If there’s anyone that understands what it’s like to date someone with BPD (borderline personality disorder) or Bipolar disorder, its me. My first girlfriend had both BPD and Bipolar (and codependency).
As you can guess, my first introduction into these emotionally charged relationships was quite a wild one.
But I managed to learn some life-long lessons from it and for that I am thankful, though it took me quite some time to forgive and move forward :)
Dating someone with any type of behavioral issue can be a daunting task if you are not prepared.
If you’re simply looking for a calm, relaxing experience where you can come home from work and relax on the couch every night, then these relationships aren’t for you (and relaxing on the couch is pretty boring in my opinion).
Dating someone with BPD can either be a rewarding experience or a complete nightmare.
For those that do manage to make them succeed, there’s really nothing else like it.
I am a firm believer that all these personality issues are highly exaggerated and are simply a result of many men never learning what it means to actually be a masculine male.
Women who are highly emotional, unpredictable, spontaneous and so-on are the best kind of women to date. The reason you’re reading this is because you feel the same way – you’re probably in love with one right now.
So strap yourself in and give me 15 minutes of your time. This article is designed to help you make strides in your current situation.
BPD Relationships Are Complicated
I know that you may feel hopeless right now, but BPD relationships can work. They’re complicated, they can make you feel lost and confused at times, but the more knowledge you have the easier they become.
So fear not my friend! I’m glad you stumbled onto my blog because I personally prefer women that are highly emotional. They’re extremely fun to be with when you learn the skills and the knowledge that are required for these relationships.
I’ve spent several years mastering my relationship skills so I could date fun, emotional women. I truly believe that people with BPD want love, joy and fulfillment just like you and me, so why would I pre-judge and rule them out?
It just doesn’t make sense to do so.
What has helped me the most to succeed in BPD relationships is by completely changing my old mindsets and to truly open up my mind and understand what’s going on deep within their core.
A big part of my BPD Success Program is about the correct mindsets and what you need to do to succeed in these relationships. I originally created this whole program as a way for me to remember this knowledge and skills I discovered.
Check out this article to further your learning:
- BPD Relationships are Complicated – this is an article I recently wrote that’s over 4,000 words long. So sit back, grab some coffee and enjoy.
Mistake #1: The White Knight / Saviour Mentality
I’ve been coaching and communicating with my visitors like you for many years now. 99% of you have good hearts and want nothing but the best for your partner.
Unfortunately, a serious problem can arise out of this good-natured character and it’s what I call the “savior mentality” or the more popular term, the white knight. I’m sure you’ve heard this term used before.
What causes this is simply through our upbringing. We were taught to love deeply and care for others. So we meet this man or woman that’s a whirlwind of emotions, and we just can’t help but want to love them.
We can see that they have problems and through our love, we want to fix them and help them be happy. But this never works because despite all of your efforts, you continue to feel unloved, neglected, hurt, alone, confused and more.
The answer to this very common mistake is that people are simply uneducated about relationships. The reality is that people don’t want other’s to save them. We simply want to be respected, we want our voices heard, we want to feel important. But we don’t want to be saved.
To fix this mistake, stop trying to save people and instead just be supportive of who they are, what they’re doing and encourage them to chase after their dreams.
Instead of always rushing to his or side, instead of apologizing when you didn’t do anything wrong, instead of being a phone call away, focus on yourself and put your passions and desires FIRST.
White knighting/trying to be a problem fixer is the biggest relationship mistake you can make which is why I’ve gone into depth about it here. So take a look at yourself and if you feel like 90% of your thoughts are fixed on your partner, then it’s time to make some real change.
Mistake #2: Reacting, Fighting and Arguing
First of all, I don’t want you to think that you should never fight or argue or react. It always depends on the situation. However, most people fight and argue about small, petty things that don’t really matter.
Let’s say that you’re a woman dating a man with BPD. These men have fragile egos and will protect them and defend themselves even when they’ve been proven to be wrong.
So if you’ve gotten your point across and he’s simply being irrational at this point, there’s really no point in continuing to fight. You are much better off saying “Let’s just agree to disagree, I don’t need anymore stress today.” and leave it at that.
It’s very important that you do not play the passive-aggressive role with these types of people. They are more likely to play it on you so don’t just feed the fire.
I personally like to confront people when they’re being passive-aggressive. I’m not afraid to get in someone’s face and have them say what they’re holding back.
Communication is very important in relationships and if issues aren’t being brought to the surface, hell will break loose at a later time. Learning to communicate effectively and reading between the lines is hugely important.
A big part of my BPD relationship program is about this subtle communication. It’s being able to keep your power, to show that you’re not going to be pushed around, to not be reacting to the crazy behavior and such.
Now with that said, it is also important that you also have thick skin. You cannot be easily bothered by words and behavior. While I may be confrontational at times, it is only for serious situations where I know she’s crossing a boundary I’ve firmly set for myself.
Don’t be the guy that gets all butt hurt because your girlfriend didn’t text you back right away. No woman on the planet likes that man! Brush it off and hit her up again the next day. Give her space.
Further your education:
- Dating a Man with BPD – these men act tough but it’s all an act. Learn how to stand up for yourself and lay down boundaries.
Mistake #3: Out of Control Emotions and Investment
I talked about this topic extensively in my mastering your emotions article so please check that out after reading this one.
But emotional control is very important and this ties in with having thick skin. You may be the type of person that is bothered by slow texting and slow communication in general.
You really need to discipline yourself on not being affected by this. Or at least don’t let this cause you to react and overreact.
The most unattractive behavior (for me) is when a woman overreacts over something I believe is small and harmless.
Now she may argue that she doesn’t believe what I did is small and harmless. My response to that is to have some thicker skin. And this goes both ways for men and women.
A lot of you are weak and easily shaken up by words and actions. The fact that a girl not responding to a text is causing men to create entire forums on the internet about that shows you how easily affected men have become by such small things.
So I highly recommend that you focus a lot of your time and effort on your own emotional control and strength instead of investing so much time and energy into dating and relationships.
The people that discover their “zen point” as I call it are the most attractive people on the planet. They work hard on themselves, they’re usually successful, they’ve got people that hate on them, but nothing slows them down because they’ve mastered their emotions and behavior.
This is the biggest issue for those of us that may suffer from co-dependency, a serious issue that I will be addressing on this blog and releasing a book on it soon. It is incredibly important that you focus on your feelings first! If you find yourself sad and depressed because of what your partner is doing, you have codependency issues and you need help! Again, I will be addressing this soon to fix you up.
- How to Master Your Emotions – emotional control is probably the most important part of succeeding in a relationship. The sooner you learn this skill, the better off you’ll be.
Mistake #4: No Personal Boundaries
This is a common mistake men make when they’re dating a girl with BPD. You may feel like you have found a woman that finally unlocks your inner desires and fantasies only to be left in the dust soon after.
What causes this? Why is it that something that felt so great turned to absolute hell out of no where?
The answer is that while you were high on your emotions and fulfilling your desires, you were actually falling for a facade, a fantasy that your woman could no longer hold together.
You see, BPD’s play into your fantasy desires. They’re very good at not being their true selves. You dropped all your defenses and boundaries and everything for this fantasy figure.
As you know, a BPD can’t keep this facade forever. Eventually they crack and their true self is exposed, a deep, troubled soul. You refuse to believe it so you work hard on getting things back to the way they were before.
Now the reason this facade won you over is because you failed to establish your own personal boundaries that prevent fakeness from affecting you.
It’s important that you understand this point. It’s usually something you can only learn thru experience but I still see guys falling for this time after time after time.
There is a lot of behavior that you shouldn’t accept such as honeymoon periods, being ‘in love’ when you haven’t even been with each other for that long, wanting to get married after just a few months, needing financial support, etc. I have a lot of horror stories.
- Dating a girl with BPD – whether your girlfriend has BPD or not, this article is very informative about how to date people that are emotional and irrational at times. The better skilled you are at handling these situations, the healthier the relationship.
Mistake #5: Lack of Self-Respect
This mistake, like all the others, builds off of the previous mistake with a lack of boundaries. When you fail to establish boundaries for your life in general, you’re basically saying you have no respect for yourself.
Did you read my article on self-respect for BPD relationships? It’s my most popular article for a reason.
Self-respect is something you must build on your own, over time. It is something that you will continue to build until the day you die.
There are certain things in life that you should and shouldn’t ever accept. You’d be surprised how many people continue to stay with a partner that constantly berates them, lies to them, steals, cheats and more.
Have a little self-respect. If a girl I’m dating gives me attitude or disrespects me, I have no problem walking away. There’s plenty of women out there.
Check this article out now:
- Self-Respect Improves BPD Relationships – I really believe that the best thing you can do for yourself and to improve the relationship is to develop your own self-respect. This is truly what your partner wants from you because it shows him or her that you’re strong, you won’t be pushed around, you’re not afraid to walk out that door.
Let’s Close This Massive Article With Some Strong Words
Your life-long goal should be to always strive to be the best version of yourself. This means that you’re going to work every single day on improving yourself. I know this is cliche as hell these days, but the secret to this is simply focusing on the small, little things and going from there.
Now because BPD relationships are highly emotional and charged with both positive and negative energy at all times… You have to have complete emotional control over your OWN self if you wish to make these relationships work.
These relationships aren’t nearly as difficult as people think – it’s just that most people (think 90%) are slaves to their emotions.
They either bury their true self and hide their feelings (which is the “Nice Guy Problem”), or they’re overly emotional and way too sensitive/reactive (and thus the Borderline completely dominates you).
Either way, you lose in the end and your partner will seek out someone who isn’t emotionally weak.
The reason why I am able to date BPD and ‘crazy’ women is because I always put myself first in the relationship. I’m not going to let someone else’s issues disrupt the flow of my life.
I know it sounds selfish, but it’s a good selfish. It means I always stick to my boundaries and I establish a level of respect that she knows she shouldn’t cross.
Doing so is what will make you extremely attractive and keep your partners well-behaved and committed to you for the long haul. Check out my BPD Relationship Blueprint program if you want some quick, advanced strategies for learning this stuff.
What other mistakes do you know that people consistently make in BPD/Bipolar relationships?