One of the more common questions I receive from readers is if I can help them get their girlfriend back. And the kicker is that they already have a new boyfriend!
These types of questions I often find myself shaking my head because it’s just one of those situations where the mindsets are soooo off. So I go to work helping with this as much as I can.
And of course, I’ve hooked up with my ex girlfriend’s before and so have many other men. But how do we do this? And why are our mindsets making things worse?
Before we get into the meat of this guide, I’ve got a free report that will benefit you if you’re in a situation with an ex. Check it out:
Like the report says, it’s all about the #1 error that people make which drives their partner away (often into the arms of someone else).
What’s this error you ask? It’s allowing poor behavior. So grab the free report as I go in-depth about this. Thank me later.
Let’s continue!
Getting an ex back isn’t really the best mindset to have because thinking about it really doesn’t do you any good. You need to be focused on what matters which is yourself. We’ll go into detail in this guide.
Despite what you might read on other products, websites and blogs, there’s really not much you can say or do over a text message or a phone call that’s going to magically make your ex want you back.
Sucks doesn’t it? With all the bull crap ebooks online, you’d think it was easy!
Well, I’m all about teaching the truth. That’s how I roll. And if you follow my training, you’ll have the most realistic chance of getting back your ex.
But like I said above, you got to start from within. We need to dive deep into the psychology of relationships and yourself so that you can learn how to attract not only your ex back, but people in general.
Once you get this right, getting an ex back becomes 1000 times easier as I and many of the men and women who have gone through my training have experienced.
Rick… Why The F*** Did She Leave In The First Place??
I want to briefly talk about attraction here and how it works. I won’t spend too much time because there are a million blogs online dedicated to attraction and ‘getting girls’.
First of all, attraction is hard-wired into both men and women.
For us men, it’s very simple – we like women that appear beautiful to us. Now of course us men have different tastes and all, but we’re all wired to respond to beauty. It’s the one thing that captivates us the most, especially in the beginning (and first impressions are extremely important).
If she happens to be fashionable, independent and making her own money, then by golly she is the complete package.
But initial attraction for men starts at her appearance.
For women, guess what?
It’s the same damn thing.
It’s 2016 and women are JUST as visual as us men are. It wasn’t always like this, but it definitely is now. I can’t stress how important it is that you take your physicality seriously.
If you’re a member of my Relationship Academy, then you know all about my “Relationship Trifecta” which is your physicality, your mentality, and your spirituality.
Get these 3 things in good working order and you’ll never struggle in relationships.
I’ve dated lots of women and the people I associate with are all quality individuals that have a lot of relationship experience. And believe me, looks matter. They make your life A LOT easier. Shedding 5-10 pounds of fat can make a huge difference, as will adding 5-10 pounds of muscle if you’re underweight.
So guys — take your physical appearance seriously. I cannot stress this enough. 2016 is an extremely visual society. Women are just as serious as you about looks. Believe me on this!
Basically every dating blog and website you come across likes to tell you that looks don’t matter. This is because they want you to buy their programs. Straight up lying. They tell you that you can get an amazing woman even if you’re lazy and not in good shape.
Sorry to bust your bubble, but this is simply not true for 99.9% of the attractive women you come across. I don’t care how good you are with your words, how awesome your Tinder game is, and so on — you WILL NOT get 99% of the attractive women out there if you’re not taking care of your self.
And guess what? Women will LEAVE you for other, more attractive men if you start to let yourself go in a relationship. This is much more common now in 2016.
What Else Do Women Like?
Now that you know the importance of physicality, something that all women of quality agree with is that they want a man who also understand them, who knows how women work, who can blast through the typical woman tests and all.
I believe that after your appearance, the number 1 thing that women are most attracted to is your level of self-respect.
Basically, your overall attitude, your energy, the ‘presence’ you give off all comes from your self-respect level. Women become very curious about men with high self-respect before the man even opens his mouth. It’s an aura these women are just drawn to.
The guys that understand this tend to be the guys who come off as more ‘alpha’ in nature, with that attitude and vibe that draw women in. Add this attitude with your good looks and it’s game over within minutes.
In my Relationship Academy, I talk about the importance of putting your self first. This is how you develop your self-respect. Many men and women have lost sense of their self-worth due to the emotional nature of your relationship.
If this is you, you need to focus on getting back to your true nature. If you’ve been in a Borderline relationship, you’ve probably been walking on eggshells and have completely lost sense of your self.
Much of my BPD Relationship Blueprint is about developing this self-respect. It’s about finding your voice, learning how to be your true, genuine self which can save relationships and get your ex back.
I was just reading an interview with ASAP Rocky and he truly believes himself to be a handsome man. He says he looks in the mirror a lot because he likes to check himself out. He says ‘I’m a handsome man.’
Yeah, it sounds funny and narcissistic, but he’s actually a very humble guy. He just happens to like to look at himself. He truly finds himself attractive which is a great place to be in mentally. And he takes his appearance very seriously. There are millions of women who find him sexy as hell.
Do you find yourself sexy? This is a question you need to ask yourself. If the answer is no, then you got work to do.
When it comes to your physicality, you will feel good when you feel that you look good. The more positive you can get yourself, the more desirable you’ll be as a human.
And this means your ex will find you highly attractive again. Many of my clients have their exes begging for them back after a month or two of my training.
Most Relationships Die a Slow Death
Because I’ve been in the game for so long, I know that somewhere along the road, her commitment for you died a slow death – assuming she was even really committed at all.
You may have started out as this awesome, fun, out-going guy, but after some time it turns out that you really weren’t all that she wanted. And soon enough she broke up with you.
A lot of people think love and sex is ‘on tap’ in a relationship because you two are ‘together’. But the truth is really the opposite – if you don’t work at being more and more attractive as the relationship continues, your partner will become less and less committed to you.
For me, when I get into a relationship I see this as just the beginning. This is when I really work hard on keeping my attractiveness at a high level. I work harder on myself, I push myself to new levels.
I do all this when I’m single as well so it just carries over into the relationship. But the key here is your attractiveness. If you lose that, your girl is going to find another guy that has more attractiveness than you.
Self-respect plays the biggest role in all of this because a woman can tell how much you care about yourself simply based on how you look, both physically and psychologically.
Now I’m not saying you need to look like Brat Pitt in order to date quality, attractive women, but people that respect themselves definitely take care of their look and their health. They also are fashionable.
And psychologically is what I mentioned above about liking yourself. The better you feel about yourself, the more confidence and positive energy you give off. And women are drawn to this like I said.
All of those things are extremely important when it comes to attraction. You must constantly work hard to keep yourself attractive until the day you die.
What happens in most relationships, especially when people get married, is that they have children and just lose sense of who they are individually. They stop worrying about being attractive because the kids are the focus.
But this just doesn’t keep marriages together. Divorce rates are growing higher every year even when there are multiple kids involved. So it’s really a serious issue in my opinion because these things can be prevented.
As a man of self-respect, the women you date will naturally be working hard to keep your attraction all the time – as long as you keep your attractiveness high.
Time For You To Stop Being A Doormat.
My entire training philosophy is based on the power of these mindsets because I know how effective they can be for developing long-lasting relationships.
When I developed my Overcoming Codependency course, I wanted to tackle the problem of being a doormat head on. Many men and women become a doormat without even knowing it.
You lose a sense of yourself over time. You give up your strength. You are easily manipulated and bullshitted. You lose respect for yourself, and as a result your partner loses respect for you as well. It’s a rough circle.
The more you respect yourself, the more you know yourself. And when you know yourself, you know where you’re going, what you want, what you don’t want, what’s best for you, etc
This is what women want in a man. They want this type of guy that just has his inner-core figured out for the most part. He’s constantly on this journey of improvement and she wants to go along for the ride.
She knows he isn’t perfect, but he isn’t afraid to be imperfect. This is key.
The good news is that these are all things you can teach yourself. I want you to understand that nobody was born with this innate ability to be good with women. That’s just not how it works.
Every skill that you see in somebody is something they learned and got really good at. So if you want to improve your dating life, you can learn all these skills to do so.
And no, this doesn’t mean you should go learning PUA stuff. Instead, you need to learn what’s most important: developing your level of self-respect. This is number 1 and it’s something that takes some time.
Believe me that when you’ve got this developed to a high-level, you don’t have to worry about what lines to say or routines or what to text. None of that crap will matter because women already respect you. No need to be witty or whatever.
Women just don’t like pushovers. It shows women that you’re just this comfortable guy that doesn’t like trying new things and getting uncomfortable. It tells women on a deeper level that you’re a man full of fear.
One of the best lessons you can learn as a man is that what you feel, your girl will feel. Obviously it doesn’t apply all the time, but something I do very well is that when a girl becomes irrational and ‘crazy’, I just become suuuperrrr relaxed.
I become sooo relaxed that I end up looking like I’m enjoying all this craziness. I explain my attitude in my Saving Her Tsunami guide, but basically it’s that I’m so relaxed and just amused that the woman calms down pretty damn fast.
I discovered this early on in my BPD relationships and I really think it’s what helped me do so well with rarely any fights. I’m not being a pushover, but I’m also not pushing her to the brink of a rage. Often times I would just leave and she would be begging me to come back soon right after.
This is all stuff I figured out for myself early on. Must have been 5 years ago now at this point. But yeah, it’s what really helped me do well in these irrational relationships.
Nowadays I don’t even have to leave. I just get really amused, I actually find irrational behavior quite hilarious at times and the girl can’t stay angry when I’m chillin on the couch completely relaxed and amused by everything going on around me.
The First Steps To Getting An Ex Back
I’ve outlined above how you can get an ex back. I’ve done it and many of my clients have done it.
I think it’s really important that you separate fact from fiction. Nearly all the books and blogs out there about getting an ex back are trying to sell you something.
I don’t sell any ‘ex back’ products because getting an ex back is a process that goes beyond silly ebooks.
This is why my training revolves around teaching you to become a desirable individual. When you got all of these things in order, getting an ex back becomes 100 times easier.
But it’s still not guaranteed. After all, if your ex doesn’t even glance your way, there’s nothing you can do. No amount of books or lines or ‘game’ will get an ex to desire you when they’ve disappeared.
This is just the reality. The truth. If you can accept this and realize that you should improve yourself for the sake of just becoming an awesome, attractive individual, then I encourage you to stick around and join my community. My new, free report and you’ll get off to a great start:
100% FREE PDF REPORT DOWNLOAD
THE #1 MISTAKE THAT CAUSES MEN TO GET DUMPED & CHEATED ON
(FIXING THIS 1 MISTAKE COULD BE THE ANSWER YOU'RE LOOKING FOR)
Tyler says
My ex left for a nother man then broke up with him but has a boyfriend now she told me she would date me if she wasnt dating another man do I wait it out
Rick says
Nah don’t wait it out. The best attitude is ‘Alright, you do you’ and then you get back to work on your own self. This is just what I do and that’s fine with me. Whether you’re my girlfriend or not, I’m still going to have my own thing, my own projects, my own life. So I’m good with you or without you. That’s the attitude of a real man.
Calvin says
So I was with this girl for a year and a half, things went great, chemistry was there, and we have been friends since 6th grade, she was my first love. Long story short she broke up with me exactly a year ago due to me becoming complacent, taking things for granted, time, effort etc. It was also hard due to us being at different colleges in different cities so long distance played a part. After the breakup as many men do I made mistakes I didn’t realize I was making, continuing to contact her, being her friend, posting emotional/subliminal messages via social media. After doing research I realized that those things do more harm than good and makes you look desperate, weak, needy, and they take you for granted in a sense because you’re so available to them and there is no fear of losing you. Two months ago she started dating someone new 11 months after we broke up, I was obviously devastated and hurt because I had aspirations of getting back together and I genuinely think I could be happy with her long term. I tried to make things work and I learned from my mistakes, I feel I didn’t do anything too detrimental the problem could’ve been resolved, but unfortunately it was my first breakup and I didn’t know about no contact or all these other rules you had to follow. It hasn’t been an easy process but I just completed two months of no contact which I will continue until she reaches out, I have unfollowed her on all social media, and just working on myself, my success, and focusing on what I can control. I just wanted feedback on what I should do moving forward, are we done for good? Will I ever hear from her again? It’s tough but I feel everyday is a step in the right direction.
Rick says
No Contact isn’t supposed to be some sort of technique — you go No Contact with the intention of never hearing from her again. You go and date new women. When she hits you up, you ignore her and don’t respond. Ever. That’s what No Contact is all about.
If you actually want her back, then you need to throw something out there. Hit her up, tell her that you want to give the relationship another shot and see if she’s interested in coming over for dinner or something. If she’s not, then you MOVE THE FUCK ON. She’s gone. Date new women.
Tony says
Man, I need your help and will be buying your book shortly. We’ve been broken up for a few months now and I have had a little chit chat with her because we have two kids together but nothing substantial. Drove by the house the other because I have been suspecting she has been with someone, even possibly before we broke up, which would explain a lot. Seen an unfamiliar car and so of course I parked a couple blocks away to get a closer look. Sure enough, there she was, kissing this guy which led to a slap on the ass before he left. Ouch! Its been a few days now, she has no idea I know, and the douchbag took her and my kids somewhere for weekend and she gave me a bunch of lines of bullcrap why I wouldn’t be able to see kids. She actually acted like she was still in town but busy shopping, sleeping over by gramma’s with kids ect.. Today I meet with to let her know I have come to realization that I have to let her go (even though I want her back) and am planning a major me caimpaign starting with working out, ect… I am worried this is getting serious fast but wanna play it cool, treat it like its ok and that I am happy for her be the bigger man, even though I wanna pound this piece of crap that is 14 years older than her, he has his own house, nice car and I’m driving my work truck and living with my buddy till I can get a better vehicle (winter is coming) and get some cash saved up since I am still paying the bills at my old home where she still lives withe kids. Could really use some guidance bud, I do believe she is gonna tell me about him today
Rick says
First of all, your anger towards this guy is doing you no good. It’s just making you worse. She’s probably told him that you aren’t around anymore and live hundreds of miles away or something. She is lying to you so she’s probably lying to him as well.
The difficult part is the kids. What is going to happen on that side of things? You can’t get her back at this point because she’s interested in another dude. You simply need to stop letting her control your mind. All your thoughts need to move on your own life and productivity.
Tony says
Well, he definately knows I’m around cause I’m finding out he was stopping by after I would go see kids and hang out and talk with her. She’s been taking kids over to his house and parking her car in his garage to keep me from finding out. At this point, I’m feeling better about the situation, and she still hasn’t told me which means she thinks I still don’t know. I have found this to be a nice advantage for this reason: I am trying to be the bigger person and a good father first, all this lying and decieving is actually making me feel better because I know and she knows even though she dosent know that I know that I am doing the right thing, the longer this goes with her, the bigger of a hole she is digging. I have realized I have been bending over backwards for her and even though we are broken up, she still has me wrapped around her finger. That changed today, I know it is not advisable to do no-contact with kids, however I feel that she is having her cake and eating it to, and as soon as I stopped returning e-mails and calls, she went nuts via-email on me, saying I’m playing the dick angle, and that she thought I wanted to be friends but now is lying ect.ect.ect. Nope, I figured two things by doing this, 1: if I am ever going to have a meaningful relationship with her in the future, the new friendship that will be borne first must not be one sided and 2: I’m taking her “getting away with something” if I am not contacting her, thereby not giving her a chance to lie. I have other ways of getting ahold of kids so she can’t keep them from me completely, and besides they adore me and she can’t stop them from wanting to talk/see me. Feel like for the first time in awhile, she isn’t controling me actions…what now?
Tony says
So, I guess what I’m saying is do I tell her I know or do I wait for her to tell me, I’m getting very impatient, she is going over there with my kids almost everyday, trust me I’m a good guy and don’t deserve this, don’t like the idea of this dochebag playing family with something I’ve put 14 years into……..
Nick says
Hey rick I need your help really bad. See my ex and I just broke up and she is seeing a new guy and im still madly in love with her. I tried to talk to her and asked for another chance, she said that I need to chance and that she has gave me enough chances and that she has moved on and I need to also. The is we have been dating for 7years and ive raised her daughter since her day doesnt really come around. Im so upset with myself that I messed it up. I just want to be with her. Can you please help me….
Dj says
Move on man there is someone else out there for you just learn from your mistakes what ever they were to not repeat history again.
Henry lee says
Do these strategies work on high school girls? I’m a junior, my ex is a freshman. She dumped me out of the blue because she wasn’t “feeling it”. Now she’s dating one of my friends who is a freshman, and he’s kind of a geek. I don’t know what to do. I’ve got to get her back. We haven’t talked since she dumped me.
Rick says
That sounds like high school. The faster you learn this stuff, then the faster you’ll be ahead of the pack. Get on it.
Ben says
Me and my ex broke up a year ago. We dated for 2 years. The first 6 months after the break up was rocky but the last 6 months I stopped talking to her I used the no contact rule. So it’s been a year and I still have feelings for her they are small but they are still there. So couple days ago she send me a text of a current event. We talked the entire day via text message. I didn’t know how to present myself via text until I read your thing and I feel like I messed up and presented myself the wrong way but I don’t know how I did. The weird part is that she has an official boyfriend and they have been dating for about 2 months so I found it odd that she would send me a text. Another thing is she send me a friend request on Facebook couple months ago in witch I declined but 2 weeks ago I accepted her request. But I noticed she deleted some pics of her bf once i accpeted her friend request and she posts a status of her bf and then deletes it and rewords it and when she reposts it. It sounds totally different it sounds like he is her friend. I feel like she is doing these actions because of me. But why would she send a friend request in the first place? I need help if she is debating on give it another go. I need to be alert to not screw anything up. But idk her intentions.
Rick says
A lot of women date because they’re bored and lonely. Guys as well. We live in such a crazy age now and technology is rapidly changing the game every single year. The dating game just constantly changes and because I’m always staying ahead of the game, I do well in relationships. I just keep myself updated on trends and what people like/don’t like, are doing, etc. And I keep winning. But that’s why I blog so I can help you all win as well.
Chris says
im confused, we broke up for a few months and in the end of aug this year we met at a party and we was talking, it all ended thats she was follow me home and we were saying thinks like: how much we like each other, thats we’ve feelings still and how much she miss me. and yeah we had sex and so…
but like a month later she has a boyfriend, i love this girl and we text each other and so on… i think that they were seeing each other when we had sex,
i don’t know what to do?! I want her back! and i think ( i can see it in her face thats there are something between us like feelings and stuff)… but i don’t know how to do to get her back, pleas help me.
pankaj says
I m 23 male from India and my ex is 21. We had broken up 2 weeks ago bcoz she lost interest in me & she also said that I hav no feelings for you now. But I love her a lot nd want to get her back. We r still talking as a friend. We r in relationship for 2.5 years nd meets almost daily but from last 4 monthes we havn’t meet eachother bcoz now she is in another city. There is a guy who meet her daily nd now frnd of her. I think he is a nice guy. But 2 days ago she said to me that I want to hav sex with him. But I love her soo much. Pllllzzzzzz help me out that wat I hav to do to get her back??
swaroop` says
samne thing happnd to me also man..dnt knw wat to do
craftypig says
Ok get your head around this…….My girlfriend broke up with me recently at the same time she had an abortion AND told me she had been getting friendly with another guy she met on the internet playing a game she bought for me!! Currently we are still living together but she is looking for her own place at the minuet. I confronted this guy in as much as I sent him a msg asking what the crack was, he told me that he had told my ex that whenever she tried to talk about our relationship he wasnt interested because he have all the facts and he also told her that due to his current situation he couldn’t commit to a relationship with her, but he said he would be there as a friend for her. I think she is hoping that when she has her own place he will try to commit to her. I dont think he will, his current situation is an excuse to let her down gently
Trouble is I think she is waiting for him, he is in my way even though he lives in continental Europe and we live in the UK, how can I convince her that she being foolish and she should be with me not waiting on some fantasy that will never be realised?
Rick says
You can’t convince a woman (anybody really) to change their mindsets. The more you try to change someone’s mind, the more they will resist. This is the problem with most people. They are so focused on their partner and trying to change their thoughts and such. It never works and it causes you to lose complete focus of yourself. By becoming codependent, you lose all forms of attractiveness because you lose sense of yourself.
dwayne says
I am currently living with my ex girl i have done everything wrong ( i just didnt drunk call her or text her) she wants to be with another man and she is talking to one now thats the reason she left i dont know if its my ego but i cant let her go we still sleep together what should i do
Rick says
Yeah you just need to quit hooking up with her man. Sex isn’t really a big deal so just tell her you don’t feel like doing it anymore and see if she starts chasing you down.
Nick says
My ex broke up with her ex twice and had a break once. She said that he was holding her back from her goals and it was a gut feeling that she was not boyfriend material but still loves(cares) him but not in love. She decided to take him back because he makes her days better. She doesn’t have feelings for me anymore but i still want her back. Is it worth it to try and get her back? I’m willing to wait.
John says
My ex left me we were best friends for 2years then dated for 8mos everything was fine so I thought. One day 6 days ago I left her house she hugged and kissed me said she loved me… But that night she went out with her cousin which has always hated me and tried to break us up. Well that night she got drunk and broke it off with me. I begged and pleaded made my self look weak. How do,i get her back? I also know now she is texting another gut not sure if she is dating him or not though
Rizzo says
Whats up Rick my wife and I have been sepurated for a year and two months. She left me for another man and awhile I’ve still love her and still want her back. We have been taking things slow and it looks like we could get back together but she is still with the guy and he lives with her. I don’t bring this guy up and don’t even speak about him. I need some pointers on how to are relationship even tho she is still with him. I love her no matter what and I want to make it work and now it seems like she dose as well. We have 2 kids and we where together for 12 years.
Alex says
Hy Rick. Could you give me some advice? I have been together with my ex for almost 3 years, about a month and a half ago we broke up, mostly because i became insecure, controling, jealous and some other things that made me a coctail of nastiness. I told myself i would win her back. For about a month i lost wight, changed my hairstyle, changed my atitude and peronality, i figured out the reason for the break-up and was ready to get back in touch with her. When i gave her a call after a month of no contact she was reluctant to speak to me but we talked, i tried to keep things light but she kept bringing up the relationship.She mentioned at one point in the conversation that it was inevitable for us to break-up at the rate things were going then, i agreed with her and told her i even knew the cause, to witch she started interogating me about this, she kept insisting but i didint go into details about it. She kept telling me i seemed like a changed man and continued to insist about the changes, i didint go into detail about what had happened to me over the phone. The thing is that she started to hint about the fack that she was together with a nother guy. I convinced her (no begging but it was dificult) to a meeting in about 2 weeks time. This new guy is from her new etourage from college (she started college about a month before the break-up).I was thinking of calling her up a couple of times before the meeting to smooth things over for the meeting cuz at this point she isnt really that good with the idea of us speaking again. So what do you think?
Do you think i have a shot?
Rick says
Nah I think you should drop this one. Remember that actions speak louder than words and she’s basically just giving you a little bait here so she can hook up with you if she’s still single and horny when she gets back from college. The tough truth and something she’ll never admit to you is that she’s been hooking up with guys at her school which shouldn’t really be a surprise. But this always happens so don’t feel bad. Everybody you know that’s in a long-distance college relationship is either cheating or being cheated on.
Ches says
Ricky i am living with my ex we know each other for 6 years she has been dating a other dude for a year now..the other night she was laying on the couch half naked next to me almost like she wanted me to do something same thing happened lastnyt i dont know what to do i want her back but dont know where to start…
We living at her sister for about two weeks and her sister ask of we has something going on she senses a weird vibe, and her sister is usually a good judge what should i do go in for the kill??? I still love her btw so i am thinking long term here
Rick says
I would just go for it and if she freaks out, then tell her she can’t live with you anymore. Grow some balls and do something, stop being a passive little boy it’s why she left you in the first place.
sophin says
I still love my ex and she loves me but she has a new boyfriend and …
Nick says
Ok so my girlfriend left me about a month ago and we sti fooled around because he said I was great in bed and now she doesn’t want to anymore because she has a new guy and doesn’t want to hurt him quote from her ” I really like him I havnt felt this way in years ” now keep in mind I’m good looking an this guy looks like a fucking cartoon character but she stoped talking to me we broke up because I didn’t have a car and and she didn’t like always using her car … Yes understandable but now I am getting a new car and I have told her this but she still won’t answer my txt I do love her and she has told me she still loves me but she wants somthing new I have read your page and I do workout and keep my self well groomed how do I get her to talk to me again and do you think it would be a great idea to just go see her when I have my car we have been on and off for 4 years and she said ” trying the same thing over and over again with the same results is the definition of insanity please just stop talking to me ” please contact me via email
Rick says
Dude let her go man. She’s found a new man. She’s done with you and that chapter in her life. I don’t care if the guy is ugly. He’s providing something for her that you never did and that’s all that matters. Leave her alone like she said, you’re getting into stalker mode and you’re going to end up doing something that you’ll regret. Change your mindsets, stop being codependent and you’ll be able to move on just fine. If you were building your life up and improving yourself, she wouldn’t have left in the first place.
Anonymous dude says
Hey Rick. I’m 25 and have been in an on-and-off relationship with this 22-year-old girl for 4 years now. 4 months ago we entered into a long-distance relationship due to a new job opportunity for me. We recently broke up over my infidelity since I thought she wasn’t sympathetic to a death in my family and followed my brother’s bad advice. We haven’t talked in a month. She reached out to me and we started talking. I told her how I felt about her and she disappointedly said she’s in a relationship with another guy. To this day she still calls and hookup with me for quality time and sex. I asked her repeatedly what she wants to do. She refuses to break-up with her boyfriend because she doesn’t want to hurt me the way I hurt her. Keep in mind that she’s committing the same crime with me to her man so it’s hypocritical in her claim. She constantly tells me she loves me and we even went on to talk about marriage. At this point I’m emotionally “stuck” whether to move on or stick it out. I’ve done some dumb stuff in the relationship but in spite of my actions I still love her. I’m so confused; she tells me she loves me but she doesn’t trust me or appear she wants to trust me. Given any circumstance I trust her without question. Any attempts I make at being a good man are met with past mistakes in which I feel what the point in trying anymore is. I definitely don’t want to be a doormat or a sex doll but I also don’t want to lose her. I’m currently active in receiving counseling to better prepare myself should she truly wants to pursue a true relationship with me and if not then I’ll be that much more prepared for another person. Am I crazy for going to such lengths for her? I appreciate any feedback regarding my spill. Thanks.
Rick says
Wait you’re going through counseling for this girl? This girl is cheating on her boyfriend with you and you trust her 100%? This girl can’t be trusted man. I don’t care how many excuses you make for her – you cannot trust her. Girls that are openly cheating on their boyfriends with you are girls that you don’t want to date – BPD or not. I have no advice other than to sleep with her if you want, but don’t date her. What did you expect to happen?
Nick says
I finally told my ex how i felt after one year, and basically told her that i wanted her back and a second chance. It was a busy night and alot was going on. but in the end, she said that she’ll take my feelings into consideration. what exactly does that mean?
Rick says
It means no. Sorry bro.
josh says
Ok so me and my ex girlfriend had been together 10months in a long distant relationship then pretty much a month later she had been dating this new guy. summer holidays came and we caught up because we go to the same camping resort, we got real close and ended up kissing new years and pretty much regaining feelings for one another and just hanging out everyday. when i got back home, the next day I log on facebook and find shes in a relationship with this new guy. she says she wants to be friends but I said “im sorry but i cant just be friends with you. i want more than that. i hope you will understand” I also wished her and her new bf the best.
Did I make a good move?? and more importantly what are my chances of her missing me and maybe wanting to get back together?
Rick says
First of all, if there was alcohol involved you can’t think anything of that new year’s kiss. People in general can’t really be trusted when they’re on alcohol. They’ll do A LOT of things that they wouldn’t do sober. Basically what happened is she got up the next day and felt ‘Oh crap, I shouldn’t of kissed Josh…” and immediately went to her new guy to confirm the relationship. It just is what it is. As for your Facebook move, I would have just deleted her off of your friends. That sends a pretty good message. Then I would have ignored her when she reached out to me. Maybe if she hit me up in a few months I’d give her another chance.
Shannan says
Ok here is my question. I was invloved with this girl for about 8 months, were engaged for a while, she left me about 3 weeks ago for this guy who has a 5 bedroom house, and has a Cadi that he lets her drive. We still text everyday, she wanted to hang out last monday and we did, was like we were back together and we had sex on her “Baby Days”. She said if I got a better place and a better job she would be with me. Then three days later said no matter what I have she isnt going to come back to me for reasons she wont say (I think its cause he has money) altho the guy is boring in bed, boring conversations and so on. But with me the chemistry is still there as we are very much super attracted to each other still. He is gone next week for a week and has expressed that she would like to hang out. I cant text after certain times cause it makes him insecure as I guess he is always bringing me up. So we are still having sex, we still text, she wants to be friend and blah blah blah… What could I do to get her back. (I look like brad pitt, he looks like the geico commercial neanderthal lol) p.s. we are each others best lovers… what are some tachtics to use. any feed back would help… Thank you.
Rick says
My first advice is to not listen to anything a girl says about another man they’re dating. You can’t put a lot of weight on words. Drop your ego and understand that guy is giving her something she likes. It’s not just money, trust me. There’s something else. 1) Women would rather live in a studio with an amazing man than a mansion with a boring man. 2) Again, drop the looks comparison. It doesn’t matter. 3) Again, it’s not about the money as she said she isn’t coming back to you no matter what. 4) IT’S NOT ABOUT THE MONEY. 5) You also don’t know if he’s boring in bed. He’s probably a rock star but she just tells you that to make your ego feel better. Remember to always judge ACTIONS over words. She says he sucks in bed – yet she still sleeps with him… Sex just isn’t a big deal like I always say.
from sweden with love says
Best advice I ever seen ! Hell yeah, im doing this right now;)
nikhil says
Heyy Rick …. me and my ex broke up 4 years ago i still have feelings for her. she currently dates my used-to-be bestfriend they have been together for i guess 2 years or so (not sure). At first i had completely stopped talkin to her after she broke up with me.I started liking other girls too but never dated them. but my ex has always been on my mind i cant forget her its been for more than 4 years that i have liked her…. the first time i fell in love with her was in grade 8 nd now im currently in college. I am really confused what to do . is there any chance left for me to get her back.
Rick says
No.
Eli says
Hello Rick, So me and my ex broke up about a year and half ago. She has a boyfriend of like 6 months. I still have feelings for her. I don’t show them. I have worked on myself and date other girls and etc. but at the end of the day I still have feeling for her. Me and her still talk via text messages only. I have her on social networking and etc. She invited me to her sisters birthday party where of course her boyfriend will be attending. I don’t know if I should attend the birthday party and I don’t know how long I can should keep going with this feelings. At times I think just cutting her off my life for good will be the decisions but I feel like its immature and I won’t get that 2nd chance and at times I feel like just being her friend and that maybe one day I will get my 2nd chance. What do you think is the best decision? My friends say its up to me but I want to know what are my chances and if its even possible for a girl to take back a guy and if I should wait patiently or not.
Rick says
I think you should only go to the party if you have a date to bring. You don’t want to go solo. So, if you can’t find a girl to attend with you, then tell her that you can’t make it. Otherwise, bring a girl with you and have a good time. I also suggest you stop texting her. Look, we all have feelings for our exes. It’s human nature and it’s okay to have these feelings still. I care for all of my exes. But I also have the discipline to not text them or talk to them unless they talk to me first. There’s no reason in my view to keep talking to a girl that isn’t available unless you truly have no romantic interests in her.
Ryan M says
Hi Rick. My girlfriend and me split up two weeks before Xmas. We had been together for 5 years, but we did have a 2 month separation about a year ago. We also have a son together. We have had some problems obviously but I always thought they were fixable. We went through some counseling last year but didn’t really committ to it. Around September of last year I noticed a guy was talking to her at a park when I went there to drop our son off with her. She introduced me to him as “her man” and we shook hands. She could tell I was uncomfortable and began to tell me that he was gay and just her friend. We started to have more arguments, mainly about $ and her reckless spending. She became cold and distant and started to disappear and stay away from the house as much as possible. I work nights and we barely saw each other during the week. So you know where this is going….. She cut sex off around Halloween. We spent the Thanksgiving holiday together where she appeared happy and almost felt like old times. But a few days later she was completely cold again and I moved out in December. Since I have moved out the new guy is at my old house almost every night. She freely admits now that they’re more than just friends and that she had no intentions of being with him at the time and that he was just her friend to start (yeah right.) She says that we’re never getting back together and that I need to move on. Believe me, I have made every mistake in the book by belittling her decisions and calling her a cheater and whatever else. The pain is so intense right now and it makes it worse that she tries to make things all civil for our kid and act like nothing is wrong with what she did. She acts like we were nothing and has said that our relationship was over for a long time. Even though we had a good summer and she was even writing down wedding plans. Is this just what it seems like, a classic case of her falling for another guy? I don’t know how to act or how not to lash out at her for this. Oh, did I mention this new guy has $ and is basically a bodybuilder? I’m thinking my chances of ever getting her back are slim to none. Thanks for your insight in advance.
Omar says
We broke up 3 month ago, because she said that I wasn’t sirious enough. I want her back but at the same time I want to date other people. She was my first love. She won’t let me go to college for 12 years because she said that it’s too long. She is planning on getting married right after high school. How do I get her back before then. We are both junior.
VG says
Hi! I would really appreciate your thoughts on my situation; i’ve read your posts and they are really encouraging.
I’ve been together with her for almost 4 years, had a great time, great experiences, great time with our families and the rest. I would have honestly seen myself with her for the rest of our lives. Two weeks ago we went out and she told me she wanted to break up. I admit that I freaked out after hearing this, because i did not undestand why. I told her that i respect her decision, but i deserve at least an honest explanation.
Unfortunately she did not really gave me one. In the past few months I’ve had a though time (problems at work, parents getting sick, money issues from parents getting sick) and I fully amdit that this affected me. Still, i never wanted this to cause a gap among us, and she never said anything to me, and even more, i always tried to make up for busy evenings, money shortcomings and the rest.
Very soon after she left me, (two days later, as she spent two days at some friends in another city) i tried to talk to her again. I told her everything I felt for her (which i did before, to be honest) and i told her that i still think i deserve an explanation.
She told me that she feels that she doesn’t love me anymore, she’s with another guy (she even told me they had sex) and that she feels regret that I have to get hurt by all of this.
We didn’t talked since.. i’ve been really messed up – did not get much sleep, i feel powerless and pretty muched screwed.
I really miss her, and in a way, i have this feeling that if i really am to blame for all of this, i won’t forgive myself. Still, i want her back; even more, it’s pretty frustrating that all the issues i mentioned before have more or less settled, which can only cause joy. Still, i miss her and i want her back.
What’s your thoughts?
Thanks!
VG
Nick says
My ex and I have been together almost 4 years and been broken up for a year now…we still talk to each other about once a month. I can’t never seem to get her off my mind because I’m too in love with her..she caught me talking and hugging another girl so she still to this day think I cheated on her..I need help winning her back from her new boyfriend because I knowshe is the girl for me
b says
I was with my ex for a total of 5.5 years. I honestly believe she has bpd. She has always been difficult to please. She is 27 and I am 36. She has the ability to be a good girl mostly the first 3 years but after that she became distant at times. We spent a lot of time together over the years. She claimed she wanted to be married. Over the years she would cook everyday, showed attention, helped me with my kids ALSO she has also burned me, communicated with her ex, received flowers from him…so she says, from him 9 months after we started talking, he was allegedly so bad,…looking back those flowers probably didn’t come from him, burned me acting like it was me, keeps up chaos and confusion, abusive, possibly slept with her boss and the next person in charge who is married, strung me along from May to Dec 12 talking about she don’t want my ass. Friends have seen her with other guys 2-3 weeks after we so called broke up. Like at times I use to feel guilty about not marrying her and having kids but now I thank the heavens that I didn’t. When I see her at work events she tries to act like she all into me…just blocking but if I called her she would have nothing to do with me. Is this woman even worth the heartache? She has gone from showing me alot of attention and suffocating me to basically cutting me off. Should I block her number or change my number?
Anon says
Hey Rick,
Love the resource, and I can honestly say it’s changed my outlook significantly. My BPD and I broke up at the 3 month mark, then got a text out of the blue a month later and ended up hooking up. She says she wants us to see each other just the two of us and take it slow in case of getting hurt and all that….. So we’re currently seeing each other once a week, and last night when she cooked me dinner I put into practice some severe emotional control and assertive behaviour which paid off dividends. No drama AT ALL all evening. My question is, do I always wait for her contact for the meet up or is it ok to initiate sometimes if I feel like seeing her? Still learning, and hoping its not too late to set the boundaries! Thanks for a great resource!
Rick says
Usually when you’re in the break up stages, there’s going to have to be significant change to make it work again. That’s why there really aren’t any strategies or techniques in getting a girl back. As I outlined in the article, the best way to get an ex back is to simply redevelop your life into an awesome one. And even if you do that, there’s still no guarantees :)
Anon says
Yeah, I recognise being too soft in the beginning…. But I’ve been working with a therapist on being more assertive especially with boundaries etc. the real turning point was when I was recovering from ankle surgery to have a plate removed and she was nowhere to be seen for the week. I got low and things went south. I’m now in a much better place again, training, competing in tennis, building my business etc. I guess my question is, if she cold shoulders me over a jealousy issue (hers not mine)…. Shall I just go nc and wait for her to sort herself out? Or do I call her out on it and tell her to cut the crap? It feels like a power struggle at the mo
joy philip says
i want my ex girlfriend back but she has a boyfriend
Anoymous says
Rick, my girlfriend and I broke up about 2 months ago. She says that she misses me and us. She sees us together in the future. I am afraid that I am putting too much pressure on her right now. She said that she wants to start out as friends right now, but she is seeing someone else. What do I do?
Rick says
I just agree to shit like this. Most guys listen to much to women. You should just say ‘Sounds good!’ and leave it at that lol. Just don’t be too available for her. Like maybe agree to hangout one third of the time that she offers. Be busy often. I actually enjoy the friend zone because it lets me show how attractive I am. I purposely throw myself into the friend zone with quality women and win them over time.
Fred says
Hi rick,
I’m in a different situation I was seeing a girl who had Been on and off with her bf….basically I was the side guy for two yrs. at first things were great for the first 9 mo she even asked me to be her bf…I unfortunately was not ready it actually wasn’t until 6 mo ago that was ready to be with her but unfortunately it was to late…and a month ago she completely broke things off w me and is now working things out with her bf…I have since stopped iniating all contact but she will periodically contact me and I’m always positive and respectful….but how do I kick it up a notch and get back what we had? Please I need to win her back we had some amazing connection and chemistry please help
Rick says
I think you need to move on. Those who delay always pay. This means you delayed and now you’re paying the price. What you can do is just be very non responsive over text, let her reach out to you, be flirty and such. Don’t have boring logical conversations with her, she’ll just ignore and go back to her ex. You’ve got to spike her emotions in these short periods of time you have. That’s tough over text which is why I suggest to move on or get her out with you in person and just have a really good time with her (and try to hook up).
Robert says
RICK… my gf and I broke up dec 4th. I waited several days. Then contacted her trying to fix it but no dice…did same thing for a month about every 6-9 days… then about 2 weeks ago I did a drive by at 4 am.. guys truck in her driveway…waited about 4 days drove by her work she came out to talk. I didnt directly ask about the guy she said he has been buy once then she said twice…she was very adiment they were not having sex and that he was just a friend.(as if I believe that).but he is actually an ex from way back.. her and I have been together for about 7 yrs had a breakup almost 2 yrs ago in which we stayed apart about 7 months the last 1 or 2 she was seeing this same guy…… really difficult to deal with period either way but is it more fearful or better it is him for the rebound? …pics him cause he is convenient and knows it wont work and the rebound she self destruct or they real decided to make a go of it?? As you were telling another poster it is hard to believe we could be together that long and she move on so fast…….she is very very strong willed… stuborn and prideful. .. even if she did want me back dont think she would make a move…I am pretty sure she knows I love her to death and could pick up phone and want to talk and I would….. it will be very hard to know when and if it does fall apart to make contact with her because I have no inside scoop….rite Now I am approaching 14 days no contact. I am very hurt by her choice , severely. ..but I have not reacted to him or lost my cool in any way…. we were fighting a good bit when she left.. but it was over the same stuff mostly schedule conflict.. acting like 1 family but 2 houses.. anyhow she brought up alot of negitives about me that were part true and some she said she was worried about. But didnt sit down at table to say we need this fixed or else. She just baled…she has a habit of that when it gets time to make a real move…I am very very crushed and desperate at times I am sure but im working on it I have not let her see it … we have gone through tuff spots before but she has never involved anyone that quick and just quit on us….he is in no way the provider I have been… but he may be willing to just let her run the show and hang in there for the benefits for quite some time…thats is what I am scared of…if he just always goes With the flow… the rebound could last a while…deep down I really know we loved one another and have had a wonderful life. But her commitment issues have always hurt us.. I stepped out on her about 3 yrs ago when she pulled one of her leaving situations but she wanted to call it cheating even the counselor we went to told her it wasnt smart of me but wasnt cheating…anyhow she has been all bugged out that I would do it again.. and our kids her and mine had a few issues but nothing normal families dont have…anyhow after all this do you have any advice as to rebound guy… and … omfgosh should I just try and wait him out..and by waiting I mean date do whatever I feel like but still be ready for them to bust up… or after 30 days try some texts that are playful. Non preasure. Maybe even reminders of some good times…any help will be appreciated… especially with the rebound guy…thanks
Rick says
The best thing you can do during a break up is to not pursue and instead focus on your own life – like I talk about in this article. The last thing you want to do is chase.
Robert says
Any ideas on the new bf?, rebound or are they regrouping…focusing on me is fine for now I am in 15 day of no contact…just trying to get myself ready for whatif….thanks
Heer says
I left my bpd husband 2 years ago … After living with him for 6 months , I needed a break coz I couldn’t comprehend his destructive behaviour and my self esteem was going down the drain ….. I did not contact him for 1 year … I was getting hold of my life back along with trying to figure out answers about his behaviour …
Discussed and finally found out through a psychatrist that he has bpd along with npd and ocd ( highly destructive )
The problem is I’m finding it very hard to get over his love side … Wen I remember his hate part it gives me chills …
I want to help him n feel sorry for him
I recently contacted him after a year and I got a response that I myself made a decision to leave him and that he has moved on ….
He’s not giving my belongings back and signing for divorce legally…
What is the best way to get him back n make him understand that I really do love him n want to help him … I’m not sure if he is seeing someone else …. We r in different countries
Please help …..
I have learned and am aware of all the coping skills to deal with him
Rick says
Well unfortunately these people are incapable of being loved simply because they have no love for themselves. As long as a person holds onto baggage and deep rooted pain, they will never be able to truly love. This is a fact that gets ignored constantly.
Lisa says
My BPD broke up with me because he had a sudden and traumatic experience with his mother rejecting him and he decided to cut ties to “re-invent” himself. (We were in the process of moving in together, boxes packed). He said he felt nothing for anyone and never did, but is online dating. How do you re-establish contact if your BPD ex moves in different circles and has been using NC? And re-establish contact without triggering defensiveness?
Rick says
It’s just a shitty situation for you to be in. The fact remains that in this day and age, you can’t force anyone to want you. The more you do, the more you end up causing more harm. While I’m not a fan of No Contact, you do need to cut contact down a bit. Try to position yourself as ‘just friends’ and then see if his desire for you can build from that. But I do recommend that he be reaching out to you much more than you for him.
Jeffery D. says
So me and my ex have been broken up for about 2 years. It’s a long story, she was going through a rough time and we’d been together for about 7 months and wanted to take a break cause she was constantly down on herself and always in a bad mood. She thought it would let her thoughts get together and make sure it didn’t affect us, well I loved her and of course like many men, over reacted and tried to be nice but constantly found myself talking to her, she ended up finding a guy about 1 month later as I kept messing up and they ended up dating. They still do to this day, I moved on and found another girl that I love. But things have been rocky, and Me and my ex have been in contact every now and then for the past month about each other’s relationships and have gotten to be friends again, she even called me bawling one night and told me how sorry she was for what she did to me. I find myself constantly think about her and don’t know what to do from this point if me and my current girlfriend arnt gonna work out or if she likes me. It’s a messed up situation I know but I’m
Just looking for some advice on what to do about her. The time we were together we never got in one fight and always agreed on everything and everything was perfect until she started to become like that. Can you help?
Rick says
My advice is to stop talking to the ex. My advice is always to never get back with an ex. I am all about moving forward and if you go back to an ex, you’ve moved backwards. Unless your ex has made some awesome strides in her life while you two were separated, just let her go or she’ll disappoint you again.
Surreal says
I’m looking forward to your writing about the opposite dynamic where the male is BPD and the woman is a non trying to have a relationship with him. You have so much insight Rick but as a woman in a relationship with a BPD narcissist I’m hitting a brick wall of sorts with reading about women BPD and not men. I’m so eager and excited at the thought of what you will be writing with regards to men BPD’s. We non women really need you Rick and your vast understanding into the world of all things BPD.
Cheers;
Surreal
Rick says
Thanks for the kind words. The men are a different case but again it all comes down to issues issues issues! These people have deep rooted issues and it’s messed up their mind. You’ve got to be aware of them and avoid taking their antics personally. The less affected you appear to a BPD from their craziness, the more they will respect you. This doesn’t mean you become weak however. Don’t let them mistake your kindness for weakness. They need to know that you’re strong and willing to stand up for yourself.
Saq says
Hi Rick, OK so my situation is complicated I dated this girl for 4 years and 6 months I was her first bf we were great together had a few ups and downs and one day she told me she is tired of me not making her my priority and always frnds and work comes first but that’s the way it was I just hadn’t realized how much I loved her at that moment until we broke up… The reason was we were in an open relationship for the last 6 months thinking if we find someone we stop what we have and move on…. One day she came and told me I met this guy yesterday and I said OK so do u like him? She said yea he’s nice I spent the day at his place… So I asked her did u sleep with him? She responded no I Would not on the first date!!! But I knew her so well knowing something isn’t write and looked around in her phone at night when. She slept and found out she had slept with him and when she woke up I kicked her out of the house taking my gifts back that she was wearing cuz I was really hurt and mad about it…. We exchanged bitter remarks for a few weeks and then cut off our connection with each other for a year now she has broken up with the first guy and with another one for almost a year… She says she loves him but I msg her to talk and to get this hatred towards each other to go away and maybe get her back in my life as I love her a lot!!! She said you can take me out for drinks one day and asked if I was seeing anyone…. Should I go and show her that I’m a better guy than towards the end of our relationship??? Or should I just try again. And again to get over it until I do I really don’t know what she wants to do with me going drinking with her when she is with her new boyfriend…. Help please what should I do?????
Rick says
My advice is to forget about this girl and find another one. Jeez man it’s been over a year. Don’t go for girls from the past. The whole ‘trying to get your ex back’ thing is really flawed. If it didn’t work out the first time, what makes you think it will work the second? Yes, there are exceptions but 99% of the time it doesn’t work out. Find a new girl.
Ally says
and what happened if I want to go back with my ex bpd boyfriend? and yes he actually have a girlfriend
Rick says
You work on becoming as attractive as possible, and you wait until he’s single. Then you make your move. It’s a waiting game. If you hook up with him while he’s with another girl, then he’s a cheater and he’ll probably do it again to you in the future.
rek says
I’ve been dating my ex since freshman year of high school(2006) we have always had a good relationship besides little arguments but what couples dont but no physical abuse or anything else..but in my case my own personal problems effected my relationship..but then I was living in northern VA & originally from NY but with the problems I was having ther, I ended up moving back to NY around may(2010)..even though we were apart we handled the long distance thing pretty good for about a couple years, I was traveling back & forth from NY to VA to be with her, til about 2013 hit..at the time I was working & she was in community college and working also..during around that time I felt that we weren’t in contact as much as we were & I even remember her telling me that if I wanted to talk to her I would have to call at a certain time that she gave me to call her..but I was working also & the times I worked didn’t always mesh with the time she left me to contact her & then it became seldom contact but when we did talk she would ask if I had a girlfriend & I didn’t because I never remembered us coming to a conclusion together to break up but with seldom contact we talked again and she asked me again was I dating someone & I wasn’t but I told her that she had a boyfriend though, it was like I could sense it because she asked me multiple times if I was dating..but when she told me that she had a boyfriend I was torn, & this was around June, May(2013)..I didn’t contact her about another month or so after that..when I did i told her that I didn’t like that she had a new relationship..I didn’t contact her again until about last week but my birthday was in between time & she txt me happy birthday but that was it..when I contacted her a week ago i told her what I felt about our break up(the first time we talked about it since), I didn’t tell her everything cuz I didn’t want to push her away more or pressure her about it but I told her mainly what I wanted to say..I really want my girlfriend back but I don’t know how long she been together with her New boyfriend or how she feels about him..but to me I think time & my personal problem was my worst enemy in this case & maybe the distance but I really want her back..pls help me!
Rick says
Hey man, take a look at the brand new article I posted about being single. I talk a lot about why time can be your best or worst enemy. I don’t believe in doing things to get an ex back. Instead, what I believe in (and personally have experienced multiple times to this day), is simply always moving forward and growing yourself, instead of being the same, common person you always are year after year. Who I am today is not the same person as I was last year, and who I’ll be next year will be an even more evolved person than who I am today. It’s this change over time that really intrigues people and especially my exes and why they keep coming back and ‘checking up’ on me ;)
Wade says
Hey Rick, I’m riding he roller-coaster of a recent break-up. Now you’ve talked to a lot of people going through this. I found my attraction to my ex, who I believe is BPD, is like a drug. She wanted me to comeback and be with her. However, I was unsure bc I did not know WTF was going on. She got pissed off and said that’s it were done. We were together for a couple of years. After that, I had to find out what the hell is up. I found your blog and it opened my eyes to BPD. I would take all the crap personally, now I know it’s not me specifically but the disorder. I see how I enabled some of the problems and made things worse by arguing. Things make more sense, thanks for opening up my eyes.
Matt says
Hi i broke up with my girlfriend last year but was dating till end of year but since then i made the mistake by not asking her how can move forwards but now she with this guy she been friends with that iv known for quite awhile and they been together since end of jan this year i dont know what to do as i know made horrible mistakes by asking her back but never worked but it came to saying wont txt or ring till soughted but now i just want to txt her and slowly going out of my mind what should be my next move to do thanx
Rick says
Just let her go. Focus on the future. Plenty of new women out there :)
Jake says
My girlfriend broke up with me a little over a month ago, we dated for just about 2 years. since we havent been together I have done pretty much everything youre not supposed to do threw text messages and drove her further away from me. Just a couple weeks ago she told me that shes with someone else now. I continued to text her but not as much then just last week she said that we cant talk as much if at all anymore cause shes with this new guy. I havent talked to her in almost 2 weeks now since she told me that and it is torture. I am praying that I can reverse all this and get her back some how. I just dont know how to do it. I honestly feel lost with out her and it seems like she is happier than ever I really dont understand it. Is there anything I can do to get her to come back to me???? Any suggestions? Anything I can do??? Please respond or e-mail me back it would be so greatly appreciated to get some advice or a guide to do this. I am on day 12 of no contact right now. Before i started this i went about 5 days with out contacting her and then i did text her and pretty much desperately tried getting her back again which i got rejected all she kept saying was “i dont know if this is what i want” and then said it was over and she had moved on with her new boyfriend and that was the last time i talked to her which was 7 days ago… Is there any chance of getting her back??? what do i need to do??? please help me I know she still has feelings for me but shes just blocking them with her new man… What do I do??? **PLEASE HELP ME OUT**
It only seems like common sense that no one can move on in just 1 month after a 2 year relationship, although she has told me she still loves me and cares about me always. but shes with someone else and “is just so happy now and just cant give me another chance” (her words) and will not talk to me anymore… She has also said before that she cant see me or she’ll just fall in love with me again… I know she still has feelings for me and like i said before is just using this new guy to block those feelings until she can fully move on i guess… What do i do to get those feelings she has for me back out and her realize that she does want to be with me and realize her new man is not what she wants and was a mistake????? How do i do that please help me out here please????? Answer my comments as soon as possible please!! I need your help I need some guidence I have done a whole lot of research on how to get your ex back how to get her back when she is with someone else and it all kinda says the same stuff. I feel like im almost past the waiting period and past trying to make her your friend it seems like im almost at the end here there isnt much time left so please respond to the couple comments i posted and please give me some helpfull advice I need it right now more than ever. **HELP ME PLEASE**
Rick says
Uhh I told you what to do in this article. Why don’t you just follow what I say? And it is perfectly normal for her to move on fast. She met a new guy! lol so of course she’s going to move on fast… She doesn’t have feelings for you anymore, she’s just telling you that to make you feel better… Her new man isn’t a mistake. You don’t even know him. Stop judging. The only thing you can do is move on, grow into a better individual and hope that maybe 6 months down the road she comes back to you. But by that time you might have a new girl. I don’t teach ‘how to get an ex back’ for a very good reason: because it’s out of your power.
Jaymes says
My ex girlfriend Raelynn and I are 26. I was her first real boy friend. I was her first. She and I dated for almost 6 years. Are anniversary was February, 17th. She broke up with me on February, 8th. That sucks lol. We always finished each other’s sentences we would think the same thing. Our humor is on point with each other. Honestly I do truly believe she is the one. Over the years her and I would always see each other. Even though she didn’t live with me it was like we were married. So I know we got to comfortable and let our boundaries down.
On the 3rd year she wanted to chase her dream of being an actress. We live in Texas. So I would drive her to Houston(6 hours away) or Austin(5 hours away). She doesn’t like to drive. And since I wasn’t working I would take her. Well she decided to move to Houston for 8 months we continued our relationship. I messed up by never seeing her and I was scared to move away from home. Since I’ve had an easy life (being the baby of the family) she eventually moved back. We continued our relationship. She still wanted to continue her dream but i told her to finnish school to have somthing to fall back on. But over the years I would have stupid priorities playing to much video games or waiting forever to wash my clothes. I would also be inconsiderate cause I would stay up at night and sleep all day. So when she would come over I would be grumpy, but once I got going things were fine. She would beg me to take her country dancing and fishing. So when we would go I would dance, and have fun. Or stay at a house on a bay. We would fish and have fun hanging out. Sometimes I would be inside while she would fish with my mom ,but I didn’t think she minded. Cause she would always be smiling.
We’ll eventually she would get distant from me around our anniversary and I have to drag it out of her so we would talk about it. I know things aren’t all my fault. She would run away instead of talk about it. So she’s basically like a volcano bottling everything up and taking her clothes home .
On the 4th year of our relationship I bought her a promise ring for Christmas. Things were fine
Then on the 5th year it happened again. I would make changes but slip into shitty habits. I was going to the military and processing was taking forever cause I was home schooled so technically I graduated from Illinois. But my recruiter messed everything up. So she would think I was stalling. Due to her classmates telling her processing shouldn’t take this long.
So in January closing on our 6th year together she and I would hang out and it was different but I didn’t see it clear. She would greet me like usual hug and kisses but say hi my friend(thinking she was joking cause we would joke alot) well on the 8th of February she said she wanted to break up. So I didn’t talk to her but I did drop off lunch and a hand writin letter. She read it in front of me and started to cry. I told her don’t cry you’re here at work and left. Well I went to the military entrance processing on what would be our anniversary. Shit went bad and I’m not in the military. So when I came back I surprised her at school with flowers, dressed up nice in new clothes and we talked. She said she couldn’t take the flowers but eventually took them. As we talked for an hour things got heated we called each other out (no name calling) and she started crying. She then says, “I love you but I’m not in love with you. I’m bored I want change. I want to see whats out there and I want to be selfish. At first I was scared to hurt you now I don’t care.”
So after that day I was so hurt I deleted her off Facebook to focus on myself. I put the pictures of us in the drawer she has all her clothes in still. Well I’ve been working I stopped all my shitty habits. I’m a new person and still working on it. I have been taking real estate classes. Im in great shape I’ve been traing jiu jitsu and competing for 8 years.
Well I ended up having a coworker of hers in my class. It’s her friend name jacob. I introduced my self to him (didn’t bring up raelynn) and he went back to his car and started texting right away. He looked my way and then back to his phone. Was he texting her? Maybe. I don’t know. It’s been a little over a month with out contact. Until recently I texted her saying, “just dropping a line. Hello and I hope all is well.” I didn’t get a response. Well 3 weeks later I called her inviting her to go see some MMA fight she didn’t answer. So I left a peppy voicemail telling her she’s more than welcome to join and not a call back or text. She recently deleted my family off Facebook and instagram even though I know she loves my family. Yet she still has all my friends she met. Apparently she is seeing a someone. My best friends wife named Carla who is a good mutual friend asked her to go shopping. She said, ” she’s can’t shes going to hang out with some guy.” She didn’t tell Carla a name. Cause in her eyes carla would tell me. Even though I care I’m not going to be a stalker.
Well on Tuesday that guy Jacob caught me looking at a girls but, and the girl and I talk during breaks. then he went straight to texting on his phone. Was he texting her I don’t know. Well her brother who I’m not close with texted me yesterday out of no where saying, “he doesn’t know what’s up with Raelynn. I asked her where she’s going and how did you meet this guy(named noah he told me the name that night).” She said, ” don’t worry about it.” So I don’t know if it’s official or not. From what I can tell she’s keeping stuff on the downlow. Well today I left the movies with my nephew. While I was driving I saw her vehicle at chili’s . I get a phone call from a buddy of mine telling me she walked in dressed up. They were kissing, hugging, and holding hands. Then he said that the guy was wearing a bass pro shop shirt as well. Well it sent stupid signals to my brain I panicked and I called my buddy Roy. they work in the same department. He stated,” the guy is 21-23, has been working there for a year, not going to school, completely different from me.”
Well I know she got a bunch of biased answers from all her best friends who have had terrible relationships.
I know it’s a long email, but I need your help?
Thanks for your time.
Rick says
Not sure what you really need help with here. Trying to move on? Meet new women? Get your life together? Got to be a little more specific with what you’re asking me for. Sounds to me like you want help moving on so yeah, just keep focusing on yourself and meeting new women, keep going to events and you’ll be fine. Your girl has a new guy so you just need to date new women.
Jaymes says
Yeah I know it was a big cluster of bs. But I want her back.
Rick says
Okay well that’s not your choice lol. That’s 100% her decision if she wants you back or not. It’s 100% out of your control, which most guys refuse to believe and so they go on to buy all this ‘ex back’ books and crap. If you want her back, the best thing you can do is BE desirable – this means become a man that she desires. How do you do that? Well, it’s everything I’ve been teaching for years and years: correct mindsets, attitude and identity.
sasha says
so a female point of view – this article could not be more wrong. The truth is women love men because of their personality. Self respect is important and yes this is in attitude. It is good to stay healthy but when a girl is in love she couldn’t care less how you body changes and fluctuates naturally – you’re supposed to spend the rest of you lives together when you’re truely in love so you will both grow old and unattractive! With the right girl, money will be no obstacle. Narcissism is the most unattractive quality a man or woman can posses. Be yourself and that is all – do not think about how you should be in any other respect otherwise you will not be with the right person. If you have been yourself and fallen for a girl who you thought was right for you but left you, then although it may not be obvious to you, it may be more obvious to them that it wasn’t right. Equally she may realise you were right for eachother. I know many couples that treated eachother terribly the first few years – sometimes it takes time for both people to clock that that is what they really want.
Rick says
Nah, I’d rather just focus on myself and attract a woman like me than try to ‘make it work’ for 2 years. Such a waste of time and energy in my opinion. But go ahead and do that if you want, you’re playing with luck though.
Karoline says
Hi Rick, I’ve read many of your posts, all great and really helped in understanding my bpd ex boyfriend. Do you have any tips on resuming contact with an ex bpd male when he has a new girlfriend (not sure if its a rebound or the real thing), we were on and off for 2 years before he ended it for good.
He frequently said things and then later apologised and said he didn’t mean it so I’m not sure whether he meant it this time when he said he never wants to see me again! I want to start communication primarily to clear the air, perhaps in the future to try and make things work but I wouldn’t want to screw anything up if things are going well for him with the new girl! And yes, I have realised that I have some codependency issues which I’ve started addressing – how do I communicate to him that I’ve grown since the split without it looking like I’m being needy and want him back?
Thanks very much!
Rick says
Why do you feel like its you that needs to grow and not him? Why do you want him back when he has a new girl? These are some serious deep codependency issues, my dear. Why not go after a new guy? Just keep your distance while he’s with a new girl. You don’t want to give him any reason to label you as a ‘crazy stalker ex’ even if you’re not being so at all.
Karoline says
Hi Rick, thanks for the response, I’ve thought about the things you said. I needed to grow as I realised I had become codependent and stopped trying to achieve my goals in life – I’m finding it really exciting to do these things I’ve wanted to, not feeling like I’m being held back by anyone. Its really refreshing!
I guess I feel bad about some of the things I said to him after he split with me and by sending a friendly message it may ease my conscience?!?
I’ve tried dating other men each time we’d split, including now, however I don’t seem to have that physical spark that we shared with any of these other men despite the fact that they’re good looking with great personalities too. Maybe some of his bpd traits are the reason we had such a strong physical connection? I just seem to get bored with these other men very quickly, possibly because I don’t find them challenging?
Rick says
People with BPD have a lot of emotions. Humans are emotional creatures and that’s what attracts us to individuals. This is why people with high emotions are irresistible to us. So don’t feel bad. The typical problem most people have is they feel guilty, which is what you feel. But understand that you don’t need to apologize for anything. You can forgive him, you can forgive yourself and hope that he forgives you. But don’t feel guilty when he clearly treated you poorly, right? That’s what I mean. As a codependent, they easily fall into the shameful, guilty feelings. That’s one of the roots of codependency.
Cameron says
Hi. I seem to have a problem. I broke up with my girlfriend last year. Partially because we weren’t that close. But a few months ago, she was with another man. They are way more close than what I was to her. They broke up but know they are “best friends”(so she says) I recently found this out because we have become close. I want to get her back but I don’t know how to compete with this. Help please?
Rick says
Did you read the article? It tells you exactly what to do.
Omar says
Hi Rick,hope youre having a great day,my girlfriend recently brokeup with me everything was a perfect then we had a fight and she was like we should be freinds for now and we cab hangout and shee needs time…but I kept telling hwr no dont do this all the time until she didnt wanna talk to me..I guess I loat my swlf respect to her,my question is do I have a chance to gwt hwr back?
Rick says
Well the more you try to control her, the more she’ll just push you away. So get on my email list when you can because I have an email about the hot/cold and pushing people away.
Sanchez says
Lived with my girlfriend for 10 years I found out she was texting some guy from her job I confronted her she said she would stop she then moved out well I actually kicked her out in December of 2014 now as of July 15 we have slept together countless times and hung out but she still goes out with other guys I think not sure .I’ve only gone 3 weeks is the longest that I have done no contact and she’s the one that always contacts me .I’ve told her it’s me or nothing that I can’t be her friend but she always comes back looking for me .I told her I forgave her for what ever it is she has done but she says she doesn’t want to be with me so I’m confused as to what she wants? Any help would be appreciated .
Rick says
What she wants is to use you for sex when other guys are rejecting her. She doesn’t really want you all that much. She just likes sleeping with you when she’s bored. You need to quit sleeping with her since you’re too emotionally dependent on her at this point.
Billy says
Hey Rick I was in a relationship with my best friend for a year and 8 months. We were really good friends for almost 2 years before we started dating. We had a great relationship and we always told each other everything. In the beginning we always went out together cause that’s what we did as friends but I also kind wanted some alone time with the boys every now and then. Her friends at the time wouldn’t hangout cause they weren’t 21 but even after being 2q they still wouldn’t go out like she wanted reason why she always came out with me and my friends. She went thru a rough patch she didn’t have a good job for 5 months so I took care of her as much as I could payed rent and everything else. We moved in together 2 months into our relationship. Now fast forward we had some cell phone trust issues. We had some incidents where we went thru each other phones and found things. Nothing crazy but enough to argue about it for an hour or so. But we always made up. She started hanging with some people from her new job which I was okay with til she kept hanging out with the same guy all the time. We got into so many argument ts about it. Fast forward til now I made a special night for her and gave her a promise ring. At first she liked it but then I knew something was wrong. The girl I knew for 4 years changed on me in 2 days. At one point I tried to make an effort to hangout more but she still wanted to hangout separately. She told my family even told my friends she wanted to marry me and have a great life but then she said she needed space and that she having crazy thoughts that she soul don’t been thinking about marriage so soon. She says she wants to go to finish school and travel and do all these things without me. I love this girl to death I know we both had little issues but it never affected us. It’s been 4 weeks of us not being together and all she does is go out. I went to the house to pick up my stuff and couldn’t take everything but I saw she wasn’t wearing my ring and I took it back. I said I wanted u to keep it but if ur not gonna wear it it’s not worth it. Haven’t spoke to her in 5 days. Even before when we text it was like I was a complete fucking stranger. What should I do or do I even have a shot at this.
Craig says
Hi Rick.
Your article here talks about how to get your girlfriend back, and it seems like good advice to use to be able to get my wife back.
My wife and I were together for about 9 years before getting married, after 2 years into the marriage, she stepped out and cheated on me. Since the affair she had never really come back to me, and just about 7 months ago has completely moved out and is living with another man who she calls her boyfriend. Now, I know I wasn’t the perfect husband, there were some sexual, and intamacy issues that really never got resolved, which I blame myself for, but I never wanted this to happen. I was happy with my life, and my wife. She was everything to me she was the one I was going to spend the rest of my life with, was going to grow old and gray with. I miss her so much. I have tried to work on myself, and work on my self respect and become more independent, but I can’t stand to not talk to her for more than a couple of days, even though a lot of the time she doesn’t even respond to my texts. My thought process is this. If I don’t try to contact her her current relationship with this other man will grow stronger and I will not have a shot in hell to get her back, so I freak out, and in desperation send her all kinds of text messages asking her to come back to me. It’s all in vain though because every time I either get turned down or get no response at all. I need help here. I desperately want my wife back even though it may not seem healthy, I feel I can’t live life without her.
Will having no contact with her actually cause her current relationship to grow stronger, or do you really think she will become curious about what’s going on with me and want to come back ? Please help.
Rick says
Your mindset is completely flawed. The more you try talking to her when she’s with another man, the more she’ll resent you. You are actually pushing her further into her man lol. So you need to cut the contact. I have a general rule that when a girl is seeing another man, you DO NOT talk to her unless she reaches out to you first. And even then, you keep the contact short. So you just really need to change up your mindsets…
Josh says
you know what you’re absolutely right. If they dump you why should it be you the guy who was dump reaching out groveling like a dog. You need to let them reach out to you otherwise it’s worthless, there is also other factors, I had one for 7 years who did the calling and hangup thing and i ended up calling back which was a mistake. She told me about her boss asking her out, she told me how interested she is with a new guy she met and how nice he is and how things will happen with him and her.
Honestly in my head i was like why the fuck do i need to know all this, but i acted like that stuff didn’t phase me and wish her luck and hope she was happy with this new guy. (all via text because she is to much of a coward to speak to me on the phone)
trust me guys there is better girls who will love and respect you out there, don’t dwell on these girls for some reason they usually ALWAYS come back when you totally forget about them or you’re with someone new, it always happens this way.
sooooooooooooooooooo at the end of the day play video games, go out, hit up the gym do shit that you probably won’t be capable of doing once you have a new broad in your sight, forget ex i know you loved her alot but its not worth the stress, if they want you they will hit you up but make them work for that shit.
Rick says
At the end of the day, DO YOU. Don’t be controlled, don’t relinquish your power as a man. Be firm, do you and don’t chase women.
Annon says
Me and my ex broke up 3 months ago well she left me for the most part i tried to get her back and she says she just don’t care to fix things. Its almost 4 months since she left me and she berly got a new boyfriend she’s been friends with for a while, i guess he makes her happy I’m not sure but she really likes him and she even told me “I’m talking to someone” it hurts because she’s probably happy with him they have alot of memory’s as friends I want to get her back but she shows no interest in me What should I try to do to win her back there not in love they just like each other a lot.
Rick says
I think it’s great your ex moved forward with her life and found someone new. There’s nothing wrong with that, you should be proud of her instead of being angry about that. It’s a mature move to meet someone new instead of going for an ex.
Annon says
So after 2 years and 7 months of me and her being together I just let her go? We talked every single day for 3 years because we started our relationship right by getting to know each other and becoming comfortable with each other. I blocked her on everything but its berly been five days of us not talking I miss her and I have an urge to message her. She probably wouldn’t reply if I did anyways I mean who knows. I just want to get her back with me again and I don’t know what to do. I’m taking this time to better my self I been working out getting in shape and I try to keep my self busy. At night is when everything really kicks in and I get all sad. What can I do to get her back Rick?
Rick says
You don’t have to block her. That’s kind of an extreme reaction. Should just have just deleted her off Facebook and such, no need to block though. By ‘letting her go’, you’re saying it as if she has this power over you. To work on your codependency, put your own needs first. The fact you miss her so bad is very troubling. You’re waaaaay to dependent on her to make you feel good about yourself. As you can see, that’s a very crappy place to be.
Tyler says
My ex and I became really good friends, talking via FB messages everyday before we inevitably got together. We broke up basically due to my moodiness & asshole behavior & then got back together for a brief period before outside influences & my moodiness wrecked it again. She deleted me off FB the last time we broke up. It’s been a year now since then & she has a boyfriend she’s been dating since November now. I’m still very much in love with her, but everything I just told you would make it seem nearly impossible for me to get her back. Or is there anyway I could ever get her back in my arms?
Rick says
If she wants you back, she’ll make the moves. But she has to actually see that you’re a great guy. If she can’t ever see you, then she’ll never know…
Col. Sanders says
With a girl for 1 1/2 years. Things start to go south after 11months. She has guys who she talks to, could be harmless, or not…. But I do know she talks to a specific guy closely who only wanted her after he found out she was with me (she was interested in him and he wasn’t before I met her). This guy chased her practically our whole relationship. I start seeing him pop-up at random places where were at, and she acts odd around him, like ignoring, but at the same time looking his way. I never act needy or insecure, but I argue with her ALOT in place of those feelings, as an escape (not my finest moments).
The arguing wrecked our relationship because I was indeed inside, insecure and pissed, but I ‘still hung in there’. We haven’t spoken in a cpl months now, and think she may have taken to this guy who hounded her down. I’m waiting for her to contact me, being she’s the one who ‘left’. I guess I need to know since nothing is confirmed about another guy – Do I stop by to see her, or let it go and wait for her? Knowing her pride and mine, the lack of contact is creating a stale-mate… I need the mature/manly approach if you can.
Rick says
Girls don’t play these ‘no contact’ games. That’s just something guys do. If a girl wants to hear from you, she will make herself available. That’s why all this ‘get an ex back’ stuff is just nonsense. You want an ex back? Then be the type of man your ex wants. Simple as that and it’s why my programs are designed that way.
Aman says
I study in college a four year course. I completed two years. When my college started I met a girl and I started loving her and she loved the attraction. We used to talk over phones for hours.This happened for 20 days and then I decided to propose her. May be this was too quick and she refused it and I was up-to her to accept my proposal.Another guy started to date her and she lost the interest in me. One month later my friend used my Facebook account and abused her and she blocked me. I tried to convenience her but she was not ready to listen to any stuff. Till then the second guy dated and they both fell apart 2 in months. I approaches her after 5 months and she became friends but now another guy came and he started dating. This was the 2nd guy same happened 2 months and everything finished .He was too desperate like me.
Again I approached her after 3 months and everything started well. She enjoyed my company. But everything happened so quick that she started ignoring me but she liked me. I was too desperate that she knew it well and she never liked it and told me that nothing can happen between us. Everything went wrong so I adopted a no contact policy of 45 days. She started missing me in 10 days as she stared posting up the status.But i think the no contact was too long. After 45 days I stared a conversation.. she loved it and the next day she was gazing at me for a long duration. In 10 days she told me she is in a relation with a guy. Now this time its another guy i.e. the third one. I am hurt that she knew I loved her I also used to post the status but she choose another guy over me.The relationship has just started. I finally send a long message, a final goodbye message 3 days ago and as expected I din’t got any response.The message was not harsh at all.It was all about that I loved her and I think she is happy in her new relation as she has confessed to everyone. But I want the girl b’coz I love her genuinely and she has attraction for me, though it can be little. She has feelings for me
The problem was that I was too desperate and she never approved the proposal. I think I lacked the romance. I just want that the breakup happens as soon as possible and this time for sure I’m gonna treat her the way she never expected.
Please help me out.. I again adopted the no contact rule but this is getting suffocating for me when I see both of them online..The new relation is just 2 months long.However she notices me more.
Please give me some suitable advice’s on how to get her back..
Rick says
She really isn’t interested in you as much as you think. All her gazes at you, the words she said, etc. don’t really mean anything. Commitment is all that matters. And I’m not seeing any of that here. As you stated, being desperate never works. It just turns her off majorly. So if you want her back, you need to fix this part of you.
Aman says
She has some ego issues and you are right we are not so much emotionally connected. So please help me in initiating the contact with her again and in a way that she doesn’t become the dominant member if this relation. She has a boyfriend so I didn’t initiated the contact. And if after 2 months I’l contact her definitely she’ll show me attitude that too at a extreme level. So what’s best for me? Give me your opinions and favorable suggestions..
Rick says
She has a boyfriend. Just move on and date new women. Let her be. If she wants you, she’ll contact you.
Aman says
She definitely has a boyfriend but she made it for her use. She is not emotionally connected with him nor she has feelings for him. Its b’coz of her greed. But I do have much for her and still she make gazes at me but she won’t be doing much effort on her behalf b’coz I had an image of a despo. So help me pls I want her back and suggest me how to move forward in order to get her back.
Rick says
Lol you can’t say she isn’t emotionally connected to him. How would you know? You think you’re a god or something? You men are just so silly sometimes… and you wonder why you struggle in relationships. No woman wants to date a god.
Aman says
Her best friend told me all this that she she is using her for purpose. That’s why I stated that she is not emotionally connected.
Rick says
Her friend doesn’t know shit. That’s her FRIEND and not the actual girl telling you. And even then, you shouldn’t listen to words anyways. Actions over words ALWAYS. The ACTION says she doesn’t want you (cause she’s dating someone else).
Jason says
Hey Rick, you have some good advice so I hope you answer my question and can help me out. But me and my ex were in a long distance relationship for 8 months, I found out she was cheating with an ex boyfriend whom she lived close to. (Mind you I live 4.5hrs away). So after the breakup in April I went through a downward spiral. But eventually I came to the conclusion that I understand her situation of cheating because I just wasn’t there physically with her due to distance (Like once a month). It helped me forgive her but I can’t forget it. Since then she said she wanted to stay cool with me so we did that for the past two months but every time we talk she ends the conversation abruptly and it pisses me off but I never say it does. And she texts me back really slow or not at all, something she never did during the relationship. She still sends me stuff like videos of her singing “our songs” and FaceTime’d me half clothed. She admitted she is currently friends with benefits with some guy in her city, says she doesn’t want a relationship and want to be “independent”. I get jealous of this but I never really say it. So two days ago after a great conversation I blocked her number and deleted all our texts out of nowhere and gave her no way to contact me directly and told myself I would check back up with her in 90 days. (Nov 18). I love her very much but it’s like if I can’t be with you now then why are we even friends?..so I can one day be invited to her wedding, no. She has also told me that she doesn’t know if she wants me in her future like a husband over the phone but when we meet up in person she is completely the opposite. What I want to know is if I’m doing the right thing with this NC and if there is anything else you can advise me on. Please help. Thanks.
Rick says
Long distance relationships don’t really work. In all my years of teaching, I can count the number of long distance relationships that became successful on my hand. And that’s out of hundreds and hundreds of men and women that I’ve helped. So as much as I’d love to help, the reality is that your partner is across the country/world and has needs that you cannot fulfill.
robert says
Me and my ex girlfriend were together for almost 4year she left me because a wasn’t being the person she fell in love with treated hur so bad in refused to change for hur we have a little boy together she moved on after a week of splitting up in she said a month after wee split if a had changed my life with in the first month of being apart we could have been really civil had a good friendship hut feelings could have progressed for me again in she wouldn’t have got closer to this boy she’s seeing am confused as to wot to do now
Rick says
Well you can’t control her feelings. She’s going to do what she wants to do. So knowing this, what do you think is the best thing to do going forward? Think about this for a bit and you should come up with a valid solution.
robert says
A did everything since the the last time a was on this page wee have had days out with our son then she suddenly realised there was some feelings for me so she ended it with the boy she was seeing but the second she decided to maby give me in hut another go she got so confused saying that a haven’t had the proper help a need in she’s no sure wot the feelings r for me bit there is something there
Martin says
Seems like its the man who has to always “up” his game & the woman does nothing but just demand more & more from her man???
Rick says
If by “uping” his game you mean being a cool, masculine man that women are attracted to, then yes. You have to do this. If you can’t do this required step, then you don’t deserve women.
Kehv says
Hey There,
So my ex left me after 6 years for a colleague (2,5 months ago). The are in a relationship 2 weeks after the breakup and went on a holiday together 2 months after the breakup.
Before the BU there were some problems but nothing major. We talked about marriage/children even one week before the BU. I never saw it coming she would just dump me like that.
My ex has never been in a relationship before me and she’s currently only 23, so that might be one of the reasons. The colleague is actually pretty similar to me so I do not think she would just leave him.
I have been working on myself for the past months mentally and physically.
My ex still wants contact with me (as friends…) which I rejected at first. But it’s probably the only way to attract her again.
What should I do now ?
Rick says
I don’t really like to remain friends. I don’t cut an ex off completely, but I definitely don’t go out of my way to talk to them. So since your girl is dating a new guy, just don’t contact her. Move forward with your life. You can’t do anything about her dating that guy. The only way you get a girl to leave their boyfriend (which is what she did to you) is that you position yourself as just a better catch in her eyes. That’s really how simple it is. But you can’t be doing things with the hope that she’ll leave him. That’s a scarcity mentality and that never works.
Sahad says
My ex and i dated for 4 years. She broke up with me, and like everyone else i was completely devestated. It came to my attention that she is willing to give another guy a chance a month after we broke up. I miserable. I couldnt believe at the fact of how quickly she moved on. I have tried the NC. For about two weeks. Then into a month. I cant just give up. I want to get her back. Right now she is just chilling. I guess she is enjoying the single life and although i am sad about it i dont show it. Or atleast i try not to. I just want her back. Do i have any chances? I just want her back. And keep her
Thank you.
Rick says
I don’t know if you have any chance. I don’t get caught up with chasing ex-girlfriends. But I will say that my exes do enjoy chasing me. Why? Because I’m legit, the best guy out of any they’ll ever come across. Are you a legit guy? Or are you no different than all the other guys out there?
Rory says
Hi Rick,
Thank you for your responses to the above comments. I have my own to ask.
I was in a relationship with a girl for more than 2 years. I was abroad for some time. Things were ok. I came back. And it was still ok. we were having fun. We used to have a lot of fights be it minor. After coming back i did not ahve a job and i was trying to go abroad again. I was trying hard. But may be she thought i was doing nothing. I believe it was then she lost her attraction towards me. She has always been influenced by her friends and their stories. Most of them have their boyfriends abroad (all great countries). Once we fought and we both took stand. But still we would try (sometimes me sometimes her) to talk to each other. i went out for a project and she had called though i could not answer. I came back after some days and called her . she cut off her phone for more than 10 times. and then i stopped. then after few days i went to viber and just asked her how she was. she was not interested in talking. after a brief talk next day. she was simply furious and said she had no interest in talking to me and that she has found a new boy better than me in everything. While i know i have done so much for her and loved her with my heart. Now this new guy lives abroad (a good country) and my ex looks happy (longdistance with her current bf). may be she is even think of marrying him and moving abroad with him. Now i love her but i donot know what to do. I just cannot think her with anyone other than me.
Rick says
Well you’ll have to get over it because she found someone she wants. If you really loved her, why not let her be happy with him?
Darren says
I broke up with my girl 5 months ago, a month and a half ago I started to try and get back with her, but she had started a relationship with someone. I made all the classic mistakes begging and pleading trying to get her to come back offering to send her to school etc etc. I have at this point read a few things about how to get her back, one of the recurring things is no contact for X amount of days. Something else is not to be her friend, she needs to miss me correct. I have been trying to do this but every couple of days she contacts me. I don’t want to end up in the friend zone. I am not sure what to do at this point. I am using the time for self improvement, mind and body, I am dating also. Last week I was using any little reason to txt or talk to her. I decided last week to stop contacting her, now it seems she is doing the same. She has a boyfriend but I think he travels, I know they aren’t spending every second together ( don’t ask how I know LOL ). Her and I have had a couple of conversations on the phone, she even admitted to still loving me and missing me,( really messes with my head, and I think she was drinking a little ). There are more details, I actually have some of her stuff stored at my work, she has this wallet thing she was wanting me to machine out of aluminum. I do still love her and want to build a life with her.
I am not sure how to proceed. Do I tell her that we need a break and cant talk for awhile? Can you guide me in my endeavor?
I have read this article and am implementing what you said about respecting yourself and the effect of positive thinking, this is awesome stuff. It makes perfect sense. I just downloaded your free course by the way.
Rick says
Well #1, girls don’t like guys who offer things. So don’t be doing that anymore. #2, you still have a shot. What she needs to understand about you is that you are NOT going to sit around and wait for her, that you’re NOT going to just be a friend and so on. Tell her you have enough friends, you don’t need more friends, that she has other girlfriends she can talk to. The way you get a woman to want you is that you be interesting enough to where they are making commitment to see you. It’s as simple as that.
christian says
Hi Rick,
I’ve been wrestling with this with family and friends and thought maybe someone else online could help.Here’s my situation.
I have known my fiance for over a year, we met online and have visited each other many times. I’ve flown over to ireland three to four times for weeks at a time and she had visited the US for six weeks to try it out in february and for the fiance visa for six weeks in July-Sept. We would talk everyday for four to five hours a night while we were apart. She is very close to her family and loves her country. She believes Ireland is the best thing since refried beans. My plan was for her to Move to the US and we could live there while she could visit ireland for two to three months every year with the future kids for summer and christmas and then we’d move to ireland for good when I retired since I’m the bread winner and my specified job is in america (I’m a petroleum Engineer). However she back peddled and said she doesn’t think what we had is strong enough to leave her family. So she came up with a five year plan. When she moved to the US for five years then we have to move back to ireland and find work there. I really loved her to i agreed to the promise.
Well while she was over in the US for the fiance visa she started getting really homesick. A week or so before the wedding she said she realized why she had doubts about the marriage and that was that she loved me but wasn’t “in love with me” and that I should treat her more like a lover instead of a friend. But to not worry about it and we can work on it. The next night she popped the question. “If i wanted to go back to ireland in a year will you go with me?” I said no. “what about after five years to raise our kids?” I sighed and just said no. She called off the wedding and cried alot. I should have said something other than no. Like, yes that’s our plan. Or we’ll do what’s best for our family. A couple days later when we were trying to work it out she came up with a compromise to take the 5 years to actively save money and look for employment for both of us in ireland. But I said no to that… (Big Mistake) But in the aftermath I explained to her how hard of a time I would have finding work in ireland that would pay was well as over here and how I wouldn’t be comfortable there since it’s so rural compared to the US. Basically I shot myself in the foot. Once she learned how I truly felt she said she didn’t want to get married to me anymore. She wanted to raise our kids to be with her nieces and nephews and still be in the small ireland community. She believes that ireland has just as good colleges and schools as the US and just as much job opportunity as the US. Even though I realized my error and would go to Ireland now in a heart beat she is convinced ireland isn’t for me and doesnt even want me there. She left me and flew back to ireland. No matter how much I tell her I want to work it out and retalk about it and how i can make ireland work she doesn’t want to hear it and said she made up her mind. It has been a month now. She’s been on dating sites and has been actively dating and seeing other guys. Even skyping other guys instead of me like we used to. I tried limited contact for this month that passed and would only respond to her if she initiated. In the past month she drunk called me twice but always regretted it and said she wasn’t thinking clearly. I sent her 2 love letters that she didn’t know how to respond because she said she doesn’t feel the same way. She said when in ireland she realized she didn’t want me anymore. It’s been weeks since she last called me. A few days one of her friends contacted me asking how I was doing and said it was true there is nothing here in ireland for me and She told me ex that and my ex agreed with her. Her friend was rooting for me and trying to convince her to give me a chance but I guess it didn’t work. She said my once my ex makes up her mind it’s made up. But suggested maybe blocking her from fb and skype to shock her or wake her up. I had unfriended her before and she didn’t realize this till a week and a half later – Due to all the new guys she’s been messaging with over fb instead. She’s already having regular skype conversations with a new guy and doesn’t seem to miss me anymore. Everyone says to move on. But I’m wondering is there anyway she’d change her mind? My ex said it herself no one’s ever treated her as well as I have. It’s a difficult situation since it’s international and she’s half way across the world but I love her so much. However, she has said I’m not the one. I’m not her soul mate. She consistently says she doesn’t want to get my hopes up. And the only thing in the future she sees us being is friends if I choose to do so. I’m just wondering is she doing that to push me away because she knows it’s so hard to make this work? Since then she told me she just got a new training manager job at a small restaurant near her family’s house, and she plans to save up money to buy a car and learn how to drive it. She’s picking her life back together and the next thing is a new local relationship and boyfriend I’m sure. She tells me and everyone that asks that she made the right decision to leave me. Basically as of now she has no plans of america or me in her mind. Is there a way how she can eventually see that she actually did make a mistake? Or regret that she left me and our life in america? Anyway I outright blocked her from fb and skype so she has no means of even contacting me except through email, international calling to my phone, or through our mutual friends. Will no contact work with her if she’s already moving on?
Kevin says
Me and my Ex have 3 years relationship and broke 6 months ago. I used to a bad boy never care her ,so selfish and childish. After 1 month of broke I started the NC rule and started try to change myself. And the NC rule really work she really does miss me . She is a kind of girl share her feeling with the song . I check her facebook all the time and seen so many song abt missing me. But last month in my birthday I can’t contorl myself cuz she given a very sprcial birthday last years. I go to her home call her text her . She just repy me stop contacing her she already got somelse who is care and love her and she is happy now. After that I send her a few message abt missing her ,I will be wait for her and tell her I was follow NC rule and try to changed myself during this 5 month. And I send flower to her home every Saturday. What should I do next ? I did what the website I read told me like NC rule and did that wevsite suggest not to too like use pitty begging her call and text her show her affection. I dun even know what is right and what is wrong things .Pls give me some suggestions for what should I do next
Andrew says
I loved a girl and soon she started loving me but I was too desperate and looked too needy that she went off from me very soon. Almost 2 months we talked and then I stopped paying attention as everything was going against my favor. She wised to talk to me as she dropped some hints and after 30 days I again started talking but in 10-15 days she told me she has a BF now.I stopped talking and din’t payed attention for some days and after some days when I again started she payed attention for 4-5 days and then she started showing attitude.
The problem was that I was too desperate and she never approved the proposal. I think I lacked the romance. I just want that the breakup happens as soon as possible and this time for sure I’m gonna treat her the way she never expected.
Please help me out..The new relation is just 3 months long.She notices everything that I do and also makes gazes at me.She tries to make me jealous by being with him. She made him her BF b’coz of a certain purpose as she once said to me that she never liked this guy but time changes everything.
Please give me some suitable advice’s on how to get her back.. Does she wants me to chase her or she is playing mind games with me and I think sometimes she is playing hard to get. I’m totally confused at this stage.Please help me and give me some valuable tips on getting her back.
I loved a girl and soon she started loving me but I was too desperate and looked too needy that she went off from me very soon. Almost 2 months we talked and then I stopped paying attention as everything was going against my favor. She wised to talk to me as she dropped some hints and after 30 days I again started talking but in 10-15 days she told me she has a BF now.I stopped talking and din’t payed attention for some days and after some days when I again started she payed attention for 4-5 days and then she started showing attitude.
The problem was that I was too desperate and she never approved the proposal. I think I lacked the romance. I just want that the breakup happens as soon as possible and this time for sure I’m gonna treat her the way she never expected.
Please help me out..The new relation is just 3 months long.She notices everything that I do and also makes gazes at me.She tries to make me jealous by being with him. She made him her BF b’coz of a certain purpose as she once said to me that she never liked this guy but time changes everything.
Please give me some suitable advice’s on how to get her back.. Does she wants me to chase her or she is playing mind games with me and I think sometimes she is playing hard to get. I’m totally confused at this stage.Please help me and give me some valuable tips on getting her back.
Nimesh says
I was dating this girl for a little under two years, she’s coming up to 31 and I’m 28 now. At the beginning it was just casual we’d go home together when we were both out etc.. It then lead on to us seeing more of each other and started dating. I always took things way too casual with her because my family have always wanted me to marry a stereotypical Indian woman (she’s white by the way) but I really cared for her and we both enjoyed being together. So due to this I never really took our relationship into something more serious than it should have been because I’ve always had this at the back of my mind. But she was very much in love with me at the time and gave me affection and attention like I’ve never had before.
She has now graduated and is now a doctor and I am still at med school and we are now some 250 odd miles apart. But before she left we spent the last few days together which was amazing, she’d just randomly started talking about marriage and kids (not about us, just generally) then that’s when I started thinking about our relationship a lot more. The day after I broke things up with her (which now I completely regret!). She was understandably devastated at the time. We still messaged each other after a few days cooling off and I was due to go away aboard, a week after breaking up. She would message me saying how much she misses me etc and I would dismiss what she would say and carry on with a random conversation. But whilst I was away I realised how much I cared for her and truly loved her, I wanted her back in my life, I wanted to spend my entire life with her, so I decided to try and get back with her, however, I did not tell her at the time. I had booked a trip to go see her as she had a weekend off work. I got back to the country and soon the messages weren’t so frequent and things were off. I asked as to how I have upset or made her angry at me to which she responded along the lines of she wants to get over me and that she saw this as self-destruct as she knew she couldn’t be with me or have me. At that time I realised I need to say something as the weekend I was planning on seeing her was coming up. I wanted to tell her how I felt face to face and talk about potentially getting back together (in hindsight I should have messages her about this way before) She said she didn’t want me come up now saying the timing is all wrong and that if I went up to see her she’d completely fall for me again. I didn’t know what to think at the time so I tried to give some breathing space between us. After a few messages back and forth she felt like we wanted completely different things. She wants to live with a boyfriend, get married etc and because I am still at uni she thinks I still wanted that student life, which I don’t at all, I wanted all the same things she does. That’s when I started getting needy with my messages and probably drove her away and she was getting angry with me. She said she wishes her feelings had not changed as shes wanted to be with me properly for so long. That’s when it turns out that she had in fact started seeing someone, during the time when I have booked a trip to go see her. At the time she’d been seeing this guy for a couple of weeks and said to me shes not sure if anything would come of it but wanted to give it a chance. I became more needy and really wanted her back but she refused to move in her situation saying her feeling have changed and that nothing will happen between us. I’d send the odd message saying how much I missed her and drove myself into a real state of almost depression like state. Anyway, its now been 3-ish months since she told me she’s seeing someone. She is also now coming down to the city I study in for a few days. We plan on meeting up, obviously I got super-excited to which she replies saying you know that meeting up wont change anything and that she doesn’t want me to think that it will. Deep down I’m sure she still has really strong feelings for me and I still want to be with her. (This is a little jist of whats been happening hope it hasn’t been too confusing, I know I should have come to the conclusion that I wanted her more than I thought a lot sooner and I kick myself at things I didn’t do or say to her during the relationship)
But how to I play it from here? What should I do/say when we meet up? I still really want to be back with her and I hope somewhere deep down she does too.
Broken and Lost says
So Im gay and I have been dating this guy for a little over three years now. Im more of the “man” and he’s more of the “woman”. We have had many ups and downs as any relationship has. We are similar and opposite in many ways. This past year has been the hardest for us. Recently I had lost my job, I couldn’t figure out what I wanted to go to school for, and I was just in a bad place. So I always had a bad attitude, was pissed off all the time. This of course made us argue a lot. He also hated his job and it just caused a lot of problems. ON top of that we got an apt together. One bedroom, and bought a king size bed for us. We go to the same school and are taking the same classes. SO we have no distance from each other what soever. We are constantly together, even if we go out we have the same friends so we are together also. So that caused some issues to. We had no separation. We didn’t go out separate from one another with our friends. We didn’t have space. Which is not healthy. One day he told me he wanted to take a break or have an open relationship because He just wanted to explore and see whats out there. I agreed even though thats not what I wanted. I am in love with him and want him still. I was ready to get better. I had got a new job and figured school out and was ready to just start good. SO I agreed and that happened for a weekend. On monday the 12th of october he basically ended it with me. Said he didn’t want an open relationship. I was devistated and blind sided. The very next day I saw him texting some guy he met on Tinder. It turns out he’s been talking to this guy for almost a week while we were still together. So here I am living in an apt with him watching him talk to this guy and flirt with him. I couldn’t leave because we split rent and can’t afford the place if just one of us lives here. He basically told me he just wanted to be good friends. Which is impossible for me to live here with him try and move on from him but watch him do stuff with other people. Crazy right? Well thats what he asked. SO that weekend the 16-18 of october I went to visit some friends. I asked him before I left to just give me one last chance since we have this apt together and have to live together. Give us a chance to make it work. He said ok. I come back sunday the 18th and he doesn’t wanna talk yet. SO I waited till the next day and he basically told me he doesn’t wanna be with me. and that he likes this guy he’s talking to who makes him happy. which I know why he likes this guy. its because he likes the newness of the relationship and that this guy gives him attention all the time. I get it. but when you’re with someone for a long time you sometimes forget to do the little things like send a text or say something sweet. but that doesn’t mean i don’t love him. I just wouldn’t do it as much as i should of. So since this guy is all over his ass all the time he loves it. I also found out that the weekend I was gone He invited the guy over and they had sex in OUR BED. :( Talk about a stab in the back. So here I am, heart broken, living in an apt with my ex who I still love. Watching him talk to this other guy and knowing they are having sex. But he expects me to get better and move on while we live together. Our lease has 11 more months, I don’t have anywhere to go. My parents don’t like that IM gay and kicked me out 3 years ago. I have a few friends in this area but not any that I can live with for a while. I don’t know how I am supposed to move on and be better in this situation. I still love him and want him. I want him to see I’m changing which I already have been. Ive lost 10 pounds and i feel better about myself. How can I let him miss me and know what he’s missing if I still have to live here? How can I keep my distance but be nice to him and keep little contact so I don’t get pushed into the friend zone. It is a very awkward and hard situation. Please someone help me. I am at a loss and heart broken. I don’t know how to win him back in this situation. I do know that the guy he is currently talking to has now idea that me and him dated for 3 years and live together. He told the guy that i am a roommate who sleeps on the couch. So he’s lying already and he doesn’t want me to tell anyone what is going on because he knows people are going to think he’s an awful person. He gets mad at me if he thinks I’m going got tell someone and he also gets angry at me became I haven’t moved on yet. He’ll say stuff like “get over it already, move on. it happened. so what” . Im just at an overall loss. please help me.
Rick says
Hey man! Tough situation, I know. I really think the best thing for you to do is for YOU to friend zone him. It sounds counter-intuitive, but it works because it shows that you’re willing to set boundaries, say no and walk away. Which is a very powerful message that can cause people to “wake up” and start treating you with more respect.
Alejandro says
I was in a relationship with my fiancé for 2 yrs. I moved into her house a year into the relationship. She has a daughter that’s 11 and a son that’s 18. The son recently moved back home. Both kids come from different dads. I have had a great relationship with both of them. We had our disagreement like any relationship out there, but not to the point of separation. My ex fiancé was married to the little girls dad for 7yrs, but ended due to some wrong doing that he cause to her son. Since I have meet her and been with her the guy never came around until recently. From what I understand, his a pretty well off, but has poor health for such a young guy. About two months ago, he called her that he wanted to see the little girl. According to my ex, she
was scared and wanted to play nice, because according to her his a very
Powerful man with lot of legal connections. So instead of meeting in a neurtral place, she drove 6hrs to the front of his door. I knew that would be a bad idea, because his prob. thinking something more. When She came back, she became a different person. Very cold towards me. 2wks past by and told me to move my stuff out and that she needed her space. I never told her I had a feeling something happen up there, but up to this day makes me think what did happen. Was it about money?sex? The guy having his 3rd stroke by the age 38, not too sure it could be sex. I moved out my stuff. Her family, brothers and sister were all sad and upset to find out that we weren’t together anymore. I tried talking to her, but she wouldn’t hear it. About a month ago, she showed up at my work, to see how I was doing and we ended up having sex later that night. Up to today I keep in touch with her family, especially her son that calls me to invite me to play ball. Her son told me yesterday that he had to spend the night at his grandma’s house, because his sisters dad came down and is staying at the house for the weekend. He was very annoyed and didn’t feel comfortable being there. Suddenly there spending lots of time together. I haven’t talked or seen her in about a month. What’s her thinking behind this? Her family is all upset in her recent decision. This is the guy that she would talk to me about with lots of angry because she lost her son for a good portion of his teenage years, because of what he did. I’m blown away. Is it a money thing or like a rebound relationship? Am I completely out?
Jhun says
Hello,
My girlfriend for more than 7 years broke up with me a few weeks ago. A week prior to our break up, she was asking me to set free of her since she’s fed up with my inconsistencies. I admit it, I became less sweet and less romantic to her as time went by. I never let her and asked her to fix things. She said she’s already dating a new man. So I cried and asked for another chance. After that talk, we both agreed to continue with our relationship and fix everything. But after a week, she once again asked me to let her go. She admitted she doesn’t love me anymore and she’s beginning to fall īn love with the other guy. She said she’s happy with this guy and according to her, she never felt it that way when she was with me. I’m trying to move on from the break up but I’m still optimistic that we’ll be together again. By the way, I stopped communicating with her for almost a week already. I need your help. Thanks.
Rick says
Sounds like she just made up a reason to leave you since she’s already with a new man. It sucks, but it happens. Best thing to do is cut off contact with her and move forward. She’ll hit you up if she wants you. That’s just how women are. If they aren’t texting you, they aren’t interested…
TomaS says
So this is my story hope someone can help.
I spent 2 and a half years with a woman that is the love of my life, but I left her and I moved back to my country and I tried getting over her I dated and had sex with other girls I never had trouble getting woman, I was really mean to her during all this time, I decided to block her and she kept on finding ways to contact me,
A year after all this I missed her and I realized she has now a boyfriend of a month and I started missing her AND I WANT HER BACK cause I noticed I fucked real bad.
Ive been texting her for a couple of weeks and she tells me she loves me and she doesn’t want to leave her boyfriend cause she likes him and he’s nice to her, they also work together but she tells me everyday that she loves me and destiny stuff but I know deep down that she does want me back and I don’t know what to do she tells me first to chase after her and then she tells me she doesn’t know if she wants to be with me.
I fucked up and I lost the love of my life or do I still have a chance?
Please should I go to visit her?
Thanks
Rick says
Lol well if you have no trouble getting women, then why do you want this one? This is really what I tell guys who are players, I tell them that no matter how awesome the player lifestyle might seem, it is actually horrible because in the end, you still lose. The player never wins, never ever ever. There will always be one girl who doesn’t want you, and it’s the one you can’t get. So my advice is to stop sleeping around with women. All it does is make you worse and worse off. Instead, focus on actually being a legit man so that you can get legit women. If you actually slept with awesome women, you wouldn’t be hung up over your ex. So the sooner you stop sleeping around with basic bitches, the sooner you can find yourself some great women. Players never win, sex isn’t worth it.
John says
So I dated this amazing girl for 2 and a half years and the first year we were together we spent it together all the time and we fell for each other and I think she’s the love of my life.
Then i had to move because of work and we did long distance and we broke up and got together two times.
The break ups weren’t really long they were of 1-2 weeks, but then things started to get complicated and I decided to quit my job and move with her and rent an apartment together.
I want to make a pause and say I’m American but I lived all my life in another country, so when the time of us moving together came I chickened out and I decided to move back to my family (I felt too young to move with her at the time), so we finished it nice and kept talking.
Then I started dating after two months and it didn’t work out and at the same time my ex was still writing me and I tried moving on and couldn’t an I treated her real bad said mean things and when she started dating someone else I called her a whore, the same thing happened the second time I dated someone I liked but I just couldn’t be with her cause she wasn’t my ex and when my ex texted me I blew her away and again I was mean to her.
6 months after we broke up she came to me and asked me if its normal a gf of her tried having sex with a guy and he couldn’t get an erection, and I noticed that it actually was her and I got really mad she told me that, a couple weeks after that she became his gf and I’ve been talking to her everyday she tells me she wants me to go there and talk to her, so we will see what happens but she’s not really sure she tells me everyday that she loves me and she wants to stop talking but we just can’t I’ve been trying my best to get her back she told me once she decided to stay with her bf (cause they work together and he’s nice to her), she told me two days ago she had a dream of us having sex and she told me in the morning she wants to marry me but when I ask her when will we be together she gets mad and says that’s the only thing I talk about and I don’t know what to do I’m tired I want her back and I can’t lose the love of my life, I know I was stupid.
What can I do?
Alex says
Hello, after 10 days from the break up she told me she is going out with another guy. I have made 2 major mistakes since then…I wrote her a message 4 days after (not asking anything but mentioning a major event) and I wrote her another message 8 days after for her birthday: Happy birthday-Have fun:) (I didn’t want to seem I am angry with her) She has just replied with a thanks
I understand that I shouldn’t contact at all after she told me this. What can I do now? Can I save it? Is 8 days now since she told me she is dating another guy and now I am certain they are a couple…thanks…Please advice…
Rick says
Well you made 2 very big errors. She is dating a new guy. There’s nothing you can do man. Time to move on! Don’t make these dumb mistakes in the future okay?
RIck says
Hi Rick, Me and my gf had a relationship for 1 and half years. In starting we loved eachother . But She tried to hide many things from me. She went on one tour with her friend without telling. I reacted normally, She promised she wont do it again. Then her friend tried to spoil our life by distributing our chats in public. I asked her to go no contact with him. We had fights for 2 3 months. Then she started slipping out my hand But still we made love. I became more possessive when I saw her talking with boys who were flirting with her. She promised me that there is nothing from her side but still I forced her to break contact with them. Then I break contact with her after finding that she is still talking to her ex and a office colleague. I told her that how bad that guys is and he keep f**** gals. But she refused. I stopped contacting her but she came back saying that she is missing me. I pit a condition that if you want me then you have to leave those things. She started ignoring me then everytime her phone is busy on whatsapp she was online even after chatting with me and saying that I;m going to sleep. Late replies. I asked her if you love me please keep chatting with me she ignored. We again had a fight.She asked me to meet, but I refused saying that decide if you want me or him. She chose not to meet me. She kept saying that she has nothing to with him only hi hello. And then she started ignoring me completely. When she went to meet with ex. I freaked out and sent her abusive text saying she can do anything for money etc etc. It was my faulot and I accepted and said sorry. After that she said we can only be friend if you want to be boyfriend then go slow. She said she is confused. I begged here pleaded that I love her so much. She sent a text to my sister saying that I’m very loyal and good but sorry she can’t make it. I called her cried for whole night. Then I sent her a text that I’ll never return to your life. She only sent me a sad smiley and stopped contacting me. I also stopped contacting her.She changed her number without telling me But somewhere I m missing her. She sent me a text on my birthday wishing me all happiness of life. First she gave me a miss call from an old number and then I got a text from unknown number. I replied thanks but who is this. She replied doesn’t matter take care. Then she again sent me same birthday message from her old number. I replied thanks 2-3 hours later but it didn’t got delivered. may be she changed her sim again. It was one month ago. but from my side I’m on no contact for more than 2 months. I never put any sad status always showing having fun.Made my whatsapp display picture with a hotter girl,. on the other hand when I posted a picture with a gal she put a status userdead. She always put sad kind of status. I’ve changed my office 8 month ago I asked my previous collegue how she is doing he said she is dating other guy. I’m not sure about she sits with him all the time just to mention he is the same guy for whom I fought with her, Yesterday she posted her picture with a romantic song status. before that she used to post only status pictures and all. I’m just confused what to do now. It’s freaking me out I want her back but I’m not showing any sign from my side so does she. Should I wait more and what if she is in a new relationship with him which people are claiming she denied till last date. but last day she said that she can’t tell it everytime. We had some physical relationship. I deleted all her pics and chats. even her contact number. Onl;y saved her new number so that she can see my status. but I don’t think it helping much as I keep checking her status now. What to do . please suggest
Rob says
Hey, Rick
Please help me, I have been reading your comments that you give back and I think is great advice. So I hope you can read this and maybe write back? I would appreciated so much!
This is my story: I met this gorgeous, smart, and independent woman freshman year of college- We are still freshman. We met on our first day of college and we started hanging out as a group with two other. I soon started to catch feelings for her and she knew I was hardcore crashing on her. there was this other guy she was talking too, she didn’t like him but he was in love with her for a long time and she wanted to give him a chance because she is just a nice person. So she did. We stop talking I went through at least three rough weeks that I couldn’t get my shit together. But then I started to feel nothing much for her. She soon contacted me, I text her back, she did too and then I ignored her. That same month, my birthday was approaching and when it was time, she sent me a picture of us describing how much she missed me and all the memories we created in such a short period of time, and that we should get together and work things out. I was still fragile so of course I agree. We started hanging out, doing cute things together. I will come into her dorm and we would watch movies, make out, and then cuddle. We spend so much time together. I went to church with her once and she introduced me to her family and they liked me. We kept this for quite a bit. We went to this party a day before I had to go back home for a break and we got drunk that night and into a huge fight and she said she was done with me. We were both drunk and that next day after we sober up, we talked and decided to fix things again. We were on break, separate states, and still trying to make things happen. She then started to doubt me about this girl she later found out I grind with. She gave me so much shit about it but nothing else happen than me dancing with that chick and the main girl and I weren’t even talking cuz she was trying to like this guy. She didn’t like the guy and cut him off but did some stuff with this ex of her… That night we fought, she contacted her ex because I sort of left her alone at the party only for a bit and she was scared and after that they started talking on and off. Back to the break: When I explain her about the thing with the other girl, the next day she texted me saying she was going to go out and have lunch with her ex and she told me not to worry that there were just friends and she promised me that. I didn’t respond to her till later that night, we got into a bit of an argument and she said, “I thought you trusted me.” Now, I do trust her I just don’t trust him. We as guys, our mind just sometimes will fuck even if the girl is in a relationship. She texted me back the next day and it was the day I was coming back to campus. I ask her if you could meet my parents because we talked about it over break. she agree to meet them, liked them, and so did my parents. Later I asked her to take me to a place we went and I was quite. We got to our dorm and later that night I asked her if we could talk about her ex because it was bothering. We sat and talked calmly about it, we even ended up making out and had great convos. She even said some cute stuff. but then she then said she felt distance from me, I didn’t. However, when she said that, I started to become distant because I was worry about losing her. and every time we would hang out it would be a bit awkward. at this time it was finals exams so we were busy and very stress out. I kept asking her to hang out and to study together but she would say no, that she had to study for her exams. I then agree and even apologize and try to motivated her. Her texts started to become shorter and it will take long for her to reply. I later asked her what was going on? She said, she still felt distant. Then I got into talking about her ex and she said that I was making this whole fight about her ex when he wasn’t even part of it. we then settle down but it didn’t felt right. the next day passed, we text normally. The next day she got weird and was simple. I even said that to her. and by that I mean that she wasn’t putting the effort and didn’t sound to happy but all because of the fights. That same night she said it be better if we stay as friends. we agree and I texted her a bit angry but nothing too serious. we stop talking and later that week, like four days after we broke up, she snap a picture on her story with her ex having a dinner date. I didn’t text her though because she is free to do what she pleases. But now, I can’t let her go because I feel like all she wanted me to do was to trust her. What do I do? Should I text her later on? Do you think she still thinks about me? Can she have something with her ex even though she promised me she didn’t felt no attraction to him and she saw him as a good friend but now she has pcits of them and hang out a lot? She is one of those girls who you will regret losing and I don’t want to lose her. She even said and she was for sure going to come over for Christmas eve to see me and the family but now I don’t know. Can she still think about me and see good things about me? please give me advice.
Alex says
Hi Rick,
I’ve been with my girlfriend for 3 years, she left me 3 month ago because I took her for granted. I went no contact for 1 month and then reconnect with her only by txt. We were texting casually for about 3 weeks and everything was quite positive and then I told her that I didn’t want to be friends with her because I still have feelings for her. I also told her that a couple of girls were interested in me and that I don’t want to wast my time with someone that doesn’t know what she want. She replied by saying that she never asked me to wait for her…From that point the texting stoped. I know she still have feelings for me but not sure what to do… She is seeing another guy but still text me and still have our pictures on facebook. I asked her to go for a drink and she told me yes 1 week ago but now I dont think she still want to go for that drink.
At that point I don’t know exactly what to do about that situation. She is coming over to my place to pick up stuff this weekend and its gonna be the first this I will see her in 3 months.
Rick says
Well you got logical by trying to lock her down lol. That game just doesn’t work in this day and age. I guarantee you she also has many men who want her, so when you revealed your cards, she just said NO and has gone off with a new guy (for now). Just don’t text her anymore and wait until she hits you up.
ASHWIN says
hey rick
i was in a relationship with a girl who is 4 years elder to me she is 33 and i am 28 , we were together for over 6 months during which i got to know about her past ,her having 5 exes really threw me over the edge , i wanted to end it just then but she said that she would do something to herself if i left her , i was scared and partly i had started falling for her so i stayed the relationship blossomed i had to go overseas for some medical training for 8 months she used to pick fights with me during that time over whatsapp and one fine day she blocked me , its been over 6 months now that she has blocked me , last week i had my sister contact her over fb to which she said that if i do ever try to contact her either directly or indirectly she would lodge a police report she also said that she is with someone else , she is scared that i might spoil that relationship , i told my sister to send he that i love her a lot and wish her all the best in life which she did and within 2 days she deleted my sister form her fb , 2 months ago she changed her telephone number too , i am a surgeon rick and it hurts me deep from within , my question to u is this will she ever try to contact me in the future , i really miss her a lot….
Rick says
Bro, it’s one fucking girl. GET OVER HER. You’re letting yourself get depressed over one girl. That’s so damn selfish. You know how many people in this world don’t have an easy life like you do? Millions upon millions of people go to bed every night without food on their table. Yet you’re hear depressed over one girl… C’mon man this is ridiculous. Know your own worth. Develop some self-respect and you won’t have problems with any woman going forward.
donald says
Hello,
My girlfriend broke up with me and then i begged her for 1 an half month, meanwhile she again got hooked up with a guy who she saw before dating me. and after that i went in no contact and worked on myself and still i am working on my self. In the start of December she texted me that she will be in my town and its fair enough that I should know and I said thanks for letting me know and have fun. on 45 day of no contact, she then suddenly out of the blue a week ago she again texted me asking about a wine i posted on my profile. We chatted for quite a bit and she said if i promise what happen last time at coffee shop, if it does not happen again, she is willing to hang out. I said to her that its not good to bring past and it will not happen again. since then we have been texting back and forth and she mentioned that guy as a friend to me.
What is your expert opinion on this scenario and what should i do?
Rick says
My expert opinion is that any time you try to fit yourself into her world, she’s going to push you away. The key to relationships, and everybody needs to read this, is to bring women into your world. If you do not do this, if you spend all your time trying to relate to women and build rapport, she WILL push you away and grow tired of you.
Usman says
Hi Rick
I just need some advice over my relationship. I’m in a LDR from last 8 years my girl broke up with me 3 times but she was always in contact with me even now she is with someone else.
I met her a week back we had a great time together, but im confused that where this relation is heading too. I just cant come out of her i try to keep my self busy in things but something is draging me back to her.
At times i feel like contacting her present bf and telling him all but dont know that this will work or not
I would love to have my girl back for which i need a professional advice.
Regards
Usman
Rick says
Well 8 years is a really long time. So it will take time to heal. You need to decide what you really want. Get specific and write out a plan of how you’ll get what you want. Only when you get specific will your brain start working towards that.
Austin says
Hey Rick,
Me and my girlfriend were together for a little over two years. Just recently about a little over a month ago she broke up with me. I have spoken to her on certain occasions and she told me that we were never getting back together. About three weeks after the break up she got into a relationship with a new guy. They’ve been together almost a month and are currently engaged. She posts him being her fiance on social media. I’ve done everything I can think of to get her back. She has told my friends and family members that the break up was being planned for months. I don’t understand why she didn’t tell me this. Everyone we both know mutually agree that we were a good couple. There wasn’t a lot of trust between us and we always argued. I don’t know my next move or my game plan. I really love this girl and have bent over backwards to keep her happy. Please give me advice on how to win her heart over. Even if it takes time to do so. She already has moved to the I love you stage and they are sleeping together at her house. Can you please help me?
Rick says
Uhhh how about you let her go and enjoy life with this new guy? Stop being a home wrecker man, she’s engaged. Time to move on bro, “get your ex back” courses won’t help you because it’s 100% up to the girl to take you back. Literally nothing you can do!
Steve says
I have been seeing someone for a while now, who is an overlapper (leaves one relationship when they have another). I have come to know that she has been seeing someone behind my back, and I know he doesn’t know about me. We just got from a trip where she was kissing me and holding my hand in front of her kids. She won’t allow me to post any pics of us together on fb. I know she has been seeing him before we went. My question is should I tell him ? I want to say it is to help him out but you and I both know all I want to do is make her face the truth. He may not even care. But I am certain she has lied to him, about not being available when she was with me.
Rick says
Sounds like you’re dating a serial cheater. I don’t stick with girls who cheat. I think it’s just a big waste of time because I want women who actually want me, to commit to me. So knowing this, you do what you think is best.
Kevin says
First of all really good advice written here:)
My ex is still with her new boyfriend (possible rebound I guess) 6 months after she dumped me for him (6 year relationship).
After No Contact of nearly 3 months she contacts me at 1 AM saying:
“Hey, How are you?” “I just saw you when I drove past your house” “Didn’t you go to (friends name)’s birthday? (he didn’t even celebrate his birthday.
I realise this is not something to get all excited about yet but still….
I did not respond to her message (she sent it yesterday) because all over the Internet people tell you to ignore her untill she says she wants to get back with you.
Did I make a mistake for not messaging her?
Rick says
No, it’s good you didn’t. Especially at 1am lol. So I think you’re fine. You got to look for signs of commitment. A text at 1am isn’t really anything to get excited about as you said. Also, never assume the sale aka never assume that she wants you again. I would send her something like ‘Well look what we have here’ and use that aloof attitude.
jOHN says
Hi Rick, I was wondering. I have this issue. So me and an ex, if you would call her that, broke up about 10 months ago. We were more just friends on the verge of getting together, we had sex a few times and a lot of shit went really wrong for me all at once, economy caused lay offs, I got booted from my home by my landlord who was my mother who I had a falling out with and I kinda was in a super fucked up state of mind. Things have changed and I’ve moved on from a lot of that, except this girl. I still have feelings for her and I made a bit of a mistake and after about 8 months of no contact I sent her a happy new year message. She replied returning the happy new year wish and asking how I’ve been. Our conversations have continued it took me a few days to respond to her response as this is all over email since we don’t have each others numbers anymore. Either way, we have maintained our talks and they seem to be going really well, except for a couple of problems.
1)At first she mentioned she didn’t want our “friendship” back, which was brought up out of nowhere, but then she continued the conversation directly after wards asking me about one of our favourite bands.
2)She made a comment about not forgetting things after bringing up a quality in me that she “loves” then when I made a comment about how a good memory is good to have she replied with I”thats why Im not giving you my number”
3)After about a week of talking she just mentioned almost in passing that she has a boyfriend.
So what do you think, is there actually a chance of getting back with this woman? I really do love her, but I don’t want to ruin this chance or waste my time on a non existant one.
Rick says
Nah no chance man, not right now at least. Imagine if her bf knew she was talking to you, he’d be super pissed lol. I mean the fact that she is entertaining you thru email should be a red flag. I’d cut contact immediately.
Juan says
Hey Rick,
First of all great site and thanks for sharing your knowledge. So heres my story: My ex of 7 years broke up with me two months ago. I initially begged for her back which obviously did not work. We have been in limited contact(we have a one year old daughter) for these two months. Just today I talked to her ok the phone and couldn’t help myself and told her I still missed her and wanted her back. She goes on to tell me she has been dating a new guy for the past few weeks and does not have any desire to be back with me. My immediate reaction was hoping that this new guy is just a rebound. Anyways I tried to play it cool and just said as long as this new guy treats our daughter well I hope she is happy. Anyways I have to say it is gut wrenching to think about her and this other guy. I still want her back but am not sure what course of action to take. I have been to other so called “get your ex back” websites but beyond NC/LC their advice isn’t very helpful. Any advice you could teach me would be very appreciated. Thank you.
Rick says
Well my site isn’t a “get your ex back” site. Those products are just BS. Notice in this article that it’s really all about letting go and making your ex chase you. If you can get your ex to chase you, then it’s easy from there. How do you do that? Well, it’s the same as I always teach: know the game. Know what women want. Improve your attractiveness. All things I teach in my courses.
Val says
Hi Rick,
But what if it’s the other way around? What if It’s the boyfriend w bipolar disorder that left you? After 7 months together he decided to move out Bc he fell into a depression during the last two months and nothing I did to support him was enough. After reading your articles, I realize I demanded too many answers Bc of the rejection (taking it way too personal since he wasn’t diagnosed until recently) and I didn’t understand or give him the “space” he wanted. He says he loves me but he needs to figure out how to handle meds by himself. I asked him how do I be there for him, as a friend, do we see each other some times, should I contact him? I don’t want to be a pest but I also want to be in his mind so he doesn’t forget me. I don’t want to lose him. The holidays are also coming up and I don’t want him to be alone. What do I do? Please advise. This is my 2nd comment. Thank you!
Rick says
You’ve got too much attachment to this guy unfortunately. It’s causing you to over commit and go out of your way for him when he doesn’t want you around. Just let him be. You can’t help people, not even loved ones. They need to be adults and figure things out on their own
Alan says
Hi Rick.. I really could use some advice about my current sitsuation. Is this where I can ask u for advice?
Rick says
You can leave comments and I might answer, but I spend most of my time answering questions on my forum.
Joe says
Hello Rick,
I had a misunderstanding with my gf somewhere in June and we started having a bit of nice time early part of august. I came across your books,read thru and got to realised I made a mistake making her know I love her soo much ans couldn’t do without her and she’s now riding on my emotions. I’ve listed certain points down and ff daily. Is there any way I can act in order tget her back quickly since she’s asking for space ?
Rick says
Just let her have her space. No point in chasing her. She’ll just run further.
jon says
Really liked your article!
me and my x broke up in 2013. i realized by reading this article that i have made monumental mistakes in the past. we would often fight and i would over react and made things worse (i smoked pot, was messy) but we where deeply in love and had a dog together after 6 monthes of dating. i had broken up with her because she was pushing me too much. i jumped in a relationship right after to forget about her but she kept pursuing me and ended up cheating on the girl i was with and she was the one who had told her we where still sleeping together. so we had a lot of back and forth. since then she would aways the keep the texting alive over the past 2 years. there was atime after whe we broke up we had stopped talking and i wanted to get her back, found out she was dating somebody i know and told me we couldnt talk anymore cuz loved her bf etc. they had broken up not long after, but she was reaching out to me during and after her relationship, but she didnt want to do anything with me. few monthes passed she reached out for sex and we kept in touch she would always tealk to me abt her school problems etc. shortly after she had told me she wanted to get back together. i wanted to look strong and not take her back right away, so when the conversation came back up she was like no its not a good idea etc etc. i was really pissed and found out later on that she started dating somebody else. i had then jumped into a relationship way too fast to forget abt her and 2 monthes later i end up with a pregnant gf who kept the baby ( i love my son no matter how it happenned) i had told her abt the baby she didnt react well(obviously) i did it to get a reaction out of her. after that she calmed down and asked about it etc. and before that i had told her i was still in love with her and she didnt take it well. we had strted talking again telling me good news abt getting accepted to her programm and general life complaints or wtv. often i would think we would get back together. last march she had texted she misssed me and came to meet me where i was that night and she makes out with me at the bar out of nowhere comes over and we didnt have sex, she was being weird and we had a fight the next day. shortly after that she makes a point to wish me happy bday and on ocasions asking me if she can come over late at night but everytime i was sleeping and missed it. in beginning of may, she texted me that she wanted to come over but unfortunately i was out of town etc. but nothing happenned when i got back. i know if i am forward with her she pushes away. time passes again i was seing somebody and she would still contact me and at times send me pics etc. now we r in end of august she wanted to to buy glasses from me cuz thats what i do and we ended up going for supper and got some wine and champagne to celebrate her getting accepted at school we drank, and said we loved each other more that once we had some heated arguments and back to happy ones and she told me drunk that you know you will end up being mr. her last name one day. she came over after but she wanted me to bring her home cuz had to wake up early etc. time goes by we r still talikng but nothing happenning cuz she says im her friend or wtv, and she would love to see my son when he visits etc. present time, i was hospitalized recently and she had heard abt it and was upset i didnt tell her she was bothered by it and wanted to come, told her i didnt want to distract her from her exams cuz was exams time. after that i had contacted her and she told me she was at a chalet with a guy she is dating. so this guy is in my community and they post on fb and et and looks like she is happy and serious. she texted me a month ago asking if i had deleted her off instagram, wich i did not, she got confused between my account and the store account, she follows the store account, i told her to come watch a movie if she wasnt doing anything and she made apoint of telling me she is dating somebody and it wasnt appropriate, i got mad but didnt really show it . since then we only chatted quick once, was her who contacted me to ask how i was doing after the procedure, said i was fine and she would send me good vibes. but other than that 0 contact. my instict tells me to tell her i love her, but i know 100% would make it worse. at this point im at a loss and worried i have lost her for good. any advice would be very much apreciated as i do not know what to do. thank you in advance
Rick says
Yeah that’s a bad instinct. Actually that’s not instinct at all, that’s just bad programming over all the years. I think you’re fine, just wait until she contacts you. You could reach out to her if you want, but keep it casual. Telling her I love you won’t score you any points.
Josh says
Rick I need your help im destroyed. I have really bad depression and i over think easily but me and my ex just broke up three weeks ago after been together 3 years. Im the longest shes ever been with anyone and shes already with this new guy shes known for ten years lost contact then started venting to him 2 weeks before she left me. I was going through alot and she was paying for alot and i know its wrong trust me i even told her i felt horrible when i was with her but two days before we broke up she had a massive panic attack and asked me too bring her to the hospital so i did then asked me too stay over for the next two days then she left me. We have everything in common love the exactly the same music movies almost everything. But since the brake up i have been put on depression meds adhd meds to help me focus and also see a therapist 2 times a month. I just got some of my stuff back but i had to delete my facebook today because she deleted me a few days ago then she been posting things like im finally living life and shes happy all of that stuff so with that said im asking for help theres more but i need help please we talked about marriage kids everything shes the love of my life ill do what ever it takes even if i have to let her be happy. Please email me as soon as you can.
Rick says
I mean there’s really nothing you can do other than move on and pursue your passions. The reason women dump men is because the man loses his overall passion and goals. This is a big reason why women lose attraction. So the fact that you’re depressed and all that is because you have nothing else. All you had was the relationship and the girl. But women hate that. They don’t want a man who makes the relationship #1. Check out my homepage, I recently wrote a post about this and depression.
Mini man says
Ji Rick I would like you’re advice with my relationship, me and my wife of 3 years just split up. We have 2 kids together and age said she left kuz she was unhappy. I left the house too because our lease was almost up and the payments were too much for me aline. Our dream these year was to buy a house. I have also been reading ur blog and other people’s questions. I just wanted to know what to do because I feel like I have to be in contact with her cuz of the kids so how can I build some distance in these case? Also she did push me away when I asked her if we could work things out.
Rick says
Well she’s unhappy. An unhappy woman will leave. So that’s not really a surprise to be honest. She pushed you away because she isn’t happy with you. As for your question, just don’t contact her unless it’s children related, and then keep it short.
Bryan says
Hey Rick, me and my ex wife got divorced in November, she felt like she needed her space, because she wasn’t happy. We have a 1yo son, we were married for 2 years. We met up 2 days ago, and I apologized for my behavior over the past few months(begging for another chance, crying to her). She told me she still loves me, and that only God knows if we will ever be together again, which I responded with letting her know that I accept the divorce, and that I understand that there’s no chance of us getting back together, which for a split second, I saw the shock in her face when I said that. She then asked me how I felt about dating other people, which I replied with I have to accept it, if that is what you choose to do. She then told me she was talking to someone for a few weeks now, and “old friend”. What do I need to do to get her back? I really do love her
Rick says
You messed up with your dating other people response. You said “if that is what you choose to do.” You lost her there because she now thinks that your life is dependent on her. Aka codependency, which is very unattractive. Sorry bro. Work on your codependency, I have an entire course on it in my Relationship Academy.
Ricky T says
You divorced in November, by March she’s already seeing someone ….
Dude, why would you want someone back thats been cheating on you while you thought y’all was together?
Daniel says
Hey rick,
So I have been broken up with my ex/mother of my son, for about 3 months now. She broke up with me. We were together for about 4 years. Our son came two and a half years in. There were ups and downs of our relationship(like everyone else). I never cheated, but I feel like I was complacent after we had our son. We both were. Besides texts about our son, I’ve had little to no contact with her. Ive moved out but still have my stuff at the house. I’ve tried to initiate contact with her in between that 3 months. But she was closed off, and didn’t want to talk to me. She has a lot of resentment that I cant change. Since then she’s been seeing another guy. She was seen with the guy by a friend, at a restaurant just recently. My ex actually saw my friend and i guess she got spooked and upped and left the restaurant. Everything seems like it’s not going to get better. She is about to move out of the house by the end of the month. Now I’ve been trying to better myself. Going back to school, working out, going out and what not. But i want to get her back. Not because she is the mother of my child, but because I do truly love her. I’ve told her that I know this had to happen. She knows where I stand. I don’t know if she will contact me, because she has been talking to another guy. What do you think I should do.
Brandon says
Hey rick,
So when my gf of 2 yrs leftme i was fine for the first month, didnt txt her unless i needed to and we hung out a couple times afterwards. She invited me over one night when she was sick and wanted loves and cuddles n shit right? Well i did it regaurdless to all the red flags i had. It killed me. Litterally two days later i started bugging and begging for her to come back, she said i had zero chance of it happening again.(bad move, brought her abusive ex into the conversation. Ik i fucked up shit happens when ur irrational) I just recently started the no contact rule ive heard so much about and started working out, im on my last cig and ive found a new felt confidence since i started this process. She just started dating this guy (looks like a douche) <not saying that cuz pissed offabout the situation even tho i am. But my question is, after three weeksof begging and pleading do u think i have a chance to get her back?
Rick says
Begging someone back has never worked in the history of mankind. You gotta do things differently bro.
harry says
he’s right women don’t answer to begging make her want to want you back but if you need more help contact me
Robert says
My ex girlfriend broke up with me a month ago she’s now talking to another guy that has his shit together. When we first met last year even though I didn’t have my shit together she was always there she helped me find places to stay when i was homeless took me out to places we always had amazing sex she fell in love with me before I fell in love with her now a year goes by and she breaks up with me again but this time instead of her being single she gets with another dude even though when she says she just wants to be free she gets with somebody else I just became homeless again and I lost her she says her feelings are gone and I just want her back I literally look at all these programs online and it’s bs why can’t I just have my girlfriend back she only girl that makes me happy any advice
Rick says
Because she doesn’t want to be your babysitter. Of course she got tired of that and wants a guy who can take care of himself.
Matt-S says
i begged abd pleaded for my ex that i love more than anything to come back to me and give me another chance. and because of that she wants nothing to do with me and moved on. even though she is the type of person who will consider giving an ex a second chance. but as of right now she wont talk to me and i just found out she has a new bf. so yea one of the worse feelings in the world is to have love for someone who wants nothing to do with you either forever, or just this time of there life
Rick says
And that’s why you don’t beg or plead or whatever. She’s going to think it’s pathetic. And then she’ll be even more glad to leave you.
John says
My ex broke up with me 3 months ago. Durine the first week of the breakup she was heartbroken and jumped into a new relationship( we were in and out at least 3 times) she still wanted my company and we hung out for a month and she was going through a withdrawal from her medication for depression and then afterwards she told me at first she didn’t regret breaking up with we saying using a bogus excuse like we have different personalities and then she said I regret breaking up with you it was a mistake then she said she didn’t feel guilty anymore. I want her back but i don’t know how to approach the situation since I’m doing no contact. Also I want to get back with her for the 4th time but I already did my part in improving but I don’t know if she is. I really want to show her Im worthy of her presence but I kinda messed up a couple of times of no contact. I gave her a card for her birthday and she liked it. I don’t know if this is a rebound relationship because she’s been dating this guy for 2 months and I plan to talk to her after no contact. I want to know is there a possibility that me and her can work out for the 4th time?
Rick says
Worthy of her presence? What a horrible mindset. How about you stop putting her on a pedestal? As long as you have this poor mindset, you’ll never succeed with women. They might date you for a little bit, but they’ll eventually leave you because women do not stay with men who have poor mindsets. They look for men with strong, masculine mindsets.
Ryan Dwight says
My ex and I broke up mutually as we both agreed that they jumped into the relationship too fast without building a friendship first. Plus, I’ll admit. I screwed up on a few occasions and lied and didn’t keep my word. We are still friends and we do still talk and hang out outside of work. She’s dating this guy who honestly isn’t a very good guy, and I’m not saying that because I don’t like him (most of her friends and family don’t like him) and I’ve confessed that I still have feelings for her and told her hoe much she meant to me. I didn’t beg for her to take me back, I just told her that I was willing to let the relationship she was in now play out for as long as it lasts, and that I was willing to wait for her. My problem is that I’m trying very hard not to get too clingy as I grew too used to being able to talk to her all the time. Now she has never denied that she’s not willing to give me another chance, nor has she ever denied that she still has feelings for me. I know her very well and if she didn’t want either of those she would say something to me rather than lead me on. My question is what else can I do and how long do I play the waiting game before I should hang it up?
Rick says
You should hang it up right now. Why would you wait around for a girl when there are plenty more out there? You have a scarcity mindset which is why the relationship never worked out to begin with. Even if you get back with this girl, she will just leave you again due to your poor mindsets.
coby says
Hey Rick,
Ive known a girl for 10 years, we have been through a lot, shes 26 im 33 but ive kept her at arms length, she went and got married and had a child 5 years ago but the guy left her and we have been real close ever since. she sent me the massive emails on “give us a chance” etc etc and ive always been cold and never looked at it seriously but shes my best friend/sole mate 100% anyway i was away with work for 4 months and came home early to find she had met someone she thinks she loves. hit me hard i told her its time we got together and revealed my feelings she chose me over him. this was just a week ago, issue is now were “seeing how things go” but shes real cold, colder than ive ever seen her so so cold and i dont know what to do. taking her away tomorrow to spoil her but ive no clue if shes still intouch with this guy and regreting her decision but i know he wants her. my mind is trashed and im trying not to be desperate but i want her now 100%.advice please? thanks so much in advance
Rick says
Dude you pushed her away for years so she found a new guy. Now you get all mad because she decided to go with someone else. Now she’s cold because she’s actually happy with that other guy. I think you need to let this girl go. This is a classic example of you being selfish.
Alexander says
Rick,
I’ve dated a girl for just over two years and we broke up approximately one year ago. A month after our breakup, she started dating a new guy that was basically the polar opposite of me. He’s shorter, with a very soft, doughy looking body. Not that looks are everything, but as you said, they account for a lot. I’m sure he’s successful and a good person, but then again, so am I.
Anyways, approximately two months ago, she randomly texted out of the blue, saying that she was thinking of me and that she learned a lot from our time together. She further stated that her new relationship was “ok” and she was interested in seeing if I was dating. She also agreed to meet up for drinks if she was ever in my city. We haven’t spoken since; however, I should reiterate that I have made zero attempts to contact her since the break. She’s the one who messaged me. Anyways, is there hope to get back with her after a year apart. How do I pursue her from this point?
Rick says
Looks are important, but what matters more is your status, your vibe, and your overall consistency in life in general. You don’t have to be a good looking guy, but if you’ve got a dozen or so dimensions and you’re always growing and improving, consistently winning in life, you’ll attract girls. Simple as that.
Adam says
Hey im kinda im a shitty sotuation with a mediocre mindset but im just gonna tell u the story…me and this girl have been on and off for a while but the thing is i truly know she loves me and i love her to death…recently i havent been giving her the attention she craves and needs and everytime im woth my buddies she would text me and i wouldnt respond cuz i would forget and we used to talk all day and all night but i stopped doing that and she got tired of it because she felt as though i didnt genuinly care or want to be with her….now recently a guy started to show her that he truly wants to talk to her and shes been dippin him for weeks because she was with me and she told me constantley to stop my shit because she has trust issues because of what her last bf did to her and she got sick of it and gave this dude the time of day….the thing is i know that love is still there and im gonna get it back no matter what but she said she needs to be happy with herself first and she believes i meed to do the same and that something like this needs to happen for me to realize what i did and lost….rick i know shes not gone yet and im looking for help to get her back because i know what i need to improve for us but i just need and extra hand because rn shes gone but not lost amd ima love her untill the love is gone
Rick says
Bro I can guarantee you that not answering your texts has nothing to do with her leaving. Girls just use that as an excuse. They will always make up reasons for leaving a guy instead of being blunt and honest with the guy…
Adrian says
I emotionally abused and borderline cheated on my ex for 2 years; she also has anxiety so it amplified the effect. She eventually she got distant and got closer with another guy. This opened my eyes and I started to correct core things in my life (relationship with family, thinking positive, being proactive, managing anger).
All within a week and I made massive changes. She noticed and said she lost attraction to him since I was getting better but she couldn’t bring herself to forgive me for what I have done because it has scarred her, changed her personality and picked up my violent outburst tendencies.
She was deciding on whether to give me another chance or to give the new guy a chance and just a few days ago he really woo’ed her over with a romantic gesture involving her friends, a little plaza and some flowers, followed by hanging out at his house with the whole group. As soon as I found out I said she had to make the choice now and she picked him.
Afterwards, we talked and she says she forgives me and that she still loves me. We decided that I would wait 4 months and see if a semester change or anything would affect the relationship. We set conditions for the both of us: She isn’t allowed to go too crazy with him or do anything sexual. I am not allowed to do anything sexual either.
Is this an acceptable thing to do?
Rick says
Just keep in mind that words are weak. Do you really think she’s going to stand by what she says?
Mark says
Wait, REALLY?! Haha how awesome is that :)
Rick barlow says
Hi Rick im also a rick ha anyway I was with my gf 2 years one year in she seen I had txt a girl she went out then after this and met a guy stayed at his house one night I don’t know what happend that night fast forward to now and I chaeated on her she came back to me and we was ok then 4 weeks ago her behaviour changes she dosent come round as much and won’t txt says she dosent love me now and hates me I try to get her back beg and plead infact she slowly starts coming around week one seen me one day week two two days until week four she seen me 4 days one of which was a night out had fun slept together then next day took her son out to the beach then next day goes cold on me again ive recently been told she’s been seeing another lad for a few weeks he didn’t know about me I didn’t know about him now she’s silent on me what is going on I need help
James says
Hi Rick,
My girlfriend and I had been together for 10 years until we broke up 3 months ago. For the past year, we’ve been constantly arguing because of me being friends with someone who I admitted I had feelings for. I must admit, I enjoyed being with the other girl, even if there was no physical intimacy. This led me making excuses and lies to cover up our time together, which eventually led to arguments every time she found out. But I had my excuse, “there’s nothing going on between us.”
Finally, I realized my mistake and told my (ex)girlfriend everything, even things she didn’t knew happened. She was deeply hurt but she forgave me. Then she found out I was still texting the other girl (albeit just to keep in touch as friends), and that was the last straw. She realized that she was just too hurt, and she couldn’t love me the same way anymore.
She is the love of my life Rick. If I had known that she was that hurt, enough to break up with me, then I would have cut all communications with the other girl there and then. For the past 3 months i’ve been trying to win her back. I sent apology letters, gave gifts, and spent time with her, assuring her that i’ll stay for her. The last time I saw her, she told me that she still loves me, but only as a friend, and while she’s afraid of hurting and losing me as her best friend, she would understand if I let go. She feels that she needs someone else in her life, but she just couldn’t see me anymore as a lover.
I found out recently that she’s beginning to entertain another guy who seemed interested in her (even back when we were together). I honestly dont know what to do how I can get her back..
Rick says
Listen carefully: there is nothing wrong with being friends with other guys or girls. As long as you’re not hooking up, being intimate, doing boyfriend/girlfriend stuff, it’s all good in the hood. If your partner is jealous about it, that’s their own problem and it’s probably a red flag that you might want to give your relationship a second-thought…
Andy says
Hey rick
I’ve been split up with my ex for 10 months now, we were together for 4 years, engaged and have a daughter together. During the end of the relationship I got a bit too content and lazy. (Very bad move) as this led to her saying she was very unhappy and broke up with me. So this led to me doing anything under the sun to try and get her back (also a very bad move). She is now in a relationship of 6 months and is very happy. During that time I’ve been in a relationship myself, but I split as I couldn’t stand the girl no more. Now 10 months on, things have started to really hit home and started to miss her and what we had as a little family. And I think I want her back. Question is… where the hell do I start? We still have a really good and friendly relationship, for the little on of course. I’m due to join the marines and really changed my life around since we have split. So i don’t know if this is an advantage or not?
Many thanks
Andy
Kody says
My ex-girlfriend left me two months ago. Within a month she messaged an old high school crush she had not spoken to in nearly 8 years- his name is also Cody. A few weeks prior to that, she is tipsy on the phone telling me she would walk up and out her arms around me if she ever saw me with another woman; said she would gut them. Then that? I hit a low prior to her decision to spread her legs and did a bit of pleading. I was lost. She called me family, told me I was her sons stepfather. She was hot and cold. Vicious at times, but sweet at others, but not too often.
She blatantly told me he has a smaller dick and does not make her cum like I did, but that “he pleases me before I touch him”. He is a fat boy, a rather large one and he does not have a better job than me and still lives with his parents at 26. What the…
Well, I cut a lot out, but the other day, a day after she muted me on messenger, she asks if I want to hang out. She picked me up from work. We were together for two hours, talking, laughing and sharing wits. She texted him throughout, but told me a few of the messages that were making her laugh. She then reintroduced herself, says she had been use to seeing me in a certain way for so long, she is now seeing me a new way. I took that as a chance, but also most likely seeing me as a friend. Why the game? You see, a few days prior I messaged her that we should get to reknow each other, move slow and see where things could go. She ignored it and just said “hey”. But two days later and she says this shit? She said a little cute “we are bffm” meaning “better friends, maybe” because she said that she wanted to become better friends. After I said that it’s good she sees me a new way, because I am a new man and I have only one concern in life: me, she says “you know what, we are bffdm, better friends, definite maybe”. Ahh…
She asked who a woman I recently (within past week) added on FB is. She isn’t on my friend list, so she smiled and admitted she creeped.
But tell me about this, she took it farther and told me she creeped on a woman I dated and got pregnant a couple years ago out of state, she even creeped her boyfriends page. It’s complicated, but I was shunned at first so I chose to exclude them from my life. My ex looked at me and said “you’re getting your life back on track, get all of it on track. If you don’t see your son, I’ll be fucking disgusted by you. He looks like you, he is yours”.
She did this staring in my eyes thing before that, tried being cute. At the end, feeling less controlled by my emotions, I asked “do you miss me?”. She nodded, sadly, and softly said yes.
I feel like conquering my life. She left me after I made a promise and she said she wouldn’t leave, but did just as I began to spiral back up. Too little, too late she said. Fuck that. Mentally I spiraled back down, but I am rising up and am in control of my life. I can bounce back quickly.
What do you think? She has known me since 18, for 8 years, dated two and before I even knew she liked me a couple of her exes,even as far back as 8 years, said “go to Kody, you want him”.
Rick says
You just let this woman have way too much power over you. That’s the problem with you guys who fail with the ladies. You let them have power over you way too much. The fact that you write such a long essay shows how much influence she has over your emotional state lol. You just need to back off and let her do her thing. You can’t force a woman to love you. Let her come to you.
Kyle says
I emotionally abused and almost cheated a few times on my ex for 3 years. She tried to do the same back to me, the abuse, until we made changes close to the end and became a lot stronger, then all of a sudden, after a super romantic romantic and great day, she breaks up with me the morning after. Of course, I begged and pleaded for a day, she agreed to meet but didn’t show simply due to pain she was suffering, and then I tried again 2 days later, I saw it wasn’t getting me anywhere and I stopped. 2 days after I begged for the last time, she got with a new guy, the complete opposite to me, visually and personality, and she looks and is acting completely uncomfortable and miserable with him.
This was a month ago, I am with a girl of my own however she doesn’t really cut it and i’m thinking of ending it, my ex is simply too prevalent in my mind and it isn’t fair.
She has blocked me on everything but has a huge history of coming back to me.
I have been working on myself and have changed almost everything she disliked about me, and worked on my visual looks too. I am in a much better position and a lot happier and confident in myself now. Obviously, I want her back, but I won’t hold my breath?
Rick says
Nah I wouldn’t hold your breath. If you ignore her, then she’ll probably come back. But, you need to not commit to this new girl of yours. Don’t lie to her and make her believe that you’ll be her boyfriend or whatever if you’re not seriously into her. It’s perfectly fine to date her and all that, but if she tries to boyfriend you up, then be honest with her and tell her you’re not ready yet
Aaron says
Long story short, I am 29 and she is 23. We got to know each other in school in the same class when she was 17 and I was 23. Been together for 6 years and a half before breaking up. Over the 6 years, we only argued a few times and they were nothing serious, we always talked things through and at the end of our relationship, we even agreed that I should have voiced some of my displeasures and we argued too little.
Befoere the break up, at the 4th, and 5th year, she suggested perhaps taking a break from each other as she felt our feelings were stale, but i did not feel that way. Thus we did not really go through with this (max of 1 week with no contact). She stopped the break from each other as I felt miserable.
Now at the 6th year, she suggested a real breakup and at this point I knew something was definitely not right and agreed with her. Breakup was peaceful and civil. Reason from her for breaking up was she no longer had feelings, we are at different phases of life (her final year of college, I am already working), different hobbies and over the years she disliked my characteristics eg slow to react to things sometimes, not receptive to new experiences.
For me though, i still felt our relationship was alright and while she also had some qualities which i find could be improved, i had learnt to find them adoring.
We communicated at times during the first week as she surprisingly was the first to contact me for the first 3 days and even told me she did ‘t expect to feel sad and regret as she thought she did not have feelings for me anymore. Even mentioned she kept thinking of my laughter. Went NC for 2 weeks since.
Currently at 4th week since breakup and she gave me a call to tell me she is seeing someone who was there for her during the breakup. They were friends before the breakup but this guy went to take advantage of the situation.
I was gracious enough to wish her well and we chatted a bit about how we felt after the break. When i asked if she felt this new guy was a rebound, her answer was that she doesn’t know. She is still receptive to me and she was sorry for seeing someone so soon.
For now my strategy would be to continue working on myself and be open to new people. The relationship we had is dead and if we were to ever be together again it would be a new one.
What other things should i do?
Rick says
Wow, I’m surprised she was that honest with you. Most women don’t tell their ex about how they were seeing a new guy during the break up. They’ll usually say how they met him after. Props to your woman. All you can do is move on man. Wish her the best like you did. Props to you for being mature about it. Don’t reach out to her. If she wants to keep being friends with her, tell her you’re only interested in romance and not friendship. She’ll understand and she’ll contact you if her new relationship doesn’t work out. Hopefully you’ll be dating new women by then.
mark says
hey Rick, here’s my story:
My girlfriend and I found ourselves back together 5 years ago after having a “puppy” love when we were 16 ten years ago. After 2 years of being together we had a son. We’re still not married but we’re planning to someday. We had a good life together and had our own house where we started as a family. 2 weeks ago my girldfriend went out with one of her female friend and spent the night in her friend’s place. After that I noticed that my girlfriend started to be distant and slightly cold in our relationship. Her texts doesn’t contain any of those sweet nothings or smileys that we always use when conversing. She then started coming home late saying that she is with her office friends. I believe her because I trust her. Then she went with my son to stay at her parents’ place for the weekend while I stayed home because of work. Then she dropped the bomb shell. She said that she had fallen in love with me and that we can only talk if it is about our son. She said she got tired of me being immature and irresponsible. I admit to both as I am always playing games on my phone during free time and neglect having time with our son or even doing simple house chores (which almost always she does). She said that it all build up through time. She said that time when I refused to fetch her from work and choose to go with my friends on a dinner had broken her heart. Now she has gone cold an stuck with her idea that we only speak to each other if it is about our child and refuses any of my moves to reconcile. She said that she had fallen out of love with me. I suspected that she is seeing someone new which I tried to talk with her. She said that there’s no one she is meeting as of the moment and that she needs some time. One day her brother told me that his she is spending more time on the phone lately talking to someone either through text or in a call (in which she actively hides when one of the family members get near her). My suspicions were proved when I saw her texting someone with a name of “My Love”. I confronted her about it but she only said that she is really heart broken that she only wants to feel appreciated even through text. She also said that she doesn’t want to meet up with the guy in person. The story of our break up went like wildfire in their office and all of a sudden she had been receiving gifts from “mysterious” officemates. I can’t confirm if she is really seeing someone right now and it pains my heart to think about her being with someone else. She said to one of our mutual friends that she is not seeing someone as of the moment and that she only told me what I wanted to hear when I confronted her about her new guy which is really the opposite of what I discovered. Is she really seeing another guy or not? What should I do to win her back when she had closed her heart on me. I want to get back with her and marry her for our child, for our family.
Rick says
Yeah she is 100% seeing a new guy and sleeping with him for awhile now. That first night when she was distant was when she fucked him. It’s REALLY obvious when someone is cheating because they become distant like that out of the blue. She definitely lied to you. However, it’s still your fault that she cheated on you because, as you pointed out, you’re a shitty boyfriend. She does everything, you sit on your ass. Relationships are supposed to be 50/50. If you’re not putting in the work, eventually the woman will find a new man who has better chemistry and connection with her, appreciates her, etc.
Marco says
Hi, i got a discussion with my ex when i was in a bad time and said to her that she’s good at nothing. She went far from me and now she’s chatting/seeing a new guy (one of my friends, but not so close). It happened a month ago, and they were keeping in touch in the last 2 weeks. I’m deeply in love with her, and i regret what i said that day. Is there something i can do? she also feels sad for me and she respond to my messages, we also saw each other some days ago when she closed the relation, and she kept hugging and kissing me and crying talking about breaking up, but at the end she broke. I really don’t know what to do, i just want her back.. oh, it’s a distance relationship. Thank you in advance.
Rick says
Best thing you can do for this situation is to simply tell her you made a mistake and that you want to continue the relationship. If she says no, tell her that you understand and to get in touch with you if she changes her mind. Then, don’t call/text her again. The ball is 100% in her court at this point because you put yourself out there. She can take it or leave it. Don’t do what other guys do and chase. That’s the wrong move here, even if it works temporarily (which got you some hugging and kissing, but nothing else)
Shannon Hensley says
My ex dumped me after 2 years while I had taken a trip back to N.C> from TX to sell some property, the whole time I was gone we texted and talked on IMO video chating and telling each other we loved and miss each other , then like 3 days before I closed on my house on the 2nd of sept I get a text telling me she is done with me, Im not gonna change and thats it, so I give her a about a week and text here and its kinda spotty replies . figuring shes done with me I didnt return to tx immediately, so i finally get on her fb page from another account cause she had blocked my real one and she had posted that her and this fat dude was in a relationship as of the 28th or sept. and to beat everything he had moved in with her, I mean shit , really? Im getting text telling me not to contact her she has a boyfriend, and they are getting married, then one morning she calls me and tells me that that was him and he had taken the phone from her and wrote that and she was in a messy situation with him. So I tell her Im coming home and now she wont have anything to do with me. So about 3 days ago I started this NC deal and Im going from there. Am I wrong thinking She is in a really bad rebound relationship? Its not almost DEC so they have been together for 2 months now, Hes a chubby truck driver, so I suspect this isn’t going to last long because she likes to have her man around.
Rick says
It’s hard to say and it also really sucks to go through that. But waiting around is a waste of time as well. You’re just wasting time and time is the most precious commodity we have on this earth. Therefore, you need to move on yourself and start dating new people. Don’t wait around, it just makes you look weak. The best revenge is always success.
igor says
I broke with my ex, 2 month ago, she dumped me. HEr name is Matea. We have been in a relationship for 14 months and we used to spend evy day together. We didnt live live together but she used to sleep at my place every day. After 5 month of our relationship i fund out that she was cheating on me but I was ready to move forward and she didnt want to admit that because she was scared to loose me. When she left me she told me that tis is besause it seems like i dont need physical contact, to kiss her or hugh her. My ex girfriend, her name is Lora, and I stayed friends and that was one of the problem with this relationship and she (Matea) didnt cope with that. That was she second problem in our relationship.
We work together so it is hard to endure No contact period. I didnt contact her via text messages or phone calls during the No contact period. We just spoke during out working hours. a few times about our brakeup but she was always angry when we talked about it. Nowdays we just talk about work and sometimes about her family and that is it. Nothin special very much. She is datin someone else, in fact i know that she was texting with this guy at the time that we were braking up.
I ve bumped 2 times on her in public place, and she was with her new boyfriend. It shock me every time. And it brings me down. Every time I am at work I am happy or trying to be happy, I ve changed my waredrobe.
I really want her back because I know that we can be perfect couple, we are very similiar in out minds and thoughts. Please help me.
Rick says
Man so many guys just don’t get it. This comment is a perfect example. You really don’t understand women! If you want any chance of getting her back, then you need to completely remove yourself from her life. Since you two work together, this is impossible. She will always see you at work and will be able to pick up your “I want my ex back” vibe when she sees you. Women can look at a guy and immediately know what he’s feeling (unless you’re alpha and you’re mysterious). The best thing you can do is meet and date new women. This will give you a better vibe and she’ll be able to sense that you’ve moved on. Only then will she be curious about you.
edwin abboud says
Hi Mr. Rick i’m a 17-year-old boy in school and I’ve been going out with my girlfriend for a year and she said than the one they decided to break up with me and now we stop talking because she always hangs out with this new guy what can I do to get her back. Because I see her every day
Rick says
Probably nothing young padawan. If she wants you back, then you’ll just have to focus on being a badass and hope she realizes that she made a mistake leaving you :)
Luis says
Hey Rick,
I started a relationship w someone 2 1/2 years ago. The beginning was rocky because I had to dump an ex to be w my current ex and that wasnt easy. After some trouble I was finally able to be w my ex completely. My ex an I had a very passionate relationship, sex was our strenght but we also had a lot of trust issues. We fought constantly but made up as well. I went beyond proving to her that I was faithful and my life was an open book. I went from being an alpha to a beta and she changed completely. A year ago she met someone and broke up w me for things I had done to her previously… (in a way I felt like i deserved it). I begged and pleaded and she took me back but the relationship was very broken. 4 months later she began acting strange again, very distant and secretive w the phone. I come to find out that she started having conversations with the same guy and she again broke up w me. I went NC and broke it 2 wks later and begged but she wasnt responding. I told her that I will move and and start dating and went NC again. She then contacted me 2 wks later and we got back together. Since then again the relationship was rocky. No trust. She didnt change, and came back not sorry for previous events. She basically wanted everything but didnt put in the work. I was so insecure, i had no confidence… a shell of myself. My friends didnt recognize me and my family as well. I went from being this incredibly confident and witty guy to a souless half-a-man. She came and went when she pleased, hid her phone, went out w her girlfriends and wouldnt answer the phone when I called… she was very shaddy.
Throughout it all she involved me w her family, she was involved w mine. Our sex was ridiculously good and I would take care of her whenever she was in need but that wasnt vice versa… i even helped w bills or her parents if the situation became dire.
About 7 wks ago after spending a great wkend with her and I was going to work she was in a good mood, everything normal. Later that day she called me that she needed to work… she was a stewardess and had a flight to arizona, we’re in miami, at 930 pm. She called to tell me she was on her way to the airport and told her to call me to before take off but she didnt. At 1030 my friend tells me shes having dinner w some guy and I go to confeont them. I lost my cool and she decided to stay with the guy rather than to leave w me because I was agitated. She calls me 10 min later to check on me and I told her to leave me alone and blocked her from everything.
The next day i open a dating site account to start seeing other people, I knew that was bad but I guess I was also trying to get back at her… a wk later she finds out and flips the script about how long ive had that page. I told her i didnt care how she felt that I was moving on… the next day I go to her anxious and we spend the next 3 days together but shes not in it. She sleeps w me like 4 times like nothing and to me it was great… I go to her mothers bday and buy her an amazing cake and after that my ex tells me that she doesnt want to continue. That the relationship is broken… and Im sure shes doing it because shes going to see the new guy from the dinner.
I tell her that I cant believe shes doing it to me again… that why involve me w the fam, why give me so much hope… that she needed to leave me alone that she has to much power over me and that I didnt like it. I told her that if she ever loved me and that if she cared about me even a lil to never call or text me again… and she hasnt… been 6 wks now.
Her own parents would text to see if I was ok… her dad told me that what i needed to do was become a rock. Just get away from her and dont show any more emotion… her own dad told me this.
Long story long… I have felt this incredible amount of energy, love and care for this woman. Have gone through great lengths to be with her. Have sacrificed my pride and manhood to show her that I can be faithful and I can be the provider for her. Even gave her a key to my place which I have never done and Ive been in longer more healthy relationships… but this one seems to have gotten me.
All I wanted was a pure commitment… that she made me a priority but she never did, at least not in the last year and have felt that ive been playing catch up ever since.
We’ve never gone this long without talking… ive been going to gym, trying to date without hurting anyone and have been spending time w the family… i still miss her though and have prayed to god that she’d come back but the right way. I dont want the girl she became… i want the one who fell in love originally… the one that couldnt get enough of me…
I guess I ended up venting more… and when I read the above I just sound like a pussy but cant help knowing that I wouldve gone all in with this girl and all she did was drag me along… do u think she’ll come back…. can this ever work?
Rick says
Well it’s good to write these things out and vent! That’s why I keep the comments open. Get on my email list bro. If your girl wants you back, she’ll make it known. It’s the only way.
Chris says
Hi Rick, I have been married for 4 years now and have a 2 year old son, me and my ex have been split up for almost 8 months now and for the last 3 months she has meet someone who she likes very much and I know it’s not the best situation but I’m actually now devastated and would love nothing more then for her to give me another chance. If I’m honest I failed in my marriage and lost sight of who I was and how to treat her as a woman. I lost focus on myself both physically and mentally which is a horrible mind set to have and to be in. I would just like your advice as to what u think is the best way forward?
Rick says
Are you on my email list? I recommend you sign up for that as I send out lessons and encouragement daily. This will help keep your head in the right place!
Adrian says
How do I get into your email list
Rick says
Just go here and opt-in: https://www.reignitethefire.net/bpd-crash-course/
Llama says
I always thought “she” only had low self estem and depression. Never answered to my questions or truly care to explain as to why she behaved like that.. I’m starting to see her reality which to a lot of the people in this world could be presented as an anomaly case of dilusions and paranoia followed with psychosis projected with narcissist behaviors. All a Lie to which her mind seems to be a reality. Fool filled with nothing but ego and no empathy. What happened to you.. so sad and even sadder her v mind at 28 has been corrupted aND manipulated by the social media and the trolls that feed false ideas. Her mind power to filter out and nut be induced by all she sees.. has consumed her into that world of rejects and cults. Truly a sad idea. That’s why I won’t involve myself with anything. Even dates on sites she creates give her out. Comments of 2012 on sites that are from 2016.. a thrilling and chilly reality.
Brody says
My gf broke up with me awhile back and it completely destroyed me. She talked about how she was depressed and thought it was best. She has a new bf now but I still want her back. Her family has even gone on record and told me to my face that they like me over this new guy. From what they say he seems to be the definition of a tool. Apparently for the past few months he’s been in military training, and I run into her at this diner i go to every once in awhile, and she talks about how she doesn’t know how to deal with him being gone. He family’s said they’d help in any way if it means getting us back together. This girl means everything to me. I’ve never been happier than when I was with her. What should I do? And what can her family do to help?
Rick says
Lol you’re just pushing her away the more you talk to her family. And when she talks about her boyfriend being gone? She’s just using you as her emotional tampon. You’ve got a lot to learn, my friend. Best start with one of my courses or joining the Academy.
Ed says
Hi Rick, so my ex and I broke up 6 months ago after being together for 2 and a half years. I lost sight of what I really wanted and pushed her away thinking i wanted to live a party lifestyle with my friends, and she had enough after a little while and ended it, but at the time I didn’t mind unfortunately. I’ve kept in touch with her through texts kinda frequently this whole time because my feelings for her never died, I just thought I wanted to be single, and she got a new boyfriend 2 months after we broke up who she says she likes and is nice to her, but at the same time she admitted to me that she feels more comfortable being in a relationship so thats why I’m hoping its a rebound. It’s only recently hit me really hard that I pushed her away for no reason and its been killing me these past couple weeks because I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life. I’ve apologized to her and went to her house upset and gave her an in person apology and she knows that now I truly am sorry for what I did and am a better person than I was before. At this point we basically agree to be friends and text almost everyday about everything from life, and school to past memories. I’m trying to get really close to her again and be there for her when she’s upset or anything. She knows I want her back but still she told me she likes talking to me but she doesn’t like that her boyfriend gets mad about it. I’ve asked her to hangout a couple times and she said no because her new boyfriend will get mad so I’m not going to ask that again for a little while but still she said I can text her anytime, and when we talk it still feels like the connection is there. I try to focus on the big picture since we’re only 18, and both go to college at the next town over so its not like she’s going anywhere anytime soon and just focus on the possibility of having a chance with her again in the future unless this rebound relationship becomes serious. I just am unsure about what I should do at this point. I know that for now I can’t let it be a priority and have to live my own life but Would I be better off continuing to text her a lot and try to win her back from her boyfriend? Or just keep in touch every once in a while and let their relationship run its course? She’s never told me that I text her too much or anything, and is always really nice to me, I just don’t want to text her too much and push her away even more. would appreciate any help you can give. Just want a second chance to right my wrongs.
Rick says
Bro this girl is being a hoe, lol. She is texting you (her ex) behind her boyfriend’s back, just LOL. That’s what low quality people do (both men and women). What’s even funnier about this is that you won’t get her back by trying to be her buddy. It doesn’t work that way. So, not only is she being a shitty girlfriend, but she’s just using you as her emotional outlet when she’s bored. She’s got the best of both worlds right now and it’s you who’s going to suffer
Lars says
Hi, about a month ago my girlfriend broke up after about 6 months. I know for a fact that she has stated to see her old boyfriend, they started to see each other less than a week after she broke up. Her old boyfriend lives in another country and I think he was with her about 3 weeks. He has now gone back but I’m pritty shore they are going to give it one more chance and he is coming back for about 2 month when they will be living together. After a brief NC period (about a week) she send text which I didn’t answer. She got mad and called me and I answered (I now, I shouldn’t have answered). She just wanted to be friends but at the same time she asked ” Your not going to start dating other girls right away are you? but if you find someone you shouldn’t hold back”. Mixed signals! Since then she has send some messages with more mixed signals. She still got some clothes at my place, which she has told me that she is going to pick up. We have been in contact, talk on phone have gone out for dinner twice (both times at least one more person was with us). We had sex after the first dinner and she stayed at my place and in the morning we coddled. She called me later that day and we talked alot, not about our relationship. We went out for dinner again yesterday and she followed me back to my place. We didn’t have any sex (she got her period) but when we were in bed we starter to fight about our previous relationship. She said she didn’t want to be friends any more, had to protect herself. She went home, tried to call her and finaly answered. Today i got a message “if we cant be friends we cant hangout, thats all”. What should i do? Thinking of a no contact period for about 2 weeks. Should i tell her anything? Still want her back.
Rick says
You tell her that you’re not interested in friendship. Say “I got enough friends, don’t need more. I want romance but if you can’t give me that, then I’ll find a woman who can.” Send that and then just ignore anything she says UNLESS it’s about getting back together or hooking up. Ignore everything else.
Juan says
Hey rick i love your tips. I was in a relationship for 10 yrs and had three kids. We broke up because i am a workholic so i slowly stop meeting her needs so she got feed up. The thing is we still living together until the lease is over in about a month(weird situation) i do still love her with all my heart and obviously want her back, she says she still loves me but doesnt feel the same(she seeing somebody else). One of my biggest problems was that i realized too late so i acted too late. I actually started to follow your tips of becoming a better man and father overall well see were it leads.
Bobby says
Hey Rick
So I was dating this girl for about a year. We are both in our early 30s. It was a long distance relationship, 1.5 flight apart. Since we met during a vacation are connected was amazing, something I had never experienced. She adored me. Lot of passion, effortless flowing conversations, and can make her laugh any time. We face timed daily, visited each other ever couple weeks, and had some sexy traditions. I made some mistakes along the way. I was very centered at first, true to my self and what I wanted, and then distance started causing some anxiety, lack of life focus, lack of understanding for her needs, and her mood and behavior would throw me off, more anxiety and obsession. On her end she was sad that I wasn’t there and she ended up intentionally distancing herself then dumped me. She wanted me back a week later, saying she needed me in her life, but then half assed it and I struggled to get us back on track and set dates to meet and she kept bailing. Some embarrassing moments in my efforts. We finally met up after 3 months, back on, but she went on a cruise for a couple weeks and stopped communicating, told her I wasn’t cool with that. She dumped me again. Well we finally agreed to let it all go and move on. I started to reach out 3 months after and she was responsive (positive/neutral). She didn’t ask any questions about myself or initiate conversation. Was in her hometown for work but she delayed returning my message until I got back saying seeing me or talking to me is too hard for her. I would reach out every week or two trying to connect. Final message was sending her a couple songs, not lovely dovey, something we did. She texts back saying sorry she started dating someone and he saw my text and she is trying to move on, and hopes I am too. The guy started blowing up my phone that night, didn’t pick up. I just responded to her, “no problem”. I have dated another girls since and I am pursuing other women, but we had a solid connection, a level I haven’t experienced before. Hints she said to me that she didn’t like was how I am so chatty with people/her getting jealous, my style (surfer style), not liking rap music, and #1 me being pushy (trying to get her to meet up, making plans on how we could make it work, and not being understanding to her house and dog needs). What can I do? It’s my birthday month and it’s possible she will reach out. I’m tired of chasing her. I have been getting my finances squared away, always working out, conscience of my bad habits, looking for a new career path, read relationship books to understand my issues, therapy, life coach, and getting back out there. I am a confident guy, great with people, and naturally funny, but she is such a challenge. I really believe she does love me and keeps me at a distance and won’t meet me because she will fall for me again in but the distance is too much for her, also along with my short comings, which I’m working on. If you believed you truly, not a moment of weakness or scarcity or “the one” syndrome, wanted this girl back, what would be your mentality and approach be. Thanks for reading.
Mark says
Ok so what if my ex hits me up after like 6 months, after she had seen me at a restaurant, but she has a boyfriend and she apologized to me. So I asked her what she was apologizing for, and she says just everything the way I treated you im sorry for being so mean to you keep in mind the fact that she has a boyfriend. Well she trailed off trying to see how I was doing I engaged in the conversation saying “well I mean I got hit by a car but im fine how about you? ” but later on in the conversation she asks me remember seeing me at china garden I said yeah I do actually it looked like you were staring at me alot she said well to be honest I was in the middle of a sentence and saw you and my mind went completely blank and I forgot everything I was saying. What does this mean? Plus she brought up that she haunt had sex with anyone since she left me. And she really put an emphasis on her not having sex since us. But anyway what are my chances of getting her back?
Rick says
Hard to say man. Can’t really give you a straight answer here simply because every situation is unique. Women also think in the moment. At that moment of talking you, she probably missed you. But 5 minutes later when she was back with her new boyfriend, she probably completely forgot about you ;)
Junior Lee says
Hey Rick, I’m on the rebounds of bpd run (5yrs).Can u hook me up with the Hot/Cold email u talk about? Damn bro u nailed it! Attitudes, your like the Richard Rawlings of Relationships. A True Entrepreneur~
Rick says
Bro I’ve sent out sooo many hot/cold emails over the years lol just sign up for my newsletter and you’ll get one sooner or later. But just understand this: when your partner is being cold, just give them space. Don’t even reach out to him/her. Wait for them to come to you (yes, even if it’s a week later).
Hayden says
Hey man, I’m in need of some help at this time. I was with a girl for about 8 weeks, and it was love st first sight. We loved each other to death and did everything togtpether. Always going eat and just hanging out. Her parents didn’t necessarily like us together bc we were in 2 totally different stages of life. She’s a senior and getting ready for college/future while I’m a sophomore and just settling into high school. With all of this we had to kind of hide what we did from her parents although they still knew we were together. Her dad was always out of town for work but her mom was always here and her mom began to say that she would throw her daughter out of the house if we kept seeing each other. Then things got rocky with all of this and tension began. We were together for about a month and everything was amazing, then this tension started to separate us. We split up a couple times and tried to work it out but one day we just came to the realization that it couldn’t work out anymore. She always said how she loved me so much and how our relationship was amazing as that she thanked me for everything, but three days later she started talking to another guy, the guy that her parents wanted her to be with. She hid him from me for about 1 1/2-2 weeks until I started playing my games and found out about him, and from that day we haven’t spoken. It’s been about 3 1/2 weeks now. All of this happened during Christmas break, and now we are back at school and she’s different. I can tell that she isn’t happy and that this new guy is just a rebound for her and her family to be happy until she is out of school. When we had split up and were just close, she was saying that she wanted to be happy for her last months of high school and then we were free to whatever we wanted to do. Now that we’ve been at school I always notice how she’s always staring at me and still talks about me to my friends. Along with the fact that I can just tell that she isn’t happy, she’s the other half of me, and ik how she acts when she’s feeling certain ways. Let me know what you think about all of this and what I should do, because right now I’m just waiting around hoping she comes back bc I can’t go back to her, i was the one always goin back to her previously. People want what they can’t have right? Exactly,
Rick says
Lol bro you’re in high school. Don’t worry about shit like this. Just get out there and have fun. You’ll have plenty of time to date more serious women when you’re in your mid-20’s and 30’s. For now, just have fun and don’t think about getting into serious relationships. It will only hold you back at your age.
Tony T. says
Me and my ex was together for 5years and was engaged for 2 years out of the 5. We ended up having a son that is now 2 years old. During the process of breaking up she was talking bout the attraction thing and how she didn’t feel the sparks no more & how she feels like she lost who she was in the mist of motherhood & in the relationship. She moved out with my son in July, it killed me inside that I lost my family, then she started using online dating apps in October & found someone, it’s march now and that’s her new boyfriend. The separation has gotten real bad to the point we argue, courts are involved for my son, and she sounds like she doesn’t want no parts of a relationship with me & only wants to talk bout our son nothing else.. do you have any advices on how to get her back so I can rebuild my family? How can I attract her back or make the situation better even though she has a new boyfriend?
Rick says
You cannot get her back. Focus on taking care of the kid and get yourself a new girlfriend. It’s really stupid to try to get someone back who doesn’t want you. It makes zero sense. Why do guys keep thinking they can do something to get a girl back? It’s so fucking stupid. You cannot get an ex back unless SHE wants you back. So stop trying.