So you’re dating a girl with BPD eh? I know every article on the internet tells you to run from borderline women, but I do things differently around these parts.
My relationship history is full of attractive BPD women. A decade of drama and chaos to put it lightly…
But, I made it out alive and have managed to remain amazing friends with many women who (most likely) have BPD. Some still refuse to admit they have aren’t perfect ;)
Anyway, BPD is a Cluster B personality disorder that is rather common these days from my experience. And according to a quick Google search, Borderline Personality Disorder is “characterized by dramatic, overly emotional or unpredictable thinking or behavior.”
I have dated dozens and dozens of women over the years. I can confidently say that you’ll find these characteristics in most women, lol. A powerful set of relationships mindsets are the answer for dating women with BPD.
I am a mindset coach. I teach men and women to how to have better relationships through mindset training. If a change in your mentality improves your BPD relationship, would you want that?
For example, labeling someone as BPD is a bad mindset. Why? Because you’ll find reasons to excuse bad behavior in the name of BPD.
“Oh, she has BPD. No wonder she cheated on me. I should take her back and we can work on it.”
It’s a horrible mindset to excuse behavior based on a label. Not only are you enabling her, but you are also making her a worse person!
How can anyone improve themselves when those closest to them excuse shitty behavior? Unfortunately, this is the society we live in. Relationships are at an all-time toxic level due to poor mindsets.
Therefore, it’s important to reject the mainstream programming you receive from society.
And before we jump in, I encourage you to check out my Better BPD Relationships course right here. You’ll learn everything you need to know about navigating these relationships.
Dating a Girl With BPD Starts With Better Mindsets
The word ‘BPD’ has so many negative words associated with it. I’m sure you’ve seen these thrown all over the web. All you have to do is take a quick visit to any community forum and you’ll see associated words such as:
- unable to love
- attachment disorder
- fears of abandonment
And so on and so forth.
BPD is complex issue, much too large for a label. You’ll find these issues in almost everybody these days. If you’re unaware of BPD, you’ll assume you have a “crazy” girlfriend.
It isn’t until you do your research that you learn about BPD. Since human’s are lazy, it’s easy to apply the label to your girl.
“Oh wow, she fits all these descriptions. She must have BPD. That’s it!”
Doing this is a poor way to go about your life. It’s a terrible mindset to walk about throwing labels on people. It doesn’t help the situation that you’re in!
Thus, stop focusing on generalities. Focus on both yourself and your partner on an individual level.
You need to keep in mind that your girlfriend has her own unique upbringing and life experiences.
Accept her as she is. If you can’t do this, then the relationship will never improve. You’ll always be seeking a fantasy that never comes to fruition.
This is the struggle of the codependent man. What he currently receives from his partner isn’t enough. He wants more time, attention and love.
Center Yourself. Pass Her Tests. Be a Man
Yes, you and your girlfriend should be a team. You two should grow and prosper together.
However, because women are like cats, she will come and go as she pleases. You cannot force a woman to do anything. You cannot control her.
This is especially true in BPD relationships. If you want your girl to respect you, start by setting her free. Respect and trust are the foundations of any healthy relationship.
Most people with poor mindsets become needy and insecure when a woman pulls away. But, experienced men know the push/pull cycle works in your favor.
To understand women is to understand how they communicate on an emotional level.
Women are looking for security & comfort in a man. This is what a centered man with great mindsets brings to the table.
Due to past experiences with men, women (especially borderlines) will pull away. She is doing this to test you (even if she doesn’t realize it).
One of my favorite quotes is this: “A woman gives you shit to make sure you are the shit.”
How will you react? Will her behavior expose your insecurities? Will it throw you off your center? Failing her tests will lower her respect for you.
So, all women test. Borderlines will test you even harder. A week without hearing from her is a common test. She will play hard to get. She wants to expose your weaknesses.
Inexperienced men jump right into the Honeymoon Period. Experienced men know it’s a trap. She could be on the rebound and using you as an escape.
Once she’s had her fun with you, she will move on. She knows she has you in the palm of her hand. This means you cannot provide her with security.
Men who understand women know to never let a woman have this power. This is the art of successful relationships. Very few men understand this.
Most men gladly give up this power due to poor mindsets. They fail all the important tests and then wonder why she left!
Hence the importance of mindset training. You need the right mentality to pass these tests and give her healthy relationship vibes.
This is how she categorizes you from “just another typical man” to “I’ve never met anyone like him!” after a couple of months.
A Letter From a Woman with BPD
I got an email from a woman with BPD. Read it and notice the many lessons within:
I am a woman with BPD. I have struggled with relationships. But I would like to point out that I am not (neither are other people with this disorder) hopeless to date.
I have been in a relationship with a man for over a year now. I finally have found someone with the maturity to understand my mental disorder (which I am still working on overcoming).
He does not let me walk all over him.
We give each other space – and I do not control him nor does he control me.
Let me tell you that it does make a difference on how the man reacts to her actions.
My man isn’t a pushover. When I cross the line, my man clearly points it out. He makes me realize that I cannot treat him like shit over and over again or he will leave me.
And, I do believe if I keep crossing that line, he is strong enough to treat himself how he deserves and leave me.
He is a loving, strong, ‘alpha male’, who is actually mature enough to take advice from sites and books like these and put them into use.
We may be labeled as ‘troubled’ or ‘crazy’ but that does not at all mean we can’t have healthy relationships.
Just like Rick said, it takes an understanding. You have to mentally see what they see, read between the lines.
You have to be mature enough to learn about it and want to do your part to make the relationship work. How you react to a woman with BPD has a huge affect on the relationship working or not.
It does take an understanding from the person with BPD also to want to change. I may have a disorder, but it does not control my life.
And I would like you to know it is NOT impossible to date us. It is POSSIBLE that you are very judgmental and not understanding what the disorder is. You may be clueless on how you can help make the relationship work.
If you truly do care, then you will want to understand. So, I suggest you do some research and get some advice from someone like Rick next time you find yourself in a relationship with someone who has BPD” – Carrie
Relationships With BPD Women Can Work
Let that email be an inspiration for you. She gave you many hints of the mindsets you need to make a BPD relationship work.
Men date Borderlines because women with BPD are usually attractive. Inexperienced men jump through all the hoops because they are desperate for her.
I used to be that inexperienced, codependent man. We all want to fall in love with a beautiful women. But real, actual love and compatibility is impossible without strong, independent mindsets.
Now I’m not going to sit here and say that you’re 100% responsible for your relationship not working. That would be foolish. However, understand that you are 100% responsible for yourself.
Whether you want to believe it or not, there are plenty of healthy BPD relationships. But, you never hear about them because they’re too busy enjoying themselves.
You only read negative stories on the internet. This is because people turn to internet forums when they’re struggling. They are seeking others on the same boat.
For the inexperienced man, BPD relationships are complicated. But, the reality is that you’ll encounter complications in all relationships.
The man who fails with BPD women sets himself up for failure. How so? Because you can avoid 90% of the problems you experience. Hence why experience is important.
My goal with this website and my training is to teach you from my experience.
Stop Blaming Your BPD Girlfriend
Immature, inexperienced men will blame their BPD girlfriend for everything. Instead of looking within, it’s easy to place blame on others.
Our society promotes this train of thought. It’s the rich white man’s fault! The republicans did it! The liberals are have brainwashed everyone! CNN is fake news! My parents fucked up! Baby boomers ruined our country!
The attitude you see all around you is to point fingers and blame others. This is why you see so many problems in the world today.
We are safer and healthier than any other time in history. Yet all studies show that relationships and social skills are at an all-time low. Why?
Because 97% of men lack mental and emotional control. Instead of the man having control over his mind, the mind controls him!
Most men have poor self-esteem. This leads to a lack of confidence. This leads to fear. Fear leads to desperation. A desperate man is an easily controlled man.
This is why a healthy, fulfilling relationship is a rare sight. Most relationships are toxic as fuck. You only see the “good” side on social media.
This is why the BPD label doesn’t matter at the end of the day. You only have control over your life. Understanding this fact is all you need to be successful.
Therefore, I focus on teaching the mindsets that are best for BPD relationships. I have over ten years of experience dating highly emotional women.
Lack Of Emotional Control Scares Women Away
The whole entire point of changing your mindsets is this:
Poor mindsets lead to a lack of mental and emotional control.
This causes you to be weak. A borderline woman needs a man who is strong. She wants to feel your strength. This is why she pulls away believe it or not.
When she pulls away, she wants to see how you’ll react. This is true even if she doesn’t know it on a subconscious level.
ALL women live in the moment. You could be an amazing boyfriend for 10 years. But, this week she doesn’t have those same feelings for whatever reason.
Guess what? There’s nothing you can do to change her mind. She’s gonna be a woman and do her thing. You got to be a man and let her go.
This is why you need strong, powerful mindsets. You’ll find yourself chasing her and guilt-tripping her if you don’t. This will push her away even further.
Men with experience know to never chase a woman. They might pursue in the beginning, but then the woman takes over once she’s in love.
The honeymoon period isn’t real love. It’s raw emotions. It’s a form of attachment disorder. True love comes from those who are able to detach!
Most individuals who struggle with BPD relationships have a form of attachment disorder. Not surprisingly, this is most men! Lol.
I hope you can see why you’re drawn to the honeymoon period. It feeds those attachment issues you have. You love the feeling of being close and affectionate. You love intimacy.
That’s great and all, but guess what? You’ll never find love with an attachment mindset. It’s classified as a disorder for a reason!
The sooner you work on your attachment disorder, the sooner you’ll be well on your way to true love. Do you want to know what true love is?
Here’s the secret: it’s freedom.
You often hear about the fear of abandonment. But, your very act of wanting to be with her everyday is enabling her. She smells your weakness and leaves.
This is why men who fail in BPD relationships are often the cause of her pain. These men are enablers. They are making her worse by being weak.
It’s crucial that you develop strong, powerful mindsets. It is the only true way to show love to a borderline.
Better BPD Relationships Are Possible
Most guys (and girls) have trouble dealing with Borderlines in their relationships. Thanks to the crazy society we live in, this is a monumental task.
But, most people struggle with relationships in general these days. It’s very rare to see a man successfuly date a quality woman. It doesn’t happen that often anymore.
We live in the age of toxic relationships. One girl I was dating had just gotten out of a 5 year relationship a few months before.
She told me how it was an extremely toxic relationship. She’s a smart and beautiful girl. So why the hell did she stay with a douchebag for 5 years?
Women can’t answer this question. They don’t know why. It is something that just happens.
It took a few months of seeing this woman casually for her to open up to me emotionally. This is normal since most women are jaded.
Most guys don’t understand this and they screw things up. The relationship is toxic from the beginning.
Which is why I created the Better BPD Relationships course. It will teach you the strong mindsets you need in order to have successful relationships.
Most guys are making crucial errors that push the girl away even further. You think you’re doing the right thing, but it always blows up in your face.
My mission with this website is to help you avoid the land mines. I want you to make it through the minefield unscathed.
You’ll soon learn why it doesn’t really matter if your girl has BPD or not. The same, poor mindsets will ruin all relationships.
Fix your mindsets and I guarantee you’ll see improvement in your relationship.