One of the most common questions I get is this:
Why is it that women (especially young women) choose to date these awful, deadbeat losers instead of successful, hard-working, stable guys?
It all comes down to the way women are with their emotions.
And, in this social media age we live in, the deadbeat loser can really spike a woman’s emotions to obscene levels.
You see, guys who are generally successful and busy in their lives don’t really waste time on social media.
The deadbeat loser?
He LOVES social media. He has a ton of time to spare because his job is a joke (or he’s jobless).
Since women are emotionally-driven, always in search of emotional “highs”, they flock towards these losers for the simple fact that he makes her “feel good” in certain moments.
He makes sure that his Instagram stories are only videos of him hanging with the bros, partying, being loud, cruising around at 1pm when everyone else is working, etc.
Women Can’t Help But Love Emotional Chaos
The deadbeat has many surface-level qualities that women enjoy being a part of. It’s the “best” side of the deadbeat that draws the women in.
It’s like a reality tv show starring Mr. Deadbeat.
Instagram stories give all these losers their own reality show. It’s fascinating to women. They eat this stuff up!
Often times, these deadbeat losers will get a girlfriend solely through his “he’s so fun and always doing something!” vibe.
He’ll “wow” her for just enough time until she “falls” in “love” with him (it’s not actual love as I’ll explain later).
Once she’s in deep with Mr. Deadbeat, she soon realizes that he’s a total loser and isn’t really going anywhere in his life.
But, because he’s got that emotional energy that she loves, she believes that she can “change” or “help” him to reach his potential.
This is when she begins to invest her time and energy into making him a better person.
As I’ve been teaching for years, the more you invest your time into someone, the harder it is to leave said person.
Mr. Deadbeat will make a little effort here and there to “show” that he’s making “progress,” but he always ends up back to the same dude.
(Actually, he gets worse year after year. Every year that goes by, he becomes more and more of a loser. A guy that isn’t going anywhere is a guy who’s failing at life).
This is a topic that drives men who have difficulty attracting women and getting into relationships crazy. Most men can’t stand the deadbeats because they keep getting girlfriends while you slave away at your job struggling to find a date.
It’s a tough thing to deal with as a man. How can you stand out to these women when you’re busy working and making a living with no time to post stories all day and party 6 nights per week?
The answer is you can’t! You objectively can’t compete against these guys. They will beat you and get the girl 99% of the time.
That’s just the way it is and you simply need to accept it.
I’ve spoken to a lot of women over the years who have told me about the deadbeat losers they dated in their 20’s.
The 20’s is where women go through their “deadbeat” phase.
A woman is young and inexperienced when it comes to men. The deadbeat loser provides her with all of these great emotions that successful, busy guys can’t really provide (because they’re too busy making money and building stability to give her these things).
What a woman believes is “true love” is actually her first glimpse of a deep insecurity to care for a lost man who needs to find his way (it’s tragic).
Is there any good news in all this?
Why, of course!
I have also known many women who never even once thought of wasting a breath on a deadbeat loser.
These are the types of women I like to keep as actual genuine friends in my life, and it’s exactly the type of relationship I teach you to get in my Relationship Academy.
Sure, I miss out on hooking up with a lot of young, attractive, silly women because of this (been there, done that).
But, I absolutely love having social circles full of successful, smart women with great heads on their shoulders.
I encourage you to do the same and build your own circles of quality women. Befriend both men and women in this process.
What you need to understand is that the women who choose the deadbeat loser over you are doing so because she is subconsciously scared of your success.
These women mistake success and stability as being “boring.” She fears that she’ll have a “boring” life if she “settles” for you.
She has this fear that nobody else can provide the same emotional highs as her deadbeat loser. Out of fear, she sticks with him.
It’s A Deeply-Rooted Security and Society Conditioning
Only a deep insecurity and bullshit mental programming would convince a woman that dating a normal, stable man is “boring” and lame.
Society LOVES for women to go after the wild, crazy, deadbeat guys. After all, she gets to experience the Kim Kardashian reality tv life, right?
It’s truly sad the state of society we are in.
These mentally damaged women (usually BPD related) are stuck in a fantasy that they mistake for “true love.” They really do feel that if they spend a few years with this “exciting” loser, they can pull him up to be better.
She believes that after a little bit of time, she can fix his flaws and help him be the “perfect” man — in other words, mommy him to the point where he “grows up” and can take care of himself and a family.
Of course, the reality is these guys are losers so they only get worse over time — they never get better. And, they drag her down with him.
As I said, it’s a tragic fantasy in the minds of these (usually hot, attractive, borderline) women. Thanks Hollywood!
Usually when a woman figures this out, it’s a bit too late and all the healthy, successful guys have moved on to better women. Her selection of mate drastically drops.
There will be plenty of weak, timid beta males that will support her and deal with her toxic bullshit, but all the quality, confident men want nothing to do with her.
Don’t Be That Weak Beta Male
Ultimately, if a woman is choosing a deadbeat loser over you, it’s FATE telling you that it wouldn’t have ever worked out in the first place.
Afterall, you deserve a woman who doesn’t chase emotional highs nor deeply-rooted mommy fantasies. You can take care of yourself.
Many men experience a toxic relationship when they date these types of women. Why? Because you’re not a deadbeat. She can’t mommy you and build you up.
Therefore, this type of woman falls into emotional lows and lashes out at you. She can’t help it. It’s in her nature to date and support deadbeats, and that isn’t you.
You deserve a woman who craves success and stability just as you do.
These women are rare these days due to societal conditioning, but they ARE out there. You just have to look a little bit harder and meet a lot of men and women. You will end up finding these women through various social circles.
So, don’t get jealous of these deadbeat losers when you see them with some hotty.
Just remind yourself of the golden rule: you attract what you project.
That pretty girl you see with the loser? She’s actually a loser as well, and soon enough she’ll be crying against the wall hating herself for wasting so much precious time with a deadbeat.
It’s true insecurity at the end of the day.
Don’t feel bad that the “young hotty” is choosing Mr. Douche Canoe over you. That relationship is doomed to fail and she’s going to be in a lot of pain from it. Watch as she ages rapidly over the next 2 years. It’s amazingly sad.
And no, you can’t “save” these women from deadbeats.
Remember, she WANTS to be with him and fulfill her codependent caretaking fantasy.
Only reality can save her, and it won’t be pretty. It’s best you move out of the way and let life take it’s course while you move on to better pastures.
I have a blast talking about this topic, as well as many others, in my coaching podcasts and courses.
My latest podcasts have been about how to be a good, genuine man while still fun and attractive.
This is exactly what the worthy, quality women are looking for these days.
Saddle up and ride on over to my Relationship Academy to get instant access to all my courses and training programs.
P.S. It’s really important that you work on not feeling like a lesser person when a woman rejects you for a deadbeat. She’s actually rejecting herself from reality because she believes in fantasy. She would rather stick with the deadbeat due to insecurity and false sense of control over him instead of dating a guy like you who has his shit together.
The thought of dating a guy who has his shit together is very frightening for the insecure woman. She knows she can’t control you, can’t mother you, can’t play out her fantasy of “fixing the guy”, etc. The only thing she can do to you is manipulate you and try to tear you down (which she will if you date these women).
So, this type of woman is actually best off with the deadbeat loser. How can she tear down a loser? She can’t. So, she plays mommy and invests her energy to change him. But, it never works. It’s a huge insecurity that can cause her to end up divorced with 2 kids and alone. Very sad, but very common.
Hope you’ve enjoyed this message. It’s not often I drop big pieces like this. Be the best man that you can be. That’s all you can ask of yourself. In the end, you win. And that’s a great thing to realize.