If you want to know what makes a BPD or Bipolar relationship (or any relationship) fail, then you’ll want to read this article.
1) A change of mindsets is absolutely required when you’re dating someone with BPD or Bipolar.
2) Society has rapidly changed in the past 5 years. Nearly everybody these days is on the BPD spectrum.
3) Learning what NOT to do is just as important as learning “tips” and “techniques.”
4) Drop the “Savior Mentality.” You’re not the Hero. The nice guy always finishes last for a reason.
5) Strong emotional control is key to these relationships.
First of all, I understand that BPD is a cluster B disorder. Furthermore, I am aware that Bipolar is a serious issue.
However, better mindsets will lead you to better relationships. This is my philosophy after all.
Am I saying that your BPD relationship will pull a 180 and be healthy forever? Of course not. Anyone saying otherwise is lying to you.
But, what I will say, is that attaining complete control over your mental and emotional state gives you the best shot at a better relationship.
Remember that perfection does not exist.
So, let’s focus on achieving imperfection that satisfies you and your partner. Agreed?
Good. Let me email you my free “BPD Cheat Sheet” guide. You will find it educational.
Remember: I’m a Mindset coach. I want you to improve your mindsets, core values, and inner beliefs. Healthy relationships are a biproduct of your enlightened state of mine.
Better Mindsets Equals Better BPD Relationships
You can’t experience loving, fulfilling BPD/Bipolar relationships without a healthy state of mind. Hence, arming yourself with the best mindsets will give you control over your mind.
You will lower your stress levels, you will feel happier and you’ll have more confidence. You’ll develop a better sense of power and direction.
If you attained all these things, do you think your relationships would improve?
You bet your ass it would. I would like to guess that everybody would agree with this.
And, if you happen to have BPD yourself, you can make great strides in your own life by following my advice. This I promise you.
Society Has Changed In Big Ways
The world today is much different than it was 10 years ago or so. Your environment and life experiences determine your mental and emotional state.
Cluster B personality types, which includes BPD, are more common than ever. I blame social media and bad parenting, along with other factors.
We have a society where everyone is trying to be someone that they’re not. Parents are more insecure than ever. Most people focus on a future self instead of who they are right now in the present moment.
Cases of BPD are at an all-time high because most people have no drive, they’re lost, no ambition, addicted to social media and physical appearance, etc.
Everyone is trying to be perfect. But, perfection is a myth. Nobody accepts who they are anymore. This leads to mental stress and emotional imbalance.
This is the struggle of not only Borderlines, but almost all men and women. Most people are never satisfied with themselves in the present.
Wonder why meditation is more popular than ever? Because of everything I just said above. However, this new study proves that meditation doesn’t make people happier.
As I’ve been saying for years, the only thing that makes people happy and stress-free is an independent mindset, one that puts yourself first.
You must become a leader of your own life.
No amount of love or intimacy will change your level of happiness.
It’s impossible to be strong and centered when your mind isn’t focused on the present. This makes dating someone with BPD an impossible task.
Therefore, you must forget about the awesome Honeymoon Period you had. Also, forget about all the potential you think your partner has.
This is because the only thing that matters is what’s going on right now at this moment in your BPD or Bipolar relationship.
Correcting Your Mindsets Will Prevent Common Mistakes
Do you know what happens when you’re thinking about past or future events?
You lose focus of the present moment with your partner. Consequently, this causes anxiety issues. Anxiety leads to mistakes and needy behavior. You behave like a codependent individual.
A BPD relationship is already chaotic enough as it is. Do you want to add to that chaos?
I would hope not. This is why it’s vital that you work on your inner core every single day. Study the mindsets that I teach and you’ll see where you make mistakes.
As you develop inner awareness, you will begin to correct common mistakes.
So, let’s jump to the 5 signs that I deem most noteworthy.
1. Learn What Turns Your Partner Off
Did you know that you attract what you project? It’s true.
Studies have proven over and over again that we’re attracted to individuals who “vibe” with us. We’re drawn to people with similar beliefs, values, upbringing and so on. Opposites attract is a myth (which is another truth I’ve been teaching for years).
It’s why BPD relationships tend to have a Honeymoon Period. You connect on a strong emotional level. You can’t get enough of each other.
But, these intense feelings of affection soon fade. As a result, you become eager for more attention. This needy behavior triggers the Borderline’s fear of abandonment.
Ultimately, you have turned her off. Her attraction for you has plummeted. So, you set out on a mission to make things right.
This is the result of bad, needy mindsets. Therefore, you must change the way you think about human attraction. It’s a complete shift in thinking that extends beyond intimate relationships.
You know how you blow off the needy car salesman? Well, that’s how your partner feels about you when you’re trying so hard to make things better.
Give your BPD partner some space. Let him or her miss you for a bit while you do your own thing.
Too many people make the same, common mistakes in BPD relationships. This ain’t no Disney love story. Stop trying to be her Prince Charming.
2. Are You a White Knight? A Fixer? A Hero?
I know you have a good heart and you’re trying to make your BPD partner as happy as possible.
You want the best for you, your partner and the relationship. You wouldn’t be here if that wasn’t the case, right?
Unfortunately, this good-natured character can cause you to develop this White Knight belief system. You naturally seek out partners who need rescuing. This is not a healthy way to live.
You meet this person who you know can be amazing (your mind is in the future). But, what you have done is fallen in love with their potential.
Most of us have the potential to be great. But, falling in love with someone’s potential is a common mistake I see in BPD relationships.
As a result, you find yourself chasing a fantasy. You’re lost in the future instead of accepting your partner as is in the present. You can’t be a hero in the present, and this frustrates you.
So, you work hard everyday, convinced that you can make your BPD partner “better.” You want to be the hero! Go you!
You keep telling yourself that you know your partner could be so much better. Life could be so great for him or her.
But, you’re ignoring the present. You’re seeking an end-result that exists in your imaginary future.
When you seek a repeat of the Honeymoon Period, you lose focus on reality. When you try to “fix” your partner’s problems, you lose focus on reality.
Send your Hero mentality to the grave.
Borderline’s (and most women in general) are like cats. They come and go as they please, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
Often times in BPD and Bipolar relationships, less is more.
3. Fighting, Arguing and Unnecessary Drama
I don’t like disrespect, insults, or lies as much as the next person.
But, drama in relationships will happen. If you’re not careful, you’ll find yourself pulled into an argument that you can’t win.
Let me make this clear: you will never win in an argument with a Borderline (or any woman, lol).
And, you’ll never find a true alpha male falling into an argument with his girl. He’ll just throw her purse out the door and tell her to go home and cool off (that’s what I do and it works extremely well).
Knowing this fact, why would you engage in hour long arguments that get you nowhere?
People with bad mindsets will sit in bed arguing until 3 in the morning. It’s a complete waste of time and all you’re doing is turning her more and more off.
She subconsciously argues with you because she wants to test if you’re a man. Real men don’t argue — they tell her to get lost. Beta males will also try to not argue, but will do it from a state of weakness.
This is a key difference and it’s why you must be of the alpha type to have any sort of success in BPD relationships. In fact, I know plenty of BPD women who treat their boyfriends like kings because of this truth.
From the wise words of Eckhart Tolle, “You will never find salvation in a relationship.” Stop looking for happiness in your partner. You will never find it.
Which leads us to the next point…
4. Your Emotions Are Out of Control
One of the most important factors in the health of any relationship is how you handle your emotions.
In fact, the rare high-quality man has total control over his emotions. He doesn’t ignore his emotions, but they don’t control him. He is in tune with them.
Most people are actually controlled by their emotions. They are a slave to their own mind. They can’t escape the constant thoughts and feelings.
Do you now see why BPD relationships require emotional control? It’s what separates the successful from the unsuccessful.
Make no mistake: positive, healthy, high-quality mindsets give you control over yourself. Absolute control over your emotional and mental state is key.
Mastering your emotions is not easy. It takes time and discipline to develop. But, you can only be your best self when you have mastery over your emotions.
BPD relationships require a healthy state of mind. You will fail over and over again with poor mindsets. You will find yourself chasing your partner, desperate for love. You’ll push her away as a result. She’ll cheat on you behind your back. But, you’ll take her back because you’re lonely.
You must smash these poor, low-quality mindsets! You will never escape the pain of the BPD relationship until you do.
5. BPD Relationships Require Strength and Independence
I always get these emails from guys saying how they’re strong and independent, and this is the first girl that’s ever made them weak.
Well, the fact is that relationships bring out the best and worst of us. This is just the truth.
If you find yourself becoming needy, weak, and insecure in a relationship, you only have yourself to blame. It doesn’t matter how toxic or fucked up your partner is. At the end of the day, you made the choice to stick around and let the abuse stack up.
People who aren’t emotionally strong and independent struggle immensely in these relationships. As you allow more and more abusive behavior to continue, it will only get worse over time.
This is why you need to change your mentality. I’ve watch what happens when my borderline friends meet a guy that they have no control over. It’s truly what these types of women want in a guy.
All the other guys who are easy to manipulate and control get tossed into the friend-zone, they get ghosted, she is “busy” and can’t make time for you, or she cheats on you if you two are married.
I can’t stress how important it is to develop a sense of independence and strength to the point where the BPD partner sees you as the best person in his or her life.
There’s No Such Thing As Guaranteed Success In BPD or Bipolar Relationships
If there’s one thing I can guarantee, it’s this: there are no guarantees.
This is especially true when it comes to BPD and Bipolar relationships. Emotions are so hot and cold with these situations that it’s just impossible to guarantee success.
But, this is the case with all relationships. Nothing is guaranteed in life. The biggest mistake you can make is thinking that your relationship would be any better if your partner was “normal.”
Don’t let this truth get you down. I want you to think differently going forward.
Instead of focusing so much on trying to change your partner, focus on yourself for a bit. Try to get to the point where you’re healthy enough to not care if you become single.
This is a strong mentality and it’s the type that will give you power. As I mention in my Better BPD Relationships book, borderlines want you the most when they’re unsure of your feelings.
In other words, when you’re mysterious and unpredictable, the relationship is at it’s best. Kill your codependent nature and get your partner to chase you.
Only then will you be in a position that makes your BPD or bipolar partner want you the most. This is the root of attractiveness. As they say, we want what we can’t have. Bring a little bit of that into your relationship.
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* Why following the common BPD relationship advice tends to cause more harm than good, leaving you disappointed, confused, and depressed in the end. (Most websites and articles online are written by angry, bitter people who hate Borderlines.)
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