I have experienced cold and distant women numerous times in my life, and I’m sure you have experienced this as well, especially if you’re dating a girl that happens to have BPD.
And even if you believe that you’re doing everything right in your relationship, it can still happen to you out of the blue throwing you completely off-guard.
Because sometimes it just doesn’t matter how much you know about women. There could be numerous reasons why she’s pushing you away and being distant, and sometimes she just wants some time to herself. Space as they say. Or maybe she’s testing your balls to see what you do.
Either way, it’s important that you don’t make the same, common mistakes that most men make so you can keep her attracted to you for the long haul. Let’s go!
The Push/Pull Dynamic
As I mentioned above, emotions play a major role in the life of both men and women. Because women are usually more emotional than men, it’s important that you expect the unexpected.
I believe that it’s very important to control your emotions at all times, especially the emotions and feelings that make you want to react and defend yourself.
Now this doesn’t mean that you become this passive, pushover of an individual. You still need to respect yourself and let your partner know how you feel, but in a state of emotional control.
Most people react in a wrong way when their partner grows cold and distant. They start asking questions, they start doubting themselves, they becomes confused and they begin to worry. Solving this ‘problem’ becomes the focus of your life.
Have you experienced this before? All you can think about is bringing your partner back into blissful love with you.
The Truth About Investment
Are you wondering what I mean by investment? Investment is your time, your energy and your finances/belongings.
Time and energy are the main factors of investment. Finances and belongings really play a minor role when it comes to dating and relationships.
However, most men get this wrong. You think that if you just spend some money, take her on a trip, buy her something fancy, she’ll just come running back into your arms and love you long time. But this just isn’t the case at all.
What a woman truly wants from you before money and everything else is your masculine energy and your important time to be with her.
This is very important: a woman is most happy and full of love when her man has a passion and gives her his masculinity energy.
If this is hard to understand for you, then that’s okay. It is an advanced topic that a lot of men simply don’t learn or hear about anymore. But that’s why I created this website so I can help out men like you and get you to being a great lover, partner and PERSON.
How Do You Invest Yourself In Your Relationship?
I believe that healthy relationships truly should be around a 50/50 dynamic. Sometimes you’ll invest more, and other times your partner will invest more. It’s not really a linear, logical thought process but generally this is how it is.
If you feel that you’re always investing more than your partner, then you are in an unbalanced relationship and she’s going to lose interest in you. It’s the idea that the more you push and chase, the more they grow tired of you and lose interest. It’s actually a big turn off.
A lot of what my Relationship Roadmap is centered around is developing this attitude and lifestyle that helps you to not become the chaser, and instead have women chasing you. You’re consistent, you’re fun, you’ve got depth and a forward-moving lifestyle. It’s what women want. It’s what they respect in men.
As mentioned above, most men lack consistency. Women, even the crazy type, really want a man with this consistent attitude. She wants to be lead. She wants to know that she cannot push you around. She wants you to make decisions and be firm with her, having no fear to be confrontational.
Do you find yourself constantly asking your woman what she wants to do, where she wants to go, what she wants to eat, etc? Then your woman is going to see you as inconsistent with an attitude that turns her off.
A famous saying is that it’s always better to be respected than liked. This applied ten-fold in relationships with women. If you recall in my dating a bpd girl article, you must establish this level of respect so she knows she can’t push you around and treat you like crap with no repercussions for her actions.
Why Does Your Girlfriend Push You Away?
The most common factor to a girl pushing you away is when your masculine energies are weak and almost non-existent. You’re not leading, you’re seeking approval/validation from your girlfriend or wife, you’ve simply become non-attractive in her eyes.
Sure, you’ve made it known to her that you love her. You’ve probably told her this over and over again. Yet she continues to grow further and further away from you.
This is because true love for a woman is when her man (you) is full of masculine energy and he’s investing this energy into her.
Why do you think 50 Shades of Gray is such a popular novel? Because the main man is extremely masculine and the girl is extremely feminine. She just loves surrendering herself to him and letting him have his way with her.
It completely fulfills her desires and she can’t help but be in love with him. It’s not because he’s tall or rich or handsome. It’s because his masculine energies have completely fulfilled her feminine needs.
Now this doesn’t mean that you need to go out and create your own dungeon, lol. It just simply means that you need to take control of yourself and learn on being truly masculine. I will write more about this topic in the near future.
How Does BPD Play a Role In All This?
I have dated multiple women with BPD and emotions definitely play a big role in these relationships.
However, everything I have stated above about being masculine, controlling your emotions and being a great leader are what helps your BPD girlfriend become much more consistent and reliable.
While all women desire the above traits in a man, a woman with BPD needs her man to have these consistent traits at all times. She will grow tired of you and pull away if you start consistently showing weakness.
It’s okay for you to be vulnerable at times and show your faults. It’s only human and natural and women want you to open up and share your faults.
However, this doesn’t mean that you become an emotional tampon that needs validation and approval. You still must be strong, consistent and the leader that she needs.
Women don’t want to be the leader. While a BPD might seem out of control and lost, it’s important that you learn to say NO and to do what you want to do. Don’t just go with the flow and chase her around even if it feels normal.
The honeymoon period is very common with these women as they’ll throw all these emotions at you, they’ll call you and text you and ask you to come over, she’ll want to be around you a lot and she’s calling the shots. It’s so easy as a man to just go with the flow. But don’t give in! You must resist the temptation to go with the flow.
You need to call the shots at least 50% of the time! If you fail to take the reins and start doing what you want to do, she is going to lose attraction and grow distant.
If you’ve only had experience with calm, passive women, then any girl with high emotions (which I prefer) will throw you off because they require a completely different attitude to date.
Highly feminine, emotional women are usually attractive, spontaneous, out-going and incredibly fun to be with when they’re attracted to you. They are also great in bed because they know what they want and don’t hold back. So I understand why women like this can be quite difficult to date for the inexperienced.
But these women will lose attraction for you quickly and jump to a bigger, better deal if you’re not ready. Keeping a girl interested in you for the long haul is all about YOU having those long lasting, consistent attributes that make you attractive.
If you’re looking for more great information about this stuff, then check out my BPD Relationship Success Program. It is the system, strategies, techniques and more that I still use to be great in relationships with all types of women.
So what other ways do you know that help keep women from growing distant? Comment below!