Here’s a question that dropped along my inbox just the other day. Behold:
“Hey Rick, I can’t stop thinking about my ex. Yes, she’s a bit crazy (or maybe it’s me that’s crazy), but I just can’t shake her loose out of my head. I want to move on and meet new people so how do I shake her from my thoughts?”
‘Tis a great question for this time of year. It’s cold outside, we want to cuddle and snuggle with someone.
Thinking about a crazy ex girlfriend or boyfriend that we recently had isn’t going to do us any good.
As the saying goes, “Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.”
I have never told any of my readers here that pain is something you can just wish away. That is not how the human body works (if you’re not a sociopath).
The pain will be there until you manage to move on.
The question then becomes: how do you move on? How do you move forward in life so that your thoughts aren’t constantly on the ex?
There’s a number of ways to do this with my favorite simply being this:
Get out there and start dating new women (or men).
Growing up, my family always had dogs and cats. I experienced the pain of loss several times as my dogs died due to old age, cancer and wild animals.
The pain was great when I lost my young golden retriever puppy at the age of 2 to cancer.
She was a classic puppy mill purebred (don’t buy these types of dogs as they tend to have issues at young ages).
Her death was a huge blow to my family because I was only a teenager and the dog was hilarious. It was incredibly sad watching her wither away for 2 weeks as a puppy. It brings tears to my eyes to think about what she went through as I write this.
My younger brother was 13 when it happened. It was an even bigger loss for him and I really believe it permanently scarred him emotionally. To this day, a dozen years later, he is still shook up about that dog and is very hesitant to show ANY emotions at all.
Anyway, what greatly helped our family move forward after the death of our dog was this:
My dad took my younger brother to an animal shelter.
He said to my brother, “Walk around and look at any dog you want. Take your time. You can have whichever dog you like. The choice is yours.”
Of course my brother picks the most random mutt breed ever, lol. But you can’t blame him. His experience of a pure breed was horrible.
The dog he picked is still alive to this day nearly 12 years later. And he’s still going strong. He’s easily the best dog we’ve ever had.
Getting this dog helped my brother and our family move forward. Of course it’s still sad to think about what happened in the past.
But if we gave up on dogs after our retriever died, we would still be heartbroken and upset about it to this day.
Instead, we moved forward. We got a new dog. It’s not a replacement — it’s simply moving forward and doing what’s best.
This is how you must approach a break up.
Many men and women sit around hoping to get their ex back. They waste valuable time in a state of depression, which only further pushes away their ex and ruins any chance of ever getting them back.
The key is to move forward and do what’s best for YOU.
Does this mean you can never get an ex back?
No, it doesn’t. I’ve had many chances to get an ex back. But, it wasn’t something that I actively sought.
I moved forward and focused on my own well-being. The ex realizes that I’m the best they ever had and wanted me back.
I’ve always rejected my ex girlfriends that came running back. Why? Because I always moved forward and found a newer, better girl.
You should learn from every relationship that you have (if you’re not learning, you’re wasting your time).
Always be moving forward. Always be growing and improving. This is the best way to get your mind off of a crazy ex.
And who knows? They may just come chasing after you again.
Reigniting The Passion And Desire In Your Relationships
I’ve been reading an “old” book from the 90’s these past few weeks. It’s weird knowing the 90’s were 16 years ago. Crazy (like you’re ex. Kidding).
Anyway, it’s a business book called “No Rules” by Dan Kennedy. GREAT book, but hard to find.
I’m a big fan of it because I like anything that goes against the mainstream PC culture that is so prevalent in society today.
This book is all about how the common business rules you learn in life aren’t really effective for maximum results.
For example, a lot of businesses focus on getting as many customers as possible. The more customers you have, the more money you make, right?
Most people would say yes. It sounds logical. However, this is far from the truth.
One of my major core values is that life and relationships should be about QUALITY, not quantity. This is why the whole “numbers game” in dating doesn’t bring you any real success.
In the business world, the Lexus brand accounts for only 2% of sales for Toyota.
However, these 2% of sales account for 33% of their profits — and most of these sales come from previous customers who have bought a Lexus in the past.
Another example from the book is that you cannot afford to be humble all the time.
I like this rule because it applies outside the business world as well.
Those who know what they want, and are ambitious about it, are always more happy and successful than those who are just cruising through life.
I have my own “anti-mainstream rule” to add to this:
Don’t be the type of person that just goes with the flow.
Most people are just flowing through life, day after day, year after year. Their relationships are the same and nothing ever gets better. They keep dating narcissists and other crazy-types because they never improve their self-worth.
They try to keep the routine the same in hopes that they don’t rock the ship.
If this is you, then it’s time to bring some chaos into your life. Time to do something different.
Because here’s the thing…
People who just ‘go with the flow’ are never happy. Their relationships always suffer and the family tends to be toxic.
If you’ve been taught to always be humble, to be nice and easy going, to be passive and weak, to always put others first especially your partner…
Well, you’re probably not getting much joy out of your relationship.
People like this tend to have a very average sex life, maybe getting lucky every month or so.
Most of the men I talk to are frustrated and upset because they’re just not getting the intimacy that they desire from their partner.
And 99% of the time, it’s because they’re too humble, too nice, too sensitive, and so on (all of the things that society and feminists teach men to be).
The problem with this mainstream, good guy way of living is that it just doesn’t ignite the spark your relationship needs.
And while you may think your relationship is already chaotic, especially if you’re dating a Borderline, it’s chaotic in the wrong way.
There’s a good way to bring chaos to a relationship and a bad way.
The bad way always results in your partner pushing you away and wanting nothing to do with you.
The good way reignites that fire your relationship needs and makes you way more attractive.
It’s good to bring this side of you to the relationship when you’re not getting your needs met.
Most people, especially men who struggle in relationships, never do this.
They continue doing the same thing, day after day, hoping that their partner will change, or some other fantasy that will never come true.
As a result, the relationship gets worse. The man blames everything on his partner, or on BPD, or whatever. And that never solves anything.
If you want to learn how to be the type of man (or woman) who can create this good kind of chaos, these changes that make relationships exciting and passionate…
Then you’ve come to the right place because this is what my website and the community here are all about.
All of the articles I write, the emails I send out daily and the courses I’ve created bring you the truth about relationships and success in general.
Learning the truth and being aware of how relationships should actually be is what will take you to that level of fulfillment and joy, even if you’re dating a Borderline.
Is this what you want in your relationships?
I certainly hope so.
Following The Common Path Leads You Nowhere But Down
On the rare occasion, I’ll send out an email that is over 1,000 words long. I’m a writer at heart and sometimes I just get in the flow…
If you didn’t get the email, the article is all about overcoming depression.
To continue that message, the bigger picture of everything we do in the Reignite The Fire community is that if you follow the common, mainstream path that everybody else is on, you find yourself stuck in a rut.
Most men & women who get stuck in the rat pack don’t find success in parts of their life. Whether it’s their careers or relationships, their is very little joy in the mainstream world.
Why is this?
Well, our society is so deeply entrenched in technology and information that our brains are basically turned off.
In our current society, we’re smarter and more intelligent than ever. We are more connected than we have ever been before.
Men & women are more depressed and lonely than ever.
Mental disorders like BPD continue to rise rapidly in this day and age. Prescription pills are subscribed to millions and all they do is cover up the illness.
But hey, it’s the common way! Feeling bad? Get a pill! Seek therapy!
It’s why all you see on TV these days are ads after ads for these billion dollar pharmaceutical companies and their “miracle” products.
It’s really a sad state we live in.
I take this stuff very seriously because I have known dozens of people who only got worse through these “medical breakthroughs.”
Now, I’m not some anti-vaccine guy or a radical or anything like that. Science and medicine definitely has it’s place and it does save lives.
But why is it that people are so lonely and sad these days?
You’d never guess that were the case since people only seem to post “happy” pictures all the time, right?
It’s because the common, mainstream world says to be “positive” all the time, that “negativity” is bad and looked down upon.
As a result, people are lost, alone and confused (which they hide).
They’re obsessed with being politically correct and shaming others who don’t align with their flawed opinions.
They’d rather struggle along the common path of social justice and pretend they’re perfectly fine, instead of grabbing life by the horns and putting themselves first.
You only have our society and the mainstream B.S. that’s fed to us daily to blame.
This is why I stay away from the common path, and why you should as well.
As Herb Brooks told his 1980 hockey team:
“This cannot be a team of common men because common men ho nowhere. You have to be uncommon.”
Amen, my man.
And this is GOOD news for you and me.
Because it’s not difficult to get off this common path.
You being here and reading my website simply means you’re taking steps to open up your mind and think for yourself.
The reality is that if you follow the common rules set out by society, you will never unlock your full potential.
As a result, your relationships will never be anything but mediocre. You’ll never reach that level of true love and joy that relationships are all about.
Taking life into your own hands, putting yourself first, having purpose and moving forward will put you above everybody else.
And this is absolutely key to having a relationship that’s healthy, exciting, intimate, passionate and so on.
I know this message goes much deeper than “techniques” and all that, but no amount of techniques can save a relationship or pull you out of a depression when you’re stuck in the rat race.
Techniques are for the weak. As you learn the principles of my system, you will figure out all the techniques you’ll ever need on your own.
You’ll be a natural and that’s what counts: an authentic, genuine natural individual.