A reader comments:
“So Shark, what if you’re not necessarily looking for sex, but just a meaningful relationship? Sex could be an option later in the relationship, but I just want to focus building rapport and attraction. All of these articles seem to focus on the pussy rather than the relationship.”
Building a meaningful relationship in a world filled with feminazi propaganda and women who have had their egos bloated to legendary proportions via facebook/instagram fawning is almost an absurd goal.
But alas, it’s still possible for the lion-hearted (men willing to settle for nothing less).
Before getting into HOW to build a meaningful relationship, I feel it necessary to describe the aspects of one, as different people have different ideas on what constitutes a successful relationship.
A meaningful relationship is one where both partners mutually love each other without a parasitic dependency — they can both live without each other if necessary.
The guy displays confidence, control, and challenge. The girl displays integrity (trust), and attractiveness (both mental and physical). Jealousy is not used excessively to maintain attraction. Both partners enjoy each other’s company, and the girls’ interest level stays above 80% at all times.
There are other facets, but that should be enough to give you a general idea of things. Volumes have been written and will continue to be written on how to build a successful relationship, so it seems futile to attempt to cover all the ground possible.
Instead, I’m going to describe some of the phases that come before a meaningful relationship, and what each one entails.
1) Attraction: The initial seduction, whether done through a mutual friend or a cold approach. Here the guy must pursue his goal while STILL MAINTAINING CHALLENGE. You don’t call the next day after getting her phone number, you don’t text her concurrently, you don’t ask her on another date after she declines the first one. You must maintain other options. If you don’t have any, you must give off the aura that you have other options.
2) Screening: Her interest level is irrelevant; you assume that it’s high. Fortune favors the bold. Don’t worry about if SHE LIKES YOU; worry about if YOU LIKE HER. Be immune to her beauty. Would you enjoy hanging out with her even if she were ugly? Be aware of all of her flaws / complexes. You don’t need a girl who is perfect in every sense, but you want to avoid girls with too much emotional baggage.
*** The most important step for building a good relationship. Most guys don’t fuck it up later; they fuck it up from the beginning. They see a hot chick willing to wipe their knobs so they jump on the opportunity to make her their girlfriend.
They ignore all of her flaws, they ignore the fact that she’s cheated on her last 7 boyfriends, and they ignore the fact that she’s obsessed with getting male attention. You have to maintain a penetrating eye; don’t be distracted by the buzz of her beauty.
3) Beginning of a Relationship: You never bring up being exclusive first. You are aloof, you’re only concern is to have fun and enjoy her company. You see her no more than twice a week. Sometimes you completely vanish like you never existed.
4) Transition Into a Serious Relationship: Other girls must like you. You pass all of her shit tests. If you sense a decline in her interest level, you BACK OFF INSTEAD OF PUSHING FURTHER. You never say “I love you” first no matter how much she wants you to. WOMEN WANT TO BE THE ONES TO SAY I LOVE YOU FIRST (yes, nothing they do makes any sense). A girl WANTS to have to work EXTRAORDINARILY hard to win your affection. If you rob her of this by saying “I love you” first or too early, it will brew resentment in her.
5) Serious Relationship: You maintain frame control at all times. You don’t let yourself be sucked into her bullshit or drama. You are always there for her, not as a shoulder to cry on or a nice guy to complain to. You are there for her as a man, you are capable, you do not let her compromise your values or principles, and you are not desperate for her.
You are an oak tree and YOU ARE IN CONTROL of your emotions, YOUR EMOTIONS ARE NOT IN CONTROL OF YOU. You don’t complain or bitch about your problems. You laugh at her attempts to make you jealous, you ALWAYS have other goals in life. You live for a greater purpose.
You communicate. By that I don’t mean you bitch and complain about her flirting with other guys or telling her “how you really feel.” These are the rationalizations a chump will use to justify complaining about his insecurities. “I just want to tell my girlfriend how I feel…” they will say. No.
You communicate by catching her covert signs. You catch when her interest declines and you know to back off then. You catch HER when she fucked up in life. You laugh when she’s attempting to make you jealous by flirting with other guys because you’ve seen it all and heard it all.
You are a master of both yourself and her. You communicate by listening to the signals she gives off. Is this just a shit test, or is she seriously contemplating a break-up? Never let fear cloud your judgement. You call her out on her BS when you need to, and you leave if you must. You are not fickle or indecisive, you are a born leader.
Such a great post by Shark and he wrote this almost 10 years ago. The man knew exactly what it took to make a great relationship.
This is why I’m posting his articles on my website. His knowledge combined with mine is all you will ever need to get yourself a long-term, meaningful, successful relationship. Everything you’ll ever need to help you accomplish this can be found on my site here.
Notice how much he talks about how you need to be in control of your own emotions. I’ve been saying this since day 1. If you do not have control over your emotions, you will fail because your girl will not see you as a strong enough man for her.
Yes, she will pull some dumb shit at times. But that’s when you back off instead of chase. Most guys make the mistake of chasing because they think that’s what she’s doing.
But this is false. Women with BPD will often test to see how you react to her bull shit. And if you react in the wrong way, which usually means you chase her and try to earn her approval, she will just push you away further and further.
As Shark states, you call her out on her bull shit when you need to, and you leave the situation when you must. It’s really not that difficult to understand. And when you do it right, the relationship will grow stronger when she comes down from her drama trip.