Do nice behaviors work to get back your ex?
Today’s article comes from a man that asked me a very similar question. He basically wanted to know what nice things he could do that would woo his ex and make her interested again.
He wanted to know what he could do so she could view him as a ‘good’ guy and thus want to the relationship once again.
But is this man thinking the right mindsets? Can you get an ex back by being this nice, good guy all the time? Sure, it can be done. But there’s a much bigger problem to worry about.
On a side note, I’ve written an entire mini-guide about the #1 mistake men make in relationships which causes your girl to push you away and resent you (which leads to her cheating on you). Download it here:
Check out the guide after you read through the lessons here. You’ll be armed with a lot of knowledge that will help you improve your relationships.
The ‘Nice Guy’ Mindset
To start things off, what I want to first tackle is the nice guy mindset. The majority of what I write and teach about these days is on relationship mindsets because they’re the key.
So what is this ‘nice guy’ mindset exactly? And why is it that so many guys are stuck in this way of thinking? Is being a nice guy a bad thing?
It’s a very important topic to think about because we’re talking about your love life here. We’re talking about getting you the relationship that’s best for you.
A lot of men and women are raised by their parents to be these nice, good individuals that serve others. We’re told that we need to put others first and not be so damn selfish. I was raised in a very conservative household so this is all I was told as a child growing up.
Well, once you start growing up a bit, you realize that there are a lot of people that just don’t seem to follow these ‘rules’ that you’ve been taught your whole life.
You soon learn that there are plenty of bullies who enjoy treating people like crap. And then you see girls dating these bullies which can really be quite a shocking experience.
But because you know that being nice is better than being a douche, you stick to your nice guy ways. And I believe that we all should strive to be genuinely good to others. There’s nothing wrong with this mindset.
Entitlement Is Where The Problem Begins
Now the problem with the average nice guy isn’t the fact that they are being nice. Like I said, I believe it’s good to be nice and genuine to people.
The problem begins when you start to believe that your nice guy attitude should give you rewards in return. It’s the idea that by being nice, other people should treat you the same and reward you in a sense.
This is usually instilled by our parents who tell us things such as ‘just be nice, women love nice guys, you’ll find a great girl’ and other things like that.
So while I don’t blame my parents at all for teaching me this stuff, they indirectly were teaching me to believe in entitlement.
And as you may know, entitlement is something that the ego loves. Your ego LOVES to believe that you’re better than others and thus you deserve things in life for your deeds.
It’s a very poor mindset as it leads to you basically believing in fantasies.
And the fantasy is the idea that people owe you something. It’s believing that you deserve rewards due to your attitude. It’s believing that you’re better than others and how it’s ridiculous that you don’t get the respect you think you deserve.
So I really work hard with my clients to squash the idea that we deserve things in life. I really try to instill the mindsets that in our lives, we don’t deserve anything – we only deserve what we go after.
It’s the same mindsets of all the great champions of the past and present. You won’t find any champion that thinks they’re better than others or that they deserve to win.
Instead, they say things such as I WILL win because I’ve trained with the best. That is a subtle difference but a big mindset shift nonetheless. There’s no mention of deserving the title or anything like that. Sure, it’s cocky but that’s part of the intimidation factor.
The Ego Check
Having a big ego can be one of the biggest turn offs to women if you let it get out of control.
The ego can either do good for you or it can do bad. For example, you should definitely believe in yourself like the champions and that you can get anything you want out of life as long as you focus on yourself and you work for it.
But the ego is bad when you think that you deserve things or that you’re better than others or that you’re smarter and know better, etc.
Another word for this is hard-headedness and you’ll see me bring this word up from time to time.
Hard-headedness is when someone is fixed on a belief. It doesn’t matter if they’re wrong and have been proven to be so – they will continue to think that they know better and will stick to their fixed ways.
I’m sure you know multiple people in your life that are hard-headed like this. Perhaps the ex you’re trying to get back is hard-headed. Are you hard-headed?
I think we’re all hard-headed in a way. For example, I’m very hard-headed about everything I’ve been teaching over the years. This is because everything I teach is backed up by science and the laws of success. I’ve seen it work for years and years.
So for me, I don’t mind defending myself and my work because I can back it up. I get haters every single day that leave nasty comments and emails because I wrote about bpd love and relationships.
Apparently trying to help people makes me an idiot :)
I think it’s important to stand up for yourself when you can back it up. The problem is when you are trying to defend yourself with no hard evidence or support. You’re simply being hard-headed because it’s what you want to believe.
This is why I’m big on self-learning and mindset evolution. For everything you believe in, you must be able to back it up.
I read all the time and I’m always keeping myself up to date with information because I want to be able to increase my intelligence as well as being able to always back up my mindsets and beliefs and continue to build my credibility.
Are You Nice AND Genuine?
This is the big difference between the nice guys that get girlfriends and the nice guys that end up alone and frustrated.
The majority of the nice guys are the frustrated, lonely guys that just can’t seem to get a girlfriend despite all of their nice ways – at least this is what they’ve convinced themselves.
This is the mindset they’re fixated on and hard-headed about. It’s what they’ve been told all their lives and morally, it makes sense to them. So why change.
What usually happens to this type of guy is that over time as they see their nice attitude isn’t getting them girlfriends, they decide that “enough is enough. It’s time to try something different.”
So he polarizes and ends up becoming an asshole. He starts trying to learn ‘game’, he’s getting involved in the pick-up artist forums, he’s reading articles, ‘practicing’ on Tinder and whatever else he can do to ‘improve his game’.
It’s pretty damn silly because if he would have instead focused all this time and energy on himself, his mindsets and actually being GENUINE, he could remain a good man that also gets girls.
Women are amazing at reading our bodies and the energy we give off. A woman can know right away before you’re within 15 feet of her if you’re a genuine guy or not.
It’s a power that women have that men just don’t respect enough. The sooner you begin to respect this power, the sooner you can begin to understand women.
The reason I focus so much on changing your mindsets and the way you think is so you can develop this respect and understanding. When you change the way you think, you change your attitude and energy that you give off naturally.
You don’t have to change your nice guy ways. You just need to develop more respect and build yourself into a quality, genuine man. This is what women pick up on. They can smell it.
All those lines and techniques and routines and strategies on the web don’t do a damn thing if you don’t actually have the right mindsets and shift in attitude.
It’s why the pick up industry still lacks any credibility 15 years later. It doesn’t actually teach men how to be genuine. In fact, the pick up ‘game’ gets you kicked out of countries. And people still believe in this crap?
This guys are so hard-headed that they are actually defending this guy, saying how Australia just ‘doesn’t get it.’ Whether Australia ‘gets it’ or not, he’s been kicked out. So that’s that.
You Change Your Thinking, You Change Your Life
The goal at the end of the day is to become more genuine. It’s the ‘magic pill’ to all of this. It’s what makes your ex look at you a few months later and sense something different.
This is why my entire website and programs revolve around the changing of mindsets and attitude. It’s about developing that understanding and killer instincts that make relationships easy.
Because you have to understand – when a woman knows you ‘got the juice’, she’s going to want to be with you. And that juice comes from within you. It’s not something you think about and say.
So you want your ex back?
Think about developing this ‘juice’ as I say. Your overall attitude and character.
Your goal should be for her to look at you in the future and think to herself “Hmm he’s different. I should talk to him and see what’s up…”
That is the goal.
That moment is when all your development and productivity will be tested.
There’s no special line or text that’s going to do this for you.
But my system will give you everything you need to kick ass in this department.
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I just want to say that your advice is right on point. I don’t think a lot of guys will get it. I have also dated many women, and have had a very long term relationship that ended. I have been through every stage of “nice guy” and “asshole” that you have mentioned. I tried to do the whole PUA thing back in the day as well, and I have now come to the same conclusions as you. Experience and wisdom brought me there.
Reading your posts sounds like my own internal dialogue laid out before me in a clear, concise manner. It’s pretty interesting, and it really helps to read it whenever I’m feeling a little unsure. Everything you said about women being able to spot a “genuine” man is spot-on as well. This is something I have come to realize within the last couple years. It is possible to be a good, strong, genuine man, and not be a pushover.
Thanks again Rick. Keep doing you.
Hey thanks man, this journey is one where you aren’t alone even if it feels that way. Just keep pushing hard. The good thing about this journey is that it gives us really strong boundaries and high standards. At this point in my life, I’d rather be single than deal with any sort of toxicity from a woman