Lately I’ve been talking about these “Attraction Triggers” which are basically all you need to know if you want a healthy relationship.
These triggers go back thousands of years. They are the instincts we have as humans.
We cannot help who we are attracted to. The reason for this are these triggers.
If you understand these attraction triggers, you can keep your man or woman interested in you for as long as you live.
To confirm these truths, one of my lady readers wrote in with her side of things.
If you’re a man, pay attention to what she says (my comments are in italics like this):
What Women Want In A Man
Yes yes and yes. From a woman’s perspective, the three attraction triggers absolutely make sense. Well done.
I was married for 7 years, then had a 10 year relationship with his replacement. I discovered that I was always doing their laundry and cooking and cleaning and being whatever they wanted me to be…a merrry maid…along with having a full time job.
I was miserable.
I would come home every night and each guy would basically ask me what was for dinner while they are already plopped on the couch, remote in hand. One day I had had enough…
I realized it’s not them it’s me…despite the old cliche, it was true. I lost my self respect because I kept wanting to make everyone else happy. Who had I become? Who was I? So they have been dumped. And now I am free. And happier than I have been in years.
Of course I had, after that, a May through September romance with a bpd guy with whom I worked. Hence I turned to the internet, and your manual, for help. This maniac was my rebound, I think. I knew he was nuts…
Well, after being verbally and mentally abused and threatened physically, I decided that I needed to run to protect myself from ending up in a body bag, as my girlfriend put it. He is very volatile. Mix with alcohol, he becomes dangerous.
I was scared for my life not once but a few times. He reminded me of my father, actually. So I ran for the hills, just as I did when I was 17 and left home for good. Abuse, in any shape or form, is bad for the soul.
But now that I am on my own again, (history really does repeat itself,) I am searching for my Shangri-la for my soul… by learning to love myself again and listen to my self. Who am I and what do I want? Furthermore, what do I want in a potential partner?
Anyway, here’s my take on the three P’s of Attraction that you talk about:
Provide: Respect and Equal Work in a Relationship
And help around the kitchen. I don’t mean cook for me if you’re a lousy cook, but if you see me coming home then at least boil some water for pasta, it’s the least you can do. I’m not looking for a chef (although that may not be a bad idea…)
Provide help. Remember when it’s garbage day. Make an effort.
It’s not about how much money you make, it’s about what you bring to the table to help balance the relationship. Partners are supposed to be there for each other.
My Comments: A lot of men think that providing means to buy her stuff. To take her out. To spend money on her and make her feel special.
But here’s the thing…
Simply being with a woman automatically puts you in that provider role. Even if you are opening up a can of peanut butter for her, you are providing for her. A man’s presence in a woman’s life has placed you in this provider role 24/7.
The simple fact is that women NEED men. You don’t need to offer her gifts or take her out all the time to prove that you care about her, or to show that you can provide for her and make her happy – she already knows that you are the provider.
Most men actually make things worse by trying to do too much. So think about this and scale back if you feel like you’re doing too much. As a man in a relationship, you are already sacrificing yourself every single day. And that’s okay! But no need to overdo it.
In fact, a woman starts to lose respect for her man when she realizes that the man doesn’t think he’s providing enough for her. That’s when the man starts doing too much. And the woman loses interest.
Protect: Respect My Freedom and Individuality
There is nothing worse than a mundane relationship because the other partner is miserable with themselves.
It’s another way of saying respect each other’s space. I am not looking for you try to rescue me as if I were a damsel in distress; this is not the Renaissance.
I do not need a bodyguard to follow me around everywhere or come to every gathering I have with my friends. Protect me from yourself if you are miserable by walking away.
Don’t bring your negative vibes my way and complain all day long about your problems at work. People bring problems from home to work and vice versa. Not good. I should know; I have been there, done that.
My Comments: The reality of some women is that they actually enjoy the distress in their lives. Her life without chaos is uncomfortable.
This doesn’t apply to every woman, but there are a lot of them out there who are uncomfortable when things are calm. But this is okay as long as you’ve been following what I teach for awhile now.
In this day and age, the only way a woman can truly test a man to see if he’s capable of protecting her is whether or not the man respects himself (there’s that word again, respect. It always comes up).
This is why women give you bullshit. They purposely give you shit to see how much shit they can give you. They want to see how much you’ll tolerate, if you’ll bend your rules and go against your word.
Being active and keeping yourself in shape is also very important, in my opinion (especially if we’re talking about instinctual attraction triggers). The more lean you are, the more fit and healthy, the more attractive you’ll be to a woman. Simple as that.
So make healthy eating and weight lifting a priority in your life. You won’t regret it. Ignore all the idiot pua’s and “experts” who say looks don’t matter. They do matter if you want an attractive woman who respects herself, and god didn’t bless you with the best genetics. Get in the gym. Get lean.
Produce: Your Strength of Character
Be a man. Not a mouse. We all have insecurities. Deal with them.
If you are thinking of being my partner, than be honest to yourself first. You can be whoever you want to be. Do what makes you happy. I cannot provide happiness for you. This is not the merry maids service any longer.
Those questions men have about “was it good for you?” or “am I the best you’ve ever had?” are a complete turn off and a true sign of self-doubt and even self-loathing.
Don’t bring that to the table. Be happy with who you are. Face your fears. Face your mouse. Grow up.
My Comments: Think about it from a woman’s perspective… Does she want her kid to be a man, or a little wimp? The way you carry yourself around a woman will answer this question for her. In fact, her subconscious will answer it on her own. She won’t even have to think about it.
It’s purely instincts. And these instincts go back thousands of years, way beyond what most of today’s “experts” are talking about.
Self-doubt is the opposite of power. I want you to keep a mental note of this. When you doubt, you let go of all responsibility. And when you give this up, you give away all of your personal power.
Women want a man to be powerful in both a physical sense and an emotional sense. If anything, work on your emotional power first. It’s more important than your physical power and presence.
But do not neglect your physical presence and power because as I stated above, it’s important as well. It shows a woman you value yourself. And the better you feel about yourself, the more confident you are.
She Met A Guy Who Gets It
So I met a guy in October who actually likes what he does. The positive vibe he puts forth is such a turn on. We have been texting back and forth and finally got together last week.
I felt like a grown woman for the first time… Ever. I’m Confident and strong. And I did what made me happy.
I wasn’t worried about giving him what he wanted. I took what I wanted. I am woman; hear me roar, lol!
And so, thanks for the emails and the pep talks. They do work. This “happiness comes from within” stuff is true.
As I always say, a woman values her partner’s self-respect more than anything.
It doesn’t matter whether you’re a man or a woman – if you don’t put yourself first, then your partner won’t either.
Once your partner sniffs out your lack of strength, your lack of self-worth, your lack of self-respect, your relationship is donezo.
So don’t let this happen.
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– Rick Reynolds