Why Is My Girlfriend Pushing Me Away, Being Distant, Cold?

by Rick on 08/11/2014 · 14 comments

in Awareness,Behavior,Relationships

girlfriend being distant

I have experienced cold and distant women numerous times in my life, and I’m sure you have experienced this as well, especially if you’re dating a girl that happens to have BPD.

And even if you believe that you’re doing everything right in your relationship, it can still happen to you.


Because sometimes it just doesn’t matter how much you know about women. There could be numerous reasons why she’s pushing you away and being distant, and sometimes she just wants some time to herself and to think. Or maybe she’s testing you.

Either way, it’s important that you don’t make the same, common errors that most men make so you can prevent her going distant as much as possible. Let’s dive in.

The Push/Pull Dynamic

As I mentioned above, emotions play a major role in the life of both men and women. Because women are usually more emotional than men, it’s important that you expect the unexpected.

I believe that it’s very important to control your emotions at all times, especially the emotions and feelings that make you want to react and defend yourself.

Now this doesn’t mean that you become this passive, pushover of an individual. You still need to respect yourself and let your partner know how you feel, but in a state of emotional control.

Most people react in a wrong way when their partner grows cold and distant. They start asking questions, they start doubting themselves, they becomes confused and they begin to worry. Solving this ‘problem’ becomes the focus of your life.

Have you experienced this before? All you can think about is bringing your partner back into blissful love with you.

The Truth About Investment

Are you wondering what I mean by investment? Investment is your time, your energy and your finances/belongings.

Time and energy are the main factors of investment. Finances and belongings really play a minor role when it comes to dating and relationships.

However, most men get this wrong. You think that if you just spend some money, take her on a trip, buy her something fancy, she’ll just come running back into your arms and love you long time. But this just isn’t the case at all.

What a woman truly wants from you before money and everything else is your masculine energy and your important time to be with her.

This is very important: a woman is most happy and full of love when her man has a passion and gives her his masculinity energy.

If this is hard to understand for you, then that’s okay. It is an advanced topic that a lot of men simply don’t learn or hear about anymore. But that’s why I created this website so I can help out men like you and get you to being a great lover, partner and PERSON.

How Do You Invest Yourself In Your Relationship?

I believe that relationships truly should be around a 50/50 dynamic. Sometimes you’ll invest more, and other times your partner will invest more.

If you feel that you’re always investing more than your partner, then you are in an unbalanced relationship and it’s going to become toxic. Your girl is going to pull away and grow distant because she feels too much pressure.

Most women are very feminine and they simply want a masculine man such as yourself to lead her. She wants YOU to take the reins and assume control of the relationship.

Do you find yourself constantly asking your woman what she wants to do, where she wants to go, what she wants to eat, etc? If so, you need to stop asking these types of questions and simply DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO.

Your girl will respect you for this which is ultimately what you want from people in life. If you recall in my dating a bpd girl article, women want a man that’s going to be stronger than her and lead her.

Why Does Your Girlfriend Push You Away?

The most common factor to a girl pushing you away is when your masculine energies are weak and almost non-existant. You’re not leading, you’re seeking approval/validation from your girlfriend or wife, you’ve simply become non-attractive in her eyes.

Sure, you’ve made it known to her that you love her. You’ve probably told her this over and over again. Yet she continues to grow further and further away from you.

This is because true love for a woman is when her man (you) is full of masculine energy and he’s investing this energy into her.

Why do you think 50 Shades of Gray is such a popular novel? Because the main man is extremely masculine and the girl is extremely feminine. She just loves surrendering herself to him and letting him have his way with her.

It completely fulfills her desires and she can’t help but be in love with him. It’s not because he’s tall or rich or handsome. It’s because his masculine energies have completely fulfilled her feminine needs.

Now this doesn’t mean that you need to go out and create your own dungeon, lol. It just simply means that you need to take control of yourself and learn on being truly masculine. I will write more about this topic in the near future.

Note: If you’re interested in me personally helping you, consider joining the exclusive community forum where you can ask me as many questions as you like.

How Does BPD Play a Role In All This?

I have dated multiple women with BPD and emotions definitely play a big role in these relationships.

However, everything I have stated above about being masculine, controlling your emotions and being a great leader are what helps your BPD girlfriend become much more stable.

While all women desire the above traits in a man, a woman with BPD needs her man to have these masculine traits at all times. She will grow tired of you and pull away if you start consistently showing weakness.

It’s definitely okay for you to be vulnerable at times and show your faults. It’s natural and women want you to open up and share your faults.

However, this doesn’t mean that you become an emotional tampon that needs validation and approval. You still must be strong, masculine and the leader that she needs.

Women don’t want to be the leader. While a BPD might seem out of control and a wild stallion, it’s important that you learn to say NO and to do what you want to do. Don’t just go with the flow and chase her around even if it feels normal.

The honeymoon period is very common with these women as they’ll throw all these emotions at you, they’ll call you and text you and ask you to come over, she’ll want to be around you a lot and she’s calling the shots. It’s so easy as a man to just go with the flow. But don’t give in! You must resist the temptation to go with the flow.

You need to call the shots at least 50% of the time! If you fail to take the reins and start doing what you want to do, she is going to lose attraction and grow distant.


If you’ve only dated what most people consider as “normal” women, any girl with high emotions (which I prefer) will control the relationship which leads to a loss of attraction. She’ll go from heavily interested in you to heavily distant the next morning.

A lot of men get lead around by BPD women because the man is never the one leading the relationship. If women were meant to be leaders in life, they would have been leading wars for the last 10,000 years. But that simply isn’t the case.

There isn’t anything wrong with this dynamic. Women simply want to lose themselves in a masculine man like you. This is why I want you to work on developing yourself into a solid leader and to work on your masculinity.

Highly feminine, emotional women are usually very attractive to you, they’re incredibly fun to be with when they’re attracted to you, and they are great in bed. So I understand that you have trouble taking the leadership role when you’re getting these great experiences with your girl.

But she will pull away and grow distant without you knowing it if you continue to just go with the flow and let her lead the way.

Now there are obviously much more information on this subject but I simply can’t lay it all out in one article. If you’re looking for more great information about this stuff, then check out my BPD Relationship Success Program. It is the system, strategies, techniques and more that I use to become great in relationships with all types of women.

So what other ways do you know that help keep women from growing distant? Comment below!

{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }

Terserah May 5, 2012 at 6:57 am

Guys,It’s really not hard to pick up girls. You just need to edcatue yourself and luckily, there’s some sick guides out there.


Rick May 6, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Yes, it is all about education. But this website isn’t about picking up girls. All of the so-called PUA’s out there are virgins and never get laid. I repeat: pick up artists NEVER get laid. They are laughed at by women. No one wants to sleep with a try-hard and if you’re into PUA material, you are a try-hard.

So guy: avoid PUA material and don’t waste your money! It will NOT help you do better with women. In fact, PUA material will make you much, much worse in the long run because it poisons your mindsets.


malmn March 7, 2013 at 7:30 am

“How To Date Highly Unstable Women”

Who in their right mind wants to do that?
I went out with an insanely hot chick (I mean really hot) with BPD and I learned that it’s just not worth it.
I got her using all the techniques described on this site.
I kept her for 9 months using all the suggestions and adivce offered here.
It’s still not worth it.
Let these crazy bitches rot and find yourself a normal girl.
You’ll be much better off and much, much happier. :)
Trust me, your internet guardian angel. :)


Vera hudson June 29, 2014 at 7:51 pm

I happen to be one of these women and its true, this works. Actually.this is why im here because I noticed his behavior change and I knew he was trying something new on me. Lol thanks for the info


sally fay September 1, 2014 at 9:54 pm

I don’t know what most women want or need but I don’t want a man always trying to take the lead or to take the reigns. Everything in moderation sure it’s nice to have someone to lean but, I don’t want anyone trying to control me or my life. I start distancing myself in a relationship if I feel a man is being too wishy washy or clingy. It’s difficult to feel safe wiith someone that doesn’t seem to have a clue what they want or if you feel they rely on you for their direction in life. That’s just my take on it


Rick September 2, 2014 at 2:31 pm

Exactly, I never tell men to be clingy, in fact I tell them to be the opposite. So thank you for agreeing with me :)


Person October 10, 2014 at 12:45 pm

In my case, I really don’t think me “taking control,” “saying no,” etc, was what my ex wanted at all. In fact, almost every time I tried to do one of those things she got mad. She had our entire weekend planned out a week in advance, and if I tried to deviate from her plans in any way she’d rage. Like when my friend from the other side of the country came to visit unexpectedly and I wanted to take her out to meet with them for a night out in the city. Also, since I’m an introvert at times I would tell her that I needed a day to be alone on the weekend and she’d rage then also.

For the 4th of July (a Friday) she was supposed to go away with friends somewhere where I couldn’t go with her (friends place that I didn’t know and wasn’t invited to). I had already told her that I planned to spend the 4th with friends so she knew that in advance. She ended up changing her plans and wanted me to go with her to her dads beach house for the weekend. I told her I’d go after I was done at my friends party on the 4th and be with her for the rest of the weekend. RAGE. Because she wanted me to meet her at her dads beach house a night earlier. I explained that I already made those plans but ended up cancelling and giving in to avoid her wrath. In cases like this I really don’t think standing my ground would have made her love me more.

Are there different types of BPD who this idea doesn’t apply to?


Rick October 14, 2014 at 12:48 pm

No you’re just incorrect here but you’re free to believe what you want. Women are women whether they have BPD or not. It’s why I’m able to date them so easily. If she would have raged at me, I would have then told her to f*** off. You wouldn’t ever do this though because you fear losing her and she knows this. So she can rage at you all day long. But she wouldn’t rage towards me because she knows I wouldn’t hesitate to dump her. That’s the big difference here bro. You’ve got to work on this attitude. She can read you like a book, she knows she has control over you and therefore she knows she can get away with all this RAGE.

A BPD would never try to rage at me because she already knows that it would backfire and only cause her to lose me. This is what you need to work on.


Person October 16, 2014 at 12:37 pm

Yeah, I get what you mean, I need to work on that. In the case of my particular ex though, I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t have tolerated me telling her to f*** off haha. I know this probably works with most girls but I swear she would have said “I can’t believe you just said that to me” and gotten even more mad. But maybe that’s expected and you just need to walk away and she’ll beg for you back?

Actually, she pissed me off and I called her an a**hole and that was what prompted the breakup. We were talking over text and she immediately broke up with me. She may have already had me painted black by then though, I don’t know. I had stood my ground before, but that was the first time I responded that way.


Frankythehotdog October 26, 2014 at 7:59 pm

This is actually pretty accurate. I suffer the same with my boyfriend. I also appreciate the fact that you know that women arent money hungry whores like so many other men stereotype them as! Great article!


Sarah Anne October 31, 2014 at 9:27 am

I am a BDP woman and I have unfortunately pushed my partner to far and self sabotaged my relationship. I feel like he had some minor BDP traits too but he has finally left me. I never thought it would happen and didn’t take it seriously and now it has happened, I am devastated. I am seeking help through therapy and trying to fix my abusive behaviours. I feel into a trap of breaking him down slowly over time and then saying I would change when he stood up to me. Everything you have said is exactly correct and I miss him so much. I improved my behaviour so much from my relationship before this one but I guess I feel into my learned habits again and I feel so bad :(


Rick November 4, 2014 at 4:28 pm

Sorry to hear about that :( We all have our own bad habits and issues so believe me when I say that you’re not alone in this struggle. We must always be constantly aware of our bad habits so that we can learn to resist falling into them :)


mickey November 6, 2014 at 5:07 am

Hi all pritty much new to all this but recently my girl being distant just like she try a test me were not arguing or out like that witch is really weired compaired to other relationships i have had.
I wanna try sort things out if not gonna lose her n I ant no family or friends to turn to probs why im lookin through shite on the net il end up on a smashed up mission 2mayhem.
Looking 4any advice chuck the book at me


Rick November 20, 2014 at 5:34 pm

My website is full of advice. And I have books so there’s plenty of advice here :)


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