If you’re worried that your boyfriend might be a sociopath and is incapable of love and emotions, then you need to read this article.
Many women who are dating sociopaths stumble on my blog. They often wonder why their boyfriend won’t love her the way she loves him.
You might mistakenly assume that your boyfriend has BPD or some other disorder.
But, chances are your boyfriend has a number of issues going on with his mental health. And, since I’m NOT a mental health professional, I’m simply going to write about what I believe are the warning signs of a sociopathic man.
Take what you learn from this and simply apply it to your situation. If everything I write sounds exactly like your boyfriend, then you need to consider the reality that it may be time to leave, and he needs help from a professional.
This topic came to my attention because I often get questions from readers of my free email newsletter. While I usually answer questions like this to newsletter readers only, this topic requires a much longer response because it’s very serious.
The Sociopath Loves To Project
First things first: you’re not crazy, even though he might make you think you are.
The sociopath is all about projection, projection, projection. This is his bread and butter.
One of my friends was dating a sociopath. He would get upset, break a bunch of stuff, assault her, and then tell her how SHE’S a terrible person. That is classic projection.
Because the sociopath feels empty inside, he must mask that as much as possible and manipulate in order to feel like the “good” person. Nothing is ever his fault.
He’ll make you feel that leaving him is an incredible endeavor. You’ll be feared into submission to the point where telling even your closest friends about the abuse feels too risky.
I wanted to call the police on my friends boyfriend after he tossed her down the stairs. But, she pleaded and pleaded with me not to do it. That is the fear that your sociopath boyfriend might instill in you. It’s pretty damn scary.
Let’s dive into some more signs to look out for if you suspect your boyfriend might be a sociopath.
He’s Very Charming And Great Socially
The charm of a sociopath is the most obvious red flag. I can spot these guys from a mile away and I immediately feel sorry for the inexperienced women who are falling under his spell.
What I’ve noticed over the years is that high-quality women tend to avoid these charming guys at parties and events. They already know how big of a red flag it is.
These guys will be in their mid 30’s and 40’s still trying to party it up like they’re in college. That is how much they value these social events.
I know a sociopath man who is in his late 30’s and still loves partying it up like in the college days. You’ll only find him excited when he’s preparing to party. He’s always playing cornhole with a beer in hand trying to charm everyone around him.
It’s no surprise that this guy also has a drinking problem, an overweight problem, and has never had a healthy relationship. All of his girlfriends have left him due to his psycho behavior.
These guys love partying because they know that it’s prime hunting grounds for them to flex their charm. They’ll find a woman who’s had a bit to drink and seems easy.
And that’s really my point with this: the sociopath likes to prey on weaker women. It’s too much effort to try to charm an experienced, high-quality woman.
Now don’t confuse what I’m saying here — I’m not saying that you’re a weak woman if you fell for the spell of a sociopath. All I’m saying is that in his eyes, he doesn’t see you as an equal.
Sociopaths tend to pick their victims well. They know that a woman who won’t fall for their bullshit is a waste of time.
This is why you’ll never find a high-quality, experienced woman falling under the spell of a sociopath. She probably already experienced one and won’t make that mistake again.
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. The strongest women are usually ones who have been victims in the past.
The Male Sociopath Will Shower You With Attention… At First
Another obvious red flag of the sociopath is that he’ll be GREAT in the very beginning of the dating stage.
All of your early dates will be fun and most likely bring you lots of joy. It’s through these great experiences that you’ll soon fall for him and convince yourself that he’s a “great” guy.
Your friends might even encourage you to “lock him down” because they see how great he treats you.
It’s this chase that the sociopath man loves. Because these guys know that they really have nothing to offer, they need to fake it in the beginning so that you fall in love fast.
These guys know that if you knew who they really were, you would never give him a chance. So, he treats you extremely well early on.
The male sociopath knows that once you’re in love with him, it will be much harder for you to leave him when you discover who he truly is.
This is why the woman who commits to a sociopath is usually new to the experience. It’s also very hard for a codependent woman to leave a man like this. She wants to be loved, she wants to “fix” him, she wants to live out the love story.
Once he has you “locked down” and in love, he’ll stop doing all these great things for you. His true self will slowly reveal itself. He will become nastier and nastier as the relationship continues.
And, since you’re scared to confront him about it, you’re actually enabling his shitty behavior towards you. He’ll fight you and abuse you physically and emotionally.
By continuing to keep this man as your boyfriend, you have become his enabler. If you don’t leave him at the first sign of abuse, then you only have yourself to blame the next time it happens. That is the truth!
Nothing Is Ever The Sociopath’s Fault
This is the trait that I find most entertaining about the sociopath because they all do it.
No matter how much of a piece of shit these guys are, they will ALWAYS play the victim. Nothing is ever their fault.
They will tell you story after story about how all the bad things that have happened in their lives were due to some other factor. Their parents, an ex-girlfriend, their boss, the government, etc.
Nothing is ever their fault. They love to be the victim.
But make no mistake: these victim stories are just another tool in their mind to put you under a spell. They know that the inexperienced women out there will believe him and feel sorry for all he went through.
It’s a load of crap, of course. But, this is why sociopath men get into relationships with inexperienced, weaker women. Why do you think most of my content is about teaching you stronger, better mindsets?
A strong, confident mentality is how you avoid the male sociopath like the plague. You’ll spot these men from across the room before he even gets a chance to smile at you.
I’ve known a lot of sociopath’s throughout my life and they always got these weaker girlfriends who think they’re his equal. They’ll defend the man despite the fact that he threw her against the wall the night before.
It’s completely illogical, and very sad. Sociopaths pick their victims well. They’ll manipulate you so hard that you won’t even realize it. You’ll be defending his abusive nature before you know it.
“He told me he’s never pushed a woman before. I believe him. He said he’s gonna go to anger management and deal with his problems.”
That is an actual quote a woman I know told me. She likes to think she’s this strong, independent woman… But, it’s obviously not true since she continues to try to work things out with him.
It shows you how weak and insecure this woman truly is.
Don’t be like my friend. In fact, I had to cut her off recently because it’s clear she doesn’t want to improve her situation. She complains all day about him, yet defends him the next moment. That is some low-quality behavior.
This is why you must focus on developing strong mindsets. Don’t even bother dating any men until you know that you can’t be charmed and manipulated.
Only then will you be ready to venture out into the dating world.
Sociopaths Love To Lie And Break The Rules
Here’s another fun red flag you’ll have to deal with if your boyfriend is a sociopath.
These men love to lie. They do it constantly. Plus, if something bad happens to them in their daily life, you’ll never know about it unless you find out on your own.
There are tons and tons of examples I could give you. Everything from cheating, to losing a job and not telling you, to being in debt and lying about it, to getting arrested or having a dui.
They’ll lie and hide their past from you as long as it takes. This is very troubling because it means your entire relationship has been built on lies.
What kind of man dates a woman for a long time without disclosing some very important truths about his past? A sociopath!
It’s important that you learn to trust your gut when it comes to dating a sociopath. If something feels off, it probably is.
People who lie will always give off a vibe that doesn’t feel right. Every moment you’re with them will feel as if they’re hiding something.
What you’re feeling is the Aura of Deception. It’s a dark energy that liars carry with them 24/7. This is why the sociopath man never finds true happiness in his life. He always feels empty and in pain.
Until the sociopath deals with his darkness and releases it to the world, he will never be capable of having a healthy relationship. He will continue to line up his victims throughout his entire life.
It’s through this dark energy that they have no problem being a Rule Breaker.
Everything from simple little things, to breaking some pretty serious laws. The sociopathic man has no problem breaking the rules to get ahead in life.
And, he’ll you down with him when it comes down to it.
There are other red flags to be on the lookout as well if you suspect your boyfriend is a sociopath. I’ll go into depth about these at a later point.
Be on the lookout for temper tantrums. I know a sociopath who will freak out like a little kid when he’s upset. He’ll slam doors, throw things across the room, knock over trash cans and more.
They also don’t feel guilt for the way they act. This is why they have no problem lying to you and breaking rules. He cheated on you? It wasn’t his fault! He only did it because you were being mean to him!
The sociopath relationship is much worse than a BPD relationship, in my opinion. It’s common to suspect that your boyfriend might have BPD when in fact he has something far worse (or a combination).
Ultimately, you’re probably a codependent woman if you continue to fall for these charming seducers. Codependents are always enabling their partner’s toxic, abusive behavior.
It’s why I am constantly writing about codependency and how it causes so much pain for men and women.
If you want, join my free email newsletter because I write emails about codependency and healthy relationship mindsets nearly every single day. You won’t find these writings on my blog.
Thanks for reading and please comment below if you have experience with a boyfriend who’s a sociopath.
What a coincidence
Was just going to email you on some mental crap I’m going thru with my relationship
This article just answered my questions
Yes I believe for sure now I’m dating a sociopath
I’ve never been thru so much mindfuckery and manipulation in all my life
I’ve been physically thrown out of the house and my things thrown after me
His actions are crazy
His thinking is distorted and rages are more and more.
I sometimes blame it on the pot he smokes but I no longer think that’s the case.
I just feel really depressed and confused right now.
It’s hard to pick myself up and get with the program.
I know I need to work on myself I just have no energy right now.
Thx for this article
It came at the right time
Glad to hear. These guys are the worst. Do yourself a favor and dump his lame ass, no matter how hard it may be. He will only get worse as the years go by.
A Amri says
Sounds more like the traits of a malignant narcissist to me. Sociopaths and psychopaths usually just mind their own business unless provoked. In which case there would be hell to pay because they will stop at nothing to even the score.
I think Mark Zuckerberg is a sociopath/psychopath. He’s very ruthless when it comes to achieving what he wants. But outside of that he leaves well enough alone. Just my two cents.
Well that’s the thing about these personalities, you can have a lot of combinations. But what I’ve written about here is what to expect from a sociopath BECAUSE they are 100% abusive. The same can’t be said about a narcissist. Most narcissists aren’t abusive, they’re just selfish. But, you can definitely be a sociopath narcissist.
Zuckerberg is 100% a narcissist. He’s not a sociopath from what I’ve seen because he’s not abusive, he’s not charming, he’s not a social butterfly, he isn’t a player, and he’s incredibly awkward lol. Sociopaths aren’t awkward. He’s also been with the same woman for years which rules out his sociopathy.
Patricia Fallis says
hi Rick as much as i do enjoy your newsletter im thinking you might need to delve a bit deeper here you are giving some really bad info . Sociopaths dont prey just on weak women trust me if anything they love to prey on very strong women weak women bore them immediately, and its much more exciting to them to destroy a very strong woman you see. I guess the reason its so very important to know the exact facts is because once you have fallen into the trap of one of these soulless bastards the hell on earth you are living or trying to get away from is in and of itself insanity . so to tell that woman the reason she has been the target of this evil jerk is because shes weak …..well then i guess its her own fault now isnt it?….maybe even deserves it for being so “weak”? do you see where im going with this? so maybe do some more research ok and these women werent weak before meeting the devil incarnate but the sure as hell are after he makes sure of it.
You can disagree all you want, but this article is based on my real-life experience with sociopaths. I encounter them all the time being in the business world. Plus, a lot of my lady friends deal with these dudes all the time as well. Like I said in the article, just assume every charming guy you meet is a sociopath. Chances are, he is. Men of quality, which I know many, are not really that charming because they value their time. They know their worth and they don’t go around trying to charm women. They don’t need to chase women. They attract quality women through their actions, not their words.
Sociopaths don’t succeed at all with quality, successful women. It just doesn’t happen. They only prey on women they perceive are weaker than them. This doesn’t mean you’re a weak woman. It simply means that in his eyes, he saw you as easy pickings, someone who would stick around and put up with his bullshit and abuse, and still give him sex (remember, all he cares about is himself).
These guys are insecure losers with a fragile ego. If you decide to get serious with this type of guy, you only have yourself to blame. There will be plenty of red flags early on way before you decide to get serious. So if all these red flags happen and you STILL commit to the guy, who’s fault is that?
I’ve updated the article to make this point about weakness more clear. Thanks for the comment!