LOL I CAN’T
I thought it would be a good time to take a ‘break’ and write to you about why being single does not suck and how if you use your time wisely, it’s the best time for learning and growing as an individual.
I believe that one of the most common errors we make is when we’re alone and bored, tired of going to bed by ourselves. It’s at these most vulnerable times when our emotions get the best of us and we make, as I like to say, poor choices.
Whether it’s texting or calling up an ex, going on Tinder and chatting with someone you’d never speak to in your right mind, diving into porn for a bit or going down the darker path looking for an escort of some sorts (this is way more common than you may think), these are poor choices driven by our bad mental state.
I actually enjoy my time being single as it’s not much different when I’m in a relationship and I’ll explain why in this article about how it DOES NOT suck to be single.
1. This Is Your Time To Develop Your Identity
It’s the times when we’re single where we really get a chance to do the things and get into the hobbies that we really want to get into. It’s the time to experience new things, go hard core in something and find passions.
This again is why mastering your emotions plays a key role in shaping your identity and who you are as an individual. Your emotions can either be the best part about you or the worst.
This is the reason why that new training module I created of knowing yourself is so damn important. The more you know yourself, your story, what you want, the journey that you’re on and where you’re going, the more capable you are of accomplishing goals and achieving higher levels of success.
This is the foundation of who you are.
Trying to gain traction and move up in the world before building your foundation is absolutely pointless. It’s like building a castle on top of sand. You’ll continue to get short-term results while the long-term, quality results seem rare and almost non-existent.
It’s why those Instagram ‘models’ you see posting pic after pic of their asses continue to complain about relationships year after year – their foundations are poor and thus they land low quality men. No surprise really (to me at least).
As a single man or woman, you should have more than enough time to ponder these questions and discover your true qualities. And then expand from there. Discover new experiences, continue to grow and shape your own reality.
When you find yourself in a relationship, don’t quit this path. Continue building on these things and further expanding your character. Your partner will love and respect you for it.
2. Dream Big and Change Your Self-Perception
I naturally carry a high self-perception of myself, and so should you. But I’m not a narcissist by any means because I’m actually a nice, genuine guy. I’m not an asshole or a douche to people. I do me and I worry about my own journey and not how other’s view me.
You should have this same perception as well. The more you view yourself as average or below average, the more you guarantee that you continue to attract and date below average people.
Have you read my article about the fear of abandonment? This fear really stems from the fear of the unknown, which means that you could possibly succeed and end up in a great situation. But with low self-perception, you sabotage yourself and ruin this success.
This is 100% mental training that only you can do. I can’t hold your hand and tell you what to do here, I’m not able to speak in your ear constantly and tell you to perceive yourself in a greater light.
What I can tell you is that all of the greatest peoples throughout history have always viewed themselves as different, someone that is destined for success. Just thinking this way alone brings you greater rewards in life. Your vibe and overall energy radiates better and people will simply enjoy your company at the very least.
3. Being Independent Is Good
I’m often asked what makes me different from everybody else and why I’m able to continue on this path no matter what happens. While there are many reasons for this which I openly share for free throughout my blog, the main reason is because I’ve learned how to become independent.
This wasn’t always the case. In fact, I used to be extremely codependent and extremely emotional. My reactions basically defined who I was and I always found myself in low quality relationships making bad decisions. By bad decisions I mean bad. I’ve had some insanely low points in my life.
Overall I’m thankful for all of these low points as I’m where I am today because of how low I’ve gone. Learning from my mistakes of the past, I’ve been able to push myself and hustle so hard to get to where I am now. And I’m not embarrassed at all because it just is what it is. I own who I am and that means I own my past.
You need to own up and take responsibility as well.
Responsibility is the beginning of being independent. We live in a Fast Food Nation, a world where everything can potentially be handed to us with a little bit of money. However, true success and happiness doesn’t come from any of that.
True independence is what brings you success in relationships, in your careers, in your health, in life. As a single individual, this is the time where you learn to become independent. You don’t need anybody else but yourself.
Take this time to really push yourself, to grow into someone that’s different, independent from the common course. As I always say, common is cliche. It’s boring and mundane.
4. Loneliness Is A Reflection Of Your Identity
“Loneliness is just a choice!” This is the common, new agey, Huffington Post style blogging advice about how you can simply choose to be happy and content with who you are. The ‘secret’ to being happy they say. It’s all huff and puff.
It’s like those people that read self-help book after self-help book thinking that the more they read this stuff, the more they’ll change and be done with all their problems.
That’s the biggest lie in the world of self-development and it continues to grow and grow.
It doesn’t surprise me though because the people that are out here on the internet writing this advice are just common, cliche people bored out of their mind.
While I may use a blog and write books just as these people do, the difference is that I don’t take the easy road to riches. It’s so easy to write a book and rehash everything else everybody says. To tell you to simply change your thought patterns and think differently.
The problem with this is that we humans aren’t wired that way! Our brains are very intelligent and our thought patterns are based on our past. The only way to change this thought pattern is to develop new habits that change our patterns over time.
Simply affirming to ourselves that we must ‘think positive, think positive’ is not enough. You actually have to be that person over time and build up these habits to think differently.
Again, it’s why building a new, solid identity and knowing yourself is the key in all of this. I don’t just sit here and perceive myself to be great because I want to believe it – it’s because I can look at my past successes over the last couple of years and say “Wow, I’ve really done some amazing things that most people will never experience. That’s fucking awesome!”
So if you’re feeling alone, dazed and confused, just remember the word FOUNDATION and use it to motivate yourself to get up and build a new, adaptable foundation.
5. On Self Love
“Just keep loving yourself! Put yourself first and love yourself because if you don’t love yourself first, you can’t love anybody else!!!”
Just more hypey, new age bullshit. While that statement may actually be true at it’s core, it’s another example of giving you fluff and hype instead of actually giving you real-world solutions.
But hey it’s really easy to say and it’s the popular way of teaching these days. It’s no surprise that most people out there teaching you to change your mind and thoughts and you’ll be on your way to success.
The problem again is that if your foundation sucks, if you’re trying to build a solid core on top of sand, all it takes is one minor wave to destroy everything you’ve built and send you back down into a spiral of depression and fears.
The theme this year for Reignite The Fire (and myself personally) is Fearlessness and Being Relentless.
This means going after what you want with no fear, and when you get it to keep on going. To go after more.
Self love comes out of self success. You begin to love yourself when you achieve goals and see that you’re really capable of getting what you want. This is why when you start building your foundation and working on the small little successes, you become more and more motivated because more and more doors begin to open for you.
Only then can you look at yourself in the mirror and say “Wow, I’m really doing some awesome shit and accomplishing a lot. Fuck yeah.”
There is no self-hype, there is no fake self-perception here. It’s all based on results which is exactly what I teach. So yes, it takes time to get there. But the good news is that you’re single and you have all the time in the world. So get going. The only person doubting you that actually matters is you.
6. Why Is Your Heart On Your Sleeve?
Last but not least (because this isn’t a step-by-step, linear process) is addressed to those of you that wear your heart on your sleeve and jump into commitments.
I used to be this same way, believe me. I’d meet a girl, things would blossom quickly, we’d be ‘in love’ for a while and I couldn’t imagine myself being happier.
Oh how so short-sighted I was, lol. Also known as the honey moon period, allowing yourself to be so easily swooned is a sign of just how much fear you actually carry.
Huh? How can you be living in fear when you’re so in love and happy with this person?
Because you fear being alone. You fear this state of loneliness more than anything.
Out of this deep state of fear, you overly commit giving all you’ve got to this person. Your world now revolves around this person and whatever state he or she is in, you find yourself in that state too.
The solution to this problem? It’s everything you’ve already read above. It’s building yourself a foundation you can be proud of, a place where you have no fear of being single and alone. Why? Because when you’re single and alone is when you grow and kick the most ass.
This has been a big read and I’m sure your mind might feel like it’s been thrown in a blender at the moment. I’ve basically turned the self-help world on it’s head and proven how flawed they are. I’ll probably get some hate for it but that’s fine because I’ve got thick skin.
I pour my heart and soul into these articles for you because this is who I am. I also have a free email newsletter where I send you educational and entertaining content. Definitely hop on this wagon if you haven’t done so already.
If you’ve enjoyed what you’ve learned here, then I highly suggest you take a look at what I’m working so hard to create at 3 am on Sunday mornings, lol.
2015 is the year of massive developments and there’s no better time to get started than RIGHT NOW. So make the best of it.