Relationships aren’t meant to be easy.
You need strong mindsets, good values, patience and an open-mind (among many things).
Leaving some of these important factors out is the reason why most relationships fail.
Especially in this day and age.
Did you know that around 95% of all relationships are toxic and unhealthy?
It’s a crazy number but it’s reality – even if couples seem happy on the outside, they are unfulfilled on the inside.
And BPD relationships plays just a small, minor problem in all of this.
In this post, I will talk about the 5 poor relationship mindsets that most people have.
#1: Impossible To Reach Expectations
Most people grow up with an idea of how a relationship should work.
The programming comes from your parents, the TV shows you watch, the movies you view, the music you listen to, the magazines you read and so on.
Our programming is entirely dependent on the environment that we grew up in.
And because our society is constantly blasting us with ads and information that isn’t reality, our expectations are affected by it.
In other words, what we think a relationship should be is outside of reality.
Whether it’s seeking perfection or the happily ever after story (or several other expectations), the result is your expectations never fully being realized.
With the information/social media age that we live in, the ‘perfect’ lifestyle is constantly being blasted at us.
All you ever see from people are their ‘perfect’ sides of life. You never actually see the reality factor, especially when it comes to the celebrities.
There’s nothing wrong with this as I love social media. But if you aren’t able to adapt and understand how this greatly changes our society, you’ll fall victim to it as millions have.
Understand that the perfect relationship doesn’t work. You already know this.
But the other factor is that relationships require communication, patience and work.
A healthy relationship is a team. It isn’t some dependent, ‘sacrifice everything for my partner’ lifestyle. That’s called codependency and it only hurts the relationship.
#2: Most People Aren’t Ready for Relationships
This is usually the toughest pill to swallow, but it’s completely true.
Most people out there, both men and women, are just not at a healthy state for a relationship.
But knowing this still won’t keep people from dating around.
We live in a hook up culture due to the fact that most people are jaded and have been hurt from past events.
Whether it’s someone you liked that disappeared and stopped talking to you, or someone that cheated on you…
People are more jaded than ever. It’s a lot easier to just open a dating app and find someone who wants to hook up and get laid out of loneliness.
I’m not here to judge. I’ve done this MANY times in the past. What you do with your body is 100% your choice.
But the problem with this hook up culture is that you’re never better off in the long run.
When the sun comes up the next, you’re not feeling any better than before and the person next to you isn’t any better either.
Because I’m a big believer in growth and being a forward-moving person, everything that you do in life should lead to you being a better, more improved person, as well as your partner.
This is a prerequisite for a healthy relationship. If you are NOT growth oriented, then your relationships will always falter and remain mediocre.
On the other hand, if you’re forward-moving and growth minded, you AND your partner will grow together. It’s a beautiful thing.
#3: Your Pain Outweighs Your Pleasure
This is a pretty deep, advanced point. But it’s all about how most of us remain paralyzed in fear due to our pain.
For example, let’s say you were really hurt in the past…
The idea of a relationship can trigger more pain than pleasure deep within you.
Instead of committing to someone and taking things to the next level, you become paralyzed in fear and instead would rather cool off and keep to yourself.
This happens all the time and it extends way beyond relationships.
A lot of people aren’t successful in their businesses and careers because the idea of making a lot of money causes deep, inner pain.
On the surface you might believe that making money will bring you pleasure. But if this were actually true, you’d do everything in your power to get rich.
It’s the same with love and relationships. If you viewed relationships as an experience that brings you much pleasure, you would have no issue finding someone who thinks the same.
Instead, we attract what we project. I say this all the time. And as a result, we ALWAYS end up with what we deserve in life.
In other words, what you REALLY believe and value deep inside in your subconscious is what you will always get from your life.
A major portion of the my Better BPD Relationships course is about the subconscious. When you learn how to reprogram your subconscious and gain power over your thoughts and emotions, you can completely change the direction of your life.
Gaining power over your subconscious is how I’ve been able to recover from severe codependency and become the confident, successful man that I am today.
Whenever you feel fears creeping into your mind, remember that the idea of NOT taking action going after what you really want is much more painful than not seeking pleasure.
#4: You Lack Control Over Your Emotions
I would say out of all people who struggle with relationships are the men who are indifferent to their emotions.
In other words, they generally look unexcited about anything in life. They walk around with an aura that basically says boring.
But it’s not that these men are boring – it’s just that they aren’t able to harness their emotions and connect them to the things in their life.
Whereas I might be super excited about this ice cream bar I’m about to eat, these men would feel indifferent towards it.
“It’s just an ice cream… where’s the excitement in that?” they would say.
Please… ice cream is AMAZING and if you don’t see that, you need to work on your emotional connections.
I don’t throw women into this same boat because even the most boring woman will still get attention from men.
It’s the men who lack these emotional connections in life that struggle and can’t get dates for the life of them.
They go out and look like walking tombstones. Women write them off immediately. They have zero passion and thus struggle throughout life.
So if this resonates with you, work on developing these emotional connections. Gain that emotional intelligence and find your passion.
#5: Opportunity or Possibility?
Do you walk around looking for opportunity? Or do you just walk around on the look out for possibilities?
Do these two things even appear to be different to you? Or do they sound like the same thing?
I see them as vastly different. And I want you to as well.
The difference between the relationship that succeeds and all the other boring, toxic relationships out there are due to this mindset shift.
People who generally do well in life, who seem to have good luck, are opportunists.
They have programmed their minds to always be on the lookout for opportunity.
Even if they seem like reckless individuals, they consistently have experiences in life that others would be envious of.
It’s not that they’re any better or smarter than you…
It’s simply because they walk around with an aura of opportunity. They’re spontaneous and fun as a result.
Even if their life seems to be in shambles at times, they still tend to remain excited and fun no matter what.
And because of this, they really have no trouble finding themselves dates and getting into relationships.
Now keeping a relationship is a different story. If you can be an opportunist AND have control over your recklessness, you’re a highly desirable, rare individual.
Learning to see opportunity and things that excite you is a mindset shift. It’s something that you will have to consciously train.
Most of us aren’t raised to be this way. The only way to reach this level is to constantly remind yourself that you’re surrounded by exciting, fun things that disrupt your day to day life.
And when you’re able to start picking up on these things, your entire vibe will change.
Succeeding in relationships are all about your mindsets. It’s why I constantly talk about these things and will continue to do so.
Going to the gym and getting your body in awesome shape is great and all. But it does you no good if your mindsets are poor.
Understand that your subconcious mind is what’s really defining your life. The results that you get in life are due to your subconscious.
When you learn to reprogram your subconscious, you can literally go after anything you want in life. You can change your entire personality, your way of being, your aura, your vibes, etc.
That’s what really leads to success in my opinion. It takes time and discipline, but it’s a change that will pay off for the rest of your life.
What’s your take on this post? I’m genuinely curious to see what you think about the subconscious and how it applies to your relationship history. Please comment below.
Thanks for your amazing work. I really like what you are doing here, I’ve purchased the BPD Relationship Blueprint and it is incredibly helpful. I thought my current girlfriend had BPD but now I think she doesn’t, infact I’m not sure! But these mindsets lead me further and further towards a happy relationship, and just feeling good within myself.
I think if you are a strong-willed person with great mindsets, you can do anything in life. So it doesn’t necessarily apply to just those with BPD. Anyway, keep doing what you’re doing. It’s inspiring. Good luck.
Thanks man for the kind words! And your website is nice! Good comics haha keep it up man.
Hi Rick, the subconscious mind is so good to learn about. I think it’s not well taught or known about as generally – (most people would think it’s kinda ‘wacky’?). However I reckon it’s part of a much bigger picture and connection with the world around us but it’s easily influenced – that’s why shops and advertisers try to appeal this directly through colours/ music/ layouts etc. Like you say it’s constantly being fed info by our environment and I read that’s why successfully people surround themselves by like minded individuals as it rubs off on them. For me in my past I reckon my poor values that came from my subconscious (as I always thought I was happy go-lucky but) has caused me strife and struggles.
What particularly fascinates me is the question that If the subconscious has all these feelings and worries that are not being addressed, then the heart will manifests these persistent concerns as physical symptoms in the body e.g. night terrors, anxiety etc.
Ie. you can never keep the heart quiet?
What’s important to understand about the subconscious is the fact that it cannot tell the difference from reality to fantasy. It simply doesn’t know. This is why a lot of people get stuck with odd mentalities and beliefs that seem crazy to you, but completely normal to them. The subconscious is extremely powerful, making up about 90% of our brain functions. There is still a lot to learn about the brain.