I’ve written a brand new article about mastering and controlling your emotions that takes these lessons to the next level. I highly suggest you read both of these articles!
What’s the number one quality a man or woman like yourself can have? It’s the ability to control yourself under times of pressure and distress.
Why? Because most people are so awful at controlling their emotions that it becomes rare and highly desired to be around someone who can control their emotions.
Luckily for you, I’ve been to hell and back in multiple relationships and I spend a considerable amount of time to this day working on being more present and centered so that I can keep my emotions under control when the going gets tough.
Before we jump in, I wrote a free mini-guide that’s all about the #1 mistake men and women make in relationships which causes your lover’s to push you away and resent you.
I’ll send the guide to your email. It’s really important so check it out after you go through this article. Anyway, let’s move on.
Here are what I believe to be 5 most important ways to control your emotions, making you an amazing individual:
#1: Don’t Be Reactive
I think one of the biggest problems that both men and women have these days is that we’re very reactive to even the slightest of things. I think it’s rare to run into someone that’s hard to shake up.
I’m not saying that you need to become someone that has zero emotions and simply stands there with a straight face at all times. No way! That would be weird and creepy!
What I’m saying here is that when something is thrown your way, whether good or bad, learn to be calm, cool, and collected as they say.
Let’s say your partner throws you some random text out of the blue that says something like “We never talk. You always want to do things your way. You don’t like me.” Or anything else that seems to make no sense to you.
The wrong way to handle this is to immediately reply back in a logical manner trying to disprove this case and show that you are good.
To train yourself to be nonreactive in moments of crisis, the best strategy is to remain calm. Take notice of all the emotions flooding into your brain. Take notice of the feelings that you currently feel. Breath deeply and then start to think about the correct course of action.
The correct course of action simply depends on the situation. Sometimes I’ll use humor. Sometimes I’ll say nothing. Sometimes I’ll fight back. It really depends on the situation.
The difference is simply how you respond. Instead of reacting, start thinking about how you can positively respond. Read my other articles on my site about how to correctly communicate such as my bpd dating article.
#2: Learn To Be Present
The above tip is #1 for a reason. Learning how to stop reacting is easily the most important piece of the emotional puzzle to handle before anything else. But the rest of these tips are important as well.
Learning how to be present is that moment of silence you take when you find yourself being flooded with emotions.
This is when you take a step back for a second, you remain calm, and you realize that in this very second, you are still here and you are fine. There is nothing different about you than there was just a few seconds ago.
The only difference is that you’ve been flooded with emotions due to a sudden change brought on to you. Maybe you just found out that your girlfriend cheated on you. Maybe you just lost your job.
Whichever has just happened to you, it doesn’t change the fact that by dwelling on the past will do nothing to help your current/present situation.
Instead of reacting negatively, you need to instead think about what you can do going forward to better your life and situation.
Being present means to silence the pain that’s wanting to haunt your from the past. I call these the ghosts of the past. They will follow you around, but as long as you’re present, in the NOW, nothing can pull you back.
#3: Occupy Your Time With Activities
Now we’re getting into things that you can physically do with your time to keep your mind off of the past. You see, it’s the past that makes your emotions spiral out of control.
Maybe you’re thinking about an ex of yours and ways you could of changed to make things better. Maybe you’re thinking about ways to win back the favor of your ex or a boss you used to work for.
Dwelling on the past isn’t going to help you. These thoughts will destroy everything you’ve built up over the years if you let them.
A great way to keep your mind present and thinking towards the future is to get involved in hobbies. I personally like to go for a run when I notice that my mind is wandering towards painful memories and ‘what ifs’.
I have made it a habit to be in the gym at least 3-4 times per week. Building my body and being in great shape is a great motivator that I’m attractive and my relationships will be of higher quality because of it.
You will also give your partner some space which is crucial for the health of a relationship. You can’t smother a person to love you. Let him or her come to you.
When you’re doing things that you enjoy in the present, you will think positively. It really is a choice to think negatively or positively. You need to consciously shut your negative thoughts up!
#4: What’s The Big Picture?
With hobbies comes an even bigger picture. Do you have a bigger picture to your life? Do you have goals that you are reaching for?
These can be short-term goals or long-term goals. I would recommend that you start setting some goals for yourself starting today.
Maybe you want to lose 10 or more pounds over the next 4-8 weeks. Maybe you want to become lean and muscular. Maybe you want to make more money and improve your position in your company.
There are both short and long-term goals you can set that will become your bigger picture, bigger than any relationship can bring you.
For me, I personally set fitness goals and income goals. My passion and purpose in life is this website, helping people like you to become better individuals. That is my purpose. It’s bigger than any girl out there.
Because my purpose is bigger than any girl, naturally my relationships won’t take over my life. I won’t be so emotionally attached to a woman that if she were to leave me, I would be devastated. That just won’t happen.
If you find that your passion in life is another man or woman, you need to rethink your bigger picture. YOU should always be THE purpose to your life. Figure out what YOU want for yourself and make that #1.
No, the answer is NOT a happy relationship. That should never be your purpose for life. Now if you have kids, that is a different story. What can you do for yourself that will inspire your children to be great?
#5: Learn To Forgive
Last but not least comes the hardest piece of the emotional puzzle. Learning to forgive is actually a very difficult thing that most people simply cannot find the strength to do.
Humans naturally are terrible at forgiving the past. The reason why a lot of us have issues is the simple fact that we suck at forgiving. We want to revenge the past and prove our worth!
It’s a very common, deep-rooted problem we all have and it really can end up being a catalyst for a lot of the issues and baggage we carry around in our lives.
What I found for myself is that when I am able to sit down by myself and consciously bring up these memories from the past that continue to linger in my soul, I am then able to look at them and forgive both myself and the person.
Sometimes I write down these memories on a piece of paper so I can visually see what I’m feelings. It then makes it much easier to look at it, read it over and over, take responsibility for it, and then ultimately forgive myself and cross it off.
It’s a process that takes time but I guarantee if you spend some time going through memories from the past, even memories from decades ago, you’ll feel much more free and in control when you forgive yourself and let go.
If you want to take control of your emotions, start to better control your situations, and to start feelings better about yourself, you need to try these 5 tips of emotional control immediately.
Don’t forget to check out my new article about emotions now that you’ve read through this one. You’ll be armed with all the tools to mastering your emotions immediately.
Living your life the same way as everybody else isn’t going to get you anywhere. It takes an exceptional person to control their emotions and be that unshakeable, attractive person that you can be.
The one thing I’ve noticed from coaching over the years is that when you learn to control your emotions, life just simply starts to work in your favor. It can be hard at first, but you’ll soon have things going your way.
What other ways of controlling your emotions do you know?
P.S. If you want to learn more about emotional control and forgiving, check out my Better BPD Relationships course. Borderline’s are VERY good at challenging your emotions so this program is great at learning the strategies to be more present and in control of yourself.
– Rick Reynolds