It’s been a busy week for me and so I’m a little late bringing you this post. I definitely want to provide you all with more than one article per week so I hope I can free up some time in the future to do this.
With the holidays approaching, it’s no better time to talk about relationship drama. From about October to around April, I notice a large uptick in the amount of relationships people get into. Call it the relationship season if you will.
Then around April or Spring time, people tend to break up. This is personally what I’ve noticed. I seem to believe it’s due to summer traveling and other vacation plans that tend to split people apart as well as the fact that it’s getting warmer and people are doing things.
Today’s article is for those of you that are dealing with drama in relationships and you want to somehow fix things and make them better. I’ve got 7 tips for you so let’s dive in!
1) You can’t “help” people with their own personal issues
A common problem in relationships is that both you and your partner may be bringing in your own personal issues. Whether it’s due to trust issues from a previous relationship, some sort of abuse, upbringing, etc. we all have issues.
The problem is when we let these dramatic issues affect the relationship. Like for example if you’re in a BPD relationship, your partner is most likely bringing a lot more issues to the surface than you are.
So a normal response for you may be to try to help your partner solve these problems so the relationship can be better. Well, this is a mistake. By trying to ‘help’ your partner, you’re leaving your own needs behind and basically allowing this behavior to continue.
The only type of ‘help’ you should be doing is being firm and setting boundaries. Don’t feel that you need to let your partner get away with treating you poorly just because they have issues.
2) Learn to put yourself first
To continue along the thread above, you need to put yourself first. When your focus is on solving your partner’s drama and issues, you lose track of your own needs and your own growth.
As I consistently teach, your number 1 habit should be daily, consistent growth. Each and every day you should be working on growing your knowledge, your passions, your skills, etc.
Make sure you have time for you. You are the most important person in your life – not your partner. That may come at a shock for you. But when you put yourself first and you’re not afraid to put your foot down, it’s easy to put an end to the drama.
3) You can move on without them
So continuing on my point above, if you find that you haven’t been able to find any time for yourself with all the constant drama going on, then maybe the best idea is for you to take a break.
Listen closely to me here – being able to walk away from a toxic environment is one of the most powerful things you can do for yourself. It sends a big message when you’re willing to walk away. So you need to ask yourself if you really need this person in your life at the moment?
You need to care about your own well-being. Relationships are 50/50.
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If you find yourself constantly trying to fix your relationship, then you’re putting a lot more into it than your partner.
4) Stop pretending consistent drama is okay
Are you passive when it comes to all the drama in your relationship? Or do you rage back and try to shut things down? In my opinion, both of these are incorrect ways to handling drama.
However, if I had to pick one, I would say that it’s better to ‘fight fire with fire’ instead of remaining passive. Passive behavior just doesn’t ever really help things in a relationship. What I mean by passive is by trying to be ‘nice’ just to make things better, going out of the way for your partner when they don’t deserve it, etc.
If you feel like you’re constantly walking on egg shells, then you’re in a toxic relationship. You’re in a situation where you’ve allowed yourself to be placed in this passive corner. You’ve lost all power and control and anything you do seems to set off alarms.
5) Learn to speak your mind
Following the point above, don’t be passive about what you want to say. Learn to speak up and speak what’s on your mind. Keeping your feelings bottled up is basically lying to your partner. You’re adding drama to the relationship by not being honest.
Now with all that said, there are right ways to speak up and wrong ways to speak up. A lot of my personal coaching is about this but an example is to speak up with a logical argument. Using a logical argument to speak your mind is only going to cause more drama because all your partner has to do is disagree and say you’re wrong. And that’s that.
Your partner will just continue to be more and more illogical when you try to speak up with logic. Logic is boring and I tend to stay away from it. It has it’s uses but I don’t use it for the most part unless my partner is calm and she’s being logical as well. Never fight illogical behavior with logical statements.
6) Learn to put your foot down
I don’t mean to literally put your foot down and yell at your partner (though that can work), but what I mean here is to find your strength. This is why I stress that you focus on developing your core values. I talk a lot about core values in all of my programs.
The more you know yourself, the less drama you’ll experience in relationships. Period. The reason for this is because when you’re sure of yourself and you know your strength, you naturally have boundaries of what you’ll stick around with.
You can’t let a person’s insecurities, their issues affect you personally. The more insecure a person is, the more they’ll throw their shit on you. Learn to be strong and let that shit roll off your shoulders.
7) Don’t take relationship drama personally
As said above, toxic behavior is just a reflection of themselves. Haters gonna hate as they say. So when your partner is throwing needless drama at you that’s undeserved, don’t take it personally.
There’s so many skills to handle this but one way that I do it is I fight drama back with funny, sometimes asshole behavior. But it always comes off in a fun, almost flirty way. It basically shows that I’m unaffected by your bullshit and I actually find it quite funny.
When I’m an asshole about it, I like to show that I’m not afraid to leave the relationship. I don’t mind being single. You want to bring this drama onto me, then shit I won’t be with you anymore. Good luck with that, go find a partner that will. That’s my attitude.
At the end of the day, it’s really about knowing yourself and what you will and will not allow. Like I said above, I’m not afraid to be single. I really have no problem being single and if a girl wants to throw her drama on me, then shit either I’ll leave or I’ll have fun with it.
If you enjoyed this article, then I recommend you check out my program Better BPD Relationships course.
This article is a straight up, no fluff intro to how I handle toxic, dramatic relationships. It’s the stuff that’s helped me find success.
What other ways do you know that help fix relationship drama?