Out of all the problems I help people with in their relationships, being less needy and clingy in relationships takes the top spot.
Neediness is, by far, the biggest turnoff. If you want your partner to push you away and lose feelings for you, be as needy as possible. It will get the job done.
The problem is that most people aren’t aware of their needy behavior. You don’t realize how clingy you have been. As a result, you wake up one day ghosted without a clue.
“What the hell happened? What did I do wrong?”
Since blocking you and disappearing is the easy way out these days, you’ll often be dumped without knowing about it until it’s too late.
Needy behavior is usually the culprit. So, today I present you with the signs of a needy man.
Wait… what about the women? Are they exempt from all this neediness and being clingy in a relationship?
Of course not. But, it’s a fact that men get dumped for neediness ten times more than women. However, women can still be needy and annoyingly clingy. I have dumped women for being too needy in the past. It happens.
If you’ve already screwed things up and you’re trying to fix a relationship after being too needy, then I hope these tips will help you. No guarantees though. You might have already put the final nail in that coffin.
1. Be Less Dependent and More Independent
The truth is that we’re all emotionally needy to some extent (unless you’re dating a sociopath who fakes his emotions to get something out of you).
People who are too needy in a relationship are usually those who feel the need for emotional support much more than others. You seek out attention from your partner at an unhealthy level.
As a result, you become more clingy and annoying.
Nobody likes to be around an annoying partner. They’re secretly wishing for you to leave him or her alone.
If you can’t stand being alone for a short period of time, you’re going to sabotage your relationship.
A common problem I often see is when a guy doesn’t get a reply from a girl he texts. It might only be 10 minutes and he’s already freaking out.
As a result, he loses control of his emotions (did he ever have control to begin with?) and sends several follow-up texts trying to get her to respond. This is a classic over-reaction. And, all it does is confirm how needy and clingy you are.
Here’s the truth fellas: there isn’t a woman on the planet that wants to date an emotionally needy man. Annoy her enough and she’ll finally get the courage to tell you to go away.
Or, she’ll just ghost your ass which will cause you to freak out even more.
So, appreciate your independence. An attractive man is an independent man. You won’t find him over-analyzing every text or conversation that was said.
If you’ve always struggled with keeping your partner attracted to you, then you might suffer from codependency. It’s hard to be an independent individual when you always put your loved ones first.
People who are codependent always feel needy. In other words, you feel empty when you’re away from your lover. You need her to love and accept you on a daily basis.
2. Stop Seeking Happiness From Relationships
Here’s a truth bomb I want you to etch into your memory if you struggle with neediness:
A healthy relationship is the result of two people sharing their completeness, not completing each other.
It’s because you’re seeking happiness through this person. These types of emotionally-charged individuals can be incredibly charming and fun when you first meet.
This Honeymoon Period sweeps you off your feet. Before you know it, you’re deeply in love because they have make you feel complete.
However, the honeymoon period comes to a brutal end once the truth that you two aren’t compatible is revealed. But, because you have an unhealthy mindset, you do everything in your power to keep it going.
That is the sickness you’re dealing with. Because you’re so unhappy with your current life situation, you try ever so hard to keep a relationship going.
You become needy, clingy and annoying with your efforts. It’s easy to blame your partner for pushing you away, but perhaps your partner simply understands that you two aren’t compatible.
This can be a tough pill to swallow for needy, codependent individuals. The idea of being single and getting back into the dating pool is a painful memory.
Is it any coincidence that “nice guys” always end up with the most frustrating relationships? Of course not. They’re only being extra nice because they got all the signs of a needy guy.
Before you know it, you’re actually begging for attention in your relationship because you can’t handle being away from this person who’s filling the void inside of you.
3. Stop Depending On Outside Validation and Reassurance
We’re really getting deep now. Prepare yourself because I love to rock your core. Expose the truth and stimulate change. That’s my mission.
Needy men and women don’t approve of themselves. That is the root issue deep down inside of you.
As a result, you seek approval and validation from a lover. No amount of great sex or amazing memories can make up the damage of approval-seeking.
It is, by far, the most unattractive behavior a person can do. It’s why you immediately brush off a salesman. If you’re like me, you purposely avoid salesmen because they’re so damn needy.
That feeling you get when a salesman approaches you is the exact same feeling your partner feels when you seek their validation.
Here’s what your partner is thinking when you are being needy and clingy:
“Please just leave me alone, my god. Go do something with your life for once. Let me be for an hour or two PLEASE!”
Not very pleasant, right?
If your partner is awesome, they’ll actually say this to your face. You should be glad when they do because they’re communicating their true feelings with you and trying to help you out.
This is why giving space in relationships is key if you want love to last for the long-term. The easiest way to suffocate your lover is to seek out reassurance and validation on a consistent basic.
It could be the words you say or your body language. You need to be conscious of this because it’s all mindset-based. You can’t fake it. Pretending to not be a needy person won’t work.
You have to actually change your way of thinking if you wish to stop being a needy and desperate person.
4. The Relationship Is The Center Of Your Universe
Here’s the easiest way to know if you’re a needy person: you’re always going out of your way for your partner.
You could be fast asleep at 3am, but you’ll get up and rush to the aid of your partner if they call you. It’s crazy how many people I’ve known over the years who fall into this rescue role.
One of my favorite sayings of all time that I’ve been teaching over and over again is this:
The hero gets ZERO!
You can tell who’s got a needy personality simply by watching how much they come to the aid of someone they like. They believe that if they don’t spring out of bed and rescue their partner from a party that they’ll lose this person forever.
Or, your partner is bored and texts you at 1am asking if you’ll come over. Of course you say yes because you’re a needy guy or girl and can’t go a few days without talking to your partner.
The typical nice guy falls into this role every single time. But, women also fall into this role. I have know many women over the years who are in a relationship with a narcissist. They want to believe that they can change him and be his beacon of hope.
But, that never happens and the relationship gets worse and worse as the months go by.
One of my best friends is a woman who has acts very independent and strong socially, but when it comes to relationships she is weak as hell. She will date men who string her along while she is constantly at his beck and call.
She’ll reject 99% of the men who want to date her. But, when it comes to the man that she actually wants, she is almost a completely different person with that guy. It’s very amusing to watch as her friend.
Unfortunately, her relationships always end with her heart being shattered. But, it’s really her own fault because she rejects decent men while trying to date narcissistic megalomaniacs.
She makes these men be the center of her universe and is always super nice to them. As a result, she eventually gets dumped or cheated on.
5. Needy People Try To Accelerate Relationships
Last but not least is that needy and clingy people always try to move the relationship forward in an unnatural way.
What I mean by this is that relationships are supposed to grow organically — you can’t force someone to love you or make them desire you more than they currently do.
Love happens naturally at it’s own pace. Corey Wayne always talks about how you need to let people come to you on their own. This is why I always talk about giving your partner space.
The problem with the codependent mindset is that you constantly feeling you are “losing” your partner. You feel as if they are drifting away out of love for you.
However, it’s this mental pattern that actually pushes loved ones away from you. You become clingy and needy, feeling like shit if you aren’t getting the love and attention that you desire.
As a result, needy people try to force relationships to the next level. You’ll find yourself blinded by love and the Honeymoon Period.
Next thing you know, you’re moving in with your partner that you’ve been dating for just 3 months! That’s not at all natural if you ask me…
Smartphones bring the worst out of you when it comes to needy and clingy behavior. So many guys get mad and upset when they haven’t heard from their girlfriend after a few hours. It’s pathetic and sad and does nothing but push the girl away.
So, slow things down. Let the relationship grow on it’s own. Give your partner space and patience to develop feelings for you. Put yourself in his or her shoes for a bit because their past may explain why they are slow to warm up (big lesson right there).
We’re all needy to a degree. However, the more conscious you are of it, the less likely you are to act on these feelings. That is key.
Being too emotionally needy and clingy will kill your relationship faster than anything else.
Developing more independence and learning to be more comfortable with yourself when you’re on your own is a big step towards healthy, long-lasting relationships.
What are your experiences with neediness in relationships? Please share in the comments below to get the discussion started!