I love talking about bad relationship habits. When your partner pushes you away, I can guarantee that it’s due to some sort of bad habit you’re (most likely) clueless about.
Make no mistake: getting yourself into a healthy, successful relationship is the result of having good habits.
So much of everything you’ll read about when it comes to improving your life is about how to develop these good habits that other people use successfully in their lives.
Depending on your upbringing, you may have several life-crippling bad habits. These can be small things as well as big things.
And, when you get into a relationship, these habits will have a negative effect on the relationship. They will (quickly in most cases) lower your level of attractiveness in the eyes of your lover.
When that happens, you can kiss your girlfriend goodbye. The relationship is on its way to the cemetery to be buried for life.
If your bad habits are never dealt with, they’ll haunt you for the rest of your life. It’ll be a ghost that will come to bite you in the ass for every girl you date.
Not all bad habits are created equal. Sometimes all it takes is one bad habit that kills the relationship (like a night of extreme clinginess).
Let’s discuss what I believe to be the 6 worst habits that ruin relationships.
1. Seeking Validation and Being Passive
These two issues are major and they go hand in hand. Because you’re seeking validation and happiness in your partner, often times you find yourself becoming passive due to fears of losing your lover.
This is an all too common bad habit that you must will yourself to break free from.
There is nothing more unattractive than a passive, easily controlled individual. It is the opposite of being high quality. Whether you’re a man or a woman, no one likes to be in a relationship with someone that has no self-control, no self-confidence, no self-respect. We all deep down want a partner that can take care of themselves.
A lot of this validation seeking comes from being codependent. You feel that you need to be close to someone else in order to feel happy. You like the idea of being a man or woman’s ‘saviour’ and your mission becomes ‘fixing’ this person.
This bad habit always results in a toxic relationship constantly full of drama. You become passive, afraid to stand up for yourself and call the shots. You’re easily controlled and manipulated. You wonder why your partner continues to disrespect you despite the fact that you’re just trying to make things better – except you’re actually just making things worse.
2. Focusing On Your Partner Instead Of Yourself
This ties in with the bad habit above because as you’re seeking validation and being passive, your partner end’s up running the show.
Relationships are supposed to be 50/50, a partnership, a team if you will. When one person seems to constantly be the driving forces in the relationship, you end up in a toxic situation.
Whether your partner has ‘issues’ or not shouldn’t be the focus on the relationship. The reason I do so well when I get into a relationship is because I don’t let any sort of issues or disorder or whatever rule the relationship. You can be as crazy as you want, it’s not going to knock me off my path.
That is my mindset and it’s why I am a great boyfriend. No matter how much crap get’s thrown my way, I consistently show that I’m confident and don’t need this in my life. I’m not afraid to break up with a girl and be single. In fact, I enjoy being single because I have more time to hustle and work on my projects.
Now the thing to understand here is that I don’t experience bad behavior from women because they learn very early on that I emotional control is solid.
Good luck manipulating me, princess.
If you want to play that game with me, you’ll soon learn that it won’t work. I know your own game better than you do ;)
This attitude is very attractive to women. She wants a man with thick skin who can’t be pushed around.
So what you need to do is to start focusing on your own self and your own goals so that they’re bigger than anything your partner throws at you. This way, you’re not afraid to leave or break up. It’s a mentality shift that is very attractive and just what men and women want in a partner.
3. Too Much Focus On The Big Picture Instead Of Small Things
We humans are all very creative, intelligent beings. We all have dreams and vast goals that we wish to one day accomplish. And while it is unrealistic to say that we’ll all fulfill our dreams one day, it is realist to say that the journey getting there is what life is about.
Whether you make this journey a positive one or a negative one is entirely dependent on you.
One of my important coaching lessons is that men and women need to focus on the small things that lead to the big picture. Instead of dreaming and wishing all day about what you wish you had, you need to instead focus on the small tasks and efforts that you can do today that can lead you to the future you want.
This big picture focus especially becomes an issue in a relationship because you may have these big expectations that simply aren’t realistic with the person you’re dating. I make it very clear early on when I’m dating that I have no expectations, I like to take things slow and that growth happens over time, organically.
That’s an important core value that I hope you’ll write down, memorize and make it part of your beliefs. The honeymoon period in BPD relationships usually comes from a big dream of yours where you see this man or woman as the lover you’ve always wanted.
Once the honeymoon period is over, however, things fall apart and the person you thought you knew turns out to be very different from the big picture you saw. This is why I avoid honeymoon periods because as I said above, I take things slow.
Small leads to big. Focus on taking things slow, focus on what’s realistic at the present moment and work on the most important tasks that are in front of you.
4. Ignoring The Past
The past tells the present. A common issue that I’m sure you’re doing is ignoring the past. We’re often told by a lot of experts to forget about the past and focus on the present. In my opinion, this only creates a bad habit since it’s the past that tells the true story.
Now I’m not saying that you shouldn’t date someone because of their bad past, but it’s definitely something that you need to be aware of. The saying “once a cheater, always a cheater” is famous for a reason.
I often coach my clients on learning the past of a partner. This is something I do very early on. I always try to get as much information about a woman’s past relationships and such so that I can know their track record. If it’s full of bad relationships, then I know that I need to take things very slow and not be so quick to invest.
If she has had nothing but high quality, positive relationships, then I can move forward without the fears of her past coming back to shake things up. I’ve been in relationships with girls where they had crazy ex boyfriends and they would consistently appear throughout the relationship. It isn’t fun and these cases could have been avoidable if I simply made a better choice and not dated these girls.
So please pay attention to the past. Learn from your own past, forgive the past and move on. But also spend time learning about the past of the men or women you’re interested in as it will save you a lot of headache.
5. Ignoring The Future
I think it’s a bad habit to be one of those that believe in just being present. This is a popular topic in the self-development world where we need to just ‘be present’ and forget about the past and future. It’s only the present that is right now that we need to be aware of.
I’ve tried to buy into this notion, but I just can’t. I’ve listened to Eckhart Tolle multiple times who is big into this whole ‘being present’ idea and while it sounds great on paper, it’s really intended for the common person out there with many issues.
This website isn’t for the common individual. The content I create here is to make you one of those rare, high quality individuals that is extremely attractive and succeeds in all types of relationships. Focusing on the present simply isn’t enough.
Instead, the good habit is to be focused on your future. All of the tasks you do today in the present are to shape your future. You wake up each morning and go to bed with an idea of your big picture, but your focus shifts to the tasks you can do today to reach that future.
The women I attract tend to be high quality women that are independent, entrepreneurial and driven. They focus on the future as well so when they look at me as a potential partner, they see someone that’s more about building a successful future instead of this present, fun, party type of guy.
While these types of guys can and do succeed with women, they all tend to attract the same type of ‘live in the moment’ women which for me I’m not personally attracted to. Call me old or whatever, but I want a woman that I can see myself with for years to come.
6. Placing Too Much Emphasis On Looks
This bad habit basically means that you don’t put enough emphasis on the qualities that really matter. This bad habit ties into the same ‘being present’ mentality. Finding a girl tonight because she’s cute and getting her in the sack asap.
I can understand why guys like want to experience sleeping around and having a harem of women, but I have yet to this day to meet a player that actually, truly benefited from this lifestyle. I’ve had friends get STD’s, friends get girls pregnant, friends end up in terrible relationships.
To me, it’s just not worth it. It’s not worth being this guy that’s living this life of “live for today and be in the now because you don’t know what tomorrow will bring”. I just can’t buy into that because I don’t want to make a mistake today that will affect my future.
And what I’ve found is that there are plenty of high quality, beautiful women that are looking for a great future as well. Once I stepped away from the whole going out and approaching mentality, I started to find women that took things slow, valued long-term relationships and wanted a high quality partner.
Sure you won’t get laid as often, but I don’t need sex to feel great about myself. While I do love beautiful women, there’s much more that I want before I commit to sleeping with someone. I need my mind stimulated just as much as I want my body to feel good.
This isn’t a common way of thinking but it’s definitely what I recommend. I’ve been called an old man and out of touch with reality for thinking this way, but I’ve been the one to consistently attract CEO’s, models, entrepreneurs, tasteful women and more so I’m going to stick with this way of living.
Living a life of quality and getting the relationships you want is dependent on good habits. The bad habits I’ve outlined in this article are preventing you of having the life you want and deserve.
And if you really want to get your relationship on the right track, then join my (almost) daily email newsletter. I’ll send you a free gift to get you started.