Dating a person with some sort of behavioral disorder (such as BPD) or a mental illness (such as Bipolar Disorder) can be one of the most difficult relationships known to man and I’ll tell you why – the way they think, their emotional level, their experiences growing up are completely different than what most ‘normal’ people go through.
There’s a reason why people with personality disorders tend to divorce 90% of the time and they always tend to be a bit promiscuous. And people that are Bipolar tend to have just as much trouble keeping relationships.
So why do some of us fall so deeply in love with these types of people? Why do we try so hard day after day to make things better? And why do our partners continue to treat us like sh*t when we’re simply trying to help make things better?
The answer is because we don’t know how our loved ones think and as long as we’re uneducated, these relationships will never improve. So, as you’re doing now, your #1 concern should be educating yourself!
Here are 5 mistakes men and women commonly make when dating a person with BPD or Bipolar disorder which keep you scratching your head every night and ultimately an emotional wreck -
1. White Knighting – This is one of my favorite terms I’ve come across recently and it really is a huge problem that we tend to make. You meet a guy or a girl that’s amazing but they’ve got some obvious problems. Maybe he/she’s depressed, being promiscuous, talking suicidal, drinking a alot, etc. and we deep down want to rescue them! Well, here’s the truth… you CANNOT save or change anyone except for yourself! So stop trying to be her ‘knight in shining armor.’
2. Arguing – This is another big problem that we tend to have. Because our partner thinks and perceives things much differently than we do (usually negatively), we tend to get confused at 90% of the things they say or do. The easiest reaction is to argue and tell them that they’re wrong. However, this will never turn out good and you will be hurt in the end. The best thing to do is to try to rationalize why he or she is saying these things and avoid any conflicting responses. Don’t be a pushover, but don’t get in a word war. You will NOT win!
3. Emotional Attachments – This is the biggest issue for those of us that may suffer from co-dependency, a serious issue that I will be addressing on this blog and releasing a book on it soon. It is incredibly important that you focus on your feelings first! If you find yourself sad and depressed because of what your partner is doing, you have codependency issues and you need help! Again, I will be addressing this soon to fix you up.
4. Lack of Boundaries – If you’re not setting boundaries for what you absolutely want and do not want in relationships, you are going to have an incredibly hard time and will always be the one chasing. When you’re dating someone that’s constantly changing the way they feel about you (like a BPD or a Bipolar person), you must NOT be the one chasing. Set boundaries for what you will and WILL NOT accept and don’t get caught up trying to keep them around. It sounds counter-intuitive but the wisest words I ever heard were “If you want to keep your BPD/Bipolar in love with you, you have to know when to leave.”
5. Accepting Abuse – This ties with the one above. If you’re letting your Borderline say hurtful things to you and be an overall bitch, don’t sit there and take it. Either get up and go home or tell her to get out of your life until she calms down. Again, this is all about standing up for yourself and not allowing other people to treat you like shit. Don’t let their illness be an excuse because there are no excuses for abuse!
Big tip for you today – if you want to attract your Borderline lover and keep her in your life, you’re going to have to be the strongest rock that’s ever existed. The moment you get weak, emotional, or sad in front of them is when they’re going to treat you even worse. While these relationships may seem like a giant power struggle, they really aren’t when you realize that nothing your partner does will shake you off your rock!
If your BPD is causing you to pull your hair out, then you need to grab my book The Successful BPD Relationship. I have been dating the same BPD girl for almost a year now. It will teach you everything you need to know about turning these relationships around and getting them back on track.