
Now obviously Nightingale is simply making a point — you WILL make mistakes in life. Nobody is perfect.
But his point is that until you really reject the social norms and the “rules” of society, it’s very hard to get ahead.
You’re stuck in the rat race.
You’re reading the same crap that everybody else is reading, the same books, the same relationship advice, etc.
Naturally, you don’t get anywhere because you’re just conforming to some rules that some “expert” wrote on a popular website.
And, this is an issue that a lot of the shy, introvert single guys struggle with. It’s easy to sit indoors and read articles and books and all that all the time.
But you never get anywhere because you end up being a follower of others instead of developing your own systems.
This is why I make everything I teach about the principles.
You can take these principles and develop your own systems that work for YOU.
So, be a leader. This is really what you should focus on. A leader of your own self.
Through developing yourself as a leader, you will become your own man. You will be confident. You will have high self-esteem.
And, the women will love you for it.