LOL I CAN’T
I thought it would be a good time to take a ‘break’ and write to you about why being single does not suck and how if you use your time wisely, it’s the best time for learning and growing as an individual.
I believe that one of the most common errors we make is when we’re alone and bored, tired of going to bed by ourselves. It’s at these most vulnerable times when our emotions get the best of us and we make, as I like to say, poor choices.
Whether it’s texting or calling up an ex, going on Tinder and chatting with someone you’d never speak to in your right mind, diving into porn for a bit or going down the darker path looking for an escort of some sorts (this is way more common than you may think), these are poor choices driven by our bad mental state.
I actually enjoy my time being single as it’s not much different when I’m in a relationship and I’ll explain why in this article about how it DOES NOT suck to be single.
1. This Is Your Time To Develop Your Identity
It’s the times when we’re single where we really get a chance to do the things and get into the hobbies that we really want to get into. It’s the time to experience new things, go hard core in something and find passions.
This again is why mastering your emotions plays a key role in shaping your identity and who you are as an individual. Your emotions can either be the best part about you or the worst.
This is the reason why that new training module I created of knowing yourself is so damn important. The more you know yourself, your story, what you want, the journey that you’re on and where you’re going, the more capable you are of accomplishing goals and achieving higher levels of success.
This is the foundation of who you are.
Trying to gain traction and move up in the world before building your foundation is absolutely pointless. It’s like building a castle on top of sand. You’ll continue to get short-term results while the long-term, quality results seem rare and almost non-existent.
It’s why those Instagram ‘models’ you see posting pic after pic of their asses continue to complain about relationships year after year – their foundations are poor and thus they land low quality men. No surprise really (to me at least).
As a single man or woman, you should have more than enough time to ponder these questions and discover your true qualities. And then expand from there. Discover new experiences, continue to grow and shape your own reality.
When you find yourself in a relationship, don’t quit this path. Continue building on these things and further expanding your character. Your partner will love and respect you for it.
2. Dream Big and Change Your Self-Perception
I naturally carry a high self-perception of myself, and so should you. But I’m not a narcissist by any means because I’m actually a nice, genuine guy. I’m not an asshole or a douche to people. I do me and I worry about my own journey and not how other’s view me.
You should have this same perception as well. The more you view yourself as average or below average, the more you guarantee that you continue to attract and date below average people.
Have you read my article about the fear of abandonment? This fear really stems from the fear of the unknown, which means that you could possibly succeed and end up in a great situation. But with low self-perception, you sabotage yourself and ruin this success.
This is 100% mental training that only you can do. I can’t hold your hand and tell you what to do here, I’m not able to speak in your ear constantly and tell you to perceive yourself in a greater light.
What I can tell you is that all of the greatest peoples throughout history have always viewed themselves as different, someone that is destined for success. Just thinking this way alone brings you greater rewards in life. Your vibe and overall energy radiates better and people will simply enjoy your company at the very least.
3. Being Independent Is Good
I’m often asked what makes me different from everybody else and why I’m able to continue on this path no matter what happens. While there are many reasons for this which I openly share for free throughout my blog, the main reason is because I’ve learned how to become independent.
This wasn’t always the case. In fact, I used to be extremely codependent and extremely emotional. My reactions basically defined who I was and I always found myself in low quality relationships making bad decisions. By bad decisions I mean bad. I’ve had some insanely low points in my life.
Overall I’m thankful for all of these low points as I’m where I am today because of how low I’ve gone. Learning from my mistakes of the past, I’ve been able to push myself and hustle so hard to get to where I am now. And I’m not embarrassed at all because it just is what it is. I own who I am and that means I own my past.
You need to own up and take responsibility as well.
Responsibility is the beginning of being independent. We live in a Fast Food Nation, a world where everything can potentially be handed to us with a little bit of money. However, true success and happiness doesn’t come from any of that.
True independence is what brings you success in relationships, in your careers, in your health, in life. As a single individual, this is the time where you learn to become independent. You don’t need anybody else but yourself.
Take this time to really push yourself, to grow into someone that’s different, independent from the common course. As I always say, common is cliche. It’s boring and mundane.
4. Loneliness Is A Reflection Of Your Identity
“Loneliness is just a choice!” This is the common, new agey, Huffington Post style blogging advice about how you can simply choose to be happy and content with who you are. The ‘secret’ to being happy they say. It’s all huff and puff.
It’s like those people that read self-help book after self-help book thinking that the more they read this stuff, the more they’ll change and be done with all their problems.
That’s the biggest lie in the world of self-development and it continues to grow and grow.
It doesn’t surprise me though because the people that are out here on the internet writing this advice are just common, cliche people bored out of their mind.
While I may use a blog and write books just as these people do, the difference is that I don’t take the easy road to riches. It’s so easy to write a book and rehash everything else everybody says. To tell you to simply change your thought patterns and think differently.
The problem with this is that we humans aren’t wired that way! Our brains are very intelligent and our thought patterns are based on our past. The only way to change this thought pattern is to develop new habits that change our patterns over time.
Simply affirming to ourselves that we must ‘think positive, think positive’ is not enough. You actually have to be that person over time and build up these habits to think differently.
Again, it’s why building a new, solid identity and knowing yourself is the key in all of this. I don’t just sit here and perceive myself to be great because I want to believe it – it’s because I can look at my past successes over the last couple of years and say “Wow, I’ve really done some amazing things that most people will never experience. That’s fucking awesome!”
So if you’re feeling alone, dazed and confused, just remember the word FOUNDATION and use it to motivate yourself to get up and build a new, adaptable foundation.
5. On Self Love
“Just keep loving yourself! Put yourself first and love yourself because if you don’t love yourself first, you can’t love anybody else!!!”
Just more hypey, new age bullshit. While that statement may actually be true at it’s core, it’s another example of giving you fluff and hype instead of actually giving you real-world solutions.
But hey it’s really easy to say and it’s the popular way of teaching these days. It’s no surprise that most people out there teaching you to change your mind and thoughts and you’ll be on your way to success.
The problem again is that if your foundation sucks, if you’re trying to build a solid core on top of sand, all it takes is one minor wave to destroy everything you’ve built and send you back down into a spiral of depression and fears.
The theme this year for Reignite The Fire (and myself personally) is Fearlessness and Being Relentless.
This means going after what you want with no fear, and when you get it to keep on going. To go after more.
Self love comes out of self success. You begin to love yourself when you achieve goals and see that you’re really capable of getting what you want. This is why when you start building your foundation and working on the small little successes, you become more and more motivated because more and more doors begin to open for you.
Only then can you look at yourself in the mirror and say “Wow, I’m really doing some awesome shit and accomplishing a lot. Fuck yeah.”
There is no self-hype, there is no fake self-perception here. It’s all based on results which is exactly what I teach. So yes, it takes time to get there. But the good news is that you’re single and you have all the time in the world. So get going. The only person doubting you that actually matters is you.
6. Why Is Your Heart On Your Sleeve?
Last but not least (because this isn’t a step-by-step, linear process) is addressed to those of you that wear your heart on your sleeve and jump into commitments.
I used to be this same way, believe me. I’d meet a girl, things would blossom quickly, we’d be ‘in love’ for a while and I couldn’t imagine myself being happier.
Oh how so short-sighted I was, lol. Also known as the honey moon period, allowing yourself to be so easily swooned is a sign of just how much fear you actually carry.
Huh? How can you be living in fear when you’re so in love and happy with this person?
Because you fear being alone. You fear this state of loneliness more than anything.
Out of this deep state of fear, you overly commit giving all you’ve got to this person. Your world now revolves around this person and whatever state he or she is in, you find yourself in that state too.
The solution to this problem? It’s everything you’ve already read above. It’s building yourself a foundation you can be proud of, a place where you have no fear of being single and alone. Why? Because when you’re single and alone is when you grow and kick the most ass.
This has been a big read and I’m sure your mind might feel like it’s been thrown in a blender at the moment. I’ve basically turned the self-help world on it’s head and proven how flawed they are. I’ll probably get some hate for it but that’s fine because I’ve got thick skin.
I pour my heart and soul into these articles for you because this is who I am. I also have a free email newsletter where I send you educational and entertaining content. Definitely hop on this wagon if you haven’t done so already.
If you’ve enjoyed what you’ve learned here, then I highly suggest you take a look at what I’m working so hard to create at 3 am on Sunday mornings, lol.
2015 is the year of massive developments and there’s no better time to get started than RIGHT NOW. So make the best of it.
Jenn McMillen says
Wow!!! I have always LOVED everything you’ve said and you have really opened my eyes in how to date a BPD person by setting boundaries and refusing to be treated like a puppet in order to maintain being respected. But I sincerely have to disagree with you on this! You are saying that self love comes from success and meeting goals? My ex-husband is Chief of Police and is now on his way to his 5th marriage. He has never been able to be happy from within, he always felt the need to go further. He always had that mentality of “I’ll be happy when…” I tried to get him to slow down and smell the roses along the way and learn to be content with who he was as a man, husband, father, etc. Now does that mean he shouldn’t continue setting more goals for himself such as working towards a doctorate, or working on issues or hobbies he always felt he could do better in? ABSOLUTELY NOT! But at some point in order to ever feel joy, you must be able to find a place of peace in your life in which you are able to feel gratitude instead of always trying to strive for that grass that you perceive is greener out there. I’m sorry to say, but he said he never felt wanted by his parents, however he was always acknowledged and praised for frames on the wall that he earned. In fact it’s one of the reasons our marriage didn’t work out, he didn’t see the problem with moving to another state that took a 3 hour flight to get there, in order to become chief. He left his daughter from a previous marriage behind, as well as his wife and two step children that he loved and who loved him. He plead for us to go with him, however I couldn’t take the kids away from their biological father. Anyway, for the first time i must say I disagree with you.
Well this article clearly went over your head. You’re proving my point with your comment. Where did you think that being a police chief and getting a bunch of titles means success? That’s just not the case, lol. You’re reading this article from the common popular belief that the more titles you acquire for your name, the more successful and happy you will be. Do you see how horrible of a mindset that is? You are basically PROVING how right I am with your comment, lol. Plus, married does not equal single so again, you really missed the point of this article. Everything I wrote in this article is basically proving how that path of moving up the chain of command and getting degrees and titles doesn’t mean shit for happiness. Joy does not come from peace and doing nothing, it comes from actually being happy with who you are and what you’re doing. Obviously your husband had no joy in his path in life. That’s not your fault so don’t blame yourself. He should have chosen a different path. So you’re basing your opinion on this failure of a man that leaves his daughter AND you for his shit career. Obviously your husband is a very low quality individual.
So again, thank you for proving my point :)
Great article once again! In the past year I’ve considered getting a convertible, but I realized that it would not make me happy so I humbled myself and stuck with a more modest car.
I read this article twice and my favourite part was the part about being fearless and relentless. For me being fearless has led to many new, interesting people coming into my life and being relentless has led me to travel to many incredible cities that I would never have considered a year ago.
Thank you Rick for these articles and your books! :)
No problem man thanks for the comment. Keep going! Sounds like you’re on a great path.
Being single will always Suck when there is no one to spend your life with.
Yeah if you’re an insecure, codependent, whiney little man then yes. Those types of men deserve to be single. No women should have to waste their time on those.
Most women are very Pathetic for your information which is the real reason why many of us good men are single , and why the hell should we ever blame ourselves anyway? Now with most women today being so very high maintenance, independent, selfish, spoiled, and very greedy, is a very excellent reason don’t you think? I would certainly say so.
Your definition of being “good” is simply flawed. I just posted a huge article about why the “good” guy fails in relationships. I really can’t stand that all these guys think they’re “good” guys. It’s just wrong on so many levels. You make it sound like high maintenance and independence is a bad thing when those are GREAT qualities to look for in women.
Amazing advice; Rick you are so on point.
Single And Not By Choice says
What a idiot you’re to make a comment like that especially when many of us men have a right to our own opinion. Don’t start a topic like this to begin with since this is a very completely different time that we now live in since most of us men that are still single today aren’t too blame with the kind of women that are now out there these days that are really making it very difficult for many of us trying to find love today.
This is a stupid comment. It’s easier than ever to find and date women today. With the internet at your disposal, you now have access to an unlimited amount of women. And if you don’t have the right attitude to get these women committed to you, then it’s 100% your own fault for that. You need to go through my courses and training if you’re always getting hurt by women
Wow, after 2 years constant obsessive reading about how to keep bounderies, how to detach emotionally, how to cope with gaslighting, how to manage manipulation, circular arguments, guilttrips, I came to this site and after five minutes I found myself navigating towards the self improving articles. Beside not to be able to deal with a PD relationship I always felt a littlebit more incapable that I just couldn’t follow simple lifechanging advises like: ‘think positive’ or ‘love yourself’. These articles make much more sense.
Nice :) Obviously there’s a lot more to it because you can’t just think yourself positively, but that’s where it all begins: knowing that you have control of your own destiny.
I’ll admit to being codependent and am actively working on that. The only aspect of being alone/single that I dread is the lack of affection/physical touch. I am a very sensual, affectionate woman and when I’ve been single in the past, that’s what I missed the most. It’s also a scientific fact that humans thrive more with affection/physical touch in their lives. How do you suggest I fulfill that aspect when alone for a long period of time?
I think everyone enjoys physical affection. That’s why people head to bars and look for a hook up! But I don’t do that… It’s all about self-control. But it’s also not hard to get out there and meet someone you want to be intimate with (well, unless you’re in a city full of flaming liberals).
Career women are the Worst kind of women to have a Relationship with since it is always about Money for them Unfortunately.
It is the type of women that are out there nowadays that are keeping many of us good men single unfortunately.
MGTOW is for beta males. You men just need to learn how to be alpha and play the game. It’s easier than ever to get women to fall for you these days due to online dating and text game and all that. Just practice and get good at the game!
And why shouldn’t being single suck when you don’t have that special someone to share your life with? It really does suck when all your friends are settled down and have their own life altogether. Right? Right. And by the way there are many of us good men unfortunately that keep meeting the WRONG WOMEN all the time instead of just ONE GOOD WOMAN to make us very happy. And i was married at one time which i was a very happy man at that time which i really did show her a lot of love and respect and was very committed to her as well and it still wasn’t good enough for her anyway. Just remember which you can’t really stop a woman from being a real Whore these days since many of these women have certainly Destroyed many of us good men already and we never did anything Wrong in the first place for this to happen to us too. So the bottom line here is that had many of us men really met the RIGHT WOMAN from the very beginning which i just mentioned this already it would’ve been an open and shut case already since many of us good innocent men really AREN’T to blame here.
You just said that most of these women are WHORES these days, and yet you also say that all your friends are settled down and have their life together. So which one is it? Do you really think all your friends are happy and their relationships are going great? Because I can assure you that they are not.
Everything happens for a reason. If you’re single, it’s probably for the best. Therefore, enjoy the times that are given to you. It could be much worse.
First of all i keep meeting the WRONG WOMEN all the time instead of just one good one to make me happy since MOST women nowadays like rich men anyway since they will never be able to ACCEPT a man for himself. And what i mean by that is even though many of us men don’t make a lot of money women just don’t want men that make less money than they make since many women unfortunately are very selfish, spoiled, and very greedy altogether now more than ever since they really think they’re all that today which they’re very pathetic come to think of it unfortunately. I did mentioned this with my last comment already. Most women don’t even have respect for us men anymore when you try to start a conversation with them since they will be very nasty to us for NO REASON at all since i had this happened to me all ready which MOST of these type of women are complete psycho’s nowadays. Trying to start a conversation with a woman that we would like to meet has become so very DANGEROUS today since i know friends that had the very same thing happened to them as well since their NOT as innocent that you may think they’re. So how can us good men meet a good woman when so many of them nowadays are like this? And it is very obvious why many of us good innocent men are still single today since we really have no reason at all to BLAME ourselves to begin with since MOST of the women of today are really to BLAME since it does take two to tango.
This is a really dumb comment and it shows how flawed a lot of men are with their thinking towards women. The reason you struggle with women is simply because you don’t know anything about them. I get women ALL the time and yet I NEVER disclose how much money I make. In fact, I purposely downplay my wealth and come across as very low middle class. I am very frugal. And yet, women love me. Why? Because I’m VERY VERY INTERESTING. So, you’re simply just wrong about the money thing. I have MORE successful with the 9/10 women because these women don’t give a crap about money — they have enough guys throwing money at them. These women want a LEGIT guy who actually understands the world she lives in. Why do you think I’m a mindset coach? Because all the mindsets I teach connect with top level women ;)
You only have yourself to blame for being a very basic guy. If you have nothing going for you other than being a “good” guy, then of course you’re going to get rejected left and right. Women don’t care about how good you are — they really only care about how cool and fun and cultured you are.
Hey Rick, being very honest here since lets face it which there are many women nowadays that are always sleeping around with different men all the time unfortunately. Does that make these type of women real angels then? I wouldn’t say so. I would say that most of the women in the old days weren’t like that at all which it did make love very easy to find back then since it was a very completely different time altogether. Too bad those days are gone though.
It’ funny when I get comments like this. What makes you think that “many women are always sleeping around all the time”? Like where do you come up with this stuff? I talk to a LOT of beautiful women and the common theme women seem to have these days is that they haven’t gotten laid in a long time because most guys suck, lol. So I’m not sure where you’re seeing all these sexual girls, but I definitely don’t see it. Maybe in Vegas that’s the case, but even then, those girls go to Vegas to get laid… and then they go home and go for another year without getting dinked.
Well since most women today are very busy sleeping around with different men all the time, that would certainly explain it. Right? Right. So how would these women be able to commit to only one man? Especially since most women nowadays that like to party all the time and get real wasted. If i had been given a choice which i definitely would’ve been married with a family already since i will admit that i really hate being single. And i know friends that are still single too and wish that they could’ve been married as well. Too bad that many of us men weren’t born in the old days when real love was very easy to find back then since most of the women were real ladies at that time. Too bad their all gone though.
Well that’s why I talk about how important it is to work on your attractiveness and your alpha vibes. These are the things that attract women and make women not only want to sleep with you, but want to BE with you for the long haul. Trust me bro, I’m not that attractive (I’m short), but I’m witty, I’m in good shape, I’m confident, and I’ve got alpha vibes. If you give me 30 minutes with any woman, she will be interested in seeing me again even if she has a BF. That’s the power of developing the skills that I teach.