(Updated June 5 – More information and removal of old information)
My book about how to succeed in BPD relationships continues to improve the lives of those that invest in it. I’ve been helping people with these types of relationships for several years now and I’m confident in my advice.
I have dated multiple women with BPD over the years and each one further grew my understanding of relationships especially BPD. I’m a better man because of it and I’m helping people reach the level of success that I now have.
Through my articles about establishing respect and opening the doors wide open to neediness and codependency, my website is growing at alarming rates. I’m rapidly working on finishing a brand new book that will continue to change the lives of (hopefully) millions.
If you happen to be in a relationship with a woman that has BPD and you’re here reading this article, I’m going to guess that your relationship isn’t going as well as you would expect it to be.
And when you’re searching on the internet at the various forums online looking for answers, the only type of conversation you find are ones where people are failing in their relationships.
From The Mouth of a Woman with BPD
I recently received this message from a woman who is diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and I would like to share it with you all as there are a lot of golden nuggets to be found:
“Hello I am a woman with BPD. I have struggled with relationships. But I would like to point out that I am not (neither are other people with this disorder) hopeless to date.
I have been in a relationship with a man for over a year now. I finally have found someone with the maturity to understand my mental disorder (which I am still working on overcoming).
He does not let me walk all over him.
We give each other space – and I do not control him nor does he control me.
It doesn’t take just an understanding from a man. You are right, it isn’t just the mans fault. It also takes an understanding from the person with BPD to want to change, and OVERCOME the disorder, which is possible.
You are right. The man can’t be the only one working on his actions. The woman must understand at least a little that she does have a disorder and does need help with it. She needs to be working on her actions as well.
But let me tell you it DOES make a difference on how the man reacts to her actions.
My man isn’t a push over. When I cross the line, my man clearly points it out. He makes me realize that I cannot treat him like shit over and over again or he WILL leave me.
And I do believe if I keep crossing that line, he is strong enough to treat himself how he deserves and leave me. I do not need him trying to make me happy constantly. He needs to be who he is.
He is a loving, strong, ‘alpha male’, who is actually mature enough to take advice from sites and books like these and put them into use.
We may be labeled as ‘troubled’ or ‘crazy’ but that does not at all mean we can’t have healthy relationships.
Just like Rick said, it takes an understanding. You have to be on there level.
You have to be mature enough to learn about it and want to do your part to make the relationship work. How you react to a woman with BPD has a huge affect on the relationship working or not.
It does take an understanding from the person with BPD also to want to change. I may have a disorder, but it does not control my life.
And I would like you to know it is NOT impossible to date us, it is POSSIBLE that you are very judgmental and not understanding what the disorder truly is and that you are simply clueless on how you can help make the relationship work.
If you truly do care then you will truly want to understand. So I suggest you do some research and get some advice from someone like Rick next time you find yourself in a relationship with someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder.”
You’re Not Alone, Bro.
What makes matters worse it that women with BPD are normally very attractive and seductive. In fact, most extremely attractive women that I have dated in the past were highly emotional. You simply can’t ever get a handle on the relationship and they always push you away when you least expect it.
I can relate as I have been there over and over again.
I was a member on several of the most popular forums related to BPD and there’s one common theme – nobody is talking about success.
Why is this so? Is a relationship with a borderline simply a doomed scenario? Are all of these relationships doomed to fail?
The fact of the matter is that I refused to believe that these relationships cannot work. Anybody that knows me knows that I play to win – I do not blame my failures on others and instead build on my mistakes.
When it comes to women that have BPD, the answers are out there but they aren’t the answers that you would expect… Trying to learn conversation advice, therapy, things to say, etc. are not the solution to these people. Instead, you need to learn how to behave around them.
When you think about it, do you believe a man such as James Bond would have trouble keeping a woman with BPD around? I don’t think he would unless he turned into a major chump after a year into the relationship.
So if you’re tired of always having your girlfriend push you away, then I hope to address some of these common issues to help you get the relationship back on track.
Men and Women Today Are Highly Emotional
A lot of guys actually don’t know what Borderline Personality Disorder is so they go ahead and label their girlfriend as ‘crazy’.
The reality is that all girls are emotional creatures and the ones that are highly emotional tend to be labelled as crazy. The ones that literally have no control over their high emotional states are the ones people label as crazy and tend to have BPD.
So the first step you need to take in your relationship is to cut out all the drama on your end. This means that if you’re getting jealous, making a scene, causing arguments, etc. you need to stop as you’re only digging yourself a hole.
I have found through my experience helping in BPD relationships that both the guy and the girl are highly emotional. If you want success in these relationships, you need to take the high road and stop with the fights and the jealousy. It’s okay to be an emotional person, but not when you’re being insecure.
Here are some pointers that should help you:
- Your Emotions: If you tend to be a sensitive and highly emotional guy, then you’re going to have trouble in most of your relationships. The only type of woman that likes dating a needy, highly emotional dude is a woman that is needy and highly emotional herself. This makes for a terrible combo. Get your emotions in check.
- Your Confidence: This is all about knowing what you want and going for it even if it scares you. It’s all about making yourself vulnerable but not in a needy, insecure way.
- Your Appearance: You should always be working on making yourself look the best you can. Not only does it boost your confidence, but it shows the people around you that you care about yourself and this is very important.
- Your Feelings: Now I know it sounds like I’m putting a negative light on emotions, but that isn’t entirely true. It is good to talk about your feelings, but only in a non-needy, non-sensitive way. It’s GOOD to tell your BPD partner that you think they smell good, look good, etc. It is NOT good to tell her that you really want her to be your girlfriend every other day. Don’t do that. That is NEEDY.
The reason BPD relationships get crazy is that your behavior has simply become very unattractive to them. But, BPD women hate abandonment so they stick around for awhile basically stringing you a long. That’s why they tend to cheat, bounce around between multiple dudes and leave you wondering what the hell is going on with the relationship.
A woman or man without BPD would usually be honest and straight forward with you instead of stringing you along. They don’t tend to stick around in toxic relationships.
But a BPD with all that fear abandonment issues and other emotional problems WILL string you along for quite awhile. The last thing they want to be is ALONE whereas normal people like myself are perfectly fine with being single and even being alone for some time. Nothing wrong with that.
You Must Work On Your Behavior
If you’re dating a girl with BPD and you’re always in a state of confusion, you’re simply not at the level mentally that you need to be at. She is at an entirely different plane of thinking and socialization that you will leave you in the dust wondering ‘why is she always so difficult? We were doing so great just a couple of days ago!’
Like I said earlier, I’ve been there.
In fact, it was my first girlfriend with BPD that brought me up to an entirely new level of realization, socialization, mindsets and more. I grew so much from this one woman that I am forever thankful for dating her despite the crap she put me through.
It is extremely important that you are learning from your relationships instead of being bitter about them and placing blame on the other party. This does nothing for you.
The reason why people with BPD get so much hate is simply because 90% of the people dating them are not at the level they need to be. There is really only a small percentage of people that have the knowledge and skills to date people with BPD.
It does suck to get played and cheated on and all that, but BPD’s require a partner that have the necessary skills and knowledge needed to date. Without these skills, your chances aren’t good.
Most people would call my current girlfriend a full-on Borderline. All her exes think she’s crazy. But me and her have yet to have any real problems and we’ve been dating for about a year now. The reason for the calmness is because I’ve simply learned the skills and the knowledge through my experience with women over the last 10+ years.
The Successful BPD Relationship is my new book and audio CD about and learning the mindsets and changing your behavior in order to successfully have a relationship with a BPD. It’s simply all of knowledge and advice packed into one package that you can download onto your computer right now.
Click HERE to learn more about it.
My name is Rick and welcome to Reignite The Fire. I created this blog with one sole-purpose: to develop men and women into quality individuals. With the power of quality comes the power of developing great, drama-free relationships. None of that insecure, pick-up nonsense here!