The biggest problem I have with 99% of the “ex back” information on the internet is the lack of truth that they feed you.
Specifically, that if you follow some sort of technique or tactic, that your ex will come crawling back to you in love again.
Because it’s such a load of shit, I thought it would be a good idea to share with you how to actually get an ex back — no stupid tactics needed.
The truth that I’ve always said is that a relationship is never over the moment you break up. Instead, the relationship actually ends days or weeks later when you do stupid shit post-break up that actually kills your attraction for good.
Let’s talk about the 3 kinds of breakups that every relationship will experience – and how you can use these breakups to actually improve your relationship.
The “Indifference” Breakup
Let’s start with the worst type of breakup first, the Indifference Breakup.
As a mindset coach and a man who understands relationships, I get stories from men and women all the time about the downfall of their relationship.
What most of these people have in common is that they never even thought about seeking my help until they’re on the 5th breakup. Their partner has left them again and she isn’t crawling back this time.
So what’s different with this breakup over the others?
The Indifference breakup is the final nail in the coffin. At this point, your attraction levels have fallen too far and your partner doesn’t want you anymore.
It’s impossible to recover a relationship when it gets to this point. You’re as important to your lover as their pet goldfish.
Trying to salvage your relationship at this point is a waste of time. It’s a lost cause. You’ll spend all this time and energy trying to recover something that is unrecoverable.
The relationship is 100% over and you will never get her back. The cause is hopeless so don’t even try. Have I made my point? It’s over. Move on.
The key then is to understand when your relationship is of the Indifference kind. The best way to figure this out is to ask yourself a few important questions:
Is this the 3rd or 4th or more breakup you’ve had with your partner?
Have you two had no intimacy for quite some time? You two are basically platonic at this point?
When was the last time your partner was excited to see you?
If you answer these questions truthfully and come to the realization that you two haven’t been close some time, then chances are high that this breakup is the final one. Your partner is now indifferent towards you which means it’s over for good.
What’s the best way to respond when you’re dealt with this type of break up?
The best response is no response.
When it comes to the Indifference break up, the relationship was over long before your partner “officially” ended it.
Your attraction levels and her interest for you reached a low point long before.
But, instead of ending things when her interest levels in you have long evaporated, she dragged you along kicking and screaming.
She brought you to the lowest level possible and THEN broke up with you.
It seems cruel of course, but women are emotional. They can’t help it. You only have yourself to blame because you’ve had plenty of time to make things better before your attraction died out.
If your relationship reaches this point to where your partner is completely indifferent to you, then you really have no one else to blame but yourself.
The good news is that you’ll go through several breakups and tests before reaching this point. If this is your first time breaking up and it seems purely emotional, then you’re actually in prime position to make your relationship even better.
With that said, here’s what you do when your partner is breaking up with you, and you suspect that it might be over for good.
If the breakup is in person, just say “I understand, good luck with everything” and say nothing more. Even if you live together, just treat her as no more than a roommate. She gets none of your personal time or attention.
Moving on and bringing a new woman home that same night would be the ultimate move, but 99.9% of readers wouldn’t be able to take that plunge.
The point is that the sooner you show you’ve moved on, the better. If your ex still has feelings for you, she will be making it obvious very soon and contacting you again shortly.
The truth about the Indifference Breakup is that it did NOT happen “out of the blue” like so many people think. That’s your ego lying to you.
You had several chances to fix things in the past. This isn’t the first time you relationship hit rocky waters. You’ve probably broken up several times before this point.
But this break up is final. Your partner is indifferent towards you. And, once you feel indifference towards your partner, the relationship is officially done for good.
You will never regain those feelings again because you can’t go from indifferent to love. It doesn’t work that way.
On the other hand, you CAN go from love to hate and hate to love, but you CANNOT go from love to indifferent and back.
Indifference is the opposite of love — not hate.
The key is to never let your partner reach total indifference towards you. It is better for your partner to hate you than for him or her to be indifferent towards you.
Thus the importance of my Overcoming Codependency course. It’s about why most people eventually become indifferent towards you.
They lose their attraction and levels of excitement, which causes your partner to become indifferent. Eventually, depending on how wrong your behavior is, you’re cheated on or dumped (or both).
This is why Codependency is the worst mental state you can have. And, it’s impossible to “fix” when you’re unaware of what’s going on.
The “I’m Unsure” Breakup
You’ve spent a lot of time reading about a breakup that can’t be recovered. It’s impossible to get your ex back once he or she is indifferent towards you. This is a fact that you need to accept.
I can’t stress how important it is to get that through your head. If you don’t, you’ll be among the millions of sad folks who spend way too much time trying to fix something that can’t be fixed.
Don’t be like that. Be smart.
The good news is that you’ll usually experience several “Unsure” breakups before reaching the point of indifference.
These types of breakups are the ones that can actually improve your relationship IF you behave correctly. You’ll get your ex back and you two will be even stronger than before.
However, if you handle things incorrectly and behave the wrong way, you’ll push your partner away even more and her attention will be focused on finding a new lover.
This happens all the time — they have an “Unsure” breakup and it turns into an “Indifference” breakup because you act so damn needy and codependent afterwards.
Instead of being attractive, you try to build all this rapport thinking it will somehow convince your ex to come back to you.
But, the opposite happens. All this begging and pleading and calling and texting only pushes your ex away into the arms of another. They’ll quickly become indifferent towards you.
An important fact you need to understand about the difference between men and women is this:
Women fall in love much differently than men fall in love.
To make things even more confusing, women will often times fall OUT of love for a brief period of time because they want to experience falling IN love with you again.
Crazy, I know. But, it’s just how women are because they’re generally much more emotional and feminine than men.
Women love that feeling of falling in love. When they “breakup” with you and then you get back together, she gets to go through those feelings of falling in love again.
And if you handle it right, she’ll be even MORE in love with you this time around.
Isn’t this an amazing truth to learn? Nobody else is giving you this truth because 99% of the information you read on the internet is written by people who have no clue.
Plus, you’ve been convinced by society that you need to “take action” and that you’re “not trying hard enough” when partner is requesting a break.
Again, it’s why the courses in my Relationship Academy are all about teaching truth and awareness. When you understand how relationships work and how men/women think, you don’t need techniques or tactics.
You’ll naturally be much more attractive and confident simply because you know how relationships work. You understand the dynamic and needs of your partner.
Healthy couples will often mutually breakup with no drama and get back together a month or two later. This happens all the time.
When you understand relationships, it’s a no-brainer. You give your partner all the space they need to while you focus on your mission and purpose in life.
Healthy individuals understand the importance of self-reliance and constant improvement. When your partner is unsure about the relationship, it’s clear that your partner needs to spend some time alone to discover themselves.
There’s nothing wrong with this. As I said above, it’s natural and healthy for couples to take a healthy break and see if the relationship is meant to be.
This type of breakup can also be a test. If you’re insecure and needy, you’ll beg for your partner to reconsider and not leave you.
If you’re like most people, you end up chasing your partner right out of your life. You end up confirming to your partner that you’re not strong enough to be with.
You will never get your ex back at this point because a simple Unsure breakup turned into an Indifference breakup. And it’s your fault.
On the other hand, when you understand how relationships work, you’ll behave correctly. Your ex will be back before you know it and the relationship will be even better than before.
Here’s the problem that nearly everybody makes when they are about to break up:
You pour on the Rapport, apologize 1000 times, and “work harder” to try to get your partner to stay with you. You believe that you need to “do more” to keep her from leaving you.
By responding in this way, you’re only giving her brain a LOGICAL reason to end things with you for good. This is why breaking rapport is crucial when your partner wants a break or some space.
You’re affirming in her mind that you’re no longer the strong, confident, fun man that you once were. Leaving you for someone new is now confirmed as the best thing to do in her brain.
Until you understand how women think in relationships, you’ll never understand this truth. You can’t behave in ways that gives her power over you.
Whoever retains the power in a breakup will always have a much easier time to deal with the break up and move on.
No woman wants to be with a man who has less power than her unless she naturally is a very masculine woman. Only then will there be exceptions to this rule.
Even then, I know plenty of “alpha females” who melt and become incredibly feminine when they meet a masculine dude who treats her no different than all the other women out there.
When you understand these major differences between men and women, relationships will become much easier for you. They’re a marathon — not a sprint.
The reason the “Honeymoon Period” is fake is simply due to the fact that while a man will fall in love instantly, a woman actually takes several months to truly fall in love with a man.
This is the truth. Even if she’s being super affectionate in the beginning, she’s not actually in love with you yet. It’s going to take her a lot longer to fall in love and truly open herself up to you completely.
The “Unsure” break up is one of those critical moments that you must be prepared for. You may experience several of them throughout the course of one relationship.
This is perfectly normal, especially if you’re dating someone who has a hard time trusting people. BPD relationships will make a lot more sense when you understand everything I’ve written about so far.
By handling these critical moments correctly, you can recover and make your relationship even better than it was before. Learning about this stuff is very very important.
If you’re going to spend any sort of money online, then you might as well invest in my Overcoming Codependency course.
As far as I know, it’s the only course on the internet that actually tackles this subject in regards to relationships, attractiveness, seduction and so on.
It’s not a generic codependency course. It’s all about bettering your intimate relationships and truly understand what’s going on in your head that makes you push your lover’s away.
Your rational approach and genuine honesty is always refreshing. I bought your Codependency course last year and have been over it at least 4 times. Each time I am able to absorb things I didn’t quite get the first time. Really helps to go over it more than once.
And thanks for your emails. I get a fuckload of rubbish in my inbox and your emails are the only ones I am genuinely excited to read.
Love from Cape Town
Thanks man and sorry for the lack of emails in June. I took the month off basically. July I’ll be back to the grind baby!
Good reading! I have been married to a woman who was diagnosed with BPD for almost 3 yrs and we have been together for 5 1/2 yrs. we are currently separated and she moved out this week and is now 1400 miles away staying with family. We as she calls it have been officially separated since Sept. but had been living together. I have been the only 1 interested in seeking reconciliation and she has been having sexual encounters with a few different men. She seems and has said to be upset with herself after these encounters. We have also had the most incredible sex in the last 4 months and she has agreed. My question for you is that if we have still been having the most incredible sex since we have been separated, can this breakup be an indifferent breakup? Also, based on the little bit of information I have provided, do you think if I get myself under control that there would still be a possibility to reconcile in the future?
You’re sleeping with a woman who’s also running around sleeping with other men, most likely unprotected? You must be really desperate. And she knows it. Thus why she just doesn’t take you serious enough to stop sleeping with other men…