Shark gives us a quick lesson here in this article. Short and sweet, just like many of his posts:
I have dealt with the most severe breakups known to man kind. I have seen men left suicidal, broken, and utterly destroyed. And through it all, I have noticed that the reason for their bottomless sense of grief was not at all what they thought it was, or what they paraded around about.
Following a breakup men have told me “she was my soul mate,” “I loved her more than anything,” “We were supposed to get married,” yada yada yada. In other words, that they were upset because of a cosmic sense of love and belonging that they had lost.
Following further investigation however, the real reasons came out to be much less grandeur…
a) The girl they were with was significantly better looking than any other woman they were with or any woman they slept with post breakup.
b) They didn’t think they could do better than this woman.
c) They felt a competitive anxiety, they hated picturing other guys sleeping with the beauty that was supposed to be theirs. The parasitism induced by the ex girlfriends of these men had fed off of fear and missing physical attraction, not love or belonging.
And this isn’t a rare occurrence. I have noticed that all men torn apart by their breakups are actually crippled over THESE reasons, not the extravagant ones they like to offer.
No amount of attachment anxiety can withstand the earth-shattering feeling of busting into a girl hotter than your girl friend. The experience is truly enlightening, something that would leave the Dalia lama illuminated. It awakens your primal instincts and instantly reminds you of your manhood. It serves as an ether to your Oneitis, burning through your dependency and attachment issues. I cannot emphasize enough the medical benefits of such an ethereal experience.
Should You Immediately Date New Women When You Break Up?
Rick’s Comments: Shark gives us some of his quick-witted advice above. I wouldn’t say I agree with it completely, but there’s definitely a lot of truth to it for most men.
When you do break up, of course it’s important that you’re giving space to your ex for the possibility of having her reach out to you when she misses you again.
I’ve dated some beautiful women in my life. The ones that I have missed the most over the years were NOT the prettiest of the women. It is always the women that I genuinely had a ton of fun with that I miss.
The women that would play video games with me, the women that liked the same nerd shit that I do, the women who enjoyed exploring new locations with me and enjoying the same food that I enjoy.
These women were way more fun that all the “hot” women that I’ve slept with over the years. And to be honest, the best sex I’ve had was with a woman who was pretty, but definitely not hot like a model. But she was by far the best in bed.
So I do disagree a bit with what Shark is saying. However, he is correct in regards to the average man.
Because most men are shallow and petty with little to offer other than the basic stuff, most men are devastated losing a hot girlfriend. It can truly destroy them. I’ve seen it happen to guys I know over and over again. I’ve tried explaining how it’s not a big deal, but they don’t get it. Their lives are so simple that it really is the end of the world for them when he loses the hotty.
For me, I just shrug it off and move on. I don’t think it’s that difficult to meet women these days. There’s so many different ways especially with the internet. There’s just no excuse these days to not meet new women and replace your lovers from the past.
I do like the idea of dating new women when you become single IF you’re not doing it out of revenge. If you find yourself sitting around hoping your ex will come back, then you’re not ready to go out and hook up.
If your ex girlfriend has BPD and now you just want to hook up again because you miss the sex, you’re definitely not ready. You need to spend some time alone and single until you’re happy again. I absolutely believe that you can be alone and happy. This should be your mission in life when you break up AND when you’re in a relationship.
You should never feel dependent on someone else for your happiness. Life simply doesn’t work that way. All the happiness you feel in a relationship is temporary, and it’s only there when things are good.
On the other hand, if you can build a life that you’re proud of without anyone else being involved, then your happiness will come because of your own accomplishments. Having a girlfriend is an added bonus!
What you need to look out for when you get back on the dating scene is that you’re not jumping into some sort of rebound relationship. These are pretty damn common, and as long as you handle the situation right, it won’t be a problem.