Here’s a somewhat common relationship situation involving your ex:
Take a minute to imagine that you’re currently broken up (if you are currently broken up, then there’s no reason to imagine).
At 2 in the morning, your ex calls you up and says that he or she misses you and wants to hear your voice.
This is certainly fine and dandy for ya, right? It’s what you’ve been waiting for all this time.
To make things even better, your ex says that she is willing to meet up at your house.
Doesn’t get much better than that!
Now she’s coming to you! Your narcissist ex is rearing her ugly head again.
So here you are, in one of the best situations you can possibly be in. She wants to see you, to “talk” to you about things, and spend time in your place.
She might even be open to getting back together.
The day has arrived and here she is. You let her in through your door and she’s happy to see you.
You guys sit down, you’re casual and you’re relaxed because you remember me telling you to be this way.
Next thing you know, she’s getting close to you, she’s got that look in her eye and she wants to kiss you.
She starts kissing you.
Yes! It happened! You two are probably going to get back together!
You feel all these emotions rising up through your body – it’s warm and pleasant and you missed these feelings.
You really can’t wait to tell her how much you’ve missed her.
You start talking about the relationship, the mistakes that were made, and how things are going to be different.
She’s apologizing, you’re apologizing and it feels like you’re making everything right.
The relationship can only go up from here.
Or so you thought.
The next day it’s as if this conversation never happened in the first place.
She says she’s happy to see you, but that she isn’t ready for a relationship with you — a sudden change of thought.
What the heck went wrong?
Just last night she was telling you how much she missed and wanted you.
Now that you’ve followed up her confessions with your own, she all of a sudden has changed her mind?
What the heck causes this common situation to happen?
The answer to this is a big part of my Better BPD Relationships course.
I’ve completely rewritten the entire 1st chapter where I cover the dynamics of male and female attraction, what Borderline’s actually want in a partner, and why most people give up all their power without even realizing it.
It’s amazing how fast things can go down hill just from saying and doing the wrong thing at the wrong time.
You often hear in mainstream dating articles that words are only a small part of communication.
But this couldn’t be further from the truth.
Because if you say one wrong thing, it can destroy the whole relationship that you built for years.
This happens ALL the time, and yet people blame it on other things.
One good night turns into a terrible experience because of one dumb thing you said.
Now what is true about words is that your words always come from who you are: your attitude, your character, your beliefs and all that.
So often times, one little slip up in what you say can reveal who you truly are to your partner.
And that’s what kills things.
Of course you need to pay attention to actions as well… but words are powerful.
If they weren’t, then people wouldn’t have such hatred for Mr. Trump.
Anyway, I go over all of this in my course. Pick it up if you haven’t done so yet and you’ll also get some personal coaching from me to help you out.
Turning Skeptics And Unbelievers Into Die-Hard Fans
Previous skeptic and nonbeliever of my relationship system now has this to say about my always evolving Borderline relationship advice:
I recently purchased your book and just wanted to take the time to thank you for sharing your experiences and knowledge.
Especially to the people, including myself, who were confused about relationships and even our own personal life.
I usually never give out a great deal of appreciation to anybody, but your experience has started to create a big impact on my life and I personally want to thank you for that.
Your knowledge has helped me get through a very tough relationship problem that I had and the recovery was much shorter than I anticipated. I had experienced my partner leaving me to later find out that she was also dating another guy.
However, after taking the time to read your book and listen to the audios while this problem was occurring, it gave me a glimpse of understanding of what I should be doing to move forward, away from this problem.
I am glad that I found your book at a very young age because I know it will change my ways in a more positive and healthy direction. I am on day 17 and just wanted to let you know I finished your book and am still continually rereading while jotting down more information as you’ve inspired me sincerely.
So thank you so much for your time.
RICK: Thanks for the good words Brad!
My system is much bigger than just a solution to fixing relationships (especially of the BPD variety).
It’s much bigger than that.
My system is designed to teach you what it means to live a healthy, balanced life that brings you joy.
As a result, your relationships improve. Even those crazy BPD-type relationships get better at amazing speeds.
Most people never get long-term happiness out of their relationships because they don’t realize how your own well-being and mentality creates that happiness.
Nor do they realize that people with BPD are dying to follow their partner on this journey of joy and pleasure.
My system is based on proven science.
Whether people choose to believe this or not is completely up to them.
It’s like the flat-earth society. Even though science has proven the earth is round for generations, there are still people who refuse to believe it.
My relationship system works whether you believe it does or not.
But, you have to implement it.
This ain’t no magic pill. You can’t hope to “text the romance back” or whatever crap is being fed through marketing channels these days.
No, you got to actually put it to work and make what I teach become your new way of living.
Should You Listen To My Relationship Advice?
Here’s a question I got recently from a reader of my daily email newsletter.
“Rick, I find a lot of your advice helpful and thank you for that. But at times it’s confusing too.
On one hand you say respect is key; don’t put up with any disrespect.
But on the other hand, you say we need to have tough skin and just endure the disrespect and control my reactions.
Well which is it as it can’t be both ways.
RICK: When you come from the mainstream world of “help” and “advice” and the other B.S. out there, my information can be very confusing.
So I’m glad you brought up this question and I’ll address it right now.
First of all, you are right: respect is key. It’s the most important part of living a healthy, joyful life full of love and intimacy.
Without respect, your sex life dies, and the relationship soon follows the same fate.
The reason why so many people get this wrong is because they listen to what society throws at them.
The majority of the dating and relationship articles you read these days are written by feminists who have had their heartbroken by men.
Or you get these articles that are written by men who can’t keep a woman he met in a bar for more than a month or so.
When you look beneath the surface and you see who’s really throwing out the information that society consumes, it can be quite shocking to see the type of person behind the pen.
Back to the question.
Having thick skin and respecting yourself go hand in hand.
Controlling your reactions also shows that you respect yourself.
But I can’t ever recall saying that you must endure the disrespect. I really can’t think of any article or email where I have said to do that.
Now if it’s some random hippy on the street that’s yelling at you for no reasons at all, then by all means you ignore that guy. No point in even letting his words get to you.
But if it’s someone that you love dearly, someone you’re invested in, then ignoring can sometimes backfire.
In my Manipulation Diffusion course (part of my Relationship Academy), I talk about how to respond to all sorts of different games and B.S. that flies your way.
And one of the biggest mistake people make is that they reward bad behavior.
There are a number of ways that people do this.
An example is when my girlfriend at the time stomped out of the movie theater expecting me to chase after her.
Nope. I said “Bye!” and was prepared to watch and enjoy the movie by myself.
She came back 10 minutes later.
The point is this:
When you develop that rock-hard self-respect, it’s really hard for your partner to disrespect you.
Some people might see the girlfriend walking out of the movie as disrespect.
But I don’t at all.
I see it as her testing me.
She wanted to test if I would be the typical weak nice guy that would chase after her, asking her what’s wrong, and pleading with her, begging her to come back and watch the movie with me.
I learned years ago that much of what you experience in a relationship are tests.
And depending how you react to these tests, you pass or fail. Most guys fail in BPD relationships these days. This wasn’t the case decades ago, however.
It’s why I teach you to reject the mainstream advice that’s constantly thrown at you.
Even those stupid commercials where it shows the guy as a dumb dude, and the girl basically ruling over him (typically shown during sports).
Simple little commercials like that are programming false beliefs into your subconscious, whether you know it or not.
Marketers know this. They do it on purpose because they want you to buy their shit.
Society wants men to be weak. It brings in a lot of money during Valentine’s Day and other such holidays.
Anyway, I hope this answers your question.
Walked Up The Driveway And Took Me To Bed
A reader, Mike, who’s been enjoying my daily emails of late writes in with his experiences based on what I teach in the BPD Relationship Blueprint:
“Hi Rick! I know you go through a lot of emails. But, this exact story just happened to me. One year together, then she sleeps around.
We don’t talk for 6 months, then out of the blue she walks up my driveway saying, “I’m sooo sorry!”
I made the mistake of sleeping with her, giving up power. She emails me a few times and then back to not talking for the last several weeks, despite no arguments.
It’s just cycles I think to be toxic and disrespectful. It used to hurt so much, but has actually kind of made me laugh lately.
I love your emails because the focus is on personal growth and strength, not little games.
Also, bringing predictability to seemingly unpredictable behaviors of BPD peeps is a solid strength of yours. You’re like a cyber “cheerleader” of sorts.
I’ve read lots of BPD books, but you have added some much needed/missed info.
RICK: A cyber “cheerleader” eh? Give me some pom-poms and I’m down for that.
Plus, I know I could rock a skirt, no fucks given.
Shedding some light on all these unpredictable behaviors is why I do what I do.
I’m glad you’re enjoying my daily emails as they’re full of great lessons that you won’t find on the blog.
I do want to add that you sleeping with her didn’t really give up your power.
After all, since I assume you did it because you wanted to, there’s really nothing wrong with that.
But that’s the question: did you do it for you or for her? Dwell on this for a bit…
I’d also be willing to bet that there were some words said or some actions that happened which resulted in you giving up your power.
A lot of guys act needy after sex because they think she suddenly loves him now. But, this isn’t true at all. You need to remain the unpredictable alpha male no matter what.
This is why the words you say are so crucial in these relationships.
But I am glad that you are finding her behavior rather funny. You have to remind yourself that a lot of the toxicity you experience isn’t personal. It just is what it is.
That’ll do it for this post. Hope you learned something and thanks for reading.
– Rick Reynolds