Information on women with BPD has been available for so many years now that it should be easy to figure out how you should date them, right?
Oh how I truly wish that were the case!
I have dated multiple women with BPD over the years and each one further grew my understanding of relationships, especially the BPD type.
The thing about BPD that I always stress to my clients is that we need to be focusing on the individual and NOT the diagnosis.
And women, I promise I’ll get you a post up about BPD men. It’s coming very soon!
The word ‘BPD’ has so many negative words associated with it, I’m sure you’ve seen these thrown all over the web. All you have to do is take a quick visit to any community forum and you’ll see all those different words such as:
- unable to love
And so on and so forth. It really bothers me that the general consensus is to associate these negative words with people that have BPD.
The reality is that most people are any of those words as well!
So the first step to having any success with someone that suffers from BPD (borderline personality disorder) is to take a break from the online forums and negative articles. Let’s focus on the people in the relationship – your partner and YOU.
The Truth About YOU
The truth is that ALL of us have some level of issues or problems that we’re probably not even aware of!
Take me for example… I never really thought of myself as attractive, and I always had trouble being social. But I was always told that I’d meet a girl that liked me for who I am.
The problem? I didn’t like who I am! So when I look back on my old self, it was no surprise that I kept on ending up with women that also had insecurity issues, lack of self-esteem, shy, emotional – women like me.
It was only after a lot of reading, dating BPD-type women, self-evaluating and more experiences that my problems began to surface. I really had a tough time letting go of my ego and accepting that I’m a human being with problems just like BPD’s.
It’s extremely important that you lose your ego and understand that a lot of the problems you experience in your relationships could very well be your fault!
And that’s okay. It’s 2014 and the world is a crazy place. None of us come from the same background and upbringing so you must be open-minded that the women you date will be different.
Once your problems are at the surface, it becomes a lot easier to work and defeat them. I’m a completely different person than I was just a few years ago. It’s crazy to think about how much I’ve changed over the years and dating some of the most beautiful women alive.
You Must Read This: A Letter to Me from a Woman with BPD
I recently received this message from a woman who is diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and I would like to share it with you as there are a lot of golden nuggets to be found:
“Hello I am a woman with BPD. I have struggled with relationships. But I would like to point out that I am not (neither are other people with this disorder) hopeless to date.
I have been in a relationship with a man for over a year now. I finally have found someone with the maturity to understand my mental disorder (which I am still working on overcoming).
He does not let me walk all over him.
We give each other space – and I do not control him nor does he control me.
It doesn’t take just an understanding from a man. You are right, it isn’t just the mans fault. It also takes an understanding from the person with BPD to want to change, and OVERCOME the disorder, which is possible.
You are right. The man can’t be the only one working on his actions. The woman must understand at least a little that she does have a disorder and does need help with it. She needs to be working on her actions as well.
But let me tell you it DOES make a difference on how the man reacts to her actions.
My man isn’t a push over. When I cross the line, my man clearly points it out. He makes me realize that I cannot treat him like shit over and over again or he WILL leave me.
And I do believe if I keep crossing that line, he is strong enough to treat himself how he deserves and leave me. I do not need him trying to make me happy constantly. He needs to be who he is.
He is a loving, strong, ‘alpha male’, who is actually mature enough to take advice from sites and books like these and put them into use.
We may be labeled as ‘troubled’ or ‘crazy’ but that does not at all mean we can’t have healthy relationships.
Just like Rick said, it takes an understanding. You have to be on there level.
You have to be mature enough to learn about it and want to do your part to make the relationship work. How you react to a woman with BPD has a huge affect on the relationship working or not.
It does take an understanding from the person with BPD also to want to change. I may have a disorder, but it does not control my life.
And I would like you to know it is NOT impossible to date us, it is POSSIBLE that you are very judgmental and not understanding what the disorder truly is and that you are simply clueless on how you can help make the relationship work.
If you truly do care then you will truly want to understand. So I suggest you do some research and get some advice from someone like Rick next time you find yourself in a relationship with someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder.”
I love when I receive letters like this from women that have BPD. It basically says everything that I’ve been saying for so long.
It also shows that dating a woman with BPD is possible!
But Why Is It So Difficult For Some Men To Date A BPD?
I was a member on several of the most popular forums related to BPD and there’s one common theme – nobody is talking about success.
Have you noticed this common trend yourself? Why do you think it’s like this?
I personally believe that most men experiencing the turmoil happen to be weak and inexperienced with highly emotional women. Don’t be offended by that statement as it was the case for me just a few years ago.
Like the woman described above, these BPD’s want to be loved and cared for. They want a partner they can depend on and feel safe around. So I highly encourage you to re-read her letter over and over so you can get an understanding of the type of man she is happy with.
Women Are Simply Highly Emotional
And a lot of men are as well. It doesn’t surprise me that most men are not capable of succeeding in these BPD relationships.
Because most men are weak these days and over-protective of their fragile little egos, it’s very easy to just label your girlfriend as ‘crazy’ and move on with your life.
Some of us guys want to succeed in these relationships, so we spend a considerable amount of time on the internet looking up information and help. We want to learn as much as we can about BPD.
Unfortunately, most of the information is of the negative variety as I pointed out at the beginning of the article. This just let’s us easily label our girlfriend as someone with ‘issues’.
Either way, neither of these scenarios hit at the more important issue which is YOU. Our ego makes it very difficult to want to examine ourselves. But that’s why I’m here, so I can educate you and help you open up and grow into your awesomeness.
Now the big “shocker” is that all girls are emotional creatures. The ones that are highly emotional tend to be labelled as crazy by the men that simply don’t have what it takes to date them.
Now I know BPD is a real mental disorder but I like to believe in people because I’ve succeeded in BPD relationships. Remember that I said to focus on the individual instead of the diagnosis. This is very important that you instill this mindset into your head, even if you’re positive she has BPD.
Remember that you have issues just like everybody else. I can tell you right now that the first step to succeeding in a BPD relationship is by being open-minded, evaluating yourself and thinking outside of your bubble.
Yes, BPD’s can and will drive you crazy at times. Their behavior is off the wall and extremely frustrating. They have abandonment issues. They can be hot/cold. But again, refer to that woman’s letter above. How does her husband handle it?
What could you do in your relationship right now that would make you feel stronger?
You Must Work On Yourself
That is the key message I want to get across today and I hope you understand why this is so important in succeeding in all types of relationships.
I know that BPD can be quite the headache at times and extremely frustrating for you. But it’s really not something that you need to be thinking logically about. BPD women are simply different and that’s just how it is!
It doesn’t mean that they’re bad people.
You will need the tools and knowledge that comes with experience if you wish to succeed in these types of relationships. You’ll need to learn a lot and get to the point where you’re strong like that woman’s husband.
The reason why women with BPD get so much hate is simply because 90% of the men dating them are not at the level they need to be (again, refer to the letter above). There is really only a small percentage of people that have the knowledge and skills to date people with BPD – people like me.
BPD women require a man that has the necessary skills, attitude, mentality, beliefs and knowledge. Without these, she’s going to control you, dominate you, drive you crazy – everything that you fear.
If you haven’t done so yet, I highly encourage you to check out my BPD Success Program. It’s an e-book and audio program that lays out the exact system, mindsets, techniques and more that has allowed me to date BPD’s and all sorts of other ‘crazy’ women.
It’s only $23 and you can download it and be reading it immediately. I’m really proud of it and the success it’s brought to other people just like yourself so please check it out. Feel free to email me with any other questions.
And now I want you to contribute to this article. Tell me about your experience with BPD women in the comments below.