This post comes from a client that listened to me and learned fast about how to succeed not only in BPD relationships, but in life in general. I love receiving success stories from my clients as they’re great to share with you.
One of the key lessons to learn from this email is how this man took time to really evaluate and learn about himself. Most people are too ego-centric and therefore never learn. Don’t be like this!
Through self-focus and learning more and more about his partner, he learned how he was also a codependent, which he then spent more time studying and learning about himself.
Through all of this work, he has built himself into a much more confident, well-spoken, out-going individual that has broken through his bubble and has learned how to not only truly love others but love himself as well. This results in QUALITY relationships and living. Enjoy!
How To Become The Person You Want To Be That Succeeds In Relationships
Hey fellow readers,
Rick’s books and posts help me put my ego aside. After my girlfriend left me 2 months ago, I was devastated. My relationships typically last for 1-3 months. This was the first time I had a relationship go on for more than a year, and I even lived with her for the majority of it.
Before her, I knew I was immature emotionally but I could never understand why. I tried PUA (Pick Up) and other tactics and even gleaned confidence from working out and my occupation.
I spent the last year living with my girlfriend who I believe has BPD. Almost everyday, she would get upset for one reason or another. She would accuse me of eyeing a girl on a street corner as I drove, receiving oral sex from one of my best friends (who is male), or any other form of infidelity.
For the record, I never once cheated on her. I’ve never encountered such paranoia, so I knew something was going on. Additionally, I couldn’t predict when she would get mad. I became hypersensitive to the things I would say. She would accuse me, then I’d try to logically defend myself, but my defense just made her more suspicious.
It was a lose-lose situation no matter what I did. She would flip into a rage after drinking and, one time, hit me with an iron. I was finishing medical school so I should’ve easily been able to identify BPD, but I just lived in denial. This woman said she loved me. She assured me that she would change, but after one year, nothing did.
Finally, one morning when I went off to work in the emergency department, she logged onto my laptop and saw that I was chatting with my female friends. All the chats were platonic, and she checked them. But I had replaced their names with male names to hide them. I knew she hated it when I chatted with my female friends, but they were my friends.
When she found that out, she left and slept with another guy that night. All after over a year together. She’s now on her own, most likely with another guy, and living in denial of her emotional issues.
From Rick’s books, I learned that BPD women rarely change because they find little reason to. They’re typically very attractive and seductive and men are always willing to snatch them up. Why change, when you got it made?
I was so hurt and I begged for her to come back. My focus was on her. But what needed to happen, was for me to focus on myself. Why am I begging someone who treated me so terribly to come back?
Rick teaches that you cannot control your partner, so why try. FOCUS ON YOURSELF and leave your ego at the door. I went through Rick’s Better BPD Relationships course, then Toxicity (which comes with the BPD course), which both opened up my mind and taught me how to become sensitive to my partner and that I should strive to become a high quality individual.
I did more digging and found that I have a codependency. I then read Codependency for Dummies, which I highly recommend for anyone who may have codependent tendencies. (If you’re into BPD or crazy women, you most likely do, so google it and see if you fit).
Codependent individuals lack a connection with their inner self and their inner self’s emotions. They seek out the emotions from other people to fill what they don’t have. Often times, codependents end up with BPDs because BPDs have extreme amounts of emotion.
I’ve learned so much about myself and am now working on rewiring my brain. Low quality people get low quality partners. High quality people get high quality partners. I want a high quality partner.
The biggest lesson that I finally learned is that I needed to look at my girlfriend for who she really is. I have to burst out of my bubble. She has BPD and it was insensitive for me to expect her to change. I had to get past my denial. This adds to the hurt because now I’m facing all the pain from the things she did to me throughout the year that I overlooked, but that’s ok, that’s healthy.
In conclusion, leave your ego at the door. Be willing to rewire your personality. Learn to become a high quality individual. And Rick, thank you for putting your knowledge out there. Your posts are one-of-a-kind.
My Follow-Up Advice
Like I said, I love receiving success stories such as this. Whether you end up with your partner again is not my goal – my goal is to make you f*cking awesome.
Now I understand that a lot of people go through experiences like the ones above. But you have to understand that the only reason your BPD partner behaves this way is because he or she perceives you as WEAK.
That’s right – your partner thinks you are weak. As he stated above, BPD’s usually have other options out there. So when a BPD loses attraction for you, it’s not hard for them to run off into the arms of some other loser for a night.
The key here is to TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. This is why succeeding in BPD relationships is all about being a high quality individual that’s grown outside of your own, small bubble.
It doesn’t matter if you’re a high paid doctor and you think you got it made. If you don’t have the REAL LIFE knowledge of understanding people, relationships, communication and more, good luck ever succeeding with a BPD or anyone for that matter.
Always focus on the individual and not the diagnosis
I always repeat this quote to my clients over and over again because no two people with bpd are made the same. In fact, I don’t like tossing the words BPD or codependent or any other issue. They’re just words and I would much rather focus on the individual.
This is why my coaching program is so successful. For starters, you get to email me for the rest of your life. Second, I crack open your head and teach you how to think for yourself, become attractive, get outside your bubble and succeed.
The reality is that a BPD is missing a figure of awesomeness in their lives. The reason why they end up with codependents is the same reason you end up with a BPD – you see a glimpse of awesomeness but it’s just not at the surface yet.
That’s why I kick ass at what I do. I am VERY good at bringing out my awesome, boss daddy, fun, sensitive, understanding side which BPD’s absolutely LOVE and NEED. When they see this side of you, they’ll feel complete as it’s what they’ve been longing for.
It takes a lot of work to get there which is why I give you email access for life. Let me take you to the next level.
So, what do you think about this success story? Do you have any questions about his experience or your own experiences that you would like to share? Please share in the comments below.