If there’s anyone that understands what it’s like to date someone with BPD (borderline personality disorder) or Bipolar disorder, its me. My first girlfriend had both BPD and Bipolar.
As you can guess, my first introduction into relationships was quite a wild one. But I learned a lot from it and for that I am thankful.
Dating someone with any type of behavioral issue can be a daunting task if you are not prepared. If you’re simply looking for a calm, relaxing experience, then it’s best you avoid these types of people.
However, if you find the fun and excitement far outweighs the drama that can come about, then I’m glad you found my website because my passion is helping both men and women succeed in dating people with behavioral issues such as BPD and Bipolar.
Because these people have usually had a rough and tumultuous upbringing, they tend to think differently, their emotions are constantly up and down, they have trouble with trust and commitment, and plenty of other various issues.
Here are what I believe to be the 5 biggest mistakes people make when dating a BPD or Bipolar person:
Mistake #1: The White Knight / Savior Mentality
I’ve been coaching and communicating with my visitors like you for many years now. 99% of you have good hearts and want nothing but the best for your partner.
Unfortunately, a serious problem can arise out of this good-natured character and it’s what I call the “savior mentality” or the more popular term, the white knight. I’m sure you’ve heard this term used before.
What causes this is simply through our upbringing. We were taught to love deeply and care for others. So we meet this man or woman that’s a whirlwind of emotions, and we just can’t help but want to love them.
We can see that they have problems and through our love, we want to fix them and help them be happy. But this never works because despite all of your efforts, you continue to feel unloved, neglected, hurt, alone, confused and more.
The answer to this very common mistake is that people are simply uneducated about relationships. The reality is that people don’t want other’s to save them. We simply want to be respected, we want our voices heard, we want to feel important. But we don’t want to be saved.
To fix this mistake, stop trying to save people and instead just be supportive of who they are, what they’re doing and encourage them to chase after their dreams.
Instead of always rushing to his or side, instead of apologizing when you didn’t do anything wrong, instead of being a phone call away, focus on yourself and put your passions and desires FIRST.
White knighting/trying to be a problem fixer is the biggest relationship mistake you can make which is why I’ve gone into depth about it here. So take a look at yourself and if you feel like 90% of your thoughts are fixed on your partner, then it’s time to make some real change.
Mistake #2: Reacting, Fighting and Arguing
First of all, I don’t want you to think that you should never fight or argue or react. It always depends on the situation. However, most people fight and argue about small, petty things that don’t really matter.
Let’s say that you’re a woman dating a BPD man. These men have fragile egos and will protect them and defend themselves even when they’ve been proven to be wrong.
So if you’ve gotten your point across and he’s simply being irrational at this point, there’s really no point in continuing to fight. You are much better off saying “Let’s just agree to disagree, I don’t need anymore stress today.” and leave it at that.
It’s very important that you do not play the passive-aggressive role with these types of people. They are more likely to play it on you so don’t just feed the fire.
I personally like to confront people when they’re being passive-aggressive. I’m not afraid to get in someone’s face and have them say what they’re holding back.
Communication is very important in relationships and if issues aren’t being brought to the surface, hell will break loose at a later time.
Now with that said, it is also important that you also have thick skin. You cannot be easily bothered by words and behavior. While I may be confrontational at times, it is only for serious situations where I know there’s a problem.
Don’t be the guy that gets all butt hurt because your girlfriend didn’t text you back right away. No woman on the planet likes that man! Brush it off and hit her up again the next day. Give her space.
Mistake #3: Out of Control Emotions and Investment
I talked about this topic extensively in my controlling your emotions article so please check that out after reading this one.
But emotional control is very important and this ties in with having thick skin. You may be the type of person that is bothered by slow texting and slow communication in general.
You really need to discipline yourself on not being affected by this. Or at least don’t let this cause you to react and overreact.
The most unattractive behavior (for me) is when a woman overreacts over something I believe is small and harmless.
Now she may argue that she doesn’t believe what I did is small and harmless. My response to that is to have some thicker skin. And this goes both ways for men and women.
A lot of you are weak and easily shaken up by words and actions. The fact that a girl not responding to a text is causing men to create entire forums on the internet about that shows you how easily affected men have become by such small things.
So I highly recommend that you focus a lot of your time and effort on your own emotional control and strength instead of investing so much time and energy into dating and relationships.
The people that discover their “zen point” as I call it are the most attractive people on the planet. They work hard on themselves, they’re usually successful, they’ve got people that hate on them, but nothing slows them down because they’ve mastered their emotions and behavior.
This is the biggest issue for those of us that may suffer from co-dependency, a serious issue that I will be addressing on this blog and releasing a book on it soon. It is incredibly important that you focus on your feelings first! If you find yourself sad and depressed because of what your partner is doing, you have codependency issues and you need help! Again, I will be addressing this soon to fix you up.
Mistake #4: No Personal Boundaries
This is a common mistake men make when they’re dating a BPD girl. You may feel like you have found a woman that finally unlocks your inner desires and fantasies only to be left in the dust soon after.
What causes this? Why is it that something that felt so great turned to absolute hell out of no where?
The answer is that while you were high on your emotions and fulfilling your desires, you were actually falling for a facade, a fantasy that your woman could no longer hold together.
You see, BPD’s play into your fantasy desires. They’re very good at not being their true selves. You dropped all your defenses and boundaries and everything for this fantasy figure.
As you know, a BPD can’t keep this facade forever. Eventually they crack and their true self is exposed, a deep, troubled soul. You refuse to believe it so you work hard on getting things back to the way they were before.
Now the reason this facade won you over is because you failed to establish your own personal boundaries that prevent fakeness from affecting you.
It’s important that you understand this point. It’s usually something you can only learn thru experience but I still see guys falling for this time after time after time.
There is a lot of behavior that you shouldn’t accept such as honeymoon periods, being ‘in love’ when you haven’t even been with each other for that long, wanting to get married after just a few months, needing financial support, etc. I have a lot of horror stories.
Mistake #5: Lack of Self-Respect
This mistake, like all the others, builds off of the previous mistake with a lack of boundaries. When you fail to establish boundaries for your life in general, you’re basically saying you have no respect for yourself.
Did you read my article on self-respect for BPD relationships? It’s my most popular article for a reason.
Self-respect is something you must build on your own, over time. It is something that you will continue to build until the day you die.
There are certain things in life that you should and shouldn’t ever accept. You’d be surprised how many people continue to stay with a partner that constantly berates them, lies to them, steals, cheats and more.
Have a little self-respect. If a girl I’m dating gives me attitude or disrespects me, I have no problem walking away. There’s plenty of women out there.
One of your life-long goals in life should be to always be your best self. You need to work every single day on improving yourself. It can be little things here and there. Just make sure you’re doing things daily that will make you better.
When you are always working on being better, you’ll develop insane levels of self-respect and people will simply love you for it.
The reason why I am able to date BPD and Bipolar women is because I always put myself first in the relationship.
I know it sounds selfish, but it’s a good selfish. It means I always stick to my boundaries and I establish a level of respect that she knows she shouldn’t cross early on.
Doing so is what will make you extremely attractive and keep your partners well-behaved and committed to you for the long haul. Check out my BPD Relationship Success program if you want some quick, advanced strategies for learning this stuff.
What other mistakes do you know that people consistently make in BPD/Bipolar relationships?