2015 has come and gone. It’s time to bring in the New Year.
And with the new year, comes new growth. New changes. New evolutions.
If you’ve been reading my blog for some time now, you may know that I like to re-write old articles. To bring them up to speed.
Before we get started, you might be interested in my free “BPD Cheat Sheet” guide. Get it here:
It makes no sense to have articles that are old and outdated. Full of information that doesn’t really apply to my audience of today.
The times are a changing. 2016 was probably the most chaotic year we’ve had. And it’s only going to get more and more chaotic as things change.
As social media begins to expand more and more, society will continue to fail more and more.
It’s really a simple equation: the rise of social media = the rise in individual failure.
Because the growth of social media encourages the young generation (the future) of one thing:
That it’s okay to front. To be fake. To take 500 pictures to get the perfect one. And then add a bunch of filters and photoshop on top of it to make it look even better (and to hide the flaws).
We live in an age that encourages perfection. And it’s only going to get worse going into 2016.
Luckily, I’m here to help you keep a clear head and to not get sucked in.
Because I use social media. I have a large following on Instagram.
As much as I dislike Instagram for the reasons I mentioned above, it is still a powerful form of communication – as long as you’re not fronting and playing into the fake world that so many people fall into.
I don’t want to talk too much about social media. Just understand that all of those women you see posting how great their lives are… it isn’t true.
It’s all an illusion.
And this is really the key that I want you to understand moving into 2016: it’s not “cool” to pretend you are a woman who is living “the single life” and everything is just perfect.
But the reality is that depression, personality disorders and suicide is at an all time high for young men and women.
And the reason for this is simply because when you act like you live a perfect, glorious life, you really end up feeling terrible inside because you know that you’re not perfect.
You know that you’re not “good enough” or “cool” or “attractive.”
It’s really a serious issue because all these young teenagers and those in their 20’s and 30’s are striving to appear perfect.
They feel as if they’re not portraying this perfect life that they’ll never get the love and respect from others.
This has been a long introduction, but I want you to know the direction that society is headed in 2016. Things will continue to get worse and worse and worse.
But it’s okay because when things get worse, it only makes it easier for those like me and you to be successful. That’s why you’re here after all.
It’s really important that you think much bigger than just BPD. Yes, BPD is a personality disorder, but it’s practically a common attitude these days.
Nearly every man or woman with a hint of attractiveness seems to have these BPD characteristics. It’s basically become mainstream, which is why my website has grown in popularity this last year.
So knowing this, let’s talk about the basics of what I believe are the foundations to building a long-term, successful, fulfilling relationship in 2016 – whether you’re with a Borderline or not.
Step #1: Focus On Yourself
I was teaching this basic rule years ago. But it’s now become massively mainstream.
Head to any Instagram page of someone you admire and I’m sure you’ll find some large picture quote saying something about how you must take care of yourself.
Blah, blah, blah, what’s new. Thank you for spreading incredibly basic knowledge Ms. Basic! Lol.
But seriously, it’s so common now for people to post status messages and quotes about taking care of yourself because “no one else will do it for you.”
Again, this is very basic stuff that anyone who has ever experienced any success in anything understands.
So I find it funny when people are posting these messages, trying to preach to their followers.
It’s a major front when someone does this because if you have to preach this, you probably don’t really follow it.
As they say, those who can’t, teach. And those who can, do.
This is what our society has basically become: a bunch of teachers who can’t walk the talk.
Am I a teacher? Yes. But do I walk the talk? That’s for you to decide. It’s not my job to convince you that I know what I’m talking about. I write these articles and build programs with the hopes that I’ll resonate and connect with people who are looking for answers.
Your attitude and your character will always define you. People who tend to fail in BPD relationships are those who lack the attitude and the character that these people need in their life.
But you must ALSO think about the other side of the coin: is that attitude and character something that you want to be?
If not, then you’ll just be wasting your time trying to be someone that you can’t be (without being fake).
Makes sense right? Most people on social media are trying to portray themselves as someone they’re not – they’re fake. They’re fronting.
They’re trying to appear as this character that they’re really not… And when you date this person and see that they’re just being fake, the relationship blows up.
So what do you?
I always tell people that as long as you’re alive, make it a habit to learn new things, to explore the world, to open your mind FOR YOU and YOU ALONE.
My favorite way to do this is to read autobiographies from people who have been through the hustle, the rags to riches stories, the people who have gone from bottom to top.
I love martial artists and fighters because in the ring, it’s just them vs their opponent. So I read books by GSP, Ronda Rousey, Navy Seals and so on.
Books that are written by warriors, people who have ACTUALLY experienced challenge after challenge and fought through it. No fronting. No being fake. No author behind a desk just writing ‘how to succeed’ while sitting behind a desk with a big donut.
The next part of self-growth is Exploration. You need to see yourself as an explorer, someone who loves to go to new places and try new things.
Wondering how to make a date awesome? This is how you do it – you explore something new, test it out, and then bring people to it for a great experience.
The reason why your BPD relationship may be failing is simply because you don’t bring your partner into your world – you are too busy worrying about their blow ups, rage, insults and so on.
You’ve completely lost touch with your own self, your own life, your own exploration and growth.
As irrational as your partner may be, you have to remember that the only person you can control is yourself.
BPD relationships always start out fast and furious, full of hormones. With a weak mind, it’s easy to overly commit and become emotionally attached, trying to fit yourself into the Borderline’s way of life.
However, this soon fails because the Borderline is actually looking for a way out. Dating women in general is about showing her a new world.
Because despite how “amazing” her world might look on Instagram… the reality is that she poops and pees just like you and me.
All those photos and filters is just an illusion. No matter how flawless she looks, she isn’t happy without a man who’s going to pull her out of her world and show her something new and exciting.
Here are additional articles to further your learning:
Step #2: BPD Symptoms Are Everywhere These Days
For a long time now, I’ve been telling men and women to drop the BPD label. I get a lot of flack for this.
But the reason I tell people this is because I’m constantly in the trenches. I’m surrounded by these Instagram “stars” and women who are “impossible to get.”
To me, BPD has basically become “normal” since nearly every girl around me behaves like they’re Borderline. I see the same erratic behavior almost every day.
And yet these women do eventually find a man who understands them, who can be the rock to their erratic waves.
Despite what you may read about online from bitter, frustrated individuals, BPD relationships can definitely work and succeed.
You just won’t hear about it on a forum because these people are too busy with their lives to write on a message board.
Most people who get into relationships with a Borderline are unprepared. They lack the skills. They lack the attitude and the character that these partners need.
Being fun, being mysterious, being firm and assertive are just the beginning of what it takes to succeed in these relationships.
Take a self-inventory and see if you lack one (or all) of these things. Most codependents don’t have any of these which is why their relationships fail.
A lot of people complain about how their partner has trust issues…
Well, if you experienced a dozen men on a daily basis trying to manipulate their way into your pants, wouldn’t you have trust issues?
Welcome to the world of being an attractive woman! Lol…
So while your partner may have trust issues, fears of abandonment, childhood trauma, etc., there’s nothing you can do about it. All you can do is focus on being someone that they can trust, over time.
There is nothing you can actively do to “convince” your partner to fully commit and trust you. The real world just doesn’t work that way.
If you’re an entrepreneur, then you’ll know that you can’t trust anybody because even your closest friends can steal your ideas. I’ve seen this happen over and over again.
So a Borderline isn’t going to just give you their all. You’re going to have to earn it. Disability or not, people will never fully open up and trust you. It’s just the real world.
Codependents get hurt by this fact because they feel like a relationship is about being completely open and honest all the time, constantly.
But this is a false reality. So don’t fall into this belief system.
See these articles for more learning:
Step #3: Emotional Control and Avoiding the Immediacy Effect
I love to follow the stories and growth of athletes, fighters, warriors – people who have mastered control of their emotions so that they can remain tough no matter what challenges come their way.
If you get anything from this article, it’s the fact that you need to see yourself as a warrior – someone who faces challenges head on and isn’t afraid.
Many people fail in relationships because they fear conflict. They fear that they’ll rock the boat. They walk on eggshells and fear their partner.
If you’re dating somebody who is physically abusive, by all means you should fear this person – and get the hell out of this relationship.
There is never any excuse for abuse, BPD or not. You must not use the BPD label as an excuse to let abusive behavior continue in a relationship.
All to often, I get messages from women who are trying to date men who are married and abusive – these men are simply unavailable so if you are pursuing someone like this, it’s you who needs the help – not your lover.
I highly encourage you to contact me or join my coaching forum & training program so I can help you detach from these men. It is a disorder on your part to pursue men who are abusive and unavailable for you, allowing yourself to be manipulated into their bed.
I take these relationships very seriously. I believe that it is much more damaging for a woman to date an abusive man than for a man to date a woman with a personality disorder.
Men are naturally leaders – women want to be lead. Knowing this alone, it is much easier for a man to date a woman with a personality disorder such as BPD.
Like I said, I’m surrounded by these types of women on a daily basis. I’ve dated dozens of them and know many men who successfully do it.
On the other hand, women have a much tougher time with BPD males because there are other issues that are damaging to women.
In other words, women have much more to lose than men when it comes to relationships.
So ladies, please be wise with your decisions when it comes to choosing a partner. If you find yourself attracted to these men, and you cannot help it, then that’s why I’m here. I’m here to help you change your mentality.
In this day and age, it’s very easy to fall into the trap of wanting immediate gratification.
This new person you met has given you that charm and attention you’ve long desired. You believe that you’ve finally found the man or woman of your dreams.
Next thing you know, you’re devastated a few weeks or months later when this person has gone cold and moved on to someone else.
It’s smart to avoid the honeymoon period – so please don’t fall victim to it.
Keep your emotions under control. Don’t fall into the immediacy effect.
Remember that if something seems to good to be true, it probably is.
Here’s an article for further learning:
Step #4: Create a World You Love to Live
I love this quote by Jay-Z:
“9 to 5 is for those who want to survive. I don’t want to just survive, I want to live life to the fullest and love it.”
I have a love for hip-hop and the culture because good hip-hop is good poetry full of metaphors and lessons about life.
Many of these artists come from the hood, raised with no father figure and no money. So much of their success is due to their hustle on the streets. They know what it takes to survive and thrive.
If you don’t come from the streets, then often times you end up being a passive individual, just going with the flow of life and allowing yourself to fall into routine.
You’re probably working behind a desk, doing the 9 to 5 life and taking home a steady paycheck.
This is fine and dandy, but it definitely doesn’t get your lover’s juices flowing – women could care less, in other words.
What we humans are drawn to is what we do outside of the office: our passions, our hobbies, our vision, our attitude, our mentality and so on.
This is why my focus is constantly on the future. I don’t buy into this whole “Live today like it’s your last.” That’s just the worst mentality because I want my future to be great.
It is important to understand that the only moments that matter are in the present…
But it’s equally as important to realize that what you do in these moments should be about molding your future, building your world on a strong foundation, pursuing passions that you love.
This is what builds that deep desire in your lovers. This is what people are drawn to.
The problem with our current society is that most people just don’t understand this. Men feel like they need to learn pick up lines and routines to get a woman interested in him.
But you have to ask yourself this question – what kind of woman would be interested in a man who uses lines and techniques to “hook” a woman?
Only a woman who doesn’t really have much experience and self-respect.
We live in a very strange world and as long as you’re trying to please the world, you’re going to have issues in your relationships – BPD or not.
Here are some things to think about if you find yourself struggling in your relationships. Are you:
- Easily predictable
- You go with the flow
- You’re boring
- You’re logical
- You never call the shots
- Your life revolves around pleasing your partner
- You’ve got no mysteriousness factor
Start here. Think about these things and be honest with yourself when you take a self-inventory.
And if you’re ready to kick-start 2016 and build your life and relationships into the success that you desire, get my brand new FREE “Relationship Death Sentence” report. It’s all about the #1 HUGE mistake that 99% of people do to kill their relationship.