Having issues in your relationship? Looking for a quick guide that will show you 6 ways to improve your relationship starting today? That just happens to be the exact topic for today’s lesson.
I’ve got 6 strategies right here that you should immediately put to use so that you can see some improvement in your love life. These are directly what I learned to pull me out of some tough situations and I know they’ll help you as well.
I have a lot of experience dating some of the wildest, crazy women out there. If it weren’t for these lessons, I’d still be depressed and unhappy. I would have stayed in my hole and deteriorated until I became nothingness. Lame!
I have a free mini-guide which is all about the #1 mistake you’re probably making in relationships. it’s really this one mistake that causes your lover’s to disrespect you and ultimately leave you. Get it here:
I’ll send the free guide to your inbox. Check it out after you go through these lessons. Let’s dive in!
Relationships Are About Responsibility
I think the hardest part for men and women to understand and accept is the idea that you need to accept responsibility for everything that happens in your life. Because most of us have very fragile egos, it’s much easier to throw responsibility onto other people or events.
As an example, my buddy of mine is trying to prevent a break up with his girlfriend. After 5 weeks of dating, she pushed him away and has been “busy” lately. She doesn’t have time to see him, she says…
Instead of taking responsibility for her pulling away like this and giving him the cold shoulder, he instead places the blame on these video games that he’s been playing for the last few weeks. He told me that games occupied too much of his time lately.
I had a good chuckle about this, but it’s actually a serious issue. He keeps saying “These damn video games, they ruin everything!” He put all the responsibility on these games, instead of himself.
If he would own and accept this problem, he would probably be able to improve the situation with his girl. But it could be too little, too late for him. Hard to say at this point. But women in general don’t like to date men who can’t take responsibility.
This friend of mine is very bad at taking responsibility for things in general. It’s really no surprise that he’s throwing the blame at these games instead of himself. And if he wasn’t a gamer, it would just be something else that he would blame.
When it comes to more serious relationships like BPD, you need to start to take responsibility for the things that happen in your life. This doesn’t mean you blame yourself. But you need to take responsibility.
Own the choices you have made in life including all of the mistakes.
Forgive Painful, Emotional, Traumatic Events of the Past
This is another vital relationship strategy you need to do starting immediately. We all have had experiences in our past that we wish never happened. There are people and events and experiences that we regret. This is just how life is.
This is an issue that codependent relationships seem to struggle with. A lot of codependents carry deep pains from past relationships and events from an earlier time.
Perhaps someone hurt you so bad and you can’t seem to forget about this person (even when it’s years later).
This is because you haven’t forgiven the past. Instead of being open and free and expressive in the present moment, you’re closed-off, fearful and worries due to the past.
As important as it is to forgive the people of the past, it is just as important to forgive yourself for the pain that festers inside of you.
One of the main reasons men and women have difficulty moving on from the past is that they bury the pain deep inside of them. They have great difficulties forgiving both the people that hurt them as well as themselves.
If you remember Elliot Rodger, the UCSB shooter, he stated many times that the way women treated him was simply unforgivable. This belief manifested into hatred over time and it consumed his soul. The rest is history.
Learn to forgive the pain others have inflicted onto you. If your ex won’t call you back, let it be. Don’t hold that against him or her. And forgive yourself for all the pain that you’ve experienced.
Accept responsibility, forgive the pain, and let the past be the past.
Don’t Let Your Relationships Halt Your Personal Goals
Are you in a rebound relationship? A big relationship killer these days is that many people have no goals and thus are bored, lonely and looking for someone to be with. You feel empty without a partner. And that isn’t cool, bro!
If this sounds like the main reason you got in a relationship to begin with, then it really shouldn’t be a surprise that you’re having difficulty with your partner. It’s probably why you feel that your partner is playing hard to get.
When you make relationships your #1 goal in life, you naturally become needy and codependent. Any sign of your partner giving you the cold shoulder blows out of proportion in your mind. You become worried, fearful, and obsessive which causes you to do something silly.
Humans are naturally attracted to people that have greater goals, a mission in life, a mysterious and independent side to them. Women especially want to be with a man who has these greater goals and missions in life (and is good looking as a bonus).
When you first meet a potential partner, you really don’t know anything about them. They are a mystery to you and you want to find out more. There is a lot of attraction in these initial stages because you want to learn more and more about him or her.
Unfortunately, this attraction quickly fades when you lose focus of your own goals and passions and ambitions. Your focus becomes pleasing your partner and trying to fix the relationship. As a result, your partner loses interest in you because you lost sight of your goals.
This is a very common issue in BPD relationships. It’s important that you stick to who you are and don’t spend the time trying to ‘fix’ your partner or change their ways. It kills the relationship.
You should also read these two guides to learn more about relationships and break ups in general:
Make Today Better Than Yesterday
This is a mindset where you see each day as an opportunity to improve on yesterday. There are 365 days in a year. You need to ask yourself what you can do today that will improve on yesterday.
It doesn’t have to be anything big or grand. With 365 days a year, all you would need to do is be 1% better today than you were yesterday, and you would have improved hugely in just one year.
Most people are seeking this ‘magic bullet’ of sorts where they’ll learn something great that will work instantly for them and all their problems will be cured. Unfortunately, this never works and it’s why people remain fat or thin after hitting the gym for years and years.
This is all about being consistent with what it takes to improve. If your goal is to get thin, then you have to cut calories and be more active everyday. If you want to put on muscle, then you need to eat more and lift heavy weights. Simple as that.
A lot of people are slaves to their emotions. You lack emotional control and it causes you to fall into a depression which prevents you from improving. This is incredibly common these days in our society.
In business, it’s important that you don’t focus on making that one big sale that you’ve been chasing for years. Instead, get really, really good at making a lot of small sales. This will give you the skills to make that great sale when it happens to fall across your desk.
One of my big core values that I teach is for you to be a forward moving person. A lot of people get caught trying to get an ex back by being nice. Sorry, but going for an ex is going backwards — not forwards.
I’m not saying that it’s wrong to go for an ex. It only becomes a problem when you put your own life on hold with the hopes of getting an ex back. That’s when it becomes a serious problem.
Surround Yourself With The Right People
Too often, we keep people in our lives that are nothing but toxic for us. They don’t provide any value, they’re negative, they’re trolls, they whine, they complain, they talk crap about others, etc.
If you’re already going through a pretty tough time in life, then these are the last people you want to have around you. They are simply a force of negativity that will only prevent you from moving forward.
This includes characters that you see on TV. You should not be watching any tv shows that focus on negativity. This is why I rarely watch TV or news programs. I love movies though. But I also know that these movies are fantasies, and most script-writers these days are feminist man haters. This is important to keep in mind.
In real life, you may have to cut out some friends of yours that aren’t really doing anything for you. You don’t need to directly cut them out forever, especially if they’re family, but you need to not take any of their advice or suggestions seriously.
And if they are saying things to bring you down, hurt you, diminish you, then you need to either have a serious talk with them or limit your interaction with them as much as possible. This is also a good way to survive a break up — limit your contact as much as possible with your ex.
You basically want to fill your brain with words of encouragement and motivation. In this day and age, there are plenty of free podcasts that you can listen to at work and at home. You can literally fill your mind with fun, entertaining, positive messages throughout your entire day.
I highly recommend Dante Nero’s podcast. When I discovered him, I found it amazing how much our relationship values lined up. We basically have the same mentality on women and relationships. It’s good stuff.
Notice The Negatives, Choose Positives
This is another interesting concept that a lot of people never really notice. Thinking about a negative or positive thought is really a choice that happens instantly.
If you’re so used to thinking negatively, complaining, gossiping, finding faults people and things, you can put an end to all that simply by taking note of them and deciding to not think that way.
You’ll notice that when you think of something negatively, you can actually stop yourself, tell yourself that ‘Hey, this is a negative though and I should instead either drop it completely or replace it with something positive.’ and this negative will turn into a positive.
This is something that I still do to this day. It’s a big part of controlling your own emotions as it begins to give you power over your thoughts. This is something that you can always work on for the rest of your life. Even stopping yourself one time per day can be a small improvement that I mentioned in an earlier tactic.
It’s rare that I write articles outside of dating and relationships. However, the more focus that you spend on the values of a great lifestyle, the more you’ll realize how much they affect your relationships.
It’s very important that you focus on your own needs first which means that you should be heavily invested in improving your life. If you find that you’re not getting the success and good feelings from your relationship, then this is a good sign that you should start spending more time on YOU and less time on your partner.
If you want to learn how to get your relationship skills up to speed in record time, check out my Relationship Academy. There are multiple online interactive courses, new audio training every single week, my private coaching forum and much more. Go here to learn more:
– Rick Reynolds