Taking the "Crazy" Out of Your Relationships
The keys to a healthy relationship are good mindsets, self-respect, and emotional control.
But, there are a lot of other things that play an important role as well. People have written entire books on these subjects (most of these books suck by the way).
So what role does Rapport play in a relationship?
That’s what I want to quickly talk about in this email, as it does play a role.
The internet is flooded with stories about the impossibility of having relationships with BPD women.
However, time and time again my clients prove otherwise.
Having a healthy, intimate, drama-free relationship with a borderline isn’t an impossibility. Anyone telling you otherwise is bitter and angry (rightfully so most of the time).
I write differently than most people because I’ve been through several chaotic relationships in my life. But, I learned a lot from them and have managed to make relationships work with borderline women.
In our current society where we’re conditioned to feel worthless, it’s incredibly difficult to develop self-respect and experience better relationships.
Instead, we often go day to day feeling lost, sad, confused, lonely and bored. Your intimate relationships tend to be toxic.
Your life may seem to be in a constant state of chaos. Or, you can’t seem to figure out what your purpose is in life.
As a result, developing any sort of respect for yourself is virtually impossible. You’ve tried in the past. But, it’s not something you can just do over night.
I gotta say… being emotionally exhausted and drained is one of the most common traits you see in people these days.
Simply step outside and walk around. Most people you walk by will have a look of dread on their faces. It’s a look that screams “I’m tired, I’m frustrated with my life, leave me alone.”
This doesn’t apply to everyone of course, but definitely the mass majority of people in current society.
One second… lemme take a selfie… *click*
Now I BETTER get 150 likes or I’m going to cry myself to sleep!
Sound familiar?
Anyone who’s dated a social media obsessed guy or girl over the years can relate to how big of a factor Instagram and Snapchat and Twitter are to the relationship.
What makes this an interesting phenomenom is that this wasn’t the case just 5 years ago.
It’s only been the last several years that social media has had such a major impact on the dating game.
Had an email come in asking me if I had any tips on boosting self-esteem in a relationship that seems to be going down hill.
It’s a great topic because it’s a new year and ahaving a relationship that you’re excited to be in is tough if you have low self-esteem.
You forget that in your relationship, you are the major player.
Here’s a question that dropped along my inbox just the other day. Behold:
“Hey Rick, I can’t stop thinking about my ex. Yes, she’s a bit crazy (or maybe it’s me that’s crazy), but I just can’t shake her loose out of my head. I want to move on and meet new people so how do I shake her from my thoughts?”
‘Tis a great question for this time of year. It’s cold outside, we want to cuddle and snuggle with someone.
Thinking about a crazy ex girlfriend or boyfriend that we recently had isn’t going to do us any good.
One of the reasons why I spend a lot of time talking about codependent relationships is because I used to be a hardcore codependent.
Yep! Good ol’ Rick here was a needy, supplicating, weak man. I put women I wanted on the pedestal constantly and was afraid of rocking the boat. Not good!
As a result, all of my relationships eventually became toxic and abusive because I couldn’t be the man and lead the relationship as a man should.
Today I had an itch to write about a popular topic: The Fear of Abandonment and my experiences with this in my past BPD relationships that failed.
And my first opinion is that it’s really one of the most confusing things about people to understand. Thinking logically, as most people do, it just doesn’t make sense that someone with these fears of abandonment would push you away when you’re doing everything you can to be a great boyfriend or girlfriend.
So what’s the deal? What’s going on beneath the surface that you’re not seeing or understanding? Obviously the words he or she says isn’t matching up with the actions. So what’s the fear of abandonment really all about?
People have been struggling in relationships since the beginning of time, right? Even after thousands of years, men and women continue to struggle figuring out how to date in their current society.
Some people get it pretty well, but most people struggle. I really believe that it just has to do with a lack of real knowledge and experience. Some people get more experience than others, some people spend a lot of time learning and working on themselves.
Then you have others that don’t spend any time on themselves and simply go with the flow and hope for the best. If you’re the type of person that continues to live the same way year after year, then this could be a big reason why you’re not getting the relationship success you wish you could have.
To continue my pattern of lists, here are 7 relationship truths that you need to attach deep within your core and remind yourself how important they are to remember:
The short and sweet answer: Looks definitely matter.
The long, drawn out answer is that while being naturally attractive is a plus, there’s much more to it when it comes to attracting quality partners and quality relationships.
See that girl to the right? Assuming she’s a quality girl, it’s going to take a lot more than just being blessed with good genes (and being in awesome shape).
I believe that the major battle that people have with themselves is believing that they aren’t good enough – or that they don’t give themselves enough credit.
Maybe you’re naturally codependent and don’t know what to do about it. This article will help.