Originally written by Shark on December 22, 2010:
There are 3 reasons why your girlfriend would want a break:
(A) Her attraction level has dropped below 30%. Women do not break up with their boyfriends when their attraction level has gone below 50%, they will instead choose to torture you and withdraw sex. If you sense your girlfriend’s interest level going this low, then you need to exit your relationship or risk dying a painful death. In this scenario, you have no hope. Attraction is like a rubber band, once it snaps, it’s done. Cut your losses and move on, don’t make the same mistakes in your next relationship.
(B) She has met someone else. It’s a sad truth that there are men out there much more Alpha than you. And yes, your girlfriend would much rather ride them than you. She will use a break as a way to decide what she wants without feeling the repercussions of guilt and hearing your relentless whining. Without actually being with you, she can much more easily rationalize being attracted to another guy. You have hope in this case, but it’s best to move on.
(C) She was craving the chemical rush that often comes from breaking up / getting back together. If your relationship doesn’t provide it, she will get it from tabloids, romance novels, Gossip Girl, Oprah, or otherwise live vicariously through her single friends. If drama is absent for too long, she will create it herself. You will NEVER be able to escape the cracklike addiction women have to drama. It is futile for you to try and find a girl “past all this.”
Two notes about C:
First, men do this too. Walking out is a weapon every person wields shamelessly in every type of relationship (sexual, familial, business) to get a stronger reaction from the other party. In a relationship, it is simply a logistical tool used to gain more attention and reignite passion. Which makes the concept all the more interesting: is it right or wrong then, and should you get back together with her after or no?
Here is why going on a break is almost universally a bad choice:
Your girlfriend will rationalize the break by convincing herself that she simply needs “more space”. If you’re a beta and your girlfriend goes on a break with you, you’ll call her 1,000 times, drive attraction even lower with your desperation, and kill any chance for a relationship. IF your girlfriend still takes you back, out of sympathy, you will enter the relationship in a submissive state, perfectly setting up a Noose and a scaffold for yourself.
If you’re a jerk, your gonna go fuk another girl. Oddly, this works much better than the former scenario. 80% of girls will still take you back, and they will never go on a break with you. BUT, if your relationship ever takes a downhill turn, she is much more likely to fuk another guy out of resentment. 20% (the feminists and women who pride themselves in self-respect) will cry for 3 days, and then they’ll get on with their lives.
The only time going on a break will work for your girlfriend is when you’re an Alpha (which is what you are) and you DO give her space, driving her interest level back up and giving her time to miss you. As an Alpha, you must handle the break exactly how you would a breakup. Ie; set up a win-win scenario so if she doesn’t want you back, you’re still over her. You MUST avoid ALL CONTACT.
To determine whether it’s a good idea for YOU to get back with her, you need to figure out why she’s going on a break. And by that, I don’t mean listening to her. Men communicate Overtly, hence why we try and listen to a girl’s words to figure out why they’re upset. Women communicate COVERTLY, hence why we never understand women. You need to understand what EMOTIONS are making her choose to go on a break, not the logical reasons she is offering.
Have you ever noticed how your girlfriend constantly shifts why she’s upset, what’s making her unhappy, or the reasons behind a breakup / break? She cannot grasp the reasons herself. She only understands the emotions that are driving her to do so. In accordance with cognitive dissonance, she will rationalize her actions AFTER WARDS in any way possible.
If she’s doing it to get more attention, remind you guys how much you like undressing each other, and otherwise create drama for the high from breaking up / getting back together, you must realize that it is in her nature to do so. Fostering resentment against this type of behavior will do nothing but bring forth infinities of chaos.
The only three things that will determine whether you stay with your girlfriend through this is the depth of your Oneitis infection, your chances with other women, and how much common sense both of you have.
If it gets too excessive, leave. If the break periods become to prolonged, leave. If you find someone else whom you think will make a better girlfriend, leave.
You will never find a girl completely void of a drama addiction. The key is to look for one who doesn’t get high from it too frequently.
Rick’s Comments: If you’ve been learning from me for some time now, you’ve probably heard me talk about how important it is to give your girlfriend space when the relationship starts to go sideways.
Shark has this magic of making complete and total sense with as little words as possible. Most people who write get too sidetracked and give a lot of fluff (which even I am guilty of).
And, because of the way that Google ranks blogs these days, they tend to favor articles which have more words than others. It’s a flawed algorithm that punishes writers like Shark.
I really like how Shark points out that 50% is not the point where a woman will leave her man. This is something I have believed for a long time now, and I shake my head at all the other “gurus” who keep saying that 50% is the magic number.
There are PLENTY of relationships where the woman will stick around and torture the man. She might have a 0% level of attraction to the guy, but continues to stick around for various reasons (money, convenience, access, etc.).
But it IS true that the more her level of attractiveness for the man drops, the more likely she is to start shopping for a new man. Or, as a better way of putting it, being “open” to the idea of seeing another guy.
And when it happens? She’ll convince herself that it “just happened” and she wasn’t out there looking for a new guy. Right…
Hence the importance of keeping your woman’s level of attraction for you HIGH at all times.
It’s actually quite easy to understand a woman. Like Shark says, you pay attention to her EMOTIONS which will come out by her actions.
The more bitchy she is towards you, the more obvious it is that her attraction level for you is lowering. She’s frustrated with you and she’s telling you this through her cunt-like behavior.
If your girlfriend ever suggest a break, your response should be “I’m so glad you brought this up because I feel the same. I want to focus on myself for a bit and have some fun with my friends.”
But, you should always be the one to request a break first. You don’t want her doing it.
This is why it’s so important to develop yourself to the point where you become a “no bullshit, no drama” type of person. This is one of my core fundamental lessons that I teach. If this is your first time reading anything from me, then this is the FIRST lesson I want you to learn from me.
The sooner people in your life learn that you have no tolerance for drama and bullshit, the sooner they’ll stop bringing drama and bullshit into your life.
I haven’t had any drama or crazy bullshit with any of the women I’ve dated for years now. I can’t remember the last time I had a fight with a woman. That’s how powerful this core value truly is. Developing this part of you is more important than anything else.
It’s a big part of being that “Alpha male” which Shark talks about frequently in his writings. And this isn’t your typical PUA alpha male — this is a much more developed, centered alpha. A true alpha male.
What’s great about this piece from Shark is that there isn’t much I need to say about it. He really drives the point home about how important it is to READ THE SIGNS of a woman.
Even she doesn’t know why she’s being an emotional basket case. But, you now know WHY she’s doing it. And it’s because she’s frustrated with you. You’re not as attractive as you once were to her.
Her drama is a way to test you on a subconscious level. To see if you have any of that “alpha male” left deep within.
We’re only getting started with these Shark posts. Much more (hundreds) to come.