Here we go again. The common BPD myth.
This belief that Borderline’s are incapable of love and that the best solution is to run far away.
You hear this all the time. And, quite frankly, it’s getting really old at this point.
But I’m always up for the challenge (and I’ve never been bothered by people telling me this in hate mail).
So here’s what I got to ask all you whiners and blamers:
Maybe your partner just isn’t turned on by you anymore. You’re just not making him or her warm and fuzzy. They don’t want to sleep with you anymore.
Go ahead and blame all these ‘issues’ on your partner and BPD all you want, but it isn’t going to change anything.
Now if you’re a reader on my blog here, then I hope you think bigger than all those forum users who whine and complain.
You’re a skeptic of sorts who wants to see what else is out there on the web about BPD.
And that’s probably how you found my website and articles.
If you’re new to my website, I just want to welcome you. I don’t follow the mainstream advice and “professionals” because they really don’t know what they’re talking about.
Apparently this makes me “controversial” even though I just speak the truth.
So, here’s the truth:
Borderlines are very capable of falling in love and being great partners.
Sure, they have issues with their emotions and need to learn how to control them and such (and who doesn’t these days).
But once they do, they are very capable of being stable, loving partners.
All of my ex-BPD girlfriends were amazingly loving towards their cats (yes, they all had cats and I’ll talk about my ‘cat theory’ another time).
Every Borderline I’ve known is very sweet towards children and animals and all that good stuff.
But in relationships, when emotions are flying all over the place constantly, a Borderline who hasn’t learned to control his or her emotions has a tough time managing things.
As a result, you get all the crazy experiences you know all too well. But this still isn’t WHY they push away their partners.
So why do all these forum whiners complain all day and tell everyone to run for the hills?
Because these complainers have no idea how relationships work. Not just BPD relationships — any relationship.
Instead of looking at themselves as the issue, they rather just blame everything on their ‘crazy’ partner and the BPD illness.
It’s pretty pathetic if you ask me and the opposite of what it means to be a winner in life.
This is what I’ve been saying from the beginning:
You as a knowledgeable, aware individual can bring out the best in your Borderline partner.
It’s not your job to sit there and ‘teach’ your partner how to love.
But when you have the knowledge you need, the awareness of what’s really going on (especially beneath the surface), the attitude that Borderline’s love…
Well, good things happen.
As I often hear in success stories like the ones I shared last week, this change in attitude is exactly what the Borderline has wanted all along.
It’s what actually helps THEM gain that emotional control and strength they need in order to love and be loved.
It’s amazing how my system works.
All without you doing any techniques or DBT or anything like that.
Instead of throwing everyone with BPD in a single box, it’s better to look at your partner as what they are:
A unique human-being. Just like you. Just like me.
We’re all unique in our own ways.
So learn the attitude. Learn what makes BPD relationships work and you’ll be surprised at how quickly things improve. Go here to learn more about my system:
When You’ve Been “Stung” Out Of The Blue
I have a quick story I want to share with you.
It is a fable from 1954 called The Scorpion and the Frog (no story about me today, thankee sai).
And, I really like this story because it sums up what you’ve probably experienced in your relationships.
I can apply to anyone who’s been relatively good in the relationship, and yet you still got crapped on by your partner (without warning and no “logical” reason).
Anyway, here it is:
“A scorpion wants to make a quick journey across the river. He sees a frog and asks the frog if ye will carry thee. The frog refuses because he fears that he will be stung. The scorpion says that stinging the frog would be illogical, as it would kill both of them.
So the frog reluctantly agrees to carry the scorpion. Half way across the river, the frog feels dizzy. His legs start to give out. He realizes his worst fear – he has been stung! The scorpian says, I know it’s illogical, but I cannot help it – it is simply my nature.”
And so they both die :(
So who do you most relate with in this story?
The frog, correct?
The frog is the good, well-mannered partner who does things the right way.
And the scorpion is the illogical person who stings you for no good reason at all.
You’re in an amazing relationship, showing good intentions, doing what you feel is good and right, being the best person you can be…
You’re left out of the blue.
Straight outta nowhere.
Leaving you devastated and feeling stoopid for various reasons.
But here’s the thing (and it’s the truth that many people don’t like to accept):
This story happens ALL the time to men and women who aren’t prepared.
Who don’t have the knowledge.
Who aren’t aware of what makes a relationship remain healthy and exciting for the long-haul.
It doesn’t matter how much you sacrifice.
It doesn’t matter how often you pick your partner up and carry them across the river, saving them from the depths of the emotional rivers.
It doesn’t matter that you give everything you got to make the relationship work.
It doesn’t matter that you’re this stable, affectionate lover.
None of those things matter when you’re talking about the longevity of a relationship.
And yet these are the things that people do (it sounds great logically, after all).
But one of the major lessons I enforce in my programs is that the health and growth of the relationship is based on emotions.
If you’ve been reading my emails for a good while now, you know that I love talking about what NOT to do,
It’s a better way to learn, in my opinion.
And it’s why my Blueprint is loaded with a ton of “here’s what people do and why it doesn’t work. So don’t do it and do this instead.”
Ye Olde Care Taker Wants Some Credit
Got a “fun” email yesterday from a “fan”.
I won’t paste the whole thing here because I want to keep this positive. But here’s my favorite part:
“Give us “CARE GIVERS” more credit this disease is absolutely devastating!!!!”
I’m sure you’ve heard this over and over again by this point.
Man in relationship with woman.
Woman “suddenly” becomes crazy and cold towards man.
Man thinks he needs to fix this problem.
Man enters into the caretaker roll.
Woman pushes him away more.
Man gets frustrated, but tries harder to please.
Woman cheats on man.
Man gets angry and is convinced that his woman is cray and needs help.
Gets on my daily email newsletter, doesn’t like to hear the truth, sends me hate mail.
I’m used to it by now. I can’t please everybody, I know that.
But I’m not here to make friends. I don’t send these emails out for people to praise me and love me.
I don’t need praise, I don’t need approval from anybody
I send these emails out because they’re the truth.
I don’t care how upset it makes people. If it gets you upset and you want to reply to me, go for it. I read all my emails (and respond to some).
So if the truths I share cause you pain, that’s just how it is.
I’m not sorry.
And when it comes to relationships, it is always the caretakers that end up hurt the most.
One of my popular sayings is that the hero always gets ZERO.
Meaning that if you’re going to take on this caretaking, fixer, hero-type role…
Well, expect your relationship to collapse into the no-intimacy zone.
You might as well just call your relationship the friend-zone, even if you’re married.
Yes, your wife is going to friend-zone you. Her own husband.
And then cheat on you.
I know it sucks. But it’s the truth.
And sometimes the truth sucks Santa’s jolly balls.
But how many people have you known throughout your life who treat their partner’s well, shower him or her with gifts, bend over backwards for their partner…
And yet they get no love in return.
How many times has this happened to you?
Because when I was in high school and college, this happened to me all the time.
And I see people in their 50’s where this issue still happens.
So I’m not sorry for spreading the truth.
There will always be exceptions to the rules, of course, but 99% of people don’t want to be married to a caretaker.
Doesn’t matter how ‘crazy’ your partner is. They don’t want a caretaker
It’s really as simple as that.
I know this goes against everything you see in the movies, the magazines, Cosmopolitan, Men’s Health, etc.
But I’m an agent of truth. And my mission in life is to help you experience the best relationship (and life) possible.
Here’s a gold mine for you. An awesome source of knowledge that’s anti-cliche like me.
Check out the Beige Phillip Show on itunes. It’s my favorite podcast because these guys simply get it.
And it’s hilarious.
And has a 5-star rating with 896 reviews. Pretty much means it’s perfect.
So check that out if you’re looking for some additional truth bombs, and something to occupy your time when you’re at work and bored.
That’s my opinion, anyway. We all got’em and you can believe whatever you want to.
Either way I’ll be here sending out the truth in posts and emails like these. So get on my newsletter if you haven’t done so yet.
If you don’t like what I have to say, then just click the unsubscribe link at the bottom of this email. It’s really easy to never hear from me again.
No need to reply and send me nasty messages (but I do enjoy them!!!)
Like I said in yesterday’s email…
It doesn’t matter how “great” of a partner you are. You might be the best partner ever on paper.
But a list of why you’re great doesn’t make a relationship succeed. Simple as that.
There are plenty of non-logical, emotional factors that make relationships work.
And in our current society, most people just don’t get it (thanks to the lame media and all that).
11 Relationship Truths That May Be Tough To Swallow
I wanted to drop a quick checklist of truths for you to think about.
You might already know these, but it’s always good to get a quick little reminder of what’s realist and what’s fantasy.
And fantasy is bad.
Anywho, here we go:
* There’s no such thing as “the one” or a “soul mate.” This is all fantasy tail mumbo jumbo (probably written by people who can’t find love).
* True love is another one of these fantasies that people get wrong. Real love is based on your own self-esteem, self-image, self-worthiness and so on. Only when you got these things right can love grow organically.
* Relationships don’t last forever. Even if your marriage lasts 50 years, one of you will die. So appreciate the moments. Have goals, but keep your head in the present moment.
* Haters are a part of life. People will talk down on your relationship, people will talk down on you. Ignore the haters. Use their negative energy to inspire you to keep pushing forward.
* Relationships aren’t meant to fix your life. If you’re unhappy outside of the relationship, you’ll be unhappy in the relationship. And vice versa. In other words, don’t look to your partner for a spark of happiness. Doesn’t work that way.
* Forgiveness is important. But what’s really important is to forgive yourself. No need to apologize, but just accept that mistakes happen because we’re all imperfect.
* Kill the neediness. If you’re Codependent, this is where your problems eat you up.
* Stop trying to change your partner. You can’t change people, so stop trying. All you can do is inspire – which is exactly what my training is all about.
* Communication is much more than just what you say. It’s about how you respond to situations, your reactions, your behaviors, your mentality and so on. Lots of non-verbals at play.
* Your subconscious doesn’t know reality from fantasy. Anything you put into your mind will feed directly into your subconscious. If you’re not mindful of this, it will become a habit. Yes, this is how bad habits form
* Every relationship has issues. Despite how crazy you may think your situation is, many others are experiencing the same things. There are ways to push through and improve. Are you willing to do what it takes?
That’s enough for now.
It’s almost the weekend and I wanted to give you some good little truths to keep you motivated.
I also wanted to share a little message I got yesterday that should inspire you:
“I can’t believe how well things went yesterday with my BPD girl. It’s all about self-respect. Your teachings have already made a big difference in my life. My self-awareness has increased exponentially. I’m looking forward to continuing this new path.
All Greg did was go through my program. We didn’t have any correspondence over email.
He simply implemented what I teach in the Blueprint and saw immediate success with his BPD girlfriend.
Some people pick it up quick.
Others take a little more time.
It just depends on your background and the type of upbringing you had.
Either way, my “BPD Relationship Blueprint” works. And that’s good enough for me.
How To Avoid Getting Owned By Robots
First of all, if you haven’t seen Ex Machina I suggest you watch it as soon as possible. Then return to this topic. Possible spoilers ahead.
Now that you’ve seen it…
I loved this movie. It had the thrills, the twists, the dialogue, the art.
It also has some great lessons to learn about relationships.
Specifically when a man meets a pretty girl.
And falls for her.
Only in this case, the girl happens to be a robot.
An A.I. that proves to be a lot smarter than both the creator and the kid thought.
The movie is really a great example of what happens when you have no back bone.
The kid is your typical nice guy — full of heart and love to give, but no spine at all.
And the developer is your typical douche — no heart at all, but a lot of spine.
Both are attractive qualities in an individual.
However, both of these types of men lose in the end, as witnessed in the movie.
Whether the kid ends up escaping or not doesn’t really matter. He got manipulated easily by Ava. He lost.
This movie is a great example of what happens when you wear your heart on your sleeve, but can’t back it up.
By back it up, I mean that you also have a back bone.
That you can’t be pushed around and manipulated.
The kid is very smart, you know he’s going to be successful, he’d be nothing but a good boyfriend. I think everyone would agree with that.
But men who have no spine, such as this kid and millions of others, always lose in the end.
They get used, manipulated, and dumped.
You can complain about it all you want, like millions of nice guys do, but it just is what it is.
When it comes to love and relationships, you must have a spine. You must have a back bone. You can’t be easily pushed around.
The kid was so desperate to be loved by an attractive girl that he fell hook, line, and sinker to her manipulation.
Just another day in the world of nice, sensitive guys if you ask me.
But it doesn’t have to be that way.
Do you feel like you can relate to the kid in the movie?
That you’re a nice, stable gentleman who isn’t getting any respect?
Then you need to work on developing a back bone.
You need a spine.
In the BPD Relationship Blueprint, I spend a great deal teaching you how to be nice AND firm so that your partner respects you.
And when your partner respects you, they won’t try to manipulate and use you.
Love develops out of respect for one another.
If you want your partner to love you, then your partner first needs to respect you.
Develop your back bone. Be firm and assertive. Change your relationships and change your life.
Here’s where to get the Blueprint:
Catch you soon,
– Rick Reynolds