Have you ever asked yourself the question, “Am I too intimidating to date? Do people thing I’m hard to approach? Is my personality too strong for relationships?”
Well, the fact that you’re reading this article probably means that you’ve asked yourself these questions more than once. I know I have.
I’ve been told I have a strong personality. Women have told me over the years that I give off an intimidating vibe. I’m okay with this as I’ll explain below.
So, I’ve grabbed a bunch of common signs to think about to see if you’re actually too intimidating for a relationship.
I’ll do what I can to help you break out of this defeatist mindset. At the end of the day, I’m a mindset coach with a focus on better relationships and dating.
Perhaps you’re surrounded by friends and family members who have a strong personality. This can also lead you to have irrational thoughts about yourself.
You might be afraid of opening yourself up to others. Appearing weak is a fear you may have.
All I can do is provide you with several common signs to look for. I hope you learn something that will help you with your intimidating date issues. Let’s dive in!
You Give Off A ‘Cold’ Vibe
More often than not, people will feel intimidated you based off of your body language. This is something that you are unconscious of most of the time.
It’s how you walk, talk, and hold yourself throughout the day.
While you may not be a cold person at all, you may still be giving off the type of vibe that says, “I’m not interested so don’t waste your time.”
If you walk into a date with this type of cold vibe, you can all but guarantee that the person sitting across from you is going to feel as if you’re not interested.
But here’s the twist:
I personally give off a cold vibe because I don’t feel like meeting people on a regular basis.
I believe in quality over quantity. It’s important that I turn away most people who are intimidated by me. I personally only want people who like my intimidating vibe to want to date me.
From my own personal experience, the women I end up dating are all strong, independent types. They’re usually entrepreneurs and go after what they want.
These types of women are great for relationships. So, if you feel like you’re giving off a cold vibe, don’t be so quick to hate yourself for it. I don’t think it’s a negative thing.
On the other hand, if you’re giving off some sort of cold, creepy vibe, then you definitely need to work on that. No one wants to date a creep.
The World Wants You To Be Weak
Did you know that the world would be a much better place if everyone had a strong personality? It’s true.
Instead, social conditioning has made most men and women weak. We’re taught to be passive and cold towards others.
I live in Seattle and it’s famous for its “seattle freeze“. This is a term that people who move here use for the dating environment because most people up here give off a cold, don’t-talk-to-me vibe.
This isn’t the confident, intimidating vibe that I was talking about above — this is an insecure, cold vibe that people give off in this city.
Because most people in this city can’t think for themselves, they fall victim to the social conditioning. It makes them insecure and hard to approach. Nearly every woman I’ve met who’s from Seattle has major insecurity and happiness issues. It’s no surprise that the dating scene here is very poor.
What causes this “freeze” from people?
It’s social conditioning. Seattle has always tried to be a “progressive” city. But, the idea of being “ahead of everybody else” creates this insecure belief in that you think you’re better than everybody around you.
It’s a very weak, insecure mindset. It’s no surprise that BPD studies are very popular in the Seattle area.
Luckily, there’s a ton of people from out of state who are fun and secure with themselves. They bring the fun to the city.
Years of this conditioning creates a mentality of weakness. This can make you codependent. Codependent relationships are a serious problem in today’s society.
You Aren’t A Fan Of Small Talk
One of my core values is that I’m a ‘no bullshit’ guy. This means that I don’t waste my time with things that I consider to be B.S.
What are these you ask? Off the top of my head these things would be:
- Fluff conversations
- Talking about things I don’t care about
I’m sure there’s plenty more, but these things come to my head immediately. I cannot stand anyone who is dramatic. You’ll find me walking away and doing something else the second someone brings drama into my presence.
I’d rather be single than date a dramatic woman. This is one of my strongest core values.
There have been plenty of times in relationships where I’ll leave my girl’s house or kick her out due to drama. It is the biggest turn off.
As a result, many women with BPD I’ve dated have told me that I am intimidating to date.
It’s ridiculous because all they’re really saying is that they can’t be their usual dramatic self around me. I won’t come running to their rescue. In fact, I’ll send them home if they annoy me enough.
Do you believe you’re intimidating to date because of people telling you that? If so, perhaps you give too many fucks to the words that people say.
You Warm Up To People SLOWLY
Most people believe that being an introvert is a negative. I beg to differ. In fact, I would make the argument that living life as an introvert is a better way to live.
Because you don’t need other people to make you feel better about yourself.
This is the problem that extroverts have. If they aren’t out socializing, they can feel depressed. Their self-worth takes a massive hit. They start to feel insecure.
It’s clearly a terrible mindset because you believe you’re not good enough on your own. Instead of taking your time to let people into your life, you gladly accept anyone who opens up to you.
This can be disastrous when it comes to your dating life. When you easily let people into your life, you risk letting in the wrong types of people. Next thing you know, you’re dating a sociopath who gives zero fucks about you.
The most successful and happy people I know are always introverted-extroverts. They never engage with some random person off the street or in the club.
You need to view yourself as a high-quality individual. Yes, you’ll come off as snob, but that’s just another way of saying that you’re intimidating.
It’s a good thing so don’t feel bad about it! If people give you shit for it, ignore them. They obviously don’t know what it’s like to view yourself as a valuable individual.
And that’s really the key.
Stop viewing yourself as too intimidating to date. Instead, view yourself as a high-valuable individual who doesn’t make it easy to let people into your life.
People need to earn your respect. Never forget!