One of the more common forms of “treatment” for BPD is in the popular DBT therapy (developed by a liberal feminist in Seattle, of course).
Why do I get political about it right from the beginning?
I don’t know. I like to be political, but I also understand that it’s not really a good idea to be getting political when the reader such as yourself is seeking help.
However, I find it important to understand this fact with the approach of DBT therapy, especially when it comes to relationships with a Borderline.
Here’s the truth about BPD: no matter how liberal or feminist a Borderline woman may act around you, deep down she really wants you to be the masculine male that has all but disappeared from our society.
And if you decide to go down the DBT therapy path, you’ll end up making yourself look weak.
As a result, you’ll become bitter and resentful towards your partner, and possible relationships in general because DBT therapy failed to work.
To this day, I have yet to meet anyone who has successfuly repaired their relationship through DBT therapy.
And, I’m not the only one who thinks DBT therapy sucks.
They like to claim that it works, and therapists will recommend it to you all day, but like I said: in the 5+ years that I’ve been helping men and women with their relationships, I’ve yet to meet one person who fixed their relationship with it.
You’ll be back on google searching for information about why your BPD relationship is failing.
I was speaking to a woman the other day and she said she is more bitter and resentful due to her therapist for recommending DBT therapy.
Since I’ve heard this story a thousand times, I asked her to tell me why she feels this way.
She told me that it feels as if she’s being treated like a 3rd grader who has been naughty and needs a timeout.
She feels as if DBT therapy keeps you from being your authentic self. That it takes away from your own power. Makes you feel powerless in a way.
This is obviously not the therapists intentions, but this is how a lot of people come across when they talk to people who have “issues.”
A lot of people think they can use some form of therapy to fix their partner. But thinking this way is always a mistake because you can’t fix someone who isn’t willing to fix themselves.
That is the thing about therapy: it only works on the person who is seeking it.
If you stumble onto this website hoping you can discover some magical technique to fix your partner, then you’ve already failed.
When you’re dating someone and telling them what to do, trying to fix things, putting them on a pedestal and so on…
All you’ll get out of it is an angry, bitter partner who will leave you. And then you’ll be bitter and resentful for it.
Your partner ends up pushing you away, losing all forms of attraction for you.
A lot of people that I talk to forget how important attractiveness is in a relationship.
It’s truly the glue that holds the relationship together.
Which is why I constantly talk about the keys to attractiveness, and developing your charisma and overall desirability factor so that your partner wants to be with you.
If your partner starts to lose that attractiveness for you, then sooner or later (usually soon), they will start to look elsewhere.
This is why divorce is at the 50% mark. It’s why most relationships aren’t healthy these days. It’s very easy to looks around and find someone better to be with.
That’s why relationships in today’s society are a fierce beast. The moment you take your foot off the pedal, he or she is gone.
It’s a rough world out there. And that’s why I’m always talking about strong core values, having a mission in life, putting yourself first, knowing how to tell stories about yourself and so on is sooooo important.
Much of my Better BPD Relationships book and audio series is about developing the correct attitude, mindsets, and attractiveness that simply keeps people attracted to you for the long-term.
After all, what holds a relationship together is completely up to you. You are the gatekeeper in this game. Don’t fall into the feminist mentality that you two are equal. You don’t have time for that.
You need to take control of yourself. Afterall, you really only have control over yourself. To spend time trying some therapy to fix your partner is a waste of your time.
You’re much better off simply focusing on making yourself desirable again so that your partner wants to be with you, wants to sleep with you.
And I discuss all of these in my course. So check it out.
Helping her makes her MORE distant?
Last night, I met up with a guy friend of mine who is having an issue with his BPD girlfriend.
He was wondering why his girl keeps pushing him away even though he’s helping her improve her life.
To him, it seems that every time he tries to help her, she grows distant.
It’s one of those situations that you and me and everybody else has been in. You mean the best for your partner, but trying to get close only pushes them away.
When I think back on my previous relationships, before I developed this whole relationship system that I teach, all of the women I dated pushed me away to the point where they left entirely.
Sometimes, I pushed them right into the arms of another man. She would keep me around until someone new and better showed up.
I always blamed the women for this and it caused me to grow a deep resentment for women and relationships.
Now that I know better, I know that it was me who was actually pushing away the girls.
Not directly, of course, but simply because I didn’t know how relationships worked.
Specifically, I put these women on a pedestal. It’s what I naturally did with the women that I liked.
Anyway, one of the most important lessons I learned is that it doesn’t matter what your intentions are…
If your partner perceives the wrong message from you, then that’s really the only message that they’ll get.
Once I really figured this out, it was pretty deep. I never even considered the fact that because I’m trying to help my partner, that she might end up feeling as if I’m judging her for being unable to help herself.
Yeah, that’s a big statement to wrap your head around. But, it’s reality. It’s how people think. Even though your message might be something else entirely, your partner will see things from their own point of view.
And no amount of explaining yourself will change that.
You have to keep in mind that your partner has his or her own deep insecurities that you may be triggering through your offers and help and all that.
Sounds strange, but it’s true. Human-beings in general are flawed. And it’s important to realize this, no matter how beautiful your partner may be.
So, I am here to remove this veil in order for you to sidestep these wrong perceptions. I want you to think outside of the box because ultimately it’s what’s required in this crazy society we live in.
Hear me well: anybody that’s enjoying a fun, fulfilling, toxic-free relationship in this day and age has discovered this outside the box thinking.
If you know anyone like this, I’m sure you can relate. They probably see the world differently. Do things differently. Have a different attitude. They’re fun to be around. Interesting. Entertaining. And so on.
And most importantly, they don’t put anyone on a pedestal.
Not their girlfriend (or boyfriend), not their wife (or husband), nobody.
And, that’s what a big focus of my Relationship Academy is all about.
Check out what this member had to say about the Relationship Academy:
“Shit that last newsletter has to be one of the best yet (they’re all ace in fact but that was next level). It really is one of those core traits that kills everything – like the hub of a wheel and that weakens the spokes of your life. Damn I’m 100% working full-time on getting rid of this aberrant programming so I can live a full-life fear free.”
Not bad, right?
To get all-around improvement in your relationships (and your life), you best be attaching some C4 to that pedestal and blowing it up for good.
I hope this message has inspired you to move mountains and kick booty (and enjoy a brewskie in the process). Hope to see you on the inside.
Here’s A Woman’s Take On The Attraction Triggers
I want to end this article with a discussion about the “Attraction Triggers” which are basically all you need to know if you want a healthy relationship.
These attraction triggers go back thousands of years. They are the instincts we have as humans.
If you didn’t know, you really can’t help who you are attracted to. Whether it’s the way someone looks, smells, smiles, talks, etc.
There’s just something about certain people that set off these “triggers” that are biologically wired inside of you.
We all have our own unique tastes for the most part, but there are several attraction triggers that all humans are drawn to. And that’s what I want to talk about.
If you understand these attraction triggers, you can keep your man or woman interested in you for as long as you live.
To confirm these truths, one of my lady readers wrote in with her side of things.
If you’re a man, pay attention to what she says:
Yes, yes and yes. From a woman’s perspective, the three attraction triggers absolutely make sense. Well done.
Here’s my take on the three P’s of Attraction that you talk about:
Provide — Respect and equal work in a relationship.
And help around the kitchen. I don’t mean cook for me if you’re a lousy cook, but if you see me coming home then at least boil some water for pasta, it’s the least you can do. I’m not looking for a chef (although that may not be a bad idea…)
Provide help. Remember when it’s garbage day. Make an effort.
It’s not about how much money you make, it’s about what you bring to the table to help balance the relationship.
Partners are supposed to be there for each other.
Protect — respect my freedom and individuality.
There is nothing worse than a mundane relationship because the other partner is miserable with themselves.
It’s another way of saying respect each other’s space. I am not looking for you try to rescue me as of I were a damsel in distress; this is not the Renaissance.
I do not need a bodyguard to follow me around everywhere or come to every gathering I have with my friends. Protect me from yourself if you are miserable by walking away.
Don’t bring your negative vibes my way and complain all day long about your problems at work. People bring problems from home to work and vice versa. Not good.
I should know; I have been there, done that.
Produce — Your strength of character.
Be a man. Not a mouse. We all have insecurities. Deal with them.
If you are thinking of being my partner, than be honest to yourself first. You can be whoever you want to be. Do what makes you happy. I cannot provide happiness for you. This is not the merry maids service any longer.
Those questions men have about “was it good for you?” or “am I the best you’ve ever had?” are a complete turn off and a true sign of self-doubt and even self-loathing.
Don’t bring that to the table. Be happy with who you are. Face your fears. Face your mouse.
So I met a guy in October who actually likes what he does. The positive vibe he puts forth is such a turn on. We have been texting back and forth and finally got together last week.
I felt like a grown woman for the first time… Ever. I’m Confident and strong. And I did what made me happy.
I wasn’t worried about giving him what he wanted. I took what I wanted. I am woman; hear me roar, lol!
And so, thanks for the emails and the pep talks. They do work. This “happiness comes from within” stuff is true.
There ya go, the three P’s of attraction.
As I have written about for a long time, your partner will love you as long as they respect you. This is the key to bpd relationships.
It doesn’t matter whether you’re a man or a woman – if you don’t put yourself first, then your partner won’t either.
Once your partner sniffs out your lack of strength, your lack of self-worth, your lack of self-respect, your relationship is donezo.
So don’t let this happen.
I recorded a podcast episode about these Attraction Triggers if you want to get some deep training in these.
All you have to do is join my Relationship Academy and head on over to the podcast section. It is Episode 07 I believe.
As a member, you also get access to my courses and dozens of other audio recordings. High-quality training content to make you the most attractive, desirable person you can be.
That’s it for this week’s updates. Tune in next week and I’ll be bringing you more solid gold.