While it might seem that I’m just here to help “normal/non-bpd” people succeed in BPD relationships, the reality is that both men and women with BPD enjoy my articles daily.
I’m not here to toot my horn or anything like that. I simply enjoy writing about my experiences dating someone with BPD.
In fact, I’ve helped many people with BPD turn their lives around. It’s possible as long as you believe that it is. And that starts with you.
I’ve been personal coaching a BPD woman who wants to fix her relationship. And it’s great that she has the courage to take this step.
Any time a man or woman begins to take responsibility for themselves is a wonderful accomplishment.
It’s the first step towards enlightenment and becoming a forward-moving, growth-minded individual.
Note that this applies to everybody – not just Borderlines.
Relationship Improvement Is Not About “Fixing”
The major key point to improving your BPD relationship has been mentioned above – it’s taking the responsibility upon yourself.
Instead of shying away and placing the blame on your boyfriend or girlfriend, it’s understanding that YOU only have control over yourself.
There’s no techniques or words or routines that you can actively “do” to fix the relationship.
And it’s really important as a BPD woman that you understand this fact. It holds true with both men and women.
The more you try to “fix”, often times the more you push your partner away.
As someone with BPD, the best thing you can do to get yourself on track to relationship improvement is to actually become capable of being in a relationship.
And again, this doesn’t just apply to Borderlines. Most people in general aren’t fit for a relationships.
Men and women alike date around simply because they’re bored and lonely. They don’t like going to bed alone at night.
And while this mentality might make you feel better in the short-run, the relationships never last in the long-run.
Again, this applies to most people – not just men and women with BPD.
Because this is a general advice article for BPD women, let’s take a look at some situations.
Has Your Man Really Fallen Out Of Love?
It’s easy to think negatively about whether or not your man has stopped loving you.
But you need to think objectively here, not subjectively.
The easiest way to know is whether he only likes you for sex. Because he’s a man, this is an easy indicator.
People that enjoy each other’s company have sex regularly. Period. If you two haven’t had sex for some time, then something is going on.
So you have a few options here…
Instead of being stuck in your head wondering all day, you need to be open to communication.
Don’t wait for him to open up to you. You need to take the initiative here and talk to him.
Be blunt and straightforward. Ask him why your sex life has gone down the drain.
Make sure you keep the conversation mature and civilized. Don’t attack him, don’t blame him, don’t accuse him of any wrongdoing.
He might have several reasons that he’s been bottling up for years. That’s not your fault. But also don’t get mad at him for holding things in.
That’s just what most people do. They don’t speak their mind. They keep their opinions and feelings to themselves.
Sit Him Down and Express Your Feelings
This tip is really only effective if you’ve been in a relationship with your partner for quite some time now.
Do not try this if this is just a guy you’re casually seeing and are trying to lock him down. It will only backfire.
With that said, sit down your partner and let him know that you love him beyond words.
Tell him that you feel like he doesn’t love you nearly as much as you love him. Then ask him what you two should do about it.
The reason you’re being blunt like this is to get a straightforward, honest answer from him.
If the result is anything other than “I love you and want to make this work,” then your next option is the difficult choice.
Be Ready To Cut Him Off and Move On
Your gut feeling is usually right. So if you feel that your man is just no longer in love with you, there’s nothing you can do about it.
And that’s okay! Yes, it’s painful but it’s not the end of the world.
You don’t want to be like the millions of couples out there who are together but don’t have any happiness.
True happiness and fulfillment can only come from within. And a healthy relationship is a team.
The reason why I’m able to help my clients succeed in their relationships is due to the fact that I teach them how to develop a relationship with the team mindset.
Mindsets are everything as I explain in my free BPD relationship “cheat sheet” so make sure you get it now if you’ve never received it.
You Have Multiple Options With Your Relationship
If you and your partner are married or living together but “out of love” as so many couples are these days, then here are your options:
1) You suck it up and you stay put. You don’t move out or break things off, even if your partner is seeing another woman.
If you really want things to work this badly, then you suck it up. You focus on improving yourself and changing your mindsets.
The hope is that as you begin to change and gain conscious control over your BPD, your partner will regain his attraction and love for you.
But if he’s dating a new woman, it’s really a long shot. It wouldn’t matter how much you improved – if he digs his new woman, he’s going to eventually move on with her.
2) You snip the relationship and move on. You can remain friends if you want, but your happiness must always come first.
I don’t believe in the codependent mindsets of putting others first. Like I said, it’s a codependent mindset and it isn’t healthy.
If you sacrifice your own happiness and well-being for “the good of the family,” all you’re doing is signing your death certificate early.
I’d be surprised if you lived beyond your 50’s with a mindset such as that one.
I personally have multiple family members who have lost their mind due to this codependent way of thinking.
Even if you have children with your man, it’s still healthy to cut things off and move on while remaining friends.
The less bad blood you create in the split, the better and healthier the children will grow.
3) You do both meaning you stick with the situation you’re in, but you agree to see other people.
I really don’t recommend this option as it’s practically impossible to move on when you’re constantly seeing your old lover.
This option is going to be completely up to you. Per my recommendation, ending the relationship and moving on sooner rather than later is highly recommended to keep your sanity.
Remain Single. Think Long-Term.
Remember that the key mindset for any sort of relationship success, including BPD relationships, is your ability to work as a team.
Relationships are 50/50. As a woman with BPD, remaining single for some time and developing your own self is absolutely key.
This is the reason why all of that cliche “10 tips to making him want you again” is all bullshit. These are just click bait articles of people wanting to sell you something.
The only way to successfully develop a relationship is to be a desirable woman.
And this goes WAY beyond your looks. In fact, it’s actually really tough to find a great partner when you’re a beautiful, attractive woman.
Nearly every single guy wants you. So how do you pick the guy that actually wants you for YOU and not just your nice booty?
It’s the struggle of being an attractive woman.
It comes back to the very important core value that you attract what you project.
In other words, you will only end up with someone that you truly deserve. Whether that’s a high-quality man or not will be up to you.
So knowing this truth, can you look within yourself right now and say that you’re the person you truly want to be?
The answer should be a big no. That’s the answer I give myself. Because I don’t ever believe in slowing down and just remaining content.
I am always striving to grow and improve myself. It’s the very definition of being a forward-moving person which I’ve made a part of my identity.
Do you want a man like me that’s always improving himself? Learning? Growing? Moving forward?
Then work on being this type of person yourself. I’ve coached many men and women with BPD into this healthy way of thinking.
It’s truly the key to happiness and relationship fulfillment. So whatever BPD treatment options you choose, start with self-growth.
True Love Requires Both Partners
Love is a concept that many people don’t understand. They flat out get it wrong.
Codependents like to believe that love is sacrifice. But this isn’t true at all.
There’s really nothing wrong with being perfectly selfish. Because the more selfish you are in a good way, the more that people in general will be drawn to you.
And this is because you’re not doing things with a hidden meaning behind it. You’re not trying to “fix” things or “get love in return.”
You’re simply being YOU and it actually makes you a more open person. You listen better. Your communication skills improve. You’re able to give your partner some space.
As a woman with BPD, becoming consciously aware of learning how to love your own self is exactly what you need to improve your relationships.
Understand that people always end up in the same relationship situations.
They go from boyfriend to boyfriend and it’s always the same result over and over again.
It happens with men at all. I’ve been coaching people for years and always see the same patterns over and over again.
If you’re trying to “fix” something without first fixing the mechanics behind it, the same result will occur over and over again.
These “mechanics” I speak of are the fundamentals you need to become consciously aware of what’s causing problems in your relationships.
It’s not fun at all to think about the relationships you’ve been in where you were hurt. Or where you did something that ruined it.
The past can eat you alive. And it does. It’s what leaves almost everybody you see in our society in sadness and unfulfilled.
So you must think bigger. Improving relationships starts with your own conscious, and controlling your emotions.
It’s getting a grip on who you are. The patterns that keep occurring in your life. Your desires. Your wants. Your needs.
The more consciously aware you become about yourself, the more improvements you’ll see in your relationships.
And as a woman with BPD, this is good news.
Ignore that haters out there. Ignore the negativity. Be positive. Have the willpower to improve.
You don’t have to live in this fear, this worry, this insecurity. It’s not something that’s “written in stone” for people with BPD.
You CAN experience healthy living and healthy relationships with the tools I teach in my Better BPD Relationships course.
When you start to shift your thinking, gain control of your emotions and become more conscious…
Your success is literally in the palm of your hands.
More doors will open for you than you ever imagined.
I hope you see how it’s definitely possible for any woman with BPD to improve her relationship. The question now is whether you choose to believe this truth or not.
Thanks for reading this article. Feel free to leave a comment below and let me know your experiences.
– Rick Reynolds