If you feel like you’re genuinely a nice guy or good guy, different from all the other “assholes” out there, then please read this article.
Why is it that when you’re good to your partner, things only tend to get worse? You’re going out of your way for him/her, you’re trying to please and make them happy, you ‘different’ from his or her previous partners, etc.
Yet the relationship only gets worse and leads to failure. Why does this tend to happen so often these days?
In this big article, I’ve written about 14 reasons why the “good” men and women tend to experience more drama in their relationships than all the other people you’re ‘different’ from. Read on!
This is a post that has been long in the making. I’ve been really wanting to tackle the “good guy/girl” problem for a long time now, but it isn’t as easy as writing a few articles on it.
In fact, I could write a hundred articles on it. What I’m doing currently is sending out emails for my newsletter subscribers almost everyday talking about this problem.
You can join for FREE right now if you’d like to get this free, unique training. That way, you can spend the next month or so learning everything there is about this “good guy” problem that ruins SO many relationships.
So let’s dive into why being a really “good” person can cause a lot of toxicity and drama in your relationships.
This problem applies to both men & women. It’s the type of person that develops in a lot of people due to our society and upbringing from the last 50+ years.
If you find yourself extremely frustrating in your intimate relationships, then this article is for you. Read on!
#1: The “Good” Man or Woman hates conflict.
The “good” person is always looking for ways to avoid conflict and instead make people happy. This truly becomes your life-long struggle. How fun! Not.
Trying to reason with your partner when he or she is being irrational is an example of avoiding conflict. I have clients that do this all the time as it’s incredibly common.
I really wish someone would have taught me this truth when I was first learning how to date. I was always taught by my parents, my church and so on that you must be good and nice to everybody – to put your own needs as a LESS priority to others.
At least, that’s what my brain decided to learn as a child. And it sucks. It turned me into this chumpy, codependent “good” guy that tried to do everything right.
And yet everything WRONG always happened. My relationships were toxic as hell, the women I dated always left me and so on.
It’s easy to blame the women I dated for being “crazy” for not liking a “good” guy such as myself. It’s what led me to label all my exes as Borderlines and why you’re probably doing the same thing.
Because here’s the truth: even Borderlines can be relatively normal and straight with you when you learn to not be such a codependent-type.
#2: The “Good” person hides their true feelings and emotions
This is really the root of the “good” person. You really want to be good to your partner, and as a result you tend to bury your emotions and your feelings.
The problem with living life this way is that you’re never really true to yourself. You’re putting your own feelings on hold in order to please others.
At it’s root, it is approval-seeking. And approval-seeking never results in a healthy, fun life. Even though you feel that you’re being “good” and doing what is “right,” you’re actually just creating a dramatic life for yourself.
In the eyes of your partner, you’re essentially a walking LIE. Can you see how this slowly but surely builds resentment in your partner and eventually causes all hell to break loose?
When I first discovered this truth, it made SO MUCH SENSE as to why it was so hard to date BPD women.
The Honeymoon Period never lasts. The truth will eventually be revealed, whether you want to accept it or not. And your partner will grow more and more bitter towards you at an UNCONSCIOUS level.
Hence the drama. The toxicity. The rage. The downfall of your relationship.
This is a super common issue that you must work on immediately.
But you can’t just start throwing out everything you want to say.
There is a method to the madness, as I always say.
#3: You’re trying to be “good” because you want to please others
Most men and women who claim to be “good” people are simply trying to be good because they want to please others (especially their romantic partners).
This lie has been sold to society over the years. It’s this myth that life is all about pleasing others and being this “selfless” servant to those close to us.
Such B.S.!
When this lie becomes such a major part of your core, you will literally bend over backwards to please everybody around you. Saying NO to someone becomes a struggle.
I’m sure you know exactly what I’m talking about, especially if you grew up in a conservative family or grew up going to church like I did.
It’s no coincidence that church-goers tend to have WORSE relationships than non-church goers. It’s really interesting because Jesus actually never taught people to be these weak, submissive, boundary-lacking individuals.
In fact, he taught the opposite. Yet soooo many “good” men and women think of Jesus as this passive, weak dude who went around kissing ass trying to please the world.
It’s no surprise then that so many religious people end up in codependent relationships.
The reason why I have such an issue with modern day church is because I grew up in it. Much of my codependency was due to being raised in this conservative world that is the common day church.
Understand that when you’re going through life with the goal of pleasing others, you end up hiding vital parts of yourself (your emotions, needs, personal issues, etc.) in order to become what you THINK your partner wants you to be.
Or what you’ve been TOLD to be based on your upbringing. This is a major issue and MANY of the families and couples who attended church when I was young are now divorced.
These are the main 3 issues with this “good” person mentality. There are many more characteristics of the “good” person, but you’ll see that they all tie in to the same root issue:
Approval-seeking and denial of SELF.
So let’s go through the rest…
#4: No matter what you do, the conflicts never get resolved
If you feel that your relationships always have conflict and nothing ever gets resolved, then you most likely suffer from this “good guy” problem.
I always hear the same old story from my clients. No matter what they do to try to make the relationship better, nothing ever works. The relationship keeps getting worse.
Your sex life becomes non-existent, your partner always finds something to nag you with, nothing ever makes them happy – which throws you off course because that’s all you’re trying to do!
It’s a never-ending cycle that continues to drain lower and lower into the depths. It’s a slow death as I say.
#5: You’re afraid to rock the boat
The “good” man or woman hates rocking the boat in the relationship. They like to keep the waves calm and smooth, a glassy finish on top.
The problem with having this mentality is that you become a passive, codependent person who your partner easily manipulates and walks all over.
The root issue here is that you lack boundaries. You may say you have them, but they’re weak as all hell. In fact, most problems that people experience in life is due to having a lack of boundaries and no integrity.
These are huge topics that I could write pages and pages on. But generally, the less boundaries you have, the more people will walk all over you, use you, manipulate you, push you away and ultimately lose respect for you.
As you can see, having your partner lose respect for you is a very bad thing. This is what makes dating someone with BPD so tough. Once they lose respect for you, the relationship is over.
When your lover doesn’t respect you, they lose all that attraction for you. They are completely turned off by you. The cycle of death continues and you can say goodbye to your relationship.
#6: Saying “No” is incredibly difficult for you
This is another major problem that codependents and “good” people have – they just can’t seem to say NO when they really want to.
And it’s not just in romantic relationships. You may find yourself feeling anxiety when your friends ask you to hang out with them or to help them out with something.
You don’t want to do it, but you also don’t want to say no to them because you feel like they’ll reject you, fight you and push you away if you say no to him or her.
But have you ever actually lost respect for a close friend that was busy and didn’t want to meet up with you? Of course not. It only made you look forward to seeing them again soon.
It’s the same in romantic relationships. A lot of men and women struggle in BPD-type relationships because they don’t know how to say no. You would rather debate and try to fix the situation than to say no and assert yourself.
#7: You’re a “giver” because it makes you feel good about yourself
Here is another common “good” person problem that sounds extremely good on paper.
You like to give to others because you’ve been told growing up that it is what you should do. It is what will make you feel good about yourself.
Now while it may very well make you feel good knowing that you’re helping out other people, it won’t earn you points in the real world. You should give simply because you want to give.
If you’re a giver because you’re expecting your romantic partner to return the favors to you, then you’re only setting yourself up for disappointment.
People will gladly take your gifts. But to expect the same in return is a failed mentality. I’ve seen this type of thinking do massive damage to all sorts of people.
I know a sociopath who gives only because he wants people to return favors to him in the future when he asks. He really thinks this is what a good friendship is all about.
This is the farthest example of how to have a healthy relationship.
#8: The hero will always get ZERO
The hero complex is another serious issue. I’ve coached countless guys who have told me stories about how they’ve given tons of money to help their lovers out…
Only to have the lover say THANKS and then disappear.
This really happens all the time. I learned my lesson years ago when I gave a girl I was sleeping with $100 and she never slept with me again after that. She said THANK YOU SO MUCH and then dumped me a couple days later.
Go me!
I learned my lesson, realized that I was trying to be the hero and save/fix her, and fell for the typical chump trap. Live and learn.
Don’t be that guy (or girl). Don’t get the idea that if you bail your lover out, give them money or gifts or help them in other ways (such as paying their bills, their rent, helping them find jobs, etc.) that you will actually get anything in return.
Believe me – you won’t.
Don’t be the hero.
Learn to give space and be infinitely patience. Be comfortable being alone. Learn to love yourself independently.
#9: You feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells, afraid of what to say next
This affects so many people these days. And not just in relationships!
I know many guys who can never figure out what to say to girls. I mean, they’ve been talking and having conversations all their life.
Yet when it comes to talking to a girl that they just met at an event or bar or whatever, they always get this fear of running out of things to say or not knowing what to talk about.
This is the same fear that you get when you’re in a relationship and feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells.
It’s all a fear based, scarcity mentality. It’s this fear that you’ll possibly lose your chance at having this person in your life, that you’ll embarrass yourself, that you’ll be insulted or worse.
It’s all fear and it’s all the same.
#10: You believe that life should be a smooth ride with the least amount of bumps possible
Just more “good” person problems. Another lie that’s been fed to you at some point in your life.
But this just isn’t the truth. Life is ugly and hard and frustrating at times. It’s just how it is. And it’s okay!
The sooner you accept this truth, the sooner you can actually ENJOY this life and see it for what it is. This is just reality.
Most people are too busy dwelling in the past and thinking about their future. They forget that the future is defined by what you do TODAY.
When you start to fantasize about the future too often and worry about what is to come, you lose your ability to focus on today – which is all that really matters.
It’s a different paradigm, something a lot of people don’t ever wrap their heads around. But the sooner you do, the sooner you’ll enjoy all the crazy things that happen in life.
Part of the reason why I have no problem dating highly emotional ‘crazy’ women is due to this belief system. It’s also responsible for all my business success over the years.
#11: You believe there is a special “key” to having a problem-free relationship with no drama
As I said above, there is no such thing as a smooth, merry-go-round style of relationship. It just doesn’t exist. There will always be ups and down no matter who you date.
A lot of people complain about how their relationship is a roller coaster. Well, guess what?
LIFE is a roller coaster! No one who has ever had much success in their life ever got it easy. Just ask any business owner who finally made it to the top and you’ll see.
The road to success is full of ups and downs, u-turns, getting smacked from behind, side-swiped and so on. It’s the reality of life and when you learn to accept it, it is what makes life exciting.
If you just want to hang out on the couch day after day and have a smooth relationship with someone who is just like you, then you’re living in a dream world.
This is why so many men and women struggle in their relationships. They expect some smooth ride all the time. They don’t realize that life IS a roller coaster.
#12: You analyze everything you do, keeping your feelings to yourself because you want them to be “right”
This is more of a deeper problem and is a major part of codependency.
Codependents have this fear of making mistakes and letting people down. If you’re the type who analyzes everything you say and do, hoping to always say the “right” thing, then you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about here.
But as I said above, life is just a roller coaster. The way you learn what’s “right” is by simply putting yourself out there and expressing what you want to say.
Don’t analyze yourself, just do it. Welcome your mistakes and embarrassment. Roll with it and enjoy the process. If you don’t, you’ll be 60 years old wondering why you still have these fears.
#13: You feel that it’s selfish to put your own needs first and to make them a priority
Another common belief you learned if you grew up in a conservative environment. And so damaging to your belief system.
There is this popular idea that exists in our society that says if you put the needs of others before your own, you are a good and selfless person.
Again, it’s pure B.S. and here’s why…
The only time you can ever truly give to others in life is when you are personally fulfilled on your own.
When you’re overflowing with passion and love and independence, only then can you truly give to others and put them above your needs – because your needs are fulfilled.
The problem is that probably 99% of people in society aren’t fulfilled. Yet they’re trying to love and be loved by others.
It’s the most illogical mentality and always results in toxic relationships. This is why I teach independence and self-confidence over anything else.
#14: Your entire emotional state and well-being is dependent on how your partner is feeling at that moment
This is where you get your hot/cold and lack of communication issues. When you feel like your partner is being hot/cold towards you, you only feel that way because you’re dependent on your partner’s feelings for that day.
And you know what? Your partner may very well be non-responding and distant. But guess what?
That’s their issue. It only becomes YOUR problem when you take it personally and see it as some sort of attack against you.
And even if your partner is using the silent treatment to hurt you, that’s just rather petty of him/her. But it’s ONLY an issue when you take it personally.
That’s why you need to learn how to control your emotions. This is a skill that most people never excel at. As a result, they are easily triggered and react to everything in a negative way.
In Conclusion
As you can see, there are MANY characteristics of the “Good” man or woman. Maybe you have a few of these. Maybe you have them all.
Either way, none of these make for healthy relationships. They only add additional problems and drama to BPD-type of relationships.
If this wasn’t true, than most relationships you see in our current society wouldn’t be so messed up.
Fixing these issues is the true “key” to having the fulfilled, amazing life that you seek. And it really all starts with developing that confidence and self-assurance.
The reason why I’m able to date some of the most wild, hot/cold, crazy-type women is simply because I KNOW about all these characteristics. I used to be that “Good Guy” or “Jolly Good Fellow” as I like to say.
But you really can’t become your own self when your life is so focused on the approval of others. It just isn’t possible. Even if you’re decent at getting dates, finding quality partners because the next major struggle.
If you feel that you may be a “Jolly Good Fellow”, then I recommend you to check out my Better BPD Relationships course.
It’s a full-fledge course designed to teach men & women how to become these self-fulfilled, confident individuals that last in relationships.
What is your experience with being this “good, jolly” person? Can you relate to many of these points I made above? Leave comments below and let’s start a discussion!
Maximus says
Hi Rick, I’ve just finished reading through all your articles. What I like about your articles is you constantly hammer out the same principles about working on yourself, self improvement, growth, core values, co-dependency, and not labelling bdp but looking at the individual.
Its definitely a change from all the other websites and forums that I’ve read. Ok, here’s my story. My girlfriend (now ex broke up with me 2 days ago via text message, she’s been distancing, hot/cold etc, so it seemed to be coming eventually I was just buying more time), she said we should have no further contact so we can both move on as she has painful memories from the past. She is diagnoised bdp and a mother of 2. The painful memories she speaks of is, in her mind she seems to think I am at blame for her having an abortion. A little back story, we were dating for approximately 1.5 – 2 years. We had met on a dating website when I decided to try online dating for the first time. Match.com, I think she contacted me and we hit it off pretty well, I know you hate the pua guy’s but I used mystery method to attract and successfully seduce her, she said I stood out from the pack because of a few routines. I was also dating other women at this point, met and hooked up with a mother of one, dating a 32 year old virgin, but chose to persue a relationship with the bdp mother of two. First date went well, and a subsequent 2nd date followed, we went to theatre plays and the waxwork museum, kept ticket stubs the honeymoon period was good and everything, were sleeping together by the 2nd date. Initially she came on strong (feelings wise), and her bipolar surfaced probably 2 months into the relationship, when I was late to meet her, she dumped me on the spot, I said nothing and walked away from her only to have her come chasing me back, break down crying, the head to my place for make up sex. This was the first warning flag I had in me, well actually the 2nd, when I first slept with her, she sobbed on the bed and said ‘im not a good girlfriend’, intimacy was a problem as she didn’t like to have sex for long and would want me to rush, different from other girls ive dated who want you to last longer, etc.
A few months later near September last year I left her, just walked away after advice from friends, etc, I just left no contact. I didn’t answer her calls or reply to texts. The into the new year I started to miss her and went to her home with a written letter with my number as I had erased hers, and put it in her mailbox as she wasn’t in, to my surprise she contacted me and we resumed a relationship. However, where I didn’t see this relationship going into deeper territory she did. She started talking about having a baby as she wanted a 3rd child (she has 2 already from 2 different men, 3 years age difference), she has been divorced as her husband walked out and found someone else, and the same thing happened with the father of her first child, generally has had shitty relationships and has a jaded view on men. Anyway this having a baby thing was not my idea but I agreed, friends were having babies too, and one convinced me it wasn’t such a bad idea. Shortly when we got back together, she gets pregnant, tells me to come and see her on days when she’s ovulating so she can conceive which she does. After she gets pregnant she grows distant and cold, this causes problems between us and makes me have second thoughts, my insecurities get the best of me and I begin getting paranoid, sending abusive text messages, spying on her whatsapp etc, we have an argument and I keep asking her what she is going to do about the baby, she’s not clear about it, I end up going to see her in anger and vandalising her car, her father see’s this and finds out shes pregnant and goes apeshit tells her to have an abortion, another guy she was talking to as a friend or whatever first planted the seed in her mind when he saw the kind of text messages I was sending her, anyway, she has the abortion, contacts the police, they want me for questioning, I go in, im charged and cop a plea. At this point I wanted to leave her for good, and everyone around me told me I should. She was considering testifying against me in the vandalism case and wouldn’t drop the charges or retract her statement even though she had agreed to this. We had gotten together again after she had the abortion and were meeting up and seeing each other. The arresting officer reminded her of the things I said to her and to persue the case, she broke up with me a day after we went on a date to the cinema via phone then told me how she hates that her ex boyfriends have an easy ride in lfe and ride off into the sunset while she has to suffer and she would be making an example out of me. Her plan backfired however because the arresting officer who is female took my side and had harsh words with her, I don’t know what was said to her till this day but it caused her to chase me.
She wouldn’t stop calling, and I wouldn’t answer the phone, everyone close to me had told me to walk away, she doesn’t love you, she’s just using you to get a baby,etc. Anyway a couple of weeks later I answered the phone, and somehow from talking we resumed the relationship, things were different however as we now had an ugly past. I read your article about common things that cause breakups and one of the things you mentioned was bringing up the past. Anyway, we spent weekends with each other, and it became a relationship of convenience without too much pressure, the truth is I didn’t trust her emotions anymore as she had now broken up twice so I tried to shield myself emotionally by making it a somewhat friends with benfit options, talk nearly every day, send x’s in messages, it was confusing. Which leads me to where we are now, I started reading your articles in august, and read through all the comments as well, starting internalizing your concepts and have worked on myself and set certain goals. She went to holiday with her family in august and had posted something on her whatapp profile about making wishes a reality, and told me about her new life changing decisions, she got a new job, bought a new dog, and is now moving house, I too am starting a new job, and making lifestyle changes. She seemed like she wanted to end it with me while she was on holiday because I didn’t text for a week or so, I was busy with other things. I reminded her that we are not really dating and are more friends so what was with all the expectations. That seemed to calm her down abit, she was back to texting communicating, etc. Then the distancing happened again, the last time I saw her and was intimate with her was her birthday, she had texted me to meet the weekend after, then cancalled, then she set another appointment and cancalled, then she missed my birthday which made me want to break it off, then recently she set another date to go to watch a movie premier and cancalled, I was starting to suspect another man and approached her on it, she said there were too many things going on in her life, with kids, work, adjustment, and stress, she would be depressed from time to time with the whole bdp, mood swing thing, I kept in contact with her regularly and she would tell me of the days where she would have a cry, because it helped her release and made her feel better. Anyway, now we come to the end. So, I texted her that I understand, to take as much time as she needed for herself, and I would be there for her. She said something like she really appreciates that I u understand, with kisses in the text message etc. I left her alone for nearly a week. Then 2 days ago something in me just wanted to text her in the morning. In a round about way I asked if she would call me later and talk to me about her stresses etc, it was codependent behaviour, I regretted sending the text after, as you say in your articles, your job is not to fix the person or help etc, anyway she didn’t call but texted instead apologising for not calling, then stating it would be best if we had no contact and should both move on with our lives, I asked about another man, she wouldn’t answer, she just said that things in our past bring back hurtful memories to her and basically tried to blame the abortion on me. I had had enough of walking on eggshells with her, and having to watch what I say I gave her a piece of my mind. She said I forced her to have the abortion, I was hurt by this and reacted and told her to take responsibility for her actions, nobody forced her to do anything, it was her choice at the end of the day and she made the final decision. During our relationship she would never accept blame for anything and would always pass it on to someone else. Like during the break where I left for three months she blamed me that she slept with 2 other guys during that time as I wasn’t in contact with her. I told her I would move on, it was nice knowing her and I hope she finds what she is looking for in the future. She says the reason she broke it off with me for good this time is because she is attending a victim support group, called freedom from the dominator or something like that, I had showed mild interest in the group when she brought it up and purchased an online course which I still haven’t managed to get round to doing, she just started her sessions and all the women there have left their abusive partners/spouses/whatever so it was her turn to do the same. Once again I feel outside influences have broken us up. Its a headache and was a learning experience, I feel in love with her dream and was only staying with her possibly because I wanted to have a child with her, as crazy as it sounds it was a daze, looking back on it im glad I didn’t, im sure my life would have been twice as hell with her as a mother of my child, im glad she walked away because im sure my codependent nature wouldn’t have allowed me to. Thank you rick for all your articles, they are really helping me instill a different mindset in myself. On a lighter note I noticed you wrote in an article a while back that you see the most people getting into relationships in October-april, I aim to test this theory of yours, and will be trying to find a date, develop a new relationship during the months of October – april, until then I will just continue to work on myself and improve, adopt different mindset, if this girl knew how much reading ive done on bdp and improving bdp relationships, oh my god, I just hope I never date another bdp again, as you always say rick, you get what you project, hopefully I can project the right qualities over time to get a good partner like I did with an ex who I had a 4 year relationship with. Post more articles on mindsets rick, inner game as they say. all the best
Rick says
It’s just the truth. You attract what you project. So if you are dating a Borderline, it means that you’ve got issues as well – deep issues, like most “nice guys” and such. It’s a hard pill for most people to accept because the ego is such a bitch. But the reality is that if you are a healthy individual, there will NOT be drama in your relationships regardless of who you date.
maximus says
Hi Rick, thank you for your reply. Your website has the perfect name because the more and more you read your articles ‘ a fire ignites’ inside the reader. You reignited the fire for self improvement within me. I’ve been listening to a lot of audio books and watching youtube presentations, and it’s taking affect. Audio books such as jack canfield the success principles – how to get from where you are to where you want to be, John Gottman’s – the seven principles for making marriages work, Tony robbins on confidence, mindsets, etc, dr wayne dyer (r.i.p), bob proctor, brian tracy, etc. Exactly one week after my bdp ex dumped me, she came back, the best tactic if you can even call it that to get a partner to come back to you (assuming you’ve been together for at least 6 months) is NC, I was reading about it and how it has a 80-90% success rate and I saw it for myself, no contact means exactly that, no calls, no e mails, no texts, nothing. But you have to decide if you even want the partner back when they do come back, weather its 1 week, 4 weeks, 3 months, 6 months, 1 year, I read so many stories where 80-90% of the time the partner came back after no contact. Anyway to make a long story short, I took my bdp ex back, and the next day we resumed our friends with benefits relationship, notice I keep calling her a bdp ex, because that’s what she is to me now. She is just there to fulfil a sexual need while I concerntrate on other things I want to be doing and achieving, when I find a quality partner who fufills what im looking for (which I still haven’t fully ironed out then I will drop her, or she may drop me again, either way it won’t bother me because I know whe is not what im looking for long term) im not this ‘nice guy’ you speak of rick, I can’t be friends with women unless im getting something from them as well. That’s just how I was raised. Keep up the good work
Rick says
It’s actually a bad sign that you can’t be friends with women. ‘Nice guys’ just want to fuck women and get their body from them like you said (“I can’t be friends with women unless im getting something from them as well.”) That’s pretty shallow man. That’s typical ‘nice guy’ behavior lol. This is why ‘nice guys’ are actually douche bags deep down and wonder why women don’t take them seriously. Because women KNOW that all the ‘nice guys’ just want to sleep with them…
Brooks says
whoa… You just opened my eyes up with the “nice guys = DL douchebags” thing…
I can feel my paradigm finally beginning to shift, Rick.
That’s a BIG concept to chew on, especially in light of being a BPDf’s confidante regarding the guys she shuns… I feel like I’ve been blind… “I’m different from the other guys claiming to be nice guys! I really AM!”… … Yeah, SURRRE I am… Now I see why it took so long to gain her trust… *facepalm*…
OK, time to go cry in fetal position under the shower… Laterz
Thank you Brother. Keep on keepin on
Rick says
Hahaha I know right? I’m just telling it as it is, I can’t stand these nice dudes who think they’re so “different” smh…
Vicky says
Great Post..100%perfect one .
Rick says
Thank you :)
T says
Dude your material is so good.. the only part that sucks for me is I could read your articles front and back and still make tons and tons of mistakes… hopefully the material starts to sink in my head but at the end of that it’s almost like you have to be in the situation or scenario to relate to the article. . And in my case the mistake is usually already committed before I realize what has happened but good articles dude keep it up.
Rick says
Yeah I know that’s how it is. You learn in revelation. But the reality is that most people make the same mistakes for the rest of their lives and never realize it. Whereas in your case, you’ll make a mistake, you’ll think how you read not to do that, and it will click. And as you get better at this, you’ll start to notice the error BEFORE you fully make it – allowing you to correct yourself before you fully mess up :)
Josh says
I am 100% the nice guy. I think the only way someone will like me is if I buy them something. Or if I make them happy. I never understood why I kept getting the short end of the stick. It’s so frustrating because I feel like I have good intentions behind everything I do. I put all the burden on my shoulders to ease her and in the long run I’m hurting her more than myself. Crazy!!! My eyes have been opened!!! It is definitely true Nice guys do finish last. I have a lot of work to do to break this habit. Thanks for info
Rick says
Nice to hear man! The nice guy fails because women don’t want a nice guy. They can buy themselves things or find other chumps to buy them things. Women NEVER sleep with the nice guy because of this. She has more than enough nice guys buying her things. So, be the guy that she actually wants to be intimate with. This guy NEVER buys her anything.
Bill says
I was not a nice guy, just a quiet studious guy. I could NEVER get a date so I gave up on girls at age 16 and started seeing Escorts when I was 21. Where regular girls always said “No” , Escorts smiled sweetly and said “what are we gonna do tonight?” Escorts 10, Regular girls 0
Rick says
“Nice” guys who can’t get regular girlfriends is almost always due to codependency. You focus too much on being the nice, genuine guy instead of building sexual attraction. Both are important for any intimate relationship. But, codependents never focus on building attraction. Thus they get rejected.