The internet is flooded with stories about the impossibility of having relationships with BPD women.
However, time and time again my clients prove otherwise.
Having a healthy, intimate, drama-free relationship with a borderline isn’t an impossibility. Anyone telling you otherwise is bitter and angry (rightfully so most of the time).
I write differently than most people because I’ve been through several chaotic relationships in my life. But, I learned a lot from them and have managed to make relationships work with borderline women.
My world is drama-free. I am a bullshit-free zone.
Sounds pretty obvious, right?
You would think. However, nearly 99% of the stories you’ll read about BPD relationships involves tons of drama. Why is this?
It’s because the non-BPD enables the drama. He/she feeds into it. They try to “fix” everything, they walk on eggshells, they’re struggling with codependency.
This goes against everything that I teach.
In this article, you’ll read an email that I recently received from one of my readers. He has followed my training for awhile now and has written his story about how he achieves success with his BPD girlfriend.
My comments are in bold letters. Check it out:
My Story of Successful BPD Relationships
Rick – THANK YOU for putting the basic masculine/feminine dynamic into perspective with BPD.
I have been reading all of the BPD stuff on the web after having just ended a 10 year marriage in a bitter divorce. (Did you go through my Better BPD Relationships course multiple times yet? If not you need to do so.)
Looking back was she a crazy woman? Yup. The sweet wasn’t that sweet, and the mean was off the charts. But, what I do see is my contribution to all of it. (Good. Realizing that you contribute to the drama is key in improving and moving forward. Most people have a fragile ego and don’t accept responsibility.)
As an engineer turned business professional, I pride myself on being very “rational” and utilizing my well above-average IQ. (Doesn’t matter in relationships.)
Being rational and smart simply does not help with relationships so I’ve been working on myself to up my relationship quotient (game if you will). (Glad you understand this.)
And the absolute worst thing to do is try and talk with a woman “rationally” about relationships. It’s simply an oxymoron. (You can of course talk rationally but ONLY when she will behave, not raise her voice, and be rational.)
What I have found is that about 9 months ago I found myself in a space where every woman, literally 100% of women I asked out, would go out with me. Was I any smarter or better looking than in months past? Of course not.
What I found is that I was very clear on what I wanted and was interested in. (Know thyself.)
I also came to the epiphany that while I wanted a woman that would not “follow me into my cave” to argue about shiz, I also needed to not follow women into their caves and needle them with nice guy “caring” bullshiz. (This is a great realization. This “nice guy” attitude you speak of is WHY these relationships always have drama and the women lose attraction.)
They need to thrash things out themselves, without the person that triggered their shiz clinging too them like a vampire monkey. (This really applies to all individuals. You can’t save people — you just need to let them be when they’re being dramatic. She can vent to you all she wants, but the minute she disrespects you, you need to exit. I talk about this extensively on podcast episodes 31 and 32 inside of my Relationship Academy.)
I like feminine women. (Every genuine, masculine man does.)
EVERY single one of them shows up with BPD and NPD traits according to the web. I think all of the BPD trait catalogs have simply cataloged feminine traits and given everyone tools to “spot” them.
Brilliant right, except it creates massive “noise” in the system and further fuels male insecurity in the world today. (What you’re describing is part of the SJW feminist movement that has brainwashed women into believing that femininity is a BAD thing. As a result, men are weaker and insecure, and women subconsciously create drama out of frustration.)
My first girlfriend after the divorce has truck loads of the BPD traits. She’s very pretty, viciously faithful, clingy, exhibits some NPD traits (which all women do IMO), sweeter than honey most of the time, takes very good care of me, and is the most fun I have ever had. (Sounds like my kind of woman!)
And what I find is if I am firm and level-headed, give her a little space when she needs it, then she always comes around being the sweetest woman I have ever been with. (In other words, you play the masculine role in these relationships. That is perfectly fine. All relationships, regardless of gender, need polarity.)
I also highly recommend tracking your woman’s menstrual cycle and educating yourself on her moods. You know when your team’s kickoff every week is right? It’s not hard.
Now here’s the catch – I DO NOT TALK TO HER ABOUT ANY OF THIS. When the attack hits, I just tell her that I have some things to do – work, friends, hobbies, stuff – and let her have some alone time. (This is on the right track. However, there is a more effective way to handle drama as I discuss in those podcast episodes.)
It also lets her know that her emotional stuff isn’t me, I won’t react to it, and I also give her time to deal with things herself. (Here’s the kicker: women KNOW their emotions aren’t you. They are just testing your masculinity to see if you react like a beta or an alpha.)
After an outburst, she will show me her B vitamin chewables (that I found on the web are universally recommended for emotional leveling), but of course we never actually talk about these things, nor do I get an actual apology. Who cares if she follows the “correct protocol”? (Don’t be looking for apologies. She’ll get intimate with you quick if she’s truly sorry.)
When I figure she’s cycled a bit and I can be open emotionally, I call her with definitive plans, tell her she needs to dress up so I can show her off (remember, she’s as NPD as I am), I show up on time, and we have a great evening finished with some mind blowing intimacy.
So here’s where I have landed with all this. I like feminine women. Every one that I have dated could check off multiple BPD and NPD “traits”. (This is why I say that everybody could check off some BPD/NPD/Codependency behaviors for themselves. It’s just how people are.)
All I have to do is be a calm pleasant man, with firm boundaries, and let her cycle around all she needs to cycle around.
So far it works marvelously – I have a girlfriend that loves me like no other woman I have been with, she’s sweet and generous, loads of fun, my friends are all jealous, and my experience of life is vibrant and exciting. (Great to hear. What I teach works. People can hate on me all they want, but the results continue to speak for themselves.)
So yes, I agree completely that the “mainstream” thinking that if you decompose people enough that you will find the “perfectly healthy” partner is shiz. Show me someone that is completely “fixed” and I bet you a paycheck that they are boring. (As I’ve said over and over again, you can’t fix people. And, they don’t want you to fix them…)
Dating “Crazy, Emotional” Women Is Possible
This is a client who has taken my training seriously.
He’s purchased my BPD course and is a member of my Relationship Academy.
He’s listened to dozens of my podcasts over and over again.
He understands that in order to change the beliefs and mindsets that you’ve carried with you for decades, you need to listen and read my lessons over and over again.
This is especially true if you’re dating a crazy girl. There’s nothing wrong with this so don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. I’ve done it several times and it was amazing.
I hope you’ve enjoyed this email as he has given you some VERY good information about how to have a healthy relationship with borderlines.
Be sure to pay attention to my comments in bold as I have added even more lessons.
Read this article 10 times if needed.
And if you’re serious about having successful relationships in the future, then take a look at my Relationship Academy and see if it’s right up your alley.