People have been struggling in relationships since the beginning of time, right? Even after thousands of years, men and women continue to struggle figuring out how to date in their current society.
Some people get it pretty well, but most people struggle. I really believe that it just has to do with a lack of real knowledge and experience. Some people get more experience than others, some people spend a lot of time learning and working on themselves.
Then you have others that don’t spend any time on themselves and simply go with the flow and hope for the best. If you’re the type of person that continues to live the same way year after year, then this could be a big reason why you’re not getting the relationship success you wish you could have.
To continue my pattern of lists, here are 7 relationship truths that you need to attach deep within your core and remind yourself how important they are to remember:
1. Appreciate What You Have While You Have It
One of the most common errors we have in today’s society is never appreciating what we currently have in life. You may feel that life just isn’t fair to you and you wish you could have the gifts that everyone around you seems to have.
While I believe that it’s very important to always be thinking about your future and working hard to reach your goals, you need to understand that life can change rapidly at any given moment. Things can change at a rapid pace for good or for worse, so holding negative thoughts about your present self is only a recipe for disaster.
I know that life isn’t fair. I’ve had my fair share of horrible experiences while I’m sure that you have as well. But I also know that I could take die tomorrow from some random accident. Because of this truth, I consciously work hard to limit the amount of negative emotions in my brain such as regrets, ‘what ifs’ and other feelings that don’t benefit me.
This is why I teach so adamantly that you have a passion, a goal that you’re always working towards. This is what will keep your head up and cause you to hustle consistently. You may be in a toxic relationship at the moment, but educating yourself and learning more skills will help you in the future.
2. Learn To Take Action On Your Thoughts
They say that the difference between those that succeed and those that don’t is an incredibly small margin meaning that successful people simple take that one extra step further than everybody else.
It’s one thing to think about what you want in your life and to actually go out and get it. I think a big misconception here is that most people are constantly thinking about the big picture. While it’s good to have that big goal in your head, it’s equally important to make realistic steps that you can take now to get you moving forward.
Productivity is a subject that’s very important to me as I believe that making you more productive in your goals can lead to high levels of confidence and success, which ultimately leads to happiness and great relationships even if you date a BPD.
3. Learn How To Be Productive
And to continue with the truth above, learning to be productive is much, much different than being busy. I know many people that are ‘busy’ all the time but never seem to really accomplish anything. I know that I feel this way at times and I’m sure you can relate.
What does it mean to be productive? I believe that it means knowing how to prioritize the most important tasks in your life on a daily basis. We all have a ton of stuff going on in our lives at all times that we wish to accomplish, but there’s never enough time to do anything.
Add that with the fact that there seems to be more tasks added onto our plate on a daily basis and procrastination begins to set in. Time and procrastination are our enemies. Learning how to prioritize your time as best as possible is a habit that you need to master. Pick out the tasks that are realistic that you can complete today and get started on them first thing.
Becoming a man or a woman that’s consistently productive will make you extremely attractive. Relationships are healthy when you’re productive, end of story.
4. Some Relationships Simply Won’t Work
While I would love to tell you that you can fix your relationship and make things work in the long run, it would be a lie for me to say that I guarantee you can fix your relationship. The reality is that your partner may simply not be a good match for you.
Whether this is due to your lack of knowledge, skills and experience depends on your relationship situation which I simply don’t know (and one of the benefits of my coaching program). The reason I stress to always be working on improving yourself is because the more you know who you are, your core values, what you want in life, your purpose and passions, the more specific type of partner you’ll attract.
The more specific type of partner you attract will be someone that can relate to who you’ve become. They’ll most likely be on a similar path as you. One of the reasons I’m able to date all kinds of women is because I know exactly who I am, what I want and my path in life. Women naturally like men like this (even the BPD’s) and they rarely if ever create drama with me.
Does this mean that if you learn the skills and knowledge you can date anybody? No way! There will be a lot of people that live in a much smaller bubble, less knowledge and less experiences that you won’t even want to date them. You can definitely outgrow your partner which is why I constantly stress that you find a man or woman that really values self- improvement and growth.
5. You Will Make Mistakes. Learn To Forgive Yourself
This is one of the most important truths of all out there, especially when it comes to dating and relationships!
A lot of people live a life where they go with the flow. While I believe it’s important to enjoy the present and be happy for what you have, it’s more important to learn from your past mistakes, forgive yourself for these mistakes, and look forward to the future that you’re building.
I’m really not on the whole ‘life is about the present’ Eckhart Tolle idea that you hear a lot online. Our present moments give us an opportunity to do one thing: to be productive so that we can succeed in the future. Living in the present is good advice if you’re holding on to past regrets and being unable to forgive yourself, but once you learn from your mistakes and move on, there’s no point in ‘being present’ all the time.
If you’ve got a hard ego, you’re going to find this part difficult. But hey, we’re human and we all make mistakes. I’ve failed over and over and over again which is exactly why I succeed. My screw ups are countless, my botched relationships, my career fails, I dropped out of college and I spent years playing video games.
Yet here I am today almost 30 years old and reaching new levels of success with an inner confidence that I never felt was possible. This is all achievable when you take accountability for your mistakes and you forgive yourself.
6. Learn To Forgive Before Getting An Apology
This is another truth that is on the same page as above. While I do think it’s important to kill your ego and just start taking responsibility for things (even if you believe that it isn’t your fault – take responsibility anyway), there will be people in your life that do hurt you and cause pain.
As hurt as you may be, take this time to forgive. This doesn’t mean you shoot a text over to your partner telling them that you forgive them. It means that you make a conscious decision in your heart to truly forgive these people, as hard as it may be.
This is a biggy when it comes to relationships because most people tend to hold on to pain from the past. They can be deep rooted events that happened to you from childhood all the way to your current relationship. I will sit down from time to time and write out all of my feelings, events, people, etc. that I need to forgive (including myself). It really helps me to spend time and write them all out on a sheet of paper and then verbally forgive. You should definitely try this exercise as it’s one I share with my coaching students.
7. Stop Depending On Love From Other’s And Instead Love Yourself
And last but not least is the biggest truth of all: learning to love yourself and being content with who you are is the foundation to a happier, healthy life full of great relationships.
While being in love can be amazing, it can have the opposite effect when you’re searching for this love in somebody else. You don’t love yourself which means you actually don’t feel capable of giving love. Therefore, you seek the wrong kind of love in a partner.
This leads to a toxic, dramatic relationship full of ups and downs. There’s a reason BPD seems to be more common than ever these days and it’s due to the fact that most people don’t know how to make this truth reality – most people simply don’t know how to love themselves.
And I totally understand. I didn’t love myself for the longest time, and it’s still a struggle for me at times. It’s something I work very hard at. If I don’t feel productive, then I begin to lose confidence in myself. This just makes me more and more less happy with who I am and I start to doubt my path.
Do you feel that you’re not adequate? Like life is beating you up and you’re struggling to just feel content? Then the solution here is to start spending your spare time working on productivity to accomplish even the smallest of tasks that will help you feel like you’re making progress. We humans need to feel like we’re moving forward. This is why CEO’s that make millions continue to work even when they don’t ever need to work another day in their life.
There’s a lot of truths about relationships that you’ll find online. My website here has many of them. But these 7 relationship truths are what I believe you should hold in your head constantly.
Write them down, do what you need to do to keep them in your mind. It’s great that you’re doing research right now by reading this article. You’re increasing your knowledge which means you’re being productive towards self-improvement. The next step is to figure out what tasks you need to do going forward so you can see positive, healthy changes in your intimate relationships.
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